Savvy_Darling
02-06-16, 22:57
Hi everyone, i hope you're in a better place than I. {i know this is long but please hang out and read :'( }
I'm not doing very well at all. For some reason this week I've been going through it. I can feel the anxiety and nervousness in me. Like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode at any odd thing going on with my body.
First it was the edema, which i had posted last about, now its a plethora of things and i really feel exhausted and on the brink of tears. There's this redness on my foot, kinda noticed it a few days ago but wasn't concerned because i thought maybe it was discoloration from this after sun tan enhancing lotion i was using. Today tough my anxiety decided that it was a good day to obsess over what it is and what it means and if its life threatening. :lac:
i'll post a pic in the comments to see what anyone else thinks. its sort of rough like maybe its a callous or from shoes but im not even sure and its driving me up a wall because i cant shut my mind off. But ive been through all the horrible things like heart condition or poor circulation and im going to have to have my foot cut off..... I've tried so hard to tune out my thoughts today but its not working as i can still feel all this nervous energy inside me wanting to take over.
Another thing is that i got off the phone with my grandma and we planned to go out tomorrow but she was telling me about her doctors appointment and how she had a few skin cancers taken off before vacation and then a week ago. Now, ive posted before of my fears of that and it really triggered me and mad me feel so uncomfortable when she was telling me. Now part of me is back on my skin cancer kick and im afraid to even go to the beach this year because of the sun. Im also trying really hard to not freak out about all my freckles and moles. I'm almost dreading summer because of skin cancer or melanoma. On top of that my now im sure it runs in my dads side and im bound to get it which makes me literally freak out and fear the sun. I'm so sick and tired of living in fear of cancer. It seriously terrifies me and i worry so much about it that im afraid im gonna get it because of that. Yet ive been sitting out in the mid-day sun for 10 minutes a day for vitamin D. Then if im going to be outside i'll put sun screen on. I read thats what youre suppose to do since vitamin d is very important for the body. But now im worrying if im increasing my skin cancer risk orif im getting it as we speak like im so confused and i feel really overwhelmed. I don't know what to do, i feel like anything i do anymore will cause me cancer or health problems. i feel ike i can't enjoy life fully. Sometimes my anxiety has me thinking i'm not gonna live long or that my days are numbered and that im slowly dying of some un- diagnosed terminal illness. If somebody plans something a month or few weeks away i honestly think to myself.."if im still alive or if im not in the hospital dying".. Yes i know its terrible. I realize this but i can't help but feel this way especially when its bad like this week has been. My hair has been shedding more than usual since September (ive posted about it) and i dont know if thats cancer or im going bald..or if its just stress related because it seems like all these bad things have happened since my health anxiety got bad. I feel horrible at the moment and i'm truly sorry this post has dragged on but i just need some support or for someone to tell me im not crazy. Or if anyone can relate to anything i've said. opinions or advice?
thankyou :weep:
i'm tearing up now after writing this because why can't i be carefree and not worry like mostly everyone else in there early 20s. i feel like im going through a young adult mid life crisis. Always worrying about dying and getting diagnosed with health problems...its soooooo freakin exhuasting mentally and probably physically.
I'm not doing very well at all. For some reason this week I've been going through it. I can feel the anxiety and nervousness in me. Like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode at any odd thing going on with my body.
First it was the edema, which i had posted last about, now its a plethora of things and i really feel exhausted and on the brink of tears. There's this redness on my foot, kinda noticed it a few days ago but wasn't concerned because i thought maybe it was discoloration from this after sun tan enhancing lotion i was using. Today tough my anxiety decided that it was a good day to obsess over what it is and what it means and if its life threatening. :lac:
i'll post a pic in the comments to see what anyone else thinks. its sort of rough like maybe its a callous or from shoes but im not even sure and its driving me up a wall because i cant shut my mind off. But ive been through all the horrible things like heart condition or poor circulation and im going to have to have my foot cut off..... I've tried so hard to tune out my thoughts today but its not working as i can still feel all this nervous energy inside me wanting to take over.
Another thing is that i got off the phone with my grandma and we planned to go out tomorrow but she was telling me about her doctors appointment and how she had a few skin cancers taken off before vacation and then a week ago. Now, ive posted before of my fears of that and it really triggered me and mad me feel so uncomfortable when she was telling me. Now part of me is back on my skin cancer kick and im afraid to even go to the beach this year because of the sun. Im also trying really hard to not freak out about all my freckles and moles. I'm almost dreading summer because of skin cancer or melanoma. On top of that my now im sure it runs in my dads side and im bound to get it which makes me literally freak out and fear the sun. I'm so sick and tired of living in fear of cancer. It seriously terrifies me and i worry so much about it that im afraid im gonna get it because of that. Yet ive been sitting out in the mid-day sun for 10 minutes a day for vitamin D. Then if im going to be outside i'll put sun screen on. I read thats what youre suppose to do since vitamin d is very important for the body. But now im worrying if im increasing my skin cancer risk orif im getting it as we speak like im so confused and i feel really overwhelmed. I don't know what to do, i feel like anything i do anymore will cause me cancer or health problems. i feel ike i can't enjoy life fully. Sometimes my anxiety has me thinking i'm not gonna live long or that my days are numbered and that im slowly dying of some un- diagnosed terminal illness. If somebody plans something a month or few weeks away i honestly think to myself.."if im still alive or if im not in the hospital dying".. Yes i know its terrible. I realize this but i can't help but feel this way especially when its bad like this week has been. My hair has been shedding more than usual since September (ive posted about it) and i dont know if thats cancer or im going bald..or if its just stress related because it seems like all these bad things have happened since my health anxiety got bad. I feel horrible at the moment and i'm truly sorry this post has dragged on but i just need some support or for someone to tell me im not crazy. Or if anyone can relate to anything i've said. opinions or advice?
thankyou :weep:
i'm tearing up now after writing this because why can't i be carefree and not worry like mostly everyone else in there early 20s. i feel like im going through a young adult mid life crisis. Always worrying about dying and getting diagnosed with health problems...its soooooo freakin exhuasting mentally and probably physically.