I'm a reel of anxiety

[elik]

I never have a significant amount of time of content or happiness before some horrendous episode of anxiety takes over. Currently I'm panicking because I feel that I have no sense of self like I'm a fraud. I feel like I'm trying to remember anything I've lied about or exaggerated and torturing myself with it and now I feel really guilty and a horrible person! I just feel so uncomfortable in my self that I've moulted myself to impress others and I'm scared of being rejected but now I feel guilty to everyone around me because I don't know who I am so how can they??? I'm so confused and sad

[NoPoet]

Hi Elik. It definitely sounds like you're having a blip. A blip is when the symptoms return in great strength and it can feel like a relapse, or like you're losing your mind.

It's not a relapse. You're not losing your mind. You're having a blip. And just like every blip, it will burn itself out and you will feel that sweet, blissful relief as you know it's over.

Anxiety is the doubting sickness. Whatever the negative thoughts tell you, it's all a load of old bum bum. Don't be fooled by anxiety's lies. Anxiety is the fraud, not you. It's fooling you into giving it life and relevance. But it doesn't deserve either of those things. It deserves to be healed and moved on from. That's what will happen to you. No matter how long the blip lasts, it can't hurt you, because for all its apparent might, it's got the strength of a fart and the texture of a cobweb.

Do you find that realising you aren't anxious, or that you're content or happy in some way, triggers these blips? A pain in the jacksie, isn't it? But that suggests you don't trust peace or happiness, and that maybe a part of you is summoning the fear to fill the silence? The silence between blips is peace, space to start moving on. Don't fear it. And always remember that by fearing the blips, and dreading or resenting their return, you are putting gas to the flame.

[elik]

That's spot on. I think there's a severe lack of trust in myself and my ability to remain 'OK' that I am easily jolted by negative association and fear. It's frustrating because I know all of what you're saying to be true but my mind is pro at twisting and doubting etc and it's just a pain in the a**

Thanks for your response