my anxiety is rubbing off on my 6 year old

[Panic1971]

Help, I need some urgent advice.

I have been dealing with panic and anxiety for over 6 years now - they started not long after my daughter was born. I do try to lead a 'normal' life. I still work, run the kids around, shopping etc (although it is hell at times). I have good days and bad.

The problem is that if I have a choice on doing something or not, I will almost always try and get out of it. If I have to do something, then I do it, although I get the panicky and anxiety feelings and dont feel better till I get back home.

Well now my daughter is getting like this. She has always been a bit 'clingy', but recently she has been getting slightly worse (or am I looking too deeply at myself and thinking the worse). To cut a long story short, she has been invited to a couple of birthday parties. She says she doesnt want to go to them. When I asked her why, she said she just doesnt want to. When I drop her off at school, she waits with me and doesnt interact with any of her friends. She has also been sick at school quite a few times in the last couple of weeks. I have asked her if there are any problems at school, but she says no. I have spoken to her teacher who says that she fine in school and even helps the other kids with their work if she has finished hers.
She goes to dancing lessons etc, and every single time she has to go, she always creates and says she doesnt want to go. When I pick her up, she says she has had a great time, but then the next week it starts all over again.

Am I looking too deeply at this, or is she picking up my habits? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated as dont want her to go through what I am going through.

Thanks for reading.

[kate]

Hi Ann,

Well she COULD be picking up on your anx, she could just be a quiet child or she could just be going through normal childhood insecurities.

At her age, I wouldn't read too much into it. Kids are all different whether they have parents with anxiety or not.

Just enjoy her and try not to worry.

Kate

[Jaco45er]

Hi Panic

What I found with kids (I have a 5 and 11 yo) is that they tend to go through phases. My boy (11yo) wanted to try football at 5. When I took him he cried, would not join in then ran off. This seemed to follow a pattern as he would be a loner at parties and did not want to go anyehere were he might be given any attention or there would be a requirement for him to mingle.

I used to get really wound up about it, and started thinking about what I was like with attention when I was a pre-teen.

Anyway, we let him decide on what to do and not what to do, but we did try and gently encourage him to go to parties, play with other kids, do sports etc. Now he is 11, he plays striker for a team, runs for the county (3rd quickest under 13 in East Anglia) and the door is always ringing with his mates calling.

My point is (and I have seen this in a few mates kids too, who worried about thier social interaction), that I think kids have phases, and it could well be that your daughter is merely in the middle of one of these "phases".

Also, you know what us anxiety sufferers are like, we will look at a situation and start thinking the worst, so yes, I do think that you are looking too deeply into it ;).

Jaco

[Coni]

Hi Ann,

My son used to be like this (he's now 13). Right from nursery, he wouldnt speak to anyone,didnt really mix, teachers always said how painfully quiet he was. He didnt like parties, it took 3 years to get him to go to boys brigade and even when he did go (with his brother) he would create such a fuss beforehand and then come out beaming saying it was great. I used to get so worried and frustrated. And then gradually when he was about 10 he changed....now we cant get him to stop talking, he's never in and he thinks the phone is for his personal use. He is still self conscious and hates being the centre of attention but I think thats just who he is.

Try not to worry too much (I know its hard when worrying is what we do), just give her loads of cuddles and reassurance (which I'm sure you do):) and she'll develop into her own person. Like jaco says I think this is a common phase with some children.

Take care

Coni X

[fightingonstill]

Hi
I know excatly what you mean as ive worried about that too with my kids. I too got my panic and anxiety stright after having my baby, weird eh?
And yes my kids have shown anxiety but i expect its 'normal' anxiety and we tend to catastrophise everything so look for the worse in all.
I am sure its perfectly fine
Take care
Nikki

[PUGLETMUM]

hi ann,

i am also a mum of 1 girl and at times ive worried that she was going to be anxious because of me, but she isnt although she can get anxious at times like everyone.

i was 'allowed' to be anxious as a child and ive been 'allowed' to be like this now, by really caring, well-meaning people, but as a result i cannot cope with anxiety because i didnt learn ways in myself to deal with it. consequently i do not have a full life, infact at the moment i have a pretty s*** life.

so i would say that you are sensitive to your daughters anxiety because you know how it feels, i think you need tough love in these situations, unless they are actually physically ill then make her go to everything, so she learns how to get on and to find ways of dealing with her own fears without being allowed to avoid it and thus create a cycle.

oh and also i was not shy and quiet as a child, but i was always frightened of something and i didnt learn how to deal with this fear i actually became frightened of the fear feeling itself! and i have struggled later on with avoidance and dependancy, while kids that were quiet and struggled are perfectly happy and sociable adults. i think its how you learn to deal with anxiety is what matters.

good luck emma

[Panic1971]

Thanks for the replies - they have really helped me.

It is just so difficult not to worry about them.

She didnt want to go dancing yesterday and I made her go.... and guess what..... when I picked her up she had had a great time.

Thanks once again :hugs: