6 weeks on 20mg, upping to 30mg tomorrow.

[mrose]

Hey guys,

I've been on 20mg Citalopram for 6 weeks now. It has definitely helped somewhat but today my psychiatrist and I agreed that we could give 30mg a shot.

So I've got a 4 weeks supply of 30mg pills and tomorrow I will start on 30mg. I'll try to keep somewhat of a diary so you can follow the progress.

Stay strong!

[Victory2016]

Hi...Yes lt us know how it goes! Good luck and hope 30mg dose it for you. What kind of symptoms are you still experiencing?

[mrose]

So I thought I'd give you guys an update on the 30mg.
Today is the 5th day of my increased dose.
To be honest I haven't really found any significant improvement yet.
However I didn't get any side-effects either.
I guess the situation is pretty much stable heh.

I am getting the feeling that I am slowly starting to conquer the derealization symptom. Which would be absolutely awesome. I am now at a point where I don't really care anymore, I just try to live my life with or without it (which is the first step to recovering from this).

[sunflower7]

I'm getting derealisation all the time and it's making the panic attacks worse. I'm struggling with it. I'm on day 6 and my anxiety is still sky high :-(. Hope you recover soon x

[mrose]

Day 9

I am feeling a little down again the last few days. I think this can be definitely categorized as a blip due to the increase. Sleep is sort of fine with 5mg melatonin but I usually wake around 5AM. I still have Diazepam laying around which I regularly use to calm my mind a little so I can get back to sleep. My dose is super low though, 0,5mg or 1mg maybe. On the 7th day I didn't need any Diazepam so I was like omg omg omg the increase is working. But I guess it's too soon hehe.

I read somewhere it takes another 7-10 days before the Citalopram reaches the new equilibrium (as much going in as going out). So I am not super worried but yeah, blips suck.

Furthermore I'm doing quite alright I guess. Managed to start my studies again. Doing lots of exercise, mostly Crossfit and cycling. But the existential thoughts seem to have increased again (I hate these so much, It's also my main issue by now).

I will check in with you guys after a couple of days, lets hope things improve shortly.

Stay strong!

[Becky2785]

Hi mrose hope ur feeling ok I'm getting all the irrational thoughts finding them quite hard to suppress and gets me anxious all the time also my main issue too keep thinking I'm going crazy and about to lose my mind

Keep strong xx

[mrose]

Hey Becky,

How are things?

I had the going insane thoughts aswell in the early phases of my anxiety. My head would feel so weird and I thought I was going to lose it. I imagined myself strapped up in a psych ward etc. But then after like a few hours it always seemed to subside and they I realised it was just another panic attack which completely warps your rational thinking pattern. This would happen daily a few months ago.

Thankfully these thoughts subsided rather quickly. And I can say that you are definitely not going insane. I know it's really hard to believe right now but everything will be alright someday :)

[Andy1718]

Good luck to you. Day 6 for me.
Still quite anxious, very much out of breathe in anything I do. Still adrenaline rush in arms. Appetite has picked up a little but still sweating feet and hands. Kept myself super busy so to stop my mind from wandering. Hopefully I can sleep tonight as it hasn't happened for 4 nights :( tomorrow is another day!!! We can do this! Remember this is not a disease just lack of serotonin in the brain- apparently!

[Becky2785]

Not to bad thanks mrose

The thoughts are the worst I can see a word that scares me and my mind is off on one I hate it would rather have the anxiety any day but like u say after a while u calm down and u know they are not going to happen never had this feeling before I know I will beat this. I had thoughts about my children I saw the word possessed and that got me going why I never know as I know this is not real and the most recent of going crazy and being locked up in a mental hospital all scary irrational thoughts.

I know we can beat this 100% thankyou

[pollynewsome]

Hope you start to improve on the 30mg. I'm 7 week at 20mg and still not right so that could be my next step. Keep us posted x

[mrose]

Day 10 on 30mg.

It's actually going pretty well today. Yesterday I started reading a book that was recommended by my therapist. It's called "Existential Psychotherapy" written by I. Yalom. I've only just started but this book is pretty insightful already.

This morning I went for a bike ride with my girlfriend and tonight I'll have my dad over for dinner. I also slept very well, no diazepam needed :)

[pollynewsome]

Ive been recommended a book called At Last A LIfe by Paul David.. Waiting for library to get it for me:) Apparently thats meant to be good. Glad you had a good start to the day. Long may it continue:)

[Becky2785]

I've read that book it's brilliant I strongly recommend it

[pollynewsome]

oh brill i will then x

[Andy1718]

Hi guys
Day 6 of cit. side effects seem to be going slightly. Still feeling a little sick and not got full appetite back yet. Sleeping is still restless but better. Been keeping myself really busy with kids and wife so anxiety is there but suppressed. Getting anxious thinking about work but will come to that when I see GP again Friday. Adrenaline arms still at times. Overall not too bad and actually looking forward to the tablets kicking in see what it brings me!

