View Full Version : Manager huffs and puffs and is always cross at me because of my anxiety
My manager is always cross at me, not because im doing things wrong, but i always ask things more than once, and shes like ``you dont have to keep asking 15 times``
when A/ i dont ask 15 times, i ask once or twice and thats it
and B/ i do my absolute best there, and shes always cross at me!
I popped in today on my day off, to go to the locker room as my stuff needed ironing for the next shift
and the manager was in,
so i asked her ``by the way because your in i will ask you now a question about when my next assesment will be``
and she scowled and said ``yes ok youll get your assesment when i decide``
as if its such a terrible thing that i had the ``nerve `` to ask about it
when a/ the assesment review is crucial to a new starter like me as we get two during our training period to decide if they will keep us on or not
and b/ i only ever else asked about it on my last shift, that was it
i told the manager the other week that i have anxiety, and that is why i sometimes get paranoid about things, and that whilst my citolopram to some point controls my anxiety, i still sometimes panic
but she doesnt seem to give a damn, shes so intolerant, so quick to huff and puff at me
what upsets me the most is that this is just a 16 hour paid contract per week, and because of this i dont get any jsa/ housing
which means if i sat on my butt on benefits and housing/jsa
i would only be 30 - 40 pounds worse off a month, and wouldnt have to deal with all the stress and anxiety :(
im worried that if i email head office about it, she will accuse me of ``going behind her back``
i am not sure what to do, should i speak to hr about it ? (i work for a well known uk company)
if i ever got sacked or something because of issues resulting from my anxiety would that even be legal :(
i dont know what to do
thanks so much for any replies
love u all
Elibabez,
This sort of situation is far more common than you realise.
So, firstly, don't take it personally.
Secondly, this Manager may have issues herself and because she is in management she make think she has the right to unfortunately abuse her power and talk in this fashion.
I would personally not go over her head or behind her back, this will only make things worse.
The other thing is that 'Anxiety' is not seen to the outside world as a proper illness or disability. When we make the effort to cope and try and live a normal life, we are then seen as if there is nothing wrong with us. This IS wrong, but it is reality, I am afraid.
You have two options here.
1. You can show her that you are not someone to be pushed around by staying firm, focused, keeping your head down and when the Manager is off with you, ask her if anything is wrong and then if she asks why, you can then say that you seem a bit off with me so that she realises that you are aware of her behaviour.
Obviously if she is very bad with you, then that is a different case altogether.
2. The option is leaving, but this will affect your benefits as you won't get any for sometime if you choose to leave. Strangely enough, you are better off if she dismisses you. Wrong, but that's the system.
It is possible that the Manager is suffering from stress herself or getting hassle from her superiors and they maybe a personal matter that she is living with.
There are no excuses for bad manners or rudeness, but this may be the case.
How is she with others? You could maybe see if this is a general way she has with all her staff.
And if it becomes impossible to continue working there, look around for something else before you walk out.
Good Luck. :)
P.S. I have been a Manager for about 30 years; if you were wondering. x
---------- Post added at 13:53 ---------- Previous post was at 13:36 ----------
Meant to say that I love your cute Panda pic. :)
carnation thank you so much for your reply
im on the train
when i get home i will read it properly and reply to you
thanks a lot
hugs
---------- Post added at 15:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:11 ----------
Elibabez,
This sort of situation is far more common than you realise.
So, firstly, don't take it personally.
Secondly, this Manager may have issues herself and because she is in management she make think she has the right to unfortunately abuse her power and talk in this fashion.
I would personally not go over her head or behind her back, this will only make things worse.
The other thing is that 'Anxiety' is not seen to the outside world as a proper illness or disability. When we make the effort to cope and try and live a normal life, we are then seen as if there is nothing wrong with us. This IS wrong, but it is reality, I am afraid.
You have two options here.
1. You can show her that you are not someone to be pushed around by staying firm, focused, keeping your head down and when the Manager is off with you, ask her if anything is wrong and then if she asks why, you can then say that you seem a bit off with me so that she realises that you are aware of her behaviour.
Obviously if she is very bad with you, then that is a different case altogether.
2. The option is leaving, but this will affect your benefits as you won't get any for sometime if you choose to leave. Strangely enough, you are better off if she dismisses you. Wrong, but that's the system.
