Massively stressed HA Vision worries

[claireypoo]

Hi

Apologies for the post in advance but I was hoping to ask other HA sufferers how they cope with real life when their health anxiety gets massively obsessive?

I have HA and OCD and I had been doing "okay" (if staying inside and worrying my bottom off is doing ok :) ) but I've had extreme stress the last two years, financial - and my daughter has profound and multiple disabilities so I don't get much sleep. To add to this (and it's possibly the reason I'm in such a state) my father died last week and it's his funeral tomorrow. I held his hand while he died. I haven't cried. Instead I'm having WHOPPING anxiety about my vision.

My visual symptoms might be anxiety and stress (I had a vision test only a few months ago and I had *most* of these symptoms then - my eyes were fine (I am short sighted with astigmastism) except for slightly raised pressure which my optician wasn't overly concerned with) What I need to do is rationalise this so I can get through tomorrow.

My longer term symptoms are:

* Vision flashing/flickering at night when I read in low light

* Bright orbs in vision that come and go and are like a camera flash after image that I only see against bright backgrounds and only when I blink.

* When I look at a detailed picture on my iPhone (or any LED screen) the picture - well, it's hard to explain, but it 'twitches' as I move my eyes over it. If I close my one eye (either one) it stops doing it.

* Sometimes I sleep with my hand in my eye (I know) and when I wake up there are black smudges in my vision that start fading after a few minutes.

* Floaters. Lots. Light, dark, shadowy, dots, blobs, things that look like spider webs, silvery or dark worms with dots in, specks etc (always had these and they don't bother me although I notice them more when I'm anxious)

I had all these symptoms the last time I had my eyes checked and was declared FINE. (I have migraine aura for 20 yrs too, but that's very different to these)

The new symptoms that are freaking me out are:

* One eye sometimes sees darker than the other, then rights itself. It may have always done this and I'm just noticing now - also one eye sees things a bit 'greener' than the other (I've noticed the colour thing before)

* I keep seeing a black pin prick in my vision when I move my eyes. I can't look directly at it (it disappears then) I see it in bright light and against light back grounds and it comes and goes - I had it about 30 mins ago (really is tiny) and now my eye isn't doing it. So far it's just the (darker eye) I don't know if it's a floater too but it doesn't float like the others just appears then disappears when I look at it and it's driving me mad. Of course I googled and now I'm half mad with fear it's a detached retina or a tear or a bleed and maybe it's from pressure!!! What is causing the pressure AND THEN I SPIRAL. I had a gland come up behind my right ear a few weeks ago and of course I'm thinking it must be somehow related because my dodgy eye is the left one and don't they cross or something? Opposite sides of the brain control opposite sides of the body? Or something?

I'm on the edge of a full on panic attack and I feel like I'm losing it - scared if I ignore it I'll go blind but deep down think it's probably stress related???!!

I need to control the Health Anx - tomorrow is the funeral and I have to be strong - I DONT WANT TO BE ZOOMING MY EYES AROUND LIKE A VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY - I look odd enough as it is, and this eye thing has become a compulsion. All day today I've been blinking, winking, making my eyes go up and down and side to side, covering one, covering the other, squinting I LOOK LIKE A BLOOMING EAGLE EYES ACTION MAN!!!!

Please help me rationalise? I've had lots of counselling CBT meds etc and it has helped but right now it's hard to think clearly and I'm overwhelmed and totally against the clock as it's the funeral tomorrow.

Sorry to go on, I think I'm venting as much as anything because I can't burden my family with this crap AGAIN at a time like this.

Thank you fellow HA peeps X

Love Clairey xxx

[claireypoo]

I just looked at my join date. I've been coming here for almost 10 years now. TEN YEARS. While this site helped save my life sometimes, can't help feeling that it's also depressing that I've been like this for so long. :(

[Lifelonganxiety!]

When was your last eye test? Maybe go get a check up if these things are worrying you as much as they are.

They'll probably give you the all clear though. I get a lot of vision issues, I put it down to starting at screens all day and getting older. We can't stay as perfect as we always were ;)

Oh - and another thing that causes eye issues is concentrating on minor things and making them into something they're not!

[Nicholebear]

Saw your comment on my post! Yes I get many of these. The light spot on my phone right after I blink sometimes drives me nuts. I really couldn't find anything online about it, which I guess is a good thing? Only a couple of other people on here that I've seen talk about it. I also get a little dark spot when I shift my eyes from left to right, it disappears very quickly and usually can only see it in bright light, but I think sometimes I can see it in lower light and it casts a darker shadow. I'm pretty sure that's just a stubborn floater. Something else I noticed was that sometimes when I'm reading on my phone, the words kinda seem to vibrate??? Like the space between the lines of text seems to wiggle, it's really hard to explain. It doesn't happen all the time, so I'm thinking it may just be from my eyes getting tired.

