What if i cheated? Feel so sick!

[Jessicasmummy]

Ive suffered with this horrible disorder for nearly 10 years. A few years ago it started focusing on cheating. I was out with my husband at the weekend abd we met friends (one of which tried it on with me years ago) every time we're out with him i think I've cheated with him. I got way too drunk and we went to another friends house. We were all really drunk not just me. I can't remember parts of the night and im convinced I've cheated with him. I remember falling asleep on the couch with my husband and waking up with our friends there but i just can't shake the thought i cheated and i feel so guilt . I remember quite a bit and there's photos but i cant shake this fear. Has anyone else got this problem? How do i know its just my ocd? Im not drinking again as i can't go through this

[Fishmanpa]

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=169866

You had the same thing happen a year ago almost to the day. Yeah... perhaps abstaining would be in order at this point.

Positive thoughts

[Needsupport]

I'm sure you didn't cheat. This is a common theme in OCD and I know someone who has the same OCD fears as you. I would suggest not drinking as much from now on and hopefully this will help alleviate this obsession/irrational fear.

[Noivous]

Good advice from the others. The false guilt will fade. But definitely stop drinking so you don't put yourself through it.

N.

[MyNameIsTerry]

But what are you doing to address your OCD? Abstaining completely is not necessary, just cutting down will be enough so you are conscious all the way through it but that isn't going to resolve what is driving this. OCD can switch themes too and so simply avoiding getting into the situation is not going to prevent that, only lessen it by the lack of the main trigger.

[Jessicasmummy]

Im waiting for an appointment to be seen for it! The thoughts have been OK today as im trying to block them out. I cant keep feeling guilty like this its ruining my life. I an abstaining from alcohol as i know it will make me feel better in the future. Are these thoughts common? Its only when im in this certain persons company too am i just scared because he's tried it on before?

[Noivous]

Yeah that could be it. You are just uncomfortable around him. This isn't a judgement call but laying off the booze sounds like a good idea for you. If you are drinking so much that you are blacking out that's definitely not good.

N.

[Fishmanpa]

This isn't a judgement call but laying off the booze sounds like a good idea for you. If you are drinking so much that you are blacking out that's definitely not good.

That was my thought as well as it happened before and it seems like the OP is over compensating for the uncomfortable feeling by drinking too much. In general based on what I've read in the OP's history, laying off the booze is best all around.

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Im waiting for an appointment to be seen for it! The thoughts have been OK today as im trying to block them out. I cant keep feeling guilty like this its ruining my life. I an abstaining from alcohol as i know it will make me feel better in the future. Are these thoughts common? Its only when im in this certain persons company too am i just scared because he's tried it on before?

I think you need to treat the underlying issue of why you don't seem to trust yourself around this person. Whilst he has tried it on, you have not been willing and so you should have faith in yourself that you do not want to. If he is being pushy or inappropriate, regardless of booze involvement, then that issue does need addressing with him.

I would raise this with your therapist. Whilst I don't think drinking that much you black out is good, I also don't believe abstinence from alcohol out of fear you may cheat is good either, it's avoidance. However, in the short term it might help you but long term you won't to extinguish the fear behind all this that is driving it...because that certainly is nothing to do with alcohol.

I'm not sure about how common it is, but it can certainly fall under the ROCD theme. Do you have any other issues with the relationship that could point to OCD too?

[Fishmanpa]

Just a thought here.... this is your husband's friend. You all hang out together. In your other post about this, you said some things went down that caused a lot of friction but it was resolved. Am I to assume your husband knew all about this?

Another thought, since this has happened on more than one occasion and your thoughts had you having sex, kissing etc., could it mean that perhaps there is some underlying attraction there? I say this because if there wasn't, you wouldn't end up waking up in his bed nor would you even think you had sex with him.

You've had this fear come up before along with other health fears. Perhaps you should speak to a mental health professional to help you better cope?

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

No, there doesn't need to be attraction there if this is OCD. It can simply be attaching to this previous advance, which I'm assuming was spurned by the OP, and because there is a level of guilt involved it will latch on and flog it for all it's worth.

Let's remember that this is a Pure O theme and every other Pure O theme is "ego dystonic", the complete opposite of true character. Otherwise I wanted to murder lots of people with my violence based ones if there has to be attraction involved in a case of ROCD.

Skewed thinking in anxiety can mean guilt for things we can't possibly be guilty for. The classic is "hit and run OCD" where the sufferer believes they have run someone over. It's a variance on the theme of "false memory OCD".

[Jessicasmummy]

My husband does know about when he tried it on! I do not in the least find him attractive and have never woke up in his bed!! I don't know where u read that.

[Fishmanpa]

My husband does know about when he tried it on! I do not in the least find him attractive and have never woke up in his bed!! I don't know where u read that.

