HA is bad, scared of cancer, and also... this is outside my control

[lilitu]

So I have a really screwed up situation.

I'll start with the usual, and hopefully I am the only one who thinks this is serious. Has anyone had something like this?

I had the flu about 5 months ago. Sinus infection. Got antibiotics. It went away for a week... and then came back again, and has hung out ever since at a lower level.

I've been struggling to quit smoking in that time.

I can feel the post-nasal drip. I have little tingles up one side of my nose. I've had a cough for months. My throat is sore and I'm constantly clearing it, or feel like I have a frog in my throat. Sometimes I have air hunger. I think one of my lymph nodes on my neck is swollen. My nose gets so raw it bleeds, even though it doesn't seem all that congested.

When I'm not smoking, the breathing clears a little, as does the cough, but I clear my throat more. On the whole, I'm not sure if it's better or worse. Right now, I'm back to smoking out of sheer terror, which is of course making me even more worried that I'm hurting myself.

I'm terrified. My father died of oesophageal cancer 2 years ago. You can see where this is going...

My GP's have not taken me seriously. And I don't mean "they didn't give me 30 tests for cancer." I mean they didn't even feel my neck or look at my throat. NOTHING. They didn't come within 5 feet of me. All they did was throw random prescriptions at me which did nothing but make my nose bleed more.

I finally got them to refer me to an ENT, but now I'm stuck on a waiting list for possibly another 2 months, and I don't know if I can take it. I might go private. But I shouldn't be spending the money on that, because...

My flat mate and I have recently discovered we probably have toxic mould. It's causing mental and cognitive problems for both of us. She's started getting migraines again for the first time in years as well (that is how allergies present for her). There is no easy or quick way to either solve the problem, or get out of the apartment.

I did manage to get away for a week, and my anxiety dropped substantially (though I do genuinely believe there is some kind of actual issue which requires actual treatment -- I have always had touchy sinuses and tonsils, and allergies).

I think this flat is causing 70% of my anxiety. And I can't get out.

I need to save everything I can to try to move. We live in London, and it's not cheap. I can't afford to just stay in a hotel, and we're expats, so we don't have a big network of friends yet.

I'm convinced I'm dying, but ironically, not from the thing that's probably actually poisoning me, and I feel hopeless because I'm stuck here and my landlord is trying to avoid doing anything to fix the flat.

Help.

[Captain irrational]

First and foremost, stop smoking. Your airways are already inflamed and pumping hot, tar, nicotine ridden smoke through them is only going to hinder their recovery. You said yourself the cough improves when you don't smoke. If it was oesohpageal cancer, it wouldn't improve, and you would certainly have a lot more symptoms than a persistant cough. Weight loss, severe chest pains, difficulty swallowing, extreme weakness and fatigue, coughing up blood etc are the classic symptoms. Oesophageal cancer is seriously nasty and very aggressive, but it is entirely within your power to prevent it, by stopping smoking. Perhaps try switching to an E-cig for a while and see if your symptoms improve?

[unsure_about_this]

agree with above user give up smoking. I don't know if dentists can spot this type of cancer but have you visited your dentist recently

[Fishmanpa]

"scared of cancer, and also... this is outside my control"

"When I'm not smoking, the breathing clears a little, as does the cough"

This is pretty much a no brainer and it's totally within your control.

Quit smoking (.) Period.

Positive thoughts

[lilitu]

As I explained, most of my symptoms don't go away when I'm not smoking, even after several months, and I actually find myself clearing my throat more often. I have stopped smoking again, but this doesn't solve my problem.

As I explained, the thing that is outside my control is that my anxiety is being partly caused by my living conditions, which I cannot change and my landlord is dragging her feet on resolving, nor will my GP give me appropriate medication to get me by in the mean time despite my psychologist referring me.

And as I explained, I don't need to be told what oesophageal cancer is like. I watched someone die of it.

Did anyone read my post to the end?

I am also really stunned by the flippancy with which people are saying to someone with anxiety, "Yeah, just drop your serious drug addiction that you probably started to help you cope in the first place, and think happy" as though that's easy and I'm simply an idiot for having anxiety and struggling with biochemical addiction.

Wow. Just, really. Never mind, I guess.

[Fishmanpa]

I have stopped smoking again, but this doesn't solve my problem.

You just said in your OP.... "Right now, I'm back to smoking out of sheer terror, which is of course making me even more worried that I'm hurting myself." :huh: So you quit again today?

I read the entire post and it appears to me that you're in a high stress situation which only adds to your anxiety. Nonetheless, having lost your father as you did should only add to your resolve to lessen the chance of anything happening to you in the future. I'm a Stage IV oral cancer survivor. I smoked. I no longer smoke. I had no choice. You do.

Positive thoughts

[Nicholebear]

Have you looked into vaping? Yes it can be dangerous if you inhale the vapor into your lungs but my mom has been using the nicotine infused vape juice with hers and only let the vapor hit the back of her throat. She doesn't inhale it and she hasn't smoked a cigarette in 2 years. The physical act of dragging it and absorbing the nicotine through your mouth is a lot better than inhaling cigarette smoke and works well getting you off the cigarettes. Plus it actually smells good lol

[Shazamataz]

I can't comment on the health side of things as far as the GP goes but, as a smoker myself and battling to stop I can relate to your situation.

The anxiety drives you to seek relief by smoking but the smoking increases the anxiety due to your father's passing and your fear of making yourself ill, which in turn leads you to smoke more?

That's how it is for me anyways. People stop smoking all the time so it's not impossible and may be something you can take control of? I will continue to endeavour to do the same.

Regards