It is possible that the Manager is suffering from stress herself or getting hassle from her superiors and they maybe a personal matter that she is living with.
There are no excuses for bad manners or rudeness, but this may be the case.
How is she with others? You could maybe see if this is a general way she has with all her staff.
And if it becomes impossible to continue working there, look around for something else before you walk out.
Good Luck. :)
P.S. I have been a Manager for about 30 years; if you were wondering. x
---------- Post added at 13:53 ---------- Previous post was at 13:36 ----------
Meant to say that I love your cute Panda pic. :)
Right well like i say
i understand if im constantly annoying her that she may get fed up but im not
she even recently was away for 2 weeks, so its hardly like im in her face all the time
she even gave me the company 4 week assesment new starter review, despite it only being my 3rd week of working in the store (the first being my one day of induction at the company head quaters)
this isnt a sob story, but i just feel that my anxiety is going through the roof at her moodyness and attitude of late towards me from the last several days
and i would love advice on maybe speaking to hr or something like that
i dont really see what shes like to other people she seems to be okay with them
shes not downright rude with me, but whenever i approach her about anything she`s like ``yes okay youve already said that, dont mention it 15 times ok``
when as i said earlier, theres no way i ask anything 15 times :weep:
Hello,
You seem to be stuck on that "15 times" statement. Of course you didn't ask 15 times. Even she knows that was an exaggeration to make a point.
You've only been there a few weeks. You may just have to take it for a bit. Things may change over time as you get more comfortable there. She's new to you and you're new to her.
Have you had any trouble with previous managers in the past?
Maybe she's just a bitch...they're out there.
Woody Allen said - 90% of success is just showing up. There's a little truth in that. Hang in there and don't let this person throw you.
But as Carnation said you can let her know that you're not going to take any crap...in a nice way of course.
N.
I think the statement, '15 times' has really got under your skin like Noivous said.
It is a sarcastic comment and not an appropriate answer from a Manager.
The fact that it has already been said leaves you with the worry that it will happen again and also may prevent from asking any further questions for fear of getting a similar response.
So, what I would do is give it time. Wait for the assessment and then you will see how she is with you.
Suffering from anxiety can make things feel ten times worse than what they are and also tend to affect sensitive people.
I can be upset for days if someone is 'off' with me and I will run it over in my mind trying to figure out what I have done to upset this person.
My guess is this Manager may be overloaded with work and being harassed herself from other angles. It does not excuse her manner by no means, but see how it goes and report back on here if there are any further repercussions. x
thanks for your replies
i am back in on tuesday and will let you know tuesday evening how it went cos that manager is on
by the way.. is there (if it ever came to it) any legal thing for me to stand on with hr?
i wouldnt want to lose my job over an incident triggered by my anxiety mental health
I think the statement, '15 times' has really got under your skin like Noivous said.
It is a sarcastic comment and not an appropriate answer from a Manager.
The fact that it has already been said leaves you with the worry that it will happen again and also may prevent from asking any further questions for fear of getting a similar response.
So, what I would do is give it time. Wait for the assessment and then you will see how she is with you.
Suffering from anxiety can make things feel ten times worse than what they are and also tend to affect sensitive people.
I can be upset for days if someone is 'off' with me and I will run it over in my mind trying to figure out what I have done to upset this person.
My guess is this Manager may be overloaded with work and being harassed herself from other angles. It does not excuse her manner by no means, but see how it goes and report back on here if there are any further repercussions. x
Great advice here from this wise person:)
I would tread carefully elibabez.
When you mean 'incident' triggered by anxiety, that is a bit open for me to comment on as it could mean absolutely anything. :shrug:
Also, because you have only been there for 3 weeks, you will not have the upper hand as you have not been there that long. However, if she wants you to go, she has to give you a good reference unless you do something silly, so keeping cool and containing you real thoughts is very wise.
Hopefully it won't come to this and you may find her very pleasant at the assessment.
What ever you do has to be in your best interests. Remember that. x
MyNameIsTerry
30-05-16, 08:35
Classic loss or patience is what I'm seeing. Stress most likely. Just like with us, a little niggle can cause someone to bark at you.
