heavymind
14-03-07, 11:28
Got married. Was very self-conscious during the wedding, however did go through it and everything went alright.
After wedding just settling in. My wife is discovering how anxious I am. She made a few observations that, I dont sleep properly, I am thinking continuously non-stop etc... She is a nice person and is understanding.
The What-if questions about work, her, parents, future etc is just keeping my mind very occupied. It certainly is improving, but would be great if I can be calm and relaxed always. Want to be a person who is confident, who believes in a bright future as opposed to having various what-if worries. The various what-if worries that I ma gettting these days are
what-if my new boss continues to not understand the work and continues making ill informed statements that criticize my work?
What-if the other significant person in the team continues to scrutinize my work, isolate me, create a bad image of me, critizes me, doesnt support me?
what-if me worrying too much and thinking too much upsets my wife and she yells at me and we develop hard feelings?
what-if she starts thinking she shouldnt have married me?
what-if my forgetfulness, anxiety gets criticized by her/inlaws?
what-if my mother fights with me/her?
Positive thought process:
what-if my new boss continues to not understand the work and continues making ill informed statements that criticize my work?
Keep working objectively. Do your best, and thats the best that you can do. You cant do anything about how others behave. I have a strong case and I dont have to really worry. I can convince people the importance of my work and get it to continue. I keep taking to stakeholders and make documents that clearly explain the work, then nobody can stop the work, they have to have a clear reasoning to stop the work. Moreover their objective is not to stop the work.
What-if the other significant person in the team continues to scrutinize my work, isolate me, create a bad image of me, critizes me, doesnt support me?
He is only trying to show off his skills and powers and he really does not have a reason to skrew me personally. Even if he intends that, he will not find success because I have clear directions where I am going and I am very clear about my goals and objectives. He can keep making generic statements that will not hold water. I need to stop worrying about what he thinks and rather work objectively towards my goals and objectives, for which there are other people in the team who support whole heartedly. There are people who are peers and subordinates, who help you with the work and if you keep doing the best, one day if will become clear that you have a clear story. It is well possible that one day people realize that this work is more important. Even if the new boss tries to steal the credibility off it, it is possible to ensure that I create the necessary visibility that I have put the effort. The work will have authors as me and the actual people I work with and that will show who the credibility really belongs to.
what-if me worrying too much and thinking too much upsets my wife and she yells at me and we develop hard feelings?
Ask her to take a break, stop talking to her about worrying thoughts and that way may be I can be a better husband. I help he with the house, listen to her worries, take care of her etc and that should count. Even if she is upset, she is mature enough to let it go the next day and so things should go alright.
what-if she starts thinking she shouldnt have married me?
It wouldnt happen, she loves me and I love her and we certainly are happy we are married to one another, going forward our relationship will certainly strenghten, if we keep being patient and sensible.
what-if my forgetfulness, anxiety gets criticized by her/inlaws?
If I take the criticizms objectively things should be alright. I can always tell them despite my forgetfulness and anxiety I have been sucessful in the past and will continue to be. They will be sensible if we give them the necessary reassurances. Its endof the day their worries. Just tell them not to worry and tell them that we defenitely are competant to handle any situation effectively, they hopefuly will understand.
what-if my mother fights with me/her?
My wife is certainly a very sensible girl and she can not become a reason for upseting my mother. If at all it heppens cant help it.
After wedding just settling in. My wife is discovering how anxious I am. She made a few observations that, I dont sleep properly, I am thinking continuously non-stop etc... She is a nice person and is understanding.
The What-if questions about work, her, parents, future etc is just keeping my mind very occupied. It certainly is improving, but would be great if I can be calm and relaxed always. Want to be a person who is confident, who believes in a bright future as opposed to having various what-if worries. The various what-if worries that I ma gettting these days are
what-if my new boss continues to not understand the work and continues making ill informed statements that criticize my work?
What-if the other significant person in the team continues to scrutinize my work, isolate me, create a bad image of me, critizes me, doesnt support me?
what-if me worrying too much and thinking too much upsets my wife and she yells at me and we develop hard feelings?
what-if she starts thinking she shouldnt have married me?
what-if my forgetfulness, anxiety gets criticized by her/inlaws?
what-if my mother fights with me/her?
Positive thought process:
what-if my new boss continues to not understand the work and continues making ill informed statements that criticize my work?
Keep working objectively. Do your best, and thats the best that you can do. You cant do anything about how others behave. I have a strong case and I dont have to really worry. I can convince people the importance of my work and get it to continue. I keep taking to stakeholders and make documents that clearly explain the work, then nobody can stop the work, they have to have a clear reasoning to stop the work. Moreover their objective is not to stop the work.
What-if the other significant person in the team continues to scrutinize my work, isolate me, create a bad image of me, critizes me, doesnt support me?
He is only trying to show off his skills and powers and he really does not have a reason to skrew me personally. Even if he intends that, he will not find success because I have clear directions where I am going and I am very clear about my goals and objectives. He can keep making generic statements that will not hold water. I need to stop worrying about what he thinks and rather work objectively towards my goals and objectives, for which there are other people in the team who support whole heartedly. There are people who are peers and subordinates, who help you with the work and if you keep doing the best, one day if will become clear that you have a clear story. It is well possible that one day people realize that this work is more important. Even if the new boss tries to steal the credibility off it, it is possible to ensure that I create the necessary visibility that I have put the effort. The work will have authors as me and the actual people I work with and that will show who the credibility really belongs to.
what-if me worrying too much and thinking too much upsets my wife and she yells at me and we develop hard feelings?
Ask her to take a break, stop talking to her about worrying thoughts and that way may be I can be a better husband. I help he with the house, listen to her worries, take care of her etc and that should count. Even if she is upset, she is mature enough to let it go the next day and so things should go alright.
what-if she starts thinking she shouldnt have married me?
It wouldnt happen, she loves me and I love her and we certainly are happy we are married to one another, going forward our relationship will certainly strenghten, if we keep being patient and sensible.
what-if my forgetfulness, anxiety gets criticized by her/inlaws?
If I take the criticizms objectively things should be alright. I can always tell them despite my forgetfulness and anxiety I have been sucessful in the past and will continue to be. They will be sensible if we give them the necessary reassurances. Its endof the day their worries. Just tell them not to worry and tell them that we defenitely are competant to handle any situation effectively, they hopefuly will understand.
what-if my mother fights with me/her?
My wife is certainly a very sensible girl and she can not become a reason for upseting my mother. If at all it heppens cant help it.