Do you ever get visual snow too?

[claireypoo]

Hi!

Thanks for the replies. I had my eyes tested fairly recently (since a lot of this was going on and was told my eyes were healthy) X

I do have visual snow too. Worse in low light. I know exactly what you mean about the space BETWEEN the lines of words wiggling/vibrating I GET THAT TOO! Like there's a wiggly line there, that isn't there, but kind of is?

It's really getting me down though. Though I think the anxiety is worse because of grief. :(

All my old symptoms seem to be coming back and it's a bit crap on top of everything else.

Sorry to moan. Very down at the mo.

Xxxx

[Jordan85]

I get that stuff too! The vibrating, visual snow (I've had it all my life) particularly in dark rooms, about 20ish floaters that are either a cluster, a worm or a different shape from one day to the next. I also get the dark spot when moving my eyes very quick up and down. I'm driving myself mad with HA about my eyes, it's so hard to ignore because I'm using them all the time!

I blame Google as it all started when I looked for innocent symptoms and ended up digging and digging and learning and learning about all sorts of terrible things that no matter how rare they are they MUST be happening to me. At least I know there are others in the same boat!

[countrygirl]

AGain I am the member with severe sight problems and have had dangerous symptoms drummed into me all my life.

Everything you have written does not ring any warning bells with me and I have had to be hyper vigilant with eye symptoms and have experienced alot of serious issues.

[claireypoo]

Thanks guys for the replies. X At least I'm not alone! It does seem worse the more anxious I get. Wish I didn't react so strongly to every thing eye related. It's like WHAT WAS THAT? WOOOSH! (Adrenaline) over and over.

Trying hard today to just 'live with it' X

[Nicholebear]

Hi!

Thanks for the replies. I had my eyes tested fairly recently (since a lot of this was going on and was told my eyes were healthy) X

I do have visual snow too. Worse in low light. I know exactly what you mean about the space BETWEEN the lines of words wiggling/vibrating I GET THAT TOO! Like there's a wiggly line there, that isn't there, but kind of is?

It's really getting me down though. Though I think the anxiety is worse because of grief. :(

All my old symptoms seem to be coming back and it's a bit crap on top of everything else.

Sorry to moan. Very down at the mo.

Xxxx

I've never been able to find anything about the space between the lines of text wiggling and I thought I was the only one that experienced it!!!!

I get visual snow in low light or the dark, and sometimes on busy patterns

Alight here's a couple of other things I see:

In the car when it's night time, the lights on the radio and AC/heater buttons leave trails when I move my line of vision across from them. It drives me nuts.

And when I get up and go to the bathroom, when I sit down I feel my pulse in my head and the edges of my vision dims and pulses in time with my heartbeat for serveral seconds til I can't feel/hear my pulse anymore. My bathrooms are bright yellow and it's super easy to
Notice. This is just about the only instance in which this happens. I can think of one other situation where it happened. I went on an intense bike ride and got it when I layed down right after I got back in the house.

[claireypoo]

Oh my! I have LED trails too. It's a nightmare on the road. Also there's an LED in my PC mouse and it does the same! LED screens twitch, shake and flicker too. Patterns vibrate - it's crap! At least we aren't alone with it. TBH I've always noticed the LEDs - well for about the last 10 yrs. Ive asked opticians about it and they just look blank!

---------- Post added at 20:25 ---------- Previous post was at 20:23 ----------

I've also had the dimming thing too. I don't know what it is. I get it if I shout too. X

[indigogardens]

I just wanted to chime in on the lightness of one eye as you mentioned when you look in mirrors.. lol i just laughed because i do this everyday as well and notice one of my eyes appear lighter than the other one and it makes me worry, so obviously its probably us just looking for something wrong... lol makes me feel better! My symptoms are different, I just have really bad eye tension/strain that never goes away! fun times..

[Mummybee]

I have honestly had all these vision symptoms and more. I won't tell you what the more was, or you will start "noticing" that too.
As I change my focus the vision things "fade" and my mind doesn't notice them, but if I have a vision scare again, they come back..
Been checked for everything by all the vision related specialists, nothing.

[claireypoo]

Hey thanks for your responses everyone X

I had another weird vision thing happen with my left eye last Thursday (lost some peripheral vision during a hangover like when you poke your finger in the corner of your eye and look to the side but no poking and there for an hour) so I'm going to get my eyes tested just to make sure all is ok.

