Want to stop worrying =(

[Reala]

I posted a lot of this in the introduction, so apologies if you've read that already. I thought this would be the place to post.

Ever since I was about 15 (although I can actually remember a 6 month period when I was about 12 where I had a couple of panic attacks over potentially choking on food), I've had this fear of dying young or getting some kind of disease.

I don't really know why, I've never had a family member die young (in fact, at 29 years old, I am fortunate enough to have both my parents and their parents all still alive).

Mostly, my fears have been cancer - I have been convinced I've had every kind of cancer: testicular, kidney, stomach, etc. I have previously Googled things and they just sound exactly like what I have.

Most recently I saw the film 'Concussion'. It is about athletes who go on to develop a kind of dementia. It usually shows up in their 40s/50s and is the result of continual trauma. The majority of severe cases have been in boxers who have had 100+ fights or in NFL players who have had long careers and spent every week experiencing car-crash like tackles.

I boxed for about 8-9 years and had about 8 fights in that time. I gave up when I was 28 (after seeing the film) and have since been sure I am destined to get the disease. A lot of the symptoms are similar to anxiety: derealisation, dizziness, headaches, problems in socialising (when I am around new people I shake uncontrollably), forgetfulness. I'm sure that my worry just makes the symptoms worse, but I can't seem to snap myself out of the fear of having it. For example, it is constantly on my mind, so I forget things because I'm not concentrating.

I'm sorry there isn't really a point to this post, I'm just scared and worried and not sure how to make it stop. Thank you for listening/reading.

[Reala]

Does this feel familiar to anyone?

It seems that my symptoms get 10 times worse when I decide I likely have something - like dizziness, forgetfulness and headaches. I guess the anxiety and stress cause this? :-(

[Reala]

Booked an appointment with my GP today. I was kind of scared to, but feel that maybe it will help to talk to someone and have it checked out.

[Shazamataz]

Definitely good to speak to GP. Anxiety can cause pretty much every symptom there is so I expect that's what is going on for you. Hope you get some relief soon!

[Reala]

Definitely good to speak to GP. Anxiety can cause pretty much every symptom there is so I expect that's what is going on for you. Hope you get some relief soon!

Thank you, I'm just so scared all the time :(

I wake up in the middle of the night and I am struck by pure terror that I have some kind of brain issue that will result in me losing all my memories and capabilities. I just cry for about an hour before falling asleep again. It is really horrible and I don't know how to stop it =(

[anxious_thoughts]

Hello Reala,

I'm so sorry that you are currently going through this fear of dementia. I used to have a really bad fear about brain tumours which honestly still lingers in the back of my mind but I try to not let it control the way I live.

Those symptoms you have listed are classic anxiety symptoms. Anxiety can create SO many symptoms, it's crazy. If our anxious minds focuses on something we can either make it worse or make it appear. You are definitely not alone with these symptoms. Certain things can become a trigger for them (such as the movie Concussion for you), but we just need to understand and realize that it is anxiety that makes us have these irrational thoughts.

Take a deep breath and tell yourself that xx

[Lucinda07]

Sorry to hear you are suffering. Best of luck at the GPs - I'm sure everything will be fine!:)

[Jamie123]

I have had some of your worries and similar symptoms as well as worries and I am a 19 year old with no boxing experience. I dont believe this means you will get anything and I have been told on here that many of these can be because of anxiety. Hope that helps

[Reala]

I saw, perhaps, the worst doctor in all history yesterday... I came out of the Doctor's Surgery crying :(

I think he was trying to give me the firm truth: "this is a dangerous sport - stop it!" to get me to stop boxing (which I have already done), but I was trying to explain I had Health Anxiety and he really didn't seem to listen to me or understand how bad it is. I stupidly asked him the worst case scenario and he told me that I could end up like Muhammed Ali in 20 years... (i.e. suffering from Parkinson's)

I'm going back for a neurological test in a week's time, but I don't know how I will make it until then. He literally said nothing to put my mind at ease, he has just scared me to death with his Ali comment.

I spent all of last night crying - I slept maybe an hour. My partner's father got diagnosed with cancer last night (after spending a few weeks in hospital) and I feel as if I'm going to be leaving her all alone if I've got dementia.

I'm so sorry to vent on here, I don't know where else to go or what else to do. It does help me a fair amount hearing that some of you have gone through similar worries and concerns and are all still here and feeling positive. Thank you.

[Lucinda07]

So sorry to hear about the v difficult time you are having and the GP's unhelpful approach.
I think Mohammed Ali continued to fight when he ought to have retired & this resulted in Parkinsons. It wont happen to you because you no longer fight & are much younger!
Hope you managed to get a little more sleep last night

[Reala]

So sorry to hear about the v difficult time you are having and the GP's unhelpful approach.
I think Mohammed Ali continued to fight when he ought to have retired & this resulted in Parkinsons. It wont happen to you because you no longer fight & are much younger!
Hope you managed to get a little more sleep last night

It means a lot that you took time to write that, thank you so much.

I didn't really sleep too much last night (i.e. it is currently 5:54am and I'm up on here).

I think, somewhere, in the back of my head I do believe that I didn't fight long enough to get the kind of damage I'm worried about - I never fought people like George Foreman or Joe Frazier either - but it just feels so real and I'm so scared.

[Reala]

Hello everyone,

Thought I'd stop by and give an update.

Went to the GP today for my neurological test and took the opportunity to tell him about the panic attack I had this weekend.

He didn't comfort me much initially, he said I passed the test and said it is medically very hard to say whether or not I have CTE (a form of dementia that I am massively concerned about), but having had under 10 fights and no knockouts (I did have a grade 2 concussion last year) he would believe, based on his years, that the chance is close to nill.

He gave me some tablets for the dizziness and has referred me to a neurologist (although says they likely will refuse to see me due to the lack of ability to diagnose CTE and tiny chance I could have it. He has also given me a referral to a Counsellor to talk through my anxiety problems.

So, I'm still scared, but at least I feel there is a plan in place and we aren't just 'waiting to see what happens'. That's better than where I was 48 hours ago - in the midst of a panic attack convinced I wouldn't see 40.

[Lucinda07]

Sounds promising to me! If the chance is close to NIL, I'd breathe a sigh of relief -Phew!
You're going to be all right.
Now lets see how the counselling goes - things are looking up.:D

[Reala]

Update:

I've now seen a neurologist who told me 'I am categorically telling you that you do not have CTE'.

I am doing much better, I'm seeing a Counsellor twice a week now and he is helping me work through my problems. My history of health anxiety extends back to being about 9 years old where I worried that I needed to wash my hands at least twice an hour and had a phobia of falling and hurting myself.

I still don't 100% believe I do not have CTE, but I'd say it is more 60/40 or 70/30 in favour of me not having it and that's a much better way to live.

Every day I have moments where I think I am being forgetful, that I am off balance, that my hands are shaking, that I've got a headache, that my depression could be CTE, but I keep reminding myself that I've seen a consultant and 3 doctors now and they have far more medical training than I do.

[flipp]

That is good that you are thinking that way.Anxiety is bloody cruel and mimics all types of illness's,keep on believing that you are OK.:D.

[Barca]

Hi, i have the same concerns as you and I'm wondering how your doing with counseling... Thinking about it as well..