"I remember falling asleep on the couch with my husband and waking up with our friends there ... "

I misinterpreted that to read/mean you woke up with your friends there (everyone in the in the same bed) after having blacked out. I know in my past when on a bender, I've woken up in another part of the house not remembering how I got there ~lol~

At any rate... getting professional help with your anxiety and OCD would be in order not only for yourself but for your family.

Good luck and as always

Positive thoughts

[Jessicasmummy]

Me and my husband woke up on the couch. The guy I've got the fear about went home with his fiancee hours before this

[Fishmanpa]

Me and my husband woke up on the couch. The guy I've got the fear about went home with his fiancee hours before this

Ohhh... that wasn't written in your OP as I C&P'd "I remember falling asleep on the couch with my husband and waking up with our friends there ... " Well then, nothing happened or could have!! :D

Good luck and as always....

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

My husband does know about when he tried it on! I do not in the least find him attractive and have never woke up in his bed!! I don't know where u read that.

It's just a misunderstanding of OCD themes, but to be fair there are some ROCD sufferers who's anxiety is connected to past transgressions.

[Jessicasmummy]

Can you help as to how i stop the thoughts? Why do they feel so real? Do you think this could be stemming back to when me and my husband first started seeing each other. I kissed someone but felt so guilty that i told him even though we weren't really official. I cried and cried and he forgave me and promised to never do it again. I was fine after that for years then it started just before we got married and has happened ever since. I mean I've got thoughts that i had sex but no memory of it and i also had my period

[MyNameIsTerry]

OCD is known to cause "false memories". It can combine with a form involving a load of guilt like ROCD.

There is a large thread on the Depression board by PinguAnxious and she went through something similar. She had cheated with someone, her BF completely forgave her yet she just couldn't forgive herself for it. She would feel the need to confess details of the event to him years later when he already knew anyway because she feared she had missed something out and it was a reassurance-seeking compulsion.

When she went out for drinks with people from work, she would feel like she was saying things or encouraging men in the group and would end up in cycle of self-questioning and feel the need to confess these things even if they were only in here mind.

Can you identify whether you do anything like this? Any compulsions of any kind to mitigate these feelings of doubt & false guilt? Mental compulsions maybe even? If you can, breaking these is very important to eliminating it as it will be reinforcing it each time you do them. That's one place to start.

How do you react to these thoughts when they come to you? Are they intrusive thoughts? These can be dealt with too and reducing your fear reaction is vital to this. There are ways to do this.

Reducing overall stress levels also helps with OCD, you find the intensity reduces and you feel like you have more control to refuse to conduct obsessive-compulsive cycles.

[Jessicasmummy]

So do you think this is all my ocd? I love my husband and don't know why i would want to cheat on him. It has been a fear for a long time if i drink alcohol i think I've cheated. I keep thinking to myself where would i cheat as my husband is always with me on nights out. I feel better today and thinking more rationally just slightly feeling like its real now and again

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, it's definitely anxiety. This post alone tells me that because you love your husband, have no reason to cheat, don't even have the opportunity on the nights of worry, etc.

Something I learned long ago with intrusive thoughts is that they are opposite of true character & beliefs (that's what professionals state) and also that they look for the very things that would provoke the greatest fear within us in order to keep the obsession alive.

Maybe it's ROCD or the false memory theme or combination of both but it's certainly fear based and irrational.

I'm also concerned about the association with alcohol here and how abstinence out of fear could keep it going. People can feel strongly about alcohol on here, it's from well meaning that they promote stopping, but if stopping is linked solely to fear then it's avoidance in my book. We are told to stop our avoidance and change it to healthy adaptive behaviour. Avoidance reinforces anxiety and we need to be mindful of that so.

So, working on your thoughts, cutting down reaction by fear and adjusting your attitude to alcohol can all help. For instance, drinking more slowly or less or inserting non alcoholic drinks can mean you remember your whole night hence there aren't black spots for your anxiety to focus on. That's an adaptive behaviour.

[Jessicasmummy]

I've been doing so well over the weekend but im now obsessing again that this guy is the father of my daughter because his son and my daughter have the same hair colour. I feel so stupid but it feels so real. Im fed up with these thoughts. I wish i could just be happy and normal

[Jessicasmummy]

Well im always worrying that I've cheated whilst out drinking (my husband is there all the time apart from one tine last week) anyway so these thoughts are eating away at me and now im itchy down below! Im convinced I've got an std and so worried

[Elen]

Hi

Just to let you know that I have merged todays post with another post covering the same problem.

This is nothing personal, it just makes the forum easier to use.

Elen

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi

Just to let you know that I have merged todays post with another post covering the same problem.

This is nothing personal, it just makes the forum easier to use.

Elen

I don't think the OCD board (or others) are so concerned as we know how to scroll, Elen. :winks: