View Full Version : the latest brain tumour
so, having a bit of a turn and i guess hoping to vent a little bit. a couple of weeks ago by eyes started to feel strained, sensitive to light, and like it was difficult to focus on the computer screen (i work on a computer all day and spent a lot of time on mobile devices). it gradually got worse and i saw an optometrist monday who said by eyes were fine but very, very dry and he also did a retinal scan and the inside of my eye is fine. two days later (yesterday) i hopped off the train and felt kind of dizzy, like i was drifting to one side, which eased a bit during the day but i still felt slightly dizzy, and i still feel it today. so of course i'm *totally* convinced it's a brain tumour. i had a headache last night but i'm fairly sure it was just a tension and/or dehydration headache, it eased up with some painkillers. have had tension headaches in the past and also what i suspected were sinus headaches in spring/summer (i get pretty bad allergies).
i have a GP appointment tomorrow but it just feels like every time i'm sure i'm on top of things i get thrust right back down to the bottom again. when this started it at least took me a couple of hours or days to begin visualising saying goodbye to my kids, now i have a symptom and the first thing that pops into my head is the final hug. and that wave of doom in the pit of my stomach is just immense.
anyway i know that coming here for "reassurance" is folly so i'm not asking for that, i just needed to share all the nonsense in my head.
1hopefulme
09-06-16, 05:11
I'm sorry you're feeling like this, it's a scary thing to think, "this could be the end." I've had that thought, too, and it's hard to dig yourself out of it. The only suggestion I could make to help is try to distract yourself as best you can to take your mind off the anxiety, doom, and symptoms. I like sudoku, knitting, cooking, etc. and I try to take on something really hard like a super challenging level of sudoku or a really hard pattern or recipe when I'm feeling really anxious and it helps. Next thing I know it's been an hour and I feel fine and haven't had a bad thought. Then I use that to reassure myself that it's just anxiety symptoms I'm feeling because if it was a brain tumor (or insert other terrifying health condition here) it wouldn't just come and go like that with my feelings. Just know you're not alone with these thoughts. :)
thanks so much for replying, even having someone chime in to say they know how you feel can be so helpful. :)
---------- Post added at 13:32 ---------- Previous post was at 09:51 ----------
GP thinks it's probably viral labyrinthitis, prescribed me stemetil. of course i made the mistake of saying "so you don't think it's a brain tumour?" and he said "well obviously i can't rule anything out, but there are no red flags at this point. if it doesn't get better we'll think about doing a scan" whereas of course i was hoping for something more along the lines of "haha no don't be silly". so.. i think i'm more stressed than i was before the appointment, which is a shame because i was doing quite well this morning. :weep:
thanks so much for replying, even having someone chime in to say they know how you feel can be so helpful. :)
---------- Post added at 13:32 ---------- Previous post was at 09:51 ----------
GP thinks it's probably viral labyrinthitis, prescribed me stemetil. of course i made the mistake of saying "so you don't think it's a brain tumour?" and he said "well obviously i can't rule anything out, but there are no red flags at this point. if it doesn't get better we'll think about doing a scan" whereas of course i was hoping for something more along the lines of "haha no don't be silly". so.. i think i'm more stressed than i was before the appointment, which is a shame because i was doing quite well this morning. :weep:
Sounds like my mistake, I had muscle twitches all over my body and decided I had to go see my GP. I was expecting him to say "Meh it's nothing to worry about..." instead he said something like "I've only seen 2 ALS cases in my 35yr career, that being said many things can cause the twitches like a magnesium deficiency, lack of sleep, etc but just to make sure I'll refer you to a neurologist". I think I stopped eating for a few days following that and the neurologist appointment was months away.
Anyway the neurologist said it was all anxiety related. I think HA is by far the worst kind, the fear follows us everywhere and we can't hide!
yeah this is the thing, despite him saying there are "no red flags" and no need for a scan and he thinks it's something totally benign, all i can focus on is "can't rule it out".
yeah this is the thing, despite him saying there are "no red flags" and no need for a scan and he thinks it's something totally benign, all i can focus on is "can't rule it out".
