The struggle of accepting i am healthy

[KatiePink]

I've been doing slightly better last week or so, not googling ect.

I had a good long talk with my partner last night and a bit of a cry, always helps, when i have these talks i am SO logical and i can see where i am going wrong and what i need to do to go right, but the struggle is real trying to put that in to practice everyday.

These are the thoughts

I cannot seem to accept that i am healthy.
I don't know how people deal with real physical conditions/illnesses and it scares me that i am so weak i wouldn't be able to beat anything.
I never have faith in anything, always thinking things will go wrong, i have no faith in myself or my ability to overcome things.

I cannot accept life for what it is and that things will change, i will develop things over the course of my life.
If a symptom crops up, HA or not, i can't seem to let it be, acknowledge it and move on, or book an appointment if needed and move on, i will spend every day worrying myself ill.

My partner said i am not the same person he knew when we first met and he wants the best for me, it kills him to see me worrying my life away like this, and it kills me too. I feel almost lost, trapped inside this body and i don't know who i am anymore or what i am doing(depression playing a part)

I have pretty much spent the last 6 months signed off work in my house stressing, what an absolute waste of happiness. I get so angry with myself.

Anyone relate

[gothic_rose]

yes I can

I posted something similar yesterday. I feel like health anxiety is ruining my life. It causes me panic attacks and they are so severe,

Im fed up with it all especially with having to e babysat because I cannot cope. I used to just be scared of having heart arracks but Im now freaking out over everything. I have had a headache on/off for 4=5 days, arm pain, jaw pain, shoulder pain even nose pain this week.Plus a dizzy spell and blurry vision.

theres nothing wrong with me. but it just does nt ever stop.

[Colicab85]

I'm distraught at the moment.

I often feel better in the evening and then wake up with an explained anxiety again and then that knocks me out for the day and i just can't settle.

I'm fairly close to accepting that its just health anxiety/GAD that im suffering with but then something happens that throws me off and i start worrying again (Brain Tumour, Aneurysm and MS are my things).

Last night i lying on the sofa about to get in bed and i had a surge of adrenaline for 5 seconds that then caused an anxiety attack and I'm a mess today.

My girlfriend has been fantastic. I can't imagine the stress I'm putting on her.

Going on holiday tomorrow to Cornwall so I'm hoping that sorts me out.

[KatiePink]

It is dreadful and definitely talks over a persons whole life.

I give people such rational, motivational and all round good advice that i can't seem to take myself.

I am NOT my thoughts, i am me and i'm observing my thoughts, i need to do that instead of entertaining them, reacting to them, or fighting them away.

I think a big part of overcoming this, especially for me, is not just accepting you have health anxiety and are not ill, because in life we will get ill, we are just living organisms like everything else, i need to accept what is and be happy with it, like we always say if today was your last day wouldn't you want to spend it with the people you love, being happy?
The days, months, years will fly round and the thought of looking back at my 20's-30's and seeing only anxiety, missed opportunities and fear will be so upsetting. More upsetting than anything to know i wasted the one life i was given.

For me on my journey through this i've learnt a lot about myself, and for me to recover i need 'consistency' i need to find something that works for me and repeatedly tell myself that no matter if i don't believe it at the time or i'm feeling really low.
I need to find things that motivate me, put up notes around my house reminding my of these things, reminding myself what i have to be grateful for, taking more time out to just stop and be happy for the moment, slowing everything down and realizing i AM here and i am breathing, i am alive and living and in the very moment i have no problem, just a problem i perceive, predict for my future, that either way i cannot do anything about.

Enjoy your holiday as much as you can :)

[Holds1325]

Hi,

It's okay and everythings going to be fine. I am breathing right now, I am fine right now, everyone is okay right now. Tomorrow will happen but tomorrow is not NOW.

This is something I say when my HA flares up. It flared up over the weekend where 2 things happened. One I checked my blood pressure and it was a tad high. My mind started trying to ruminate and I wanted to give in, but I put a mental stop sign up NOPE IT ENDS HERE and I moved on.

Another is I had some cleaner splashed in my face. I looked up what to do and the instructions were like, if on skin contact poison control. I ended up googling it and of course found that it could cause death etc. Called poison control and the guy was very reassuring hes like no that definitely won't happen, these cleaners are very common and this particular cleaner wouldn't sell if that were true.

It was interesting because when I told him about google he sorta laughed a little and then got serious about how google is such an anxiety starter and it really is.

I did repeat positive thoughts and just moved on and it was very difficult for a few days but I feel it subsiding. That's another thing, just know, that someday, this fear will end and that already helps alot.

Its hard to even follow our own advice even, like when I googled, or when I checked my BP out of curiosity but what you do when you get lured back into the trap is important and that is to stop anxiety in its tracks.

What would you do if I told you that you have the choice to not get sick at all and be healthy? Would you be happy? Of course, but like you said that's not always the case, people DO get sick, people DO die. But, what separates you from anyone else is not illness or death its the anxiety, so therefore treat the anxiety. Don't worry about illness or death because its just there it just IS, anxiety is manufactured most times out of lack of acceptance and absolutely can be overcome separate from anything really.

Sometimes its just better to say hey it is what it is and I can't do a thing about it right now, so I'm going to live right now and NOT let anxiety win, I MYSELF am going to win.

:)

[KatiePink]

Hi,

It's okay and everythings going to be fine. I am breathing right now, I am fine right now, everyone is okay right now. Tomorrow will happen but tomorrow is not NOW.

This is something I say when my HA flares up. It flared up over the weekend where 2 things happened. One I checked my blood pressure and it was a tad high. My mind started trying to ruminate and I wanted to give in, but I put a mental stop sign up NOPE IT ENDS HERE and I moved on.

Another is I had some cleaner splashed in my face. I looked up what to do and the instructions were like, if on skin contact poison control. I ended up googling it and of course found that it could cause death etc. Called poison control and the guy was very reassuring hes like no that definitely won't happen, these cleaners are very common and this particular cleaner wouldn't sell if that were true.

It was interesting because when I told him about google he sorta laughed a little and then got serious about how google is such an anxiety starter and it really is.

I did repeat positive thoughts and just moved on and it was very difficult for a few days but I feel it subsiding. That's another thing, just know, that someday, this fear will end and that already helps alot.

Its hard to even follow our own advice even, like when I googled, or when I checked my BP out of curiosity but what you do when you get lured back into the trap is important and that is to stop anxiety in its tracks.

What would you do if I told you that you have the choice to not get sick at all and be healthy? Would you be happy? Of course, but like you said that's not always the case, people DO get sick, people DO die. But, what separates you from anyone else is not illness or death its the anxiety, so therefore treat the anxiety. Don't worry about illness or death because its just there it just IS, anxiety is manufactured most times out of lack of acceptance and absolutely can be overcome separate from anything really.

Sometimes its just better to say hey it is what it is and I can't do a thing about it right now, so I'm going to live right now and NOT let anxiety win, I MYSELF am going to win.

:)

I love this. All completely true.

It's going to take time but i want my life back more than anything so i will continue to do all the above and not give in to this anxiety