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19-05-16, 19:21
So I've just got home from my last session of CBT. Well, technically, this was the follow up, but you know. Anyway, according to my therapist, based on the criteria they use, I'm considered recovered! I'm so pleased to have reached this point.
Don't get me wrong, neither me nor my therapist are naive enough to believe that the arbitrary scoring system they use means I really am fully recovered. I'm definitely not. Sometimes I still feel pretty grotty, but I've made great progress.
Incase you think I'm just here to pat myself on the back, maybe I am a bit, but really I just want to demonstrate what can be achieved. I know I may face new challenges when I decide to come off the medication, but I can't imagine falling into the same pit of despair again. I've worked too hard on understanding anxiety and challenging my thought processes to end up back in that spiral again.
A few things that helped me:
1) Acceptance - I cannot tell you how much it helped to begin to just allow myself to feel however I felt without creating catastrophic stories around it. This wasn't/isn't easy to do, but if you can truly get it, it can surely help you too.
2) Therapy - I was very lucky to get in quickly, but once in, I applied myself to what was required. I can see how the course you get here really only scratches the surface of what CBT should be, but I still learnt some useful techniques.
3) Medication - I'm sick of paying for it and I'm having some mild side effects, but the Sertraline and Propranolol really helped get me back on my feet.
4) Trusting the experts - Health anxiety was never the biggest facet of my anxiety, but I did have a period of intense fear of my symptoms. As I said to my therapist today, I came to realise that if I wasn't going to be reassured by the doctors then I'd never find reassurance anywhere ever. Unless God came along and told me I'm fine, but I'm not convinced of his existence, so...
5) Living - I can't stress enough the importance of this, at least for me. I stopped allowing my emotional and physical feelings dictate what I do. This simple decision crushed my agoraphobia in an instant. I'm not saying it's easy, but when it stopped mattering how I felt, I realised I could do anything.
6) Realisation - Anxiety is like that frightening teacher you had at school who intimidated you but you had a grudging respect for. It has lots to tell you about yourself and your relationship with the world, but you have to be open to it. I came to realise the damage worry was doing to me and how my insecurity and low self-esteem simply had to change. I also had the sudden realisation that my thoughts don't become reality just because I have them. This was huge for me. I stopped giving so much respect to my thoughts and they lost their power over me.
I'm not saying I'm all better now, no matter what my score says. I wish I was. But I'm out of the spiral and living well again. I'm comfortable with my state. Good luck to everyone else on this journey. Believe me, you can do it.
Don't get me wrong, neither me nor my therapist are naive enough to believe that the arbitrary scoring system they use means I really am fully recovered. I'm definitely not. Sometimes I still feel pretty grotty, but I've made great progress.
Incase you think I'm just here to pat myself on the back, maybe I am a bit, but really I just want to demonstrate what can be achieved. I know I may face new challenges when I decide to come off the medication, but I can't imagine falling into the same pit of despair again. I've worked too hard on understanding anxiety and challenging my thought processes to end up back in that spiral again.
A few things that helped me:
1) Acceptance - I cannot tell you how much it helped to begin to just allow myself to feel however I felt without creating catastrophic stories around it. This wasn't/isn't easy to do, but if you can truly get it, it can surely help you too.
2) Therapy - I was very lucky to get in quickly, but once in, I applied myself to what was required. I can see how the course you get here really only scratches the surface of what CBT should be, but I still learnt some useful techniques.
3) Medication - I'm sick of paying for it and I'm having some mild side effects, but the Sertraline and Propranolol really helped get me back on my feet.
4) Trusting the experts - Health anxiety was never the biggest facet of my anxiety, but I did have a period of intense fear of my symptoms. As I said to my therapist today, I came to realise that if I wasn't going to be reassured by the doctors then I'd never find reassurance anywhere ever. Unless God came along and told me I'm fine, but I'm not convinced of his existence, so...
5) Living - I can't stress enough the importance of this, at least for me. I stopped allowing my emotional and physical feelings dictate what I do. This simple decision crushed my agoraphobia in an instant. I'm not saying it's easy, but when it stopped mattering how I felt, I realised I could do anything.
6) Realisation - Anxiety is like that frightening teacher you had at school who intimidated you but you had a grudging respect for. It has lots to tell you about yourself and your relationship with the world, but you have to be open to it. I came to realise the damage worry was doing to me and how my insecurity and low self-esteem simply had to change. I also had the sudden realisation that my thoughts don't become reality just because I have them. This was huge for me. I stopped giving so much respect to my thoughts and they lost their power over me.
I'm not saying I'm all better now, no matter what my score says. I wish I was. But I'm out of the spiral and living well again. I'm comfortable with my state. Good luck to everyone else on this journey. Believe me, you can do it.