I have horrible HA at the moment and it's all centered on my vision AND WHAT MY VISION SYMPTOMS COULD MEAN.

My Dad died 4 weeks ago and I'm wondering if it's grief/ stress related because I'm all over the place at the moment - crying because I'm so scared, scared to get out of bed, feeling sick, noticing every twinge of pain, I'm getting headaches - haven't had headaches for 5 yrs - bad stomach, numb face, feelings of weakness - and of course THEY ALL TIE IN TO MY FEAR. Then I google and cry more. What's worse is I know better than this - I've had years without HA - but since August last year I've had very severe stress, a cancer scare (benign), and then my dad passed away.

I have a holiday in two weeks in Scotland and I'm terrified to go because it's remote and I might need medical attention, also a higher altitude and I had vision problems similar to last Thursday once after driving to a hill and my ears popped from pressure changes. Ok stopping now - rambling. (Sorry I'm in such a spiral)

MummyBee - I read some of your other posts and the arc thing you see (like a convex mirror in your vision when you look left or right, or just move your eyes? Like a "black" watery circle with a light line around it? Sometimes just the light arcs? Sometimes full circles? Worse lying down, or upset? I posted about them here 3 yrs ago and like you had all the tests done since MRI, opthamologist, eye test... All good but they bother me. I noticed they reduced when I lost weight (I put the weight back on and now they are back) Really weird.

It's good to know that we aren't alone but I wish I knew what they were as they still bother me.

X

[claireypoo]

Update

Just had opticians appt. he couldn't see any problems and said "nothing sinister" but wants to be thorough and dilate my pupils on Saturday (next avail appt) though he said because I passed the visual field test and because my eyes looked healthy he doubts there will be a problem.

Then I saw the nurse at my GP surgery. She said that my blood pressure was normal, (123/75) she listened to my carotid arteries and they were normal and my heart beat was regular and normal. She thinks the vision loss may have been a migraine variant bought on by stress. She spoke to me for an hour. Absolutely lovely.

I see my GP tomorrow too. This is all so I can put this behind me and work on my anxiety issues. I've made an appointment with my CBT therapist for tomorrow and I'm going to a Buddhist centre to learn to meditate.

Thank you all for your help X

[Nicholebear]

That's good to hear since I've experience most of your symptoms nearly to the T. Since both of us are super anxious people, it makes me think we are simply noticing things that everyone experiences but doesn't notice. Most of my symptoms disappear as soon as I'm distracted.

[claireypoo]

Me too. The only one that didn't was the weird loss of peripheral vision that lasted an hour and apparently is most likely a migraine aura variant.

All the others fade when my full attention is on something else - except the visual trails etc from LEDs but I've always had them so I think that's just 'me' X

Thank you for your replies. It helped when I was at my worst. X

[Vigilante]

Hello,

I have many of the same symptoms as you, visual static, bright dots, sparks, fireworks, after images, trails, I have eye tests all the time because I also have the progressive eye disease Keratoconus but these symptoms are unrelated to that condition.

I have had 3 dilated exams with nothing found and also a head ct scan with nothing found and have had these symptoms now for at least 6 months, I tend not to worry about them as much now.

It is very possible to see whats called entoptic phenonomen which you may or may not want to google, its not a health condition just an increased awearness of visual stuff that usually the brain would ignore, looking at a blue sky and seeing flashing sprites/stars is a classic example of this in which you are seeing white blood cells going around veins in the retina.

[DrG00GLE]

Hi, I can really relate to you :). Have had floaters and visual snow and after images and others too. Just want to ask, the pinprick, is it like a small circle? I have this and it looks kind of like a floater yet it doesn't move and stays in the center of my vision for a while. Nothing wrong with it however. I suspect your fine though as anxiety literally caused my visual snow which sucks but meh. Also wanted to ask if you ever see small dots in your vision that are white or purple the appear for a second then disappear? Scaring me. Sounded like you had something similar but wasn't sure. :D

[Nicholebear]

Hi, I can really relate to you :). Have had floaters and visual snow and after images and others too. Just want to ask, the pinprick, is it like a small circle? I have this and it looks kind of like a floater yet it doesn't move and stays in the center of my vision for a while. Nothing wrong with it however. I suspect your fine though as anxiety literally caused my visual snow which sucks but meh. Also wanted to ask if you ever see small dots in your vision that are white or purple the appear for a second then disappear? Scaring me. Sounded like you had something similar but wasn't sure. :D

I get random dark spots that are small and seem to appear out of nowhere. I think they may be a floater casting a shadow. I also get random lighter spots, pretty small that seem to appear if I stare at a wall for a several seconds.

