pete1973
30-05-16, 02:23
hi,
my name is pete-i've always been a deep thinker and questioner since childhood-into dinosaurs and sasquatch. also i've been anxious about how i was perceived by others being a chubby child and often being ridiculed because of this. i was always bigger than my friends and even to this day i feel uncomfortable in my own skin. however i might have been more mature relative to them! anyway my issue started after a failed sexual encounter! i was chastised by my girlfriend and at that point in my mind i spiralled into total darkness and started shaking and had to leave! i had feelings of acute fear and loss and sort of the world removed from beneath my feet! i went through college and university (scraping through) with constant anxiety talking in my head about how shit i was. and also a kind of separation from reality. i'm better now than back then but i still feel like a 3rd person looking in on me! still can't be "normal".
i joke to myself-" i don't mind being alone, i just don't like being alone with me!"
anyway getting a bit self absorbed! i'm new to this site. i've never been diagnosed. i read a book on depersonalisation and it fit the symptoms. i haven't taken ssri's. i have massive self worth issues- i hate mentioning this, it's difficult.
anyway hopefully someone can help guide me? i'm not religious but i guess i'm a bit spiritual. dunno if that comes into it? i'm agnostic but a deep thinker/researcher!
thanks....
my name is pete-i've always been a deep thinker and questioner since childhood-into dinosaurs and sasquatch. also i've been anxious about how i was perceived by others being a chubby child and often being ridiculed because of this. i was always bigger than my friends and even to this day i feel uncomfortable in my own skin. however i might have been more mature relative to them! anyway my issue started after a failed sexual encounter! i was chastised by my girlfriend and at that point in my mind i spiralled into total darkness and started shaking and had to leave! i had feelings of acute fear and loss and sort of the world removed from beneath my feet! i went through college and university (scraping through) with constant anxiety talking in my head about how shit i was. and also a kind of separation from reality. i'm better now than back then but i still feel like a 3rd person looking in on me! still can't be "normal".
i joke to myself-" i don't mind being alone, i just don't like being alone with me!"
anyway getting a bit self absorbed! i'm new to this site. i've never been diagnosed. i read a book on depersonalisation and it fit the symptoms. i haven't taken ssri's. i have massive self worth issues- i hate mentioning this, it's difficult.
anyway hopefully someone can help guide me? i'm not religious but i guess i'm a bit spiritual. dunno if that comes into it? i'm agnostic but a deep thinker/researcher!
thanks....