I have almost the same symptoms, pressure/headache over the eyes + I feel dizzy at times + cough from post nasal drip + light sensitivity. Be careful with the CT-scans if you don't have cancer that thing will get you closer to it. Drs hand those like candy on Halloween these days, your symptoms don't justify it IMO.
Two things helped me with the Sinus issues, Advil Cold & Sinus and a sinus massage. You don't have a brain tumour conan I'm 99.999999% sure :)
thanks so much for saying that, it really does help. logically, i do really think it's either a viral thing or just anxiety, head/face tension, or even computer-related eye strain. but my logical side is once again struggling to be heard.
thanks so much for saying that, it really does help. logically, i do really think it's either a viral thing or just anxiety, head/face tension, or even computer-related eye strain. but my logical side is once again struggling to be heard.
Exactly when I spoke to the neurologist, he told me that the head/face is where anxiety manifests itself most commonly. Funny how it works, my logical side can help reassure you but it's almost completely drowned by my own fears.
feel like i am sinking further and further down this hole. spending so much of my time trying to make peace with the fact that my two daughters will grow up without a dad. dizziness/vertigo hasn't gotten any worse or better but feel like i'm really struggling to focus my eyes at work. so desperate for an MRI or CT scan to reassure me i'll be able to see my kids grow up but also conscious that it's probably not warranted at this stage.
what keeps bothering me is why i haven't had these symptoms before? i've been anxious for a good 20 of my 32 years and never had dizziness, never had eye strain problems. and if it's sinus then why isn't it progressing? or going away? or coming down into my nostrils? i have what feels like pressure in my upper sinuses and cheeks but it feels too mild to be causing this kind of vertigo.
what keeps bothering me is why i haven't had these symptoms before? i've been anxious for a good 20 of my 32 years and never had dizziness, never had eye strain problems. and if it's sinus then why isn't it progressing? or going away? or coming down into my nostrils? i have what feels like pressure in my upper sinuses and cheeks but it feels too mild to be causing this kind of vertigo.
I'll tell you why it feels different, your attention is focused on it now compared to years ago. I have the very same symptoms that were amplified by anxiety.
i feel like i've hit a new low in the last 24 hours. spent hours googling brainstem gliomas last night and they seem to match up perfectly with my symptoms... vertigo, unsteady gait (my gait isn't actually unsteady but i feel like i'm being pulled to one side sometimes), vision problems (i don't really see anything differently but my eyes feel strained when i try to focus) and even though they're rare i cannot convince myself even momentarily that i'm going to make it through the year. there is a tiny voice telling me that i just have a bit of eye strain and very mild vertigo but it seems so so quiet and distant amongst the rabble of voices yelling that the end is near.
my latest thing is since i read about weakness in limbs and face i keep feeling like some of my fingers or toes are weak or tingly, even though objectively i can't feel any tingling, numbness or weakness, my brain becomes so focused on them that i can feel them every second of the day, or feeling like one of my eyelids is dropping and bolting to the bathroom to look in the mirror to confirm that they're not.
last night my wife tried to stop me googling stuff on the computer so i stopped but then ran into the bathroom and locked the door while i googled more stuff about brainstem glioma.
i have a GP appointment tomorrow but i can't imagine she's going to refer me for an MRI, and even if she does god knows what the wait will be.
i'm losing it. in 20 years of fighting this over one thing or another i feel like i'm finally losing the war.
i'm losing it. in 20 years of fighting this over one thing or another i feel like i'm finally losing the war.
I'm somewhat lucky, I've only had high level anxiety for a year now. I can't think what 20yrs+ would be like. Are you on meds right now ? I'll be seeing a psychiatrist for the first time in 4-5 months (universal healthcare what can you do...)
I was really scared a few weeks ago because of dizziness. Turns out i get dizzy whenever i ride an elevator :P. I had been on an elevator only once before that.
Oh, and at the beginning of the year i had a really nasty cold and i was left dizzy for like a month, but the dr said that it was the infection and nothing to worry about.