[Becky2785]

Anyone have horrible thoughts about what if I harm myself I had this a week ago along with other thoughts I ever will but hate these bloody thoughts that's what is keeping me down at the moment I have all sorts of images going through my mind I've been ok today just relaxing with the family the all of a sudden the mind races again

[Suziewuzie]

It sounds like you are having some good days so that's a good thing :) don't worry about the bad days too much, they are just blips and won't undo any of the good progress you've made.
I have to agree that the depersonalisation is one of the most horrible effects of anxiety for me & I really sympathise with you - but it sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing by ignoring it and carrying on regardless, that's how I get through it.
I too had the constant fear and thoughts of going mad, it's so frightening and hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it. I don't get it too bad now but find that some things can trigger it, I watched Shutter Island last week and it made me really uncomfortable & get some of those thoughts back. But then I remind myself that a fear of going mad means I'm not going mad - because I wouldn't be aware of it if I was!
Keep us posted :)

[Becky2785]

Thoughts of suicide run through my mind alot I know I wouldn't but they seem so real hate these thoughts there the worst I have everything and more to live for my 2 beautiful children and a.loving fiance. I'm also so scared of death hopefully see a therapist soon get to the bottom of it and I need to stop asking doctor google for answers although it does put. My mind at rest

Thanks suzi nice to know I'm not alone xx

[mrose]

Day 18 on 30mg.

Hey guys, time for another quick update. Unfortunately things haven't improved yet. For the first two weeks I didn't notice any difference with respect to the 20mg. However around the 15 day mark things started to get a little rough again. Last friday I went to a festival and drank a bit too much I think. I couldn't sleep well that night and the next day I was feeling really depressed. For me this is a good wake-up call to be careful with the alcohol and I think I'm going to stay off it for a while again.

The following days my nights were still rough. I'd fall asleep with some melatonin but I would wake up around 4 AM.

Last night I woke up at 2 AM and decided to take a low dose of Diazepam (2mg). Which felt like a defeat since I had gone almost a week without it. But again I woke up at 4AM all shaky, sweating, and with thoughts racing. I still had some sleeping pills lying around so I took one (10mg Temazepam) which made me fall asleep till 07:30AM, but again, waking up with anxiety.

My psychiatrist says it can take another 4-6 weeks to adjust again to a change in dose. I spoke her last friday, when all was going well. But I am going to phone her this morning to find out her opinion on the increased anxiety and rough nights.


It might also be due to some stressful life-events. Our dog was recently diagnosed with cancer so she'll probably pass away soon, furthermore my exams are due in 2 weeks and I haven't been able to study enough due to my situation. And on op of that my girlfriend will leave for 3 months to work abroad, which is also on pretty short notice.

[mrose]

Day 20 on 30mg.

I feel like things are slowly getting back up again. Last night I was able to sleep a solid 7 hours without waking up. I also didn't need any sleeping pills or Diazepam, which is a good thing. My mood is still quite flat/low though. I'm really hoping the 30mg will sort this out.

But this might have another reason. A few weeks ago I had some blood work done and it turned out my testosterone levels are low/very low. Which is obviously not a good thing for a male in his mid 20's. Next monday I have an appointment with an endocrinologist. I'm really looking forward to this as I might be eligible for TRT (testosterone replacement therapy). It turns out that depression/anxiety are correlated to low testosterone in literature.

I'll keep you posted!

Stay strong.

[mrose]

Day 22 on 30mg.

Ok so today is actually pretty good so far. Yesterday I phoned my psychiatrist because I wasn't sure things were heading the right direction. I was weary maybe the upped dose would have been slightly too much too soon but she told me that we should give it at least another week before possibly changing. And with changing she was referring to a possible 40mg. I hope the 40mg isn't necessary to be honest.

The last week I've been having major motivational issues. I've got exams in 2 weeks but I just can't keep my focus. Today I've felt better about studying and when done writing this post I've committed myself to getting a solid 3 hours in.

I've also decided to keep somewhat of a 'mood' log. There must be some websites for that I reckon. I really hopes this helps me to get an objective view of the progress I've made. Because when one is anxious and depressed it often feels like there is no progress whatsoever when in fact there is, but you just can't see it. So I'm hoping this will aid me in recognizing this.

Stay strong!