argh am i beyond help

[tiredofthis14]

as you can probly see from my previous posts iv been on a downwards spiral for weeks from being adament i have dvt in my groin and left leg i now got horrible pain in my right calf!
iv stopped googling because i know it isnt helping but i cant erase what iv already read like people getting misdiagnosed or having dvt with no swelling ect
im trying to keep busy my house has never looked tidier when it isnt raining im gardening im reading and working on some plant boxes
but im also constantly in tears awaiting my death im beyond convinced nothing is making me feel safe its constantly but what if
i just dont see a way out of this im awaiting cbt therapy iv been taken off medication because they didnt feel it was helping
i worry the severity of my anxiety is offending some poeple on here i genuinly dont want to offend
im 25 with two gorgeous kids i do everything i can to fight the worry and the panic but the idea of suddenly dying and not getting to see my kids grow up is crushing me
i really havent got anyone to speak to around me nobody understands how bad iv got i know the likelihood is my aniexty is causing the pain in my legs but it constant what if :(

[Fishmanpa]

You're not offending anyone. It's just difficult to try to help put out a raging bonfire with a cup of water which is akin to what's happening on here :(

I know you're under care of a crisis team. Is there something they can do in real life to help you more than words on a screen?

Positive thoughts

[tiredofthis14]

I keep telling them how bad I am they just tell me to take sedstives :( im terrified all the time I completly believe I have a clot n altho I was tested last week this pain started after :( I no it sounds ridiculous to everyone but I genuinely believe and I am terrified