View Full Version : hello again
Hi everyone, i thought i was doing so well and things are happening again. When i was at work on Friday i felt really ill, just not right, can't describe it, just thought i was going to drop down dead and couldn't be bothered to even get out of my chair, i really had to force myself. I know that i am in the middle of problems at the moment as i'm waiting for an MRI scan to see if i have Chiari malformation, and even though i am thinking about it, perhaps it's affecting my body more than i believe it is. So i know that i'm feeling really depressed because of this, but this horrible feeling is here and it is scary. Not so much palpatations or ectopics, even though i do still get them, just this 'feeling'. I was doing so well and was having problems with a 'new feeling' i was having, a nothingness, couldn't describe that either, just as if something was missing or was about to happen, but didn't. But this feeling is scary, just felt as if i was going to die there and then and didn't know why. There was no escaping from it, and i had unreality at times again too. Feeling fed up and don't want to do anything. Really don't want to go to work tomorrow, problems going on there that don't concern me but i really don't need the hassle at the moment. I know that i could just go the doc's in the morning and have time off, i have been told to do that anyway from my councillor, but i'm trying to hold off as much as possible on that one. Have been looking for another job, but even that's a problem at the moment because if it does turn out to be Chiari that i have i will have to rethink my career anyway. Just really messed up again and really do not like these feelings at all. I've got the head zaps back again, haven't had them since i was on Seroxat then when i finished them the head zaps stopped, they have come back now and they are really strong as well. Just feel 'out of it' as well. I don't take anything at all, no meds or anything, don't want to if possible, but the feelings are vile. I just feel like a totally different person, nothing like i used to be or feel like, if i can remember. Please help.x
hi angie
i know it must be hard for you at the mo,and that everything seems to much of an effort,i too have been feeling like you lately,but you will get through this.how long do you have to wait for your mri?
i too find it really hard to remember how i was before all this,but remember that you will get through this and it is just a blip!
take care
rach x
Thanks Rach, just feeling really 'ill' right now. I have to wait 8-12 weeks for an MRI. But at the moment i just feel like i'm going to drop down dead all the time. Been feeling this bad since Friday and i know i 'ain't dead yet', but i just feel so ill. Physically and emotionally. There isn't anything else i can do. Been doing the Claire Weekes and i'm booked in with a councillor and i can't take medication so i just feel like that's it now, nowhere else to go from here. Is it 'normal' to feel so ill you think you are going to die all the time and you can't describe the feeling it is just there all the time? Horrible, horrible feeling!!! Can't shake it at all. This is probably depression, i'm guessing it's that. My heart is fine, my BP is fine, my blood sugar is fine, my pulse if fine and my cholesterol is fine. Like i said, no where else to turn. But why do i feel so ill??
nomorepanic
12-03-07, 19:07
Angie
Sorry you feel so bad again.
It is horrible when it hits us like that isn't it.
Be kind to yourself for a few days and take it easy at home and work.
Hope things pick up soon.
Could you explain to us what Chiari is?
Of course, i'm sorry i posted it in a different place before. When i went to see the neurologist he tested my reflexes and found i have a weakness in my right arm and a tremor in my left arm, ? why. Because of all my symptoms, dizziness and going deaf, etc, etc, he thinks i may have Chiari malformation. It is easier if you have a look at the website, it is very good, and i know this might only be a possibility and i have to wait now for 8-12 weeks for my MRI scan. Visit here, www.conquerchiari.org (http://www.conquerchiari.org). This is an excellent site.
Any ideas on what i am feeling and why i think i am going to drop dead, REALLY NOT MYSELF, all the time. Ang.
nomorepanic
12-03-07, 19:54
Thanks Ang for the info.
When I was acute with anxiety I felt the same - wanted to die to get some relief sort of thing.
Things do get better though in time.
A good dose up of Vitamin B complex may help you at this time.
Thanks for the quick reply. I know what you mean i have felt like that myself before, but this is different. This isn't wanting to die for release, this is thinking that i am going to collapse all the time and die. I can see it happening in my head too at times. Just this pure fear of standing incase i collapse and die, of walking for the same reason, just there all the time. My body thinks that it is going to collapse and die. Very scary. And my head zaps are back too. Friday was the worst day, had it all today but not as bad, comes on all of a sudden too and then it stays and lasts. Tried the usual stuff but to no avail. I'm also having trouble with my spellings and stuff, my typing as well. I am very quick on the keyboard, always have been, but now i have to type slow or my letters get mixed up and back to front, or i find that letters are missing. Really scares me. Am i just being daft?
Please can someone tell me why i am feeling like this. I don't feel well at all, really ill. I am so upset right now, just thinking something terrible is about to happen to me. It's such a horrible feeling and i can't get rid of it. I haven't felt this bad for a long time. How do i stop this?
nomorepanic
12-03-07, 21:29
Anxiety is very very powerful Ange but only you know your body.
If you think that this is really not right for you then please call NHS direct for some advice.
If deep down you know it is anxiety then distraction works really well so play some of the games on here and see how you feel.
You have to know when it really isn't right and to get help and don't be afraid to call the Doc if you need to.
These feelings are there but BP and pulse are fine. I'm just so scared
Have you ever felt this way? Am i just being silly, is this really anxiety?
nomorepanic
12-03-07, 21:40
Well I have felt so bad before I wanted to die as well.
It is so hard isn't it?
nomorepanic
12-03-07, 21:43
Angie
Don't be sorry - I was sympathising with you that was all.
Why not pop in chat?
No i mean i'm sorry for going on and sounding so silly. Just wondered if anxiety can do this even though pulse and bp are ok. Not having panic attack. I know it could be linked with depression but this is too intense. Just a feeling that i am going to die all the time. Not nice. Never been in chat before, don't know what to do.
nomorepanic
12-03-07, 21:50
Ok well if it helps I have felt that bad too at times.
Click on Live Chat at the top of the screen - loads of lovely people in there all the time.
I know exactly how you're feeling. It doesn't happen everyday, but sometimes it happens for days in a row, other times for a day and then goes for a period of time. I don't know what causes it, but I'm betting it's anxiety because it has gotten a lot better since I have gotten somewhat better. Also, at what point of you cycle are you in? About to start, just finished, middle etc?
Sorry, i don't understand what you mean by cycle? It was started on Friday, whilst at work and got a little better over the weekend. Then Monday it was on and off and by Monday night it was back with a vengeance and i really thought this is it, i'm gonna die. Upon reading some leaflets that i have on PTSD, i have come to realize what the feelings are, they are flashbacks, now i know WHAT they are i feel a little better i suppose, but still hate them.
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