Dealing with existential OCD

[OCDBoy300]

Hi, all. This is my first time reaching out for help regarding my OCD. Due to my families stance on mental illness therapy and medication is just out of the question until I move out... So I've always felt like I've been on my own with this.

Currently I'm suffering a recent bad bout of obsessions relating around the idea of 'antinatalism', which is a philosophical position that states we should have never been born, essentially. Even with my issues I've always been happy with my life, and I love art and have a dream to become an artist someday... But with these thoughts It's become really difficult to just sit back and enjoy myself. I keep thinking 'I never asked to be born', even though I don't FEEL like that, and I'm like 'is this just denial? if i'm happy, i'm clearly in denial about things!'

I know this is classic OCD irrationality, but I'm having trouble finding ways to calm it. I don't want to keep reading about the philosophy, because it's always just an endless discussion between two people and neither side are right... I'm just afraid of losing hope and becoming someone like Thomas Ligotti, who has a very negative view of the world.

Has anyone dealt with something similar like this? I hope it will pass.

[gatsby12]

I don't have solipsism ocd but I see where you are going with this. I am a nihilist, I don't believe anything holds any real meaning and morality is a human construct. However, while believing this I still don't go out and torch cars and loot my fellow man blind. I believe that even if we aren't here for any special reason and the entire social orders a façade and there is no "special" reason for our existence I don't mope around that it's all in vain. It's up to you personally to assign meaning to the world around you. With these thoughts you must just learn to not resist them and let them pass. Whether you asked to be here or not is irrelevant. You are here now.

[OCDBoy300]

Thank you for the response!

I'm definitely having trouble with just 'letting the thoughts pass'. Should I agree whenever they come up, even if I don't feel it? I guess it just ties back into my fear of getting depression, and given how much I obsess and focus on my worries, coupled with the stresses of college.

[gatsby12]

You know your mind better than I do. If I was fealing with it and I had it I'd just go "okay" and just not resist the thought and focus on something else until it leaves and keep repeating that until it's no longer an issue.