I wouldn't go to HR at this point. You have to be careful that when you approach HR that you are stating it is "for advice" or they may make an issue out of it with that manager or request you put in a complaint for investigation. AND remember, HR people are there for your managers and the company, they are not really there for employees sadly as line managers are more there for that...HR people will always cover themselves and the company above all else. :winks:
Asking a couple of times is fine as long as it's not excessive otherwise it gets like those people that say "what?" whenever you ask them something. After a while you think "for Christ's sake, I'm standing next to you!!!" if you see what I mean?
Explaining why you may do it should help them understand it. If they can't, then some other factor is influencing this as in various stress on them causing them to be "snappy". It is unprofessional and some personality types just are a pain in backside as managers and not cut out for people management roles, some are overwhelmed with stress and some are new managers who haven't worked out yet that annoying your staff is not a smart move as they won't be there for you when you need their support.
In terms of the law, it's not simple dismissing somebody over mental health issues as they have to be careful to adhere to the (often woolly) Act that covers it. Generally if they have a problem with your performance, and health impacts onto it, a Capability process is possible but really this is when they can't just informally deal with things. Disciplinary processes can come into play when things are more deliberate but that's not the case here so not a concern. I really can't see an employer advancing someone down a Capability route because they get tetchy over being asked to repeat something or because they feel hassled to conduct a review, that would be pretty pathetic.
Some managers interpret staff chasing them for things as annoying or even a criticism of their performance.
Just a point elibabez.
I do NOT want you to name the Company for obvious legal reasons, but are we talking about Catering or a Food outlet here?
If it is anything to do with food, it is a very hard sector to be in.
I have been in catering and the pressure is...well, a bit 'Gordon Ramsey'. :scared15:
Just a point elibabez.
I do NOT want you to name the Company for obvious legal reasons, but are we talking about Catering or a Food outlet here?
If it is anything to do with food, it is a very hard sector to be in.
I have been in catering and the pressure is...well, a bit 'Gordon Ramsey'. :scared15:
food outlet but not fast food like bk or mcdonalds or kfc
and this store is super super busy like non stop customers
Then I understand a bit more.
I think this Manager is under great pressure and it is not meant personally.
However, this does not excuse her for her manner towards you.
Let her do most of the talking at the assessment and way up how she is with you.
Does she smile, does she look relaxed, does she rush the assessment, is she different with you than she was in catching her in a passing fashion.
You can then make a better assessment of her.
If she is pleased with your work then you then have the upper hand, whether to stay or find somewhere else to work.
Good Luck. x
MyNameIsTerry
31-05-16, 05:19
If the manager is like that with everyone, either stress or an attitude problem.
If the manager is like that only with you, if you all do the same then I would question it. But if the others don't appear to "pester" her (I mean that as in how she views it, not how we view it on here so it's not a criticism of you), then it could be back to stress or attitude on their part again.
Well
today was my first shift back with this manager, due to me being off and then the manager being off.
I was called into the office about an incident which happened, and then when she went onto bring up things i was saying, i said ``they werent intended in a bad way i just ask them because i get paranoid and i have very high anxiety``
and she just huffed again, showing no sympathy or no indication of understanding or giving a damn
im at my witts end
is it really worth feeling mentally sick for just a miserable 16 hour job
of which when you take into account travel costs
no jsa
and massively reduced housing benefit
and me having to pay for all my nhs now
im only about 10 pounds a week better off
i just dont know what to do
i wrote an email explaining my concerns to the area manager
---------- Post added at 01:52 ---------- Previous post was at 01:50 ----------
If the manager is like that with everyone, either stress or an attitude problem.
If the manager is like that only with you, if you all do the same then I would question it. But if the others don't appear to "pester" her (I mean that as in how she views it, not how we view it on here so it's not a criticism of you), then it could be back to stress or attitude on their part again.
Oh she gets angry whenever i question anything
like part of my review i got a ``no`` tick
for being able to work independantly
when i stated that i throroughly refuted that, and feel and know that i can, and welcome working independantly, she was dismissive of that too
its almost like she just wants me to leave and is purposely doing this
ps in case your thinking its the me questioning things which is annoying her
i do it in a very relaxed calm way, without being intrustive, nor do i question all the time
the one or two times in my 5 weeks here that ive asked her anything ie about my review or something
she just huffs and says ``what is it now.. yes ok``
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