Scared about Lymphoma! I hate HA!!

[gdoll]

First time poster here.
I was diagnosed with HA in 2013, I've been through quite a few periods of time where I fixate on a certain illness, I've THOUGHT I've had Bone Cancer, Infertility, PCOS, Ovarian Cancer, Lymphoma, Breast cancer etc all the 'scary' ones are the ones I seem to fixate on.
Now the only one I can't seem to shake with medication and clear thinking is the lymphoma one.

I went to my GP over 1.5 years ago over a small bump in my armpit, this is *logical me speaking* quite clearly just my armpit muscle sticking out more on my dominant side (the arm I use to write with etc) but this worried me so she gave me a breast exam and checked the armpits out and all was fine, then DR GOOGLE decided to lead me onto lymphoma, this was about a year ago and since then, if I dig into my neck enough I can find lumps on both sides, some about 5p some a bit bigger.
The same GP has given me a blood test(she said to calm my nerves and worries) and a neck check twice.
My fears went away until I went out drinking with some friends, I'm not a drinker so I got quite drunk) - this was two days ago and everyday since then I've had itchy skin (Sign of lymphoma) and I had one sided pain in my neck (pain in lymph nodes after drinking is also a sign)
I am freaking out big time, I'm 21 in a few days so I know I'm young and my chances are slim but it possesses every thought process I have and I'm sick of it. As I'm typing this I've just got over my 2nd panic attack of the day after bloody googling again!!!!! :doh:


I know lymphoma is a BIG one for us HA sufferers so thanks for reading my post and any words of re-assurance would help big time

[ServerError]

any words of re-assurance would help big time

Would they?

I only ask this because we see the same cycle so often here: seek reassurance>>feel reassured>>new fear>>seek reassurance>>feel reassured>>new fear. And on the cycle goes. You can replace "new fear" with "same fear returns" in many cases.

It's clear that you've sought medical advice for the things you fear, but are you seeking treatment of any kind for the condition you do have?

Also, Dr Google didn't actually lead you to lymphoma. You led yourself there via Dr Google. This is behaviour that needs to be challenged and a cycle that needs ultimately to be broken.

All the best.

[gdoll]

I know. I know it's all in my head but there's that little smidgen of noise just saying "It's all real, you're dying and no one will help".
My boyfriend is super supportive but he just lost his temper with me, we have a little holiday coming up and my HA always flares up when life is going good, he thinks it's attention seeking, I mean he knows I have no control over it, but I think it annoys him more than he lets on..

I agree it's a continuous cycle, I desperately want to have scans of every part of my body and for a doctor to say "All Clear" But I know it would just become something else.

As for treatment, no... I'm on Mirtazapine but my partner is currently in therapy for depression and I didn't want to push my doctor for CBT to take any time away from being there for my boyfriend. Sounds stupid but .. yeah.

I appreciate you responding anyway. I'm sorry my first post was so jumbled..

[ServerError]

I didn't think it was jumbled and I also don't think it sounds stupid to want to be there for somebody else you care about. Lots of people neglect themselves in favour of caring for others. But your relationship would surely benefit if you received the help you need, no? There's no guarantees with CBT, but giving it a try would be a good positive step for your own wellbeing and that of your boyfriend.

[gdoll]

Yeah.. Problem is he sees his mental health issue as.. 'worse' than mine. And it is, it honestly is but that's why I spend so much time thinking about terminal illness because I'm keeping it all in all the time.
It's weird reading through the forums on here though, I didn't realise a group of people could think so alike and worry about the same things in the same way .

[Captain irrational]

Some suffers of hodgkins lymphoma (it doesn't seem to happen with any other type of lymphoma) experience pain in their lymph nodes right after drinking alcohol. Apparently the pain is excruciating (the sort of pain that will drive you to tears) and occurs almost immediately after just a few sips of alcohol, but quickly disappears within 30 minutes or so. It doesn't linger or appear days after.

Have you been touching and poking your lymph nodes lately? Because that certainly will make them sore. I too often have the lymphoma worries, and I made the dumb mistake of having a full on prodding session yesterday with one of my larger neck nodes, and lo and behold, today that side of my neck is aching quite a lot. As for itching, there are any number of non-cancer related causes for that. Even just thinking about having itchy skin will make you feel more itchy.

---------- Post added at 17:16 ---------- Previous post was at 16:45 ----------


Yeah.. Problem is he sees his mental health issue as.. 'worse' than mine. And it is, it honestly is but that's why I spend so much time thinking about terminal illness because I'm keeping it all in all the time.
It's weird reading through the forums on here though, I didn't realise a group of people could think so alike and worry about the same things in the same way .

It's a shame he thinks that way, somebody in his position should really know better. If your anxiety is affecting your quality of life then it is a serious problem, period. You have every right seek treatment for it and not feel ashamed for it.

[thecyberpractitioner]

Hi,

I'm new here but can relate to your scenario. I have swollen Lymph Nodes, like you in my neck. I've had them for as long as I can remember, but was not worried about them until I started developing HA for other areas of my body.

I'm still here. I can't even remember any horrendous infections as a child, yet I am still here years on. Sometimes they are palpable. Google will tell you that you are in impending danger and your life is over. From first hand experience, I can assure you that it's not always the case.

As for getting the help you need, go ahead and do it. As previous people have said, the help would clearly benefit your relationship from what you say.

You will get over these worries. Don't let them control your life.

All the best,

thecyberpractitioner

[gdoll]

Hey,
Thanks for all the replies everyone - they mean a lot. I feel like I might be over sharing here but I don't get to talk to people much, I think my anxiety comes from the fact I had two sisters and one died and one was seriously ill so I always think 'it's me next'.
As for lymphoma, I had a serious freak out after reading 'itching becoming worse after drinking alcohol' but in all honestly my logical brain tells me it's dehydrated skin as I'm already sensitive.
I wish more studies were done into it, I feel like it's strangely similar to OCD. And I don't know if anyone else gets this but all of my health concerns are always on the left side of my body.. Weird..
I told my BF last night I'm gonna wait until after our hols then see my GP and demand help, get it sorted finally.

---------- Post added at 07:30 ---------- Previous post was at 07:09 ----------

Forgot to mention as for my 'pain' I was drinking on the Sunday and I had shooting pain in my neck on both sides and then.. Everywhere, Tuesday. So it's quite a large gap. As for itching I've had that since Monday morning..