In bright light (outside) I get a little dark circle that appears whenever I move my eyes from left to right. I can't see it unless I move my eyes in this motion. Which makes me think it's a small floater that my brain filters out of my vision except for when it moves. I see it for about half a second before it disappears again.

[claireypoo]

I have exactly that. Like a fixed floater that is only there when it's bright and only when I move my eyes. If I try to focus on it - it disappears, it's like a fly landing and flying off - not moving like a floater, always in the same place but disappearing and reappearing.

I also get a blue circle/ orb in my vision - don't know WHAT that is! I'm also more aware of colours - blue colours particularly and red hurts my eyes!

I'm really struggling with all this at the moment and so sensitised that the slightest difference in my vision is causing panic attacks :( (haven't had them since 2006). Really all over the place at the mo.

Tinnitus is going mad too. :(

Hope you all feel better soon xxxx

[Jordan85]

Do you folks notice your floaters make different shapes or take on different arrangements during the day?

I have noticed that when I look at the sky I'll either see:

* 1 long stringy floater
* 1 stringy floater that curls up on itself (this might be the same as the first just from a different angle)
* 1 tiny darker circle than the others that seems to sit RIGHT in line with my retina in my right eye - massively annoying when trying to use the computer (it seems to be new this year in line with my vision HA)
* 20 or so circles that either appear all at once, or half will appear at a time or only a few

I'm convinced something is up with my eyes, it's when the 20 appear at once that freak me out (I think I noticed them all last week on the train and tried to count them). I've always had floaters my whole life, now I'm 30 and I'm noticing all these seemingly new symptoms:

* Yellowish tinge around veins in eyes
* Ghosting (although that seems to either be calming or getting worse into a less noticeable general blur)

Just hope I'm overanalysing again. I wish I could forget everything I've read online and just enjoy life again.

[Fishmanpa]

We all have floaters and normal anomalies with our eyes. Most people naturally adapt and don't notice them. Only in very, very rare cases is it an actual physical condition that requires medical intervention or treatment.

IMO, you're just hyper-focused on this. Why? If you have the patience to purposely focus your eyes, concentrate to see them and count them? Yeah.... that's hyper-focusing.

If your eye doctor has given you the all clear, that's the final word and finding ways to distract yourself from the self checking would be in order.

As a real life example. From my real medical issues, I have physical issues that if if focused on, would drive me mad! For example, total numbness from my jaw down on the left side of my neck from surgeries and radiation. If I focus on it, it feels so freaking weird. BUT... when I'm distracted, I don't even know it's there.

Positive thoughts

[claireypoo]

Thank you for all your replies. I had my retinal exam today - drops in eyes etc. My eyes are completely healthy and normal. Pressures normal, macula normal, retinas normal. Clean bill of health eye-wise. (Except very dry eyes - particularly the bothersome one and a new glasses prescription with varifocals, tints and prisms - EXPENSIVE YIKES!)

So that's good. Optician said the repeated brief left vision loss could have been an atypical migraine or migraine type activity from stress (like the visual snow, patterns etc.) and if it continues to go back to my GP. (Who I've already seen and she thinks I'm ok - just needing help with my OCD. She's referred me to a psychiatrist as well as a CBT therapist and given me 10 diazepam to take the edge off the panic attacks. She's also referred me for exercise too.)

I'm going to a meditation class on Monday (local Buddhist centre) to help me relax. This all seems good to me. She also said to stop "testing" my vision by doing weird things with my eyes because I could strain them - or worse. And all I'm doing at the moment is training myself to see what my brain usually ignores. What everyone's brain has LEARNED to ignore since infancy - like your own nose, or your dominant eye, or your natural blind spots etc

The opthamologist also said he could see my floaters and that there were a lot of them and they probably got in the way - but apart from being really annoying sometimes - were harmless. He also thought the disappearing/ reappearing pin prick in my vision when I moved my eyes in bright light was a type of floater too. They don't always "float" apparently.

So all this makes sense and I'm going to try to put the repeated one eye peripheral vision loss behind me and focus on my OCD and health obsessions.

Thank you again for all your support and you FMP as the voice of reason (as usual!)

All the best
Claireypoo

[Jordan85]

Yay that's amazing news! Thank you for following up and letting us know how you got on. I know personally I've been able to relate to a lot of the concerns you had (floaters, light streaks) and I've been having a hard time convincing myself it's nothing to worry about.

I'm delighted for you that it's all turned out to be nothing and you can start moving on and putting it all to rest! :)

[claireypoo]

Thank you so much. Just got to do it now! :)