Am I depressed?

[Richtooth]

Hi everyone this is my first post so here goes. I'm going to tell you how I feel at the moment but I don't know why I feel this way. I'm not really where I want to be in life.i work for someone else when I'd much rather work for myself. I'm in debt through my own stupidity, although I do have that in hand. I'm still renting a house when I want to buy a house. I have two kids and a partner who I constantly feel like I'm failing. On work days I get up with a feeling of dread and wondering what's the point. I sit there in a daze and I never want to be around anyone because everyone just irritates me. I get up at the weekends and feel like an empty vessel. My partner constantly asks me if I'm ok which doesn't help. I just want to be happier in myself. I want to have the strength to make things happen in my life but don't know how. I've just recently got over testicular cancer which has triggered the anxiety again but this has been a problem long before the cancer. Feel lost and don't know what to do. I'm jealous of friends who have more than I do. My partner doesn't work because of child care costs and this means we can't afford nice cars and holidays etc. All these things make me feel crap. I know it's up to me to change things but I don't know where to start. I'm really good at my job but I constantly worry about messing up. And I feel sick if I need to see my boss for any reason. I don't want to go back on meds because I felt horrible last time. If anyone has any advice id appreciate it. I just want to suck it up and get on with things again.

[Noivous]

Hey Richtooth! Sorry to hear you're down friend. I will say a lot of what you describe is just the blah blah blah of life that everyone feels from time to time.

However, the cancer thing I would imagine could set anyone back a bit. I imagine that will pass over time. And it seems you're overwhelmed with everything right now. When we focus on EVERYTHING at once it's easy to get overwhelmed. Try to focus on one thing at a time. Like your debt for instance. In yesterdays world one saved up for something if they wanted it...except for a home. Today we gotta have it now. And the whole world is drowning in debt...just the way the banks and government want it. But the only way to get out of debt is to get pissed off at it. That's what I did and I started making weekly payments (hooked credit acct to bank acct) instead of minimum monthly payments. I can't tell how uplifting getting out from under that debt was for me. Also, believe it or not it gives you more freedom...which also makes one feel good. So just concentrate on one thing at a time and see how that goes. This isn't going to get fixed over night for you but the most important thng is to take that first step in a positive direction.

N.