furret
07-05-16, 23:15
I have been a long time lurker here, since my HA showed up for the first time (october 2014, it was an eye cancer scare). I went to therapy and took citalopram for almost a year, i got so much better, until HA came back.
I have had the same scares as everyone else, MS, ALS, all the cancers in the world and everything. I have taught myself not to google anymore, instead i come here to calm myself down instead of jumping into awful conclusions that i am sick and dying.
But these days it has been different.
When i was a kid, i had really bad asthma. I was often sick and winter was scary because i knew i would get really sick, to the point that i was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night to get oxygen and nebulizations.
Soon after my health got better, i started having this awful mucus sensation in my throat. I often clear my throat (although i suspect it is also a bad habit, i tend to do it frequently when i am anxious and stressed), and i can FEEL the mucus trickling down from my nose to my throat, and if i don't clear it you can hear my voice getting all weird. I've had this for YEARS, and i never paid attention to it because like i said, it often feels more like a tic than anything else.
Yet, yesterday i made the mistake of watching a video of a youtuber who was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. My anxiety skyrocketed because i broke my own rule of not googling and found out about silent reflux, and although in all honesty the only symptom i have is the constant throat clearing, my brain is somehow trying to convince me that i am really sick and i will get cancer and die. I bet you know how much i am fighting those thoughts, and my rational self tells me that i don't have any reflux symptom at all, i do feel bloated occasionally when eating but that was after earlier this year i had a bad stomach infection and i think that my intestinal flora was really messed up by that.
I feel so anxious about this because i am graduating soon, i have very good job offers and i feel like my life is only starting and i have so much to do... I don't want to be sick, i had some tests done in december and everything came out fine (i was tested for lupus because a rash on my face that turned out to be rosacea. Not even that gave me as much anxiety as what i am feeling now), yet i am anxious to death that i might develop some awful illness.
Please make me listen to reason, all of you have helped me immensely through this past two years, but now i come to ask you for help directly :(
I have had the same scares as everyone else, MS, ALS, all the cancers in the world and everything. I have taught myself not to google anymore, instead i come here to calm myself down instead of jumping into awful conclusions that i am sick and dying.
But these days it has been different.
When i was a kid, i had really bad asthma. I was often sick and winter was scary because i knew i would get really sick, to the point that i was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night to get oxygen and nebulizations.
Soon after my health got better, i started having this awful mucus sensation in my throat. I often clear my throat (although i suspect it is also a bad habit, i tend to do it frequently when i am anxious and stressed), and i can FEEL the mucus trickling down from my nose to my throat, and if i don't clear it you can hear my voice getting all weird. I've had this for YEARS, and i never paid attention to it because like i said, it often feels more like a tic than anything else.
Yet, yesterday i made the mistake of watching a video of a youtuber who was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. My anxiety skyrocketed because i broke my own rule of not googling and found out about silent reflux, and although in all honesty the only symptom i have is the constant throat clearing, my brain is somehow trying to convince me that i am really sick and i will get cancer and die. I bet you know how much i am fighting those thoughts, and my rational self tells me that i don't have any reflux symptom at all, i do feel bloated occasionally when eating but that was after earlier this year i had a bad stomach infection and i think that my intestinal flora was really messed up by that.
I feel so anxious about this because i am graduating soon, i have very good job offers and i feel like my life is only starting and i have so much to do... I don't want to be sick, i had some tests done in december and everything came out fine (i was tested for lupus because a rash on my face that turned out to be rosacea. Not even that gave me as much anxiety as what i am feeling now), yet i am anxious to death that i might develop some awful illness.
Please make me listen to reason, all of you have helped me immensely through this past two years, but now i come to ask you for help directly :(