home alone tomorrow night... oh f*ck

[honeybee]

oh, really scared... my fella going to take an exam tomorrow night so i'm gonna be on my own til about 9.30... i spend all day on my own anyway and thats fine but i'm so scared about being on my own in the evening... why??? i invited my best mate around for dinner cos other than my mum she's the only one i feel comfortable with, she just text me back saying she'd love to come but her new fella is with her and asked if its ok for him to come to. i haven't met him and i'm too scared to text her back incase i have a panic attack when he's here... f*ck - f*ck - f*ck - f*ck... just wanna hide and for it all to go away :sofa:

[nomorepanic]

Oh it will be a fab night!

You will have a great time and always good to meet new people and catch up with mates.

If you don't then you just isolate yourself even more from the world.

What is the worst that can happen?

Have a fab time tomorrow.

[honeybee]

hmmm.. think i might just make my excuses, im good at that...

[kazzie]

Hi I agree with Nic you will be fine and you must not let this silly illness win!!!!

Let your mate and new fella come over and it will all be fine I promise!!!!:yesyes:

Have a :hugs:

Luv Kaz x x x

[normalwisdom]

As Nic said it will be nice to catch up with your friend and to meet someone new is just a bonus! :D You have a lovely evening at least your friend thinks enough of you to introduce the new bf!!!!!:hugs:

[nomorepanic]

Honey - ok this time don't make excuses and take the bull by the horns and do it.

You will be fine and have a lovely evening.

Avoidance will only make things worse trust me.

[honeybee]

i know avoidence just feeds it but its so much easier... i have been to the depths of anxiety and i'm just so scared i'll end up there again... i'm really scared... scared of my f*ck*ng anxiety.. that makes me so so angry with myself... i just dont wanna look like a tw*t infront of people.. oh i dunno, just working myself up into a state now...GRRR... thanks for your replies guys and gals.. sorry im just being a bit self absorbed now

[QueenVictoria]

i totally think you should do it. i think it'll be fun and it'll be good for you to have a good time at a time you dont like. and if you do have a pa with them there.. your friend will be there to support you, and i doubt your friend would let ANYTHING bad happen to you OR let her boyfriend say anything bad. 8]]

[davidthegnome]

You know, being alone can be uncomfortable for me too. At first I was terrified of being alone at any time because I was chronic and always afraid something was going to happen to me. Somehow I've calmed down about it though - and I think it's because I have learned to accept that I can manage things. If I were to have a panic attack, it would pass, if I feel bad, it passes. I do rely on others and still don't like being alone all night - I like to have someone at home while I'm asleep, it just makes me more comfortable.

I think it's great that you've got your friend and her boyfriend coming over. It will definitely be a help to you just to have someone there with you so you don't get scared. It's natural to be a little uncomfortable meeting a new person, like her BF, lots of people get like that when meeting someone new. Perhaps it's just a tad harder for those like us because we worry so much.

I would encourage you to go through with your plan, have them come over and enjoy yourself. The more you put things off, or avoid them because you're uncomfortable, the harder it becomes not to avoid them. I know it's easier said than done, but you can do it.

It took me a long time to face my own haunts, driving, being alone at all, even sleeping was terrifying for me at first. However, I've come through it and gotten better because I've been facing my fears, not allowing them to force me into making excuses. Every time you do something you're afraid of, you are making progress. It takes courage, yes. In order for courage to exist, there must first be real fear, yet you have a lot of courage. Anyone who has lived with what you have has a great deal of courage, certainly more than enough to face dinner with a good friend and her bf.

I don't think you seem self absorbed at all. I think you are struggling with a difficult situation and no little amount of fear. I promise you though, that you will be just fine having dinner with them. What could happen that's harder than what you've already faced? Remember, you've come through some very harsh times and are doing great.

Chin up, dear one, I know it's hard, but the more you face these things, the easier they become. I did not believe that at first, but after having to face my own fears, I certianly do. Every time you do something you're afraid of you get a little better and it becomes easier and easier until it won't bother you anywhere near as much.

Good luck and God bless you, all will be well. :hugs:


Dave

[honeybee]

thanks for your posts guys.. thank you so much, i feel so stupid but i'm sat here sobbing my eyes out. its so nice to have some support. had a crap morning, my boyfriend wanted me to start facing my fears by going to the garage on my own to get some eggs (its only about 200 meters away), but i wouldn't go... i won't even try, im so scared, i'm stuck in a rut, why wont i even help myself get better, he kept asking if i wanted to get better or not, i do but i just dont have the strength. maybe subconsciously i dont want to. i don't know. im such a f*ck*ng hypocrit,. i sit on my computer telling you lot that it gets easier and to just face your fears in small steps, i tell people im so much better than i was 3 years ago but its all f**king crap, the only reason its better is because i avoid everything. im a wimp. its almost like i cant even be bothered. like im waiting for someone else to make me better. i dont want people's sympathy but it'd be nice for my boyfriend to show a bit more understanding.. he just sounds patronising. he just left to go to college and before he left he said "are you sure you're gonna be alright?" in a patronising voice and sniggered... GRRR makes me so wound up. he just thinks that making a joke out of it and making me realise how irrational my thoughts are will help me, and he's right - it does, but he doesn't need to be such a w*nk*r about it. sorry about my language, not very ladylike i know. oh i dunno... think i might go eat some pringles..


This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

[honeybee]

firstly, just wanna say sorry to all for my language this morning...

hi nigel... thanks for your lovely post.. wanna pick you up, put you in my pocket and pull you out when i'm feeling down.. lol

you are right, but its so hard when you know there's nothing to be scared of really. suppose if i try and be a bit nicer to myself i might get a bit further.. thanks for your lovely reply

[bluebottle]

I enjoyed the language, it didn't come through as the system prevents that so wasn't offensive and it conveyed exactly how you felt. Good for you for being yourself.

Nic is the moderator, if she finds it a problem she'll tell you. :flowers: