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Jewel
30-09-04, 18:25
Hello

Well i dont really know what to say as this is the first time that I have posted. I do not seem to be doing too well at the moment I fell absolutely petrified and so confused. I really dont know what is the matter with me and then imagine that I have gone mad and things will never get better.

I just feel like I cannot cope anymore and I do not know why. I am trying so hard to keep everything as normal i.e. going to work etc. Sometimes I just feel so strange and cannot understand why. I am frightened to read your replies incase you say something that makes me think I have gone mad.

Just recently I have developed an obsession with singing songs in my head all the time and I cannot stop, it is starting to really frighten me, keep thinking I have Schizophrenia or something like that.

Do you think that it could be depression and does depression always have to have a cause. I had 3 weeks off from work a while ago as I had just got a promotion and then panicked that I could not cope so I did not take the job. I went back and things seemed to settle down for a while, not fantastic but coping, now I seem to be worse than ever and bewildered as to why I am like this.

I feel like I will never be normal again and just compare myself to others all the time and then end up putting myself down as I have no more to cope with than anybody else but just dont seem to be able to.

I know that I make myself worse but I just dont seem to have any rational thoughts at the moment. I seem to live in my head, does anyone realte to this,

Thank You

Nicola

nomorepanic
30-09-04, 18:39
Hi Nicola

Welcome to the website and message forum. You will get loads of support on here so don't worry ok.

Do you suffer from anxiety attacks or just feel that it is a bit of depression?

What you could do start with is read Meg's great post called "First Steps" (if you haven't read it already). There may be something in there that you could try. First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

You are doing well to keep going at work as that will occupy your mind.

Have you spoken to the doc atall? Or are you already on any medication?

I think you need someone to talk to that understands how you feel and that is what you will get here - loads of help and support and advice.

You are not going mad - it is just a point in your life that you are finding hard to cope with and we will do our best to offer some help for that.

Good to see you posted anyway.

Nicola

Jewel
30-09-04, 18:51
I panic about going mad, I know it's silly but it frightens me to death.

Sometimes I just feel so strange and that I cannot cope and that I will crack up in front of everyone. I dont seem to be able to enjoy things anymore. I have not bneen on holiday this year because I felt that I could not cope with it, dont know why or what I caouldn't cope with. I went to the GP when I had three weeks off and he prescribed Effexor for anxiety because I panicked that I would get depression and never get better. I did not take it and slowly managed to pull myself round a bit. However I just seem to be slipping and not coping with things. Does this sound normal?

I dont seem to be able to control my thoughts the more I try to the harder it seems to be i.e. the singing of songs. Thiss all started because it was a possible symptom of OCD and then i panicked incase I had that and now I cannot stop them and frighten myself that it is something else.

I just want to feel normal again.

jill
30-09-04, 19:19
Hello Jewel

Welcome to the site there are lots of nice people here who will give you lots of support.
:(Sad to hear what you are going through rignt now.
Your not going mad and things WILL get better.

TAKE CARE

JILLXXXX

sarah
30-09-04, 19:22
Hi Nicola

You are most definately NOT going mad, neither are you going to go mad. The very fact that you are aware of it tells you this. 'MAD' people dont know or think they are mad.

I went through a very bad 8 months or so of thinking the very same thing. I wouldnt leave the house, laid in bed or on the sofa everyday just trying to analyse my head and all the things that were going on. I was convinced I should have been put away for my own good. Things used to go round and round in my head (like your songs) and I couldnt stop it. I am now completely the opposite, Im working 13 hour days, I can stop my intrusive thoughts at a heartbeat and I truly believe that you can too!!!

It takes time, and it also takes you to say to yourself when you get these thoughts 'STOP' and try to find something to really occupy your mind. As time goes by it wont be so hard to stop them.

take care
love Sarah
xx

jo-jo
30-09-04, 19:52
Hi Nicola and a big welcome to the forum :D. Please be assured, you are not going mad and singing songs in your head does not mean you are schizophrenic. Sounds to me like you are reacting to some kind of stress or pressure - are you still trying to deal with turning down your promotion? Maybe there are some other causes of stress in your life that you need to identify and work out how to deal with?

No depression doesn't always have to have an obvious cause although usually if we look hard enough, we can identify one or more reasons why it may have been triggered. I don't know whether you are depressed or not but I really do think you should talk to your GP - even sharing what you are feeling may help. Personally, I have found medication to be a huge help and it has helped me through depression twice and is currently helping me cope with panic and anxiety, although if this is not a route you wish to take, your GP will understand this and will be able to explore other options with you. You don't say what your circumstances are but is there a family member or close friend you can confide in too?

I think you need to be a bit nicer to yourself and there are lots of things you do in this respect - maybe try a evening of pampering yourself, book a hair appointment, massage or just plan some 'you' time to read a good book, have a chin-wag with a friend or enjoy a walk in the lovely fresh Autumn air.

Another important factor is to try and make sure you are eating well. Sugary foods are a real no-no as far as mood is concerned. Refined sugar (my own big weakness [}:)]) uses up the body's vitamins and minerals and yet give nothing in return. Furthermore, poor control of blood sugar levels is often found to underly depression and anxiety. A good supplement you might like to try is a vitamin B complex as they play an essential role in the production of serotonin, the brains natural 'feel good' chemical.

Hope this helps hon, look forward to hearing how you're getting on.

Best wishes, Jo xxx

seh1980
30-09-04, 20:30
hi Jewel,

Welcome to the site!! Sorry to hear that you have been going through a rough patch lately!! I have often felt like I'm going mad and have worried about it. It sounds like you have got yourself in a vicious circle that you can't get out of. Why did you decide not to take the meds? Meds aren't always the answer but they do often help people get their lives back on track. There is nothing wrong with consistently singing songs in your head and it doesn't mean that you are going mad. It might just be your mind's way of dealing with worry. Take care.

Sarah :D

Jewel
30-09-04, 20:31
Dear All

Many thanks for all your wonderful replies they have helped me feel a bit better. I was ready to book myself into a physcriatric ward earlier. really thought I was going round the bend. Now that I have calmed down and I can think more clearly and I can exploer other avenues.

I do have a partner but he is working away at the moment and I do spend a lot of time on my own which does not help. It just lets you magnify the horrible feelings that you have and make mountains out of molehills and then some.

It is a great relief to hear that others are coping and have coped and understand what you feel like.

Many Many Many Thanks

Nicola

xxx

Merlinssister
01-10-04, 07:18
Ney Nicola. Glad you're feeling a bit better. And as everyone says, if you think you're going mad, you're not. It's a classic symptom of the old anxiety. It does get easier with time, and two months ago I didn't think I'd be saying that for a while. :) So take it easy, and be kind to yourself.

jill
01-10-04, 08:41
Hi Nicola

Thinking of you,
How are you today?

Wishing you well.

Jillxxx

May your troubles be less
and your blessing be more
and nothing but happyness
come through your door...

KW
01-10-04, 09:46
Nicola

Welcome to the site. You will find lots of support here

KW

minny
01-10-04, 11:56
Hi Nicola and welcome!

Glad to see youre feeling a bit more relaxed now! Youre in the right place! Ive not been a member very long and the support Ive received from this lovely bunch helped me do things I havent been able to do for months! For example, I had'nt left my house due to panic attacks and depression for the best part of a year! Last week I picked my daughter up from school! :)

If anyone can help and support you... this lot can!

Good luck to you!

Minny..xxx

pootle
01-10-04, 14:20
Hi Nicola,

I'm glad you're feeling a little more positive. There's not much i can add that hasn't already been said in this post by others, just remember that these feelings won't last forever and that all of us are here for you if you need help or advice.

Please consider going to see your GP again, a lot of people (myself included) have found that medication can be a big help in getting through these kind of things.

Take Care, Andy (pootle).

Marc
01-10-04, 20:54
Hi Nicola, yes, you're in the right place... I for one have had very similar feelings to yours.
I'm sure Sarah is right, - people that are really going mad are the ones that don't know it. At least I hope she's right lol.
And isn't it comforting to know that lots of other people have the same feelings....
I've not had much success with pills, but I find the best thing that works for me is to do something that keeps your mind busy, instead of thinking about the same old problems.
Reading can be very helpful - if you can find something to read that really interests you.
The other thing I do is go on the web looking for jokes. I'm a bit of a comedian, and a good laugh can really change my thinking for the better.

Hope you're getting on ok today,
Marc

Meg
01-10-04, 23:21
Dear Nicola,

Enjoy your song singing, its a very healthy response compared with some of the thought processes that can get stuck in our minds ... it is not OCD and certainly not in the tiniest bit related to any psychotic mental illness symptom.

Much can be put down to soending lots of time alone and having whirling spiralling thoughts.

Living in your head is very common indeed when you're acute.

Distraction is your first defense and learning to control and then dismiss or replace these thought processes is second.







Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

sal
02-10-04, 00:06
Hi Nicola

Pleased you posted and have some excellent replies.

It is hard when you feel like you do and all irrational thoughts seem to leave us standing alone. You are not going mad, and i do appreciate how you feel, as i feel that everytime i start to get anxious.

Just hold on to the fact that a conscious thought doesnt mean it will come true.

We could all think we are going to win the lottery but doesnt mean we will by thinking it.

And the best advice i was ever given was from my CBT counsellor and basically if we were going mad we would have no recollection or know anything about it.



Love Sal xxxxx

Jewel
03-10-04, 09:13
Thank you all very much for your kind and considerate replies.

I think that a lot of this tems down to the promotion, which is still open for me. I seem to panic that if I take the job how will I be in control if I cant control my own thoughts.

Sometimes i just feel so unreal and frightened that it feels as if I am not there and then I become exhausted trying to focus. The job is within the NHS so it is very stressful, i.e. too much work and badly organised and no money in the budget for more staff and I panic incase I get left with it all and cannot cope.

If i could just feel a little more in control i would probably take the job but because I dont feel very in control of my thoughts I just wonder if it will make me worse.

I cant seem to be able to put 2 and 2 together and come up with 4 in my mind, everything seems to be out of proportion. I have till the end of the week to turn down or take the job for the last time.

Im not very good at having faith in myself and find it hard to relax I would love to know how to control the thoughts as it would give me a sense of control.

Meg
03-10-04, 14:33
Hi Jewel,

You are fully in control of your thoughts. You just think you are not and as energy follows thoughts you get anxious that you're out of control . Remember : Thoughts not instructions !!

In terms of controlling these thoughts - keep them rational rather than trying to rid yourself of them totally .

So when something really way out presents itself in your thoughts - ask yourself how rational is that thought. what other outcomes are more probable to occur , figure out a plan A and B and then do not allow yourself to dwell on the extreme remote possibilities

Relaxation cd will help with relaxing yourself and the benefit of these isn cumulative so doing it once is useless - doing it regularly is better.





Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

jo-jo
05-10-04, 20:07
Hi Jewel

Pleased to hear you're feeling a little better - sharing how you're feeling with people who know what you're experiencing really does help.

Hey, you're worried about singing songs in your head? Well in my book thats a load better than talking to your dogs and then doing voices for them answering me back (Holly has a plummy accent and Jazzy has a Yorkshire one). I only do this when I'm alone mind [:O][:I][:o)]

Best wishes, Jo xx

seh1980
05-10-04, 20:17
heehee LOL Jo :D