My vision is almost perfect too (i suffered from an infection in my right eye and lost a bit of vision), been to the eye doctor (i don't remember the word in english rn, sorry) last year and he found nothing bad except a really tiny congenital cataract in my other eye which he said is so tiny it won't interfere with my vision. Nothing sinister. I feel my eyes very tired at the end of the day but i work with computers so i strain my vision a lot.
I am currently anxious about brain tumours, not because i think i have one (i've been a bit clumsy these days but i haven't been sleeping well) but because i am terrified of developing one or having someone close to me developing it. It makes me angry at myself for thinking that.
If your cerebellum were at fault then you'd be unable to walk in a straight line, balance on one foot or co-ordinate simple things like touching your nose with your eyes closed.
Your cerebellum is a very important structure in the brain and its responsible for a lot of the things we take for granted.
Those floaty feelings can be caused by anxiety, physically it's caused by a combination of chronic hyperventilation, constantly rising and falling levels of adrenaline and noradrenalin, and also a hyper-awareness of your motion. It's not "all in your head" per se, it's a real symptom and a real feeling, but it's your thoughts and perception that causes it, that's why its anxiety related.
A lesion large enough to cause symptoms would either give you constant spinning vertigo or gait disorders. The fact you're only experiencing floaty/bouncy feelings does not in any way point to a problem within the brain, certainly not the cerebellum anyway.
If you can balance and touch your nose in the way you say then there's very little doubt that your cerebellum is working as it should be. If you've had a brain MRI then it really isn't a problem with your brain. You say you don't suffer with anxiety only "mild depression." Well, depression is anxiety's angry older brother, it's anxiety multiplied by ten.
The physical symptoms caused by anxiety and depression are extremely powerful. Have a look around this very forum and see the multitude of people who say the exact same thing as you. "This can't be anxiety" or "I'm not even that anxious but I have all these symptoms."
i read these quotes from gary just now and realised a few things. all the stuff i've read about brain stem and cerebellar tumours say unsteady gait, vertigo, drooping, vision problems, stuff like that. and i've been saying "that's me!" but actually...
- i don't have an unsteady gait, i just feel a bit weird. i can walk perfectly normally, in a straight line, balance on one leg, with my eyes closed, while spinning my head around. i can touch my nose with my eyes closed.
- i don't have vision problems, my eyes just feel strained. i can see just fine and have no visual artefacts, just a few floaters i've had for forever.
- my feet and hands aren't weak, numb or pins-and-needles-y. i'm just focusing on them so much i'm convincing myself they are. i can still do everything with them just fine.
i think the reality is that i'm paralysed with fear because i have some very mild vertigo and some eye dryness because our winter's just started. when i put it like that, it really does sound insane.
three days later and i'm totally fine. dizziness cleared up, eyes feeling better, no longer consumed with fear. unbelievable.
see you all next time.
i read these quotes from gary just now and realised a few things. all the stuff i've read about brain stem and cerebellar tumours say unsteady gait, vertigo, drooping, vision problems, stuff like that. and i've been saying "that's me!" but actually...
- i don't have an unsteady gait, i just feel a bit weird. i can walk perfectly normally, in a straight line, balance on one leg, with my eyes closed, while spinning my head around. i can touch my nose with my eyes closed.
- i don't have vision problems, my eyes just feel strained. i can see just fine and have no visual artefacts, just a few floaters i've had for forever.
- my feet and hands aren't weak, numb or pins-and-needles-y. i'm just focusing on them so much i'm convincing myself they are. i can still do everything with them just fine.
i think the reality is that i'm paralysed with fear because i have some very mild vertigo and some eye dryness because our winter's just started. when i put it like that, it really does sound insane.
This is me too. I completely convinced myself I have the symptoms when in actuality fact it's not even close. I also stand on one leg with my eyes closed and touch my nose ect my balance is fine. I always say my balance has gone when it hasn't or my vision is different/blurry when it isn't. I don't know why we do this but it's terrible really , one good thing is that we have atleast recognised what were doing :huh:
This is me too. I completely convinced myself I have the symptoms when in actuality fact it's not even close. I also stand on one leg with my eyes closed and touch my nose ect my balance is fine. I always say my balance has gone when it hasn't or my vision is different/blurry when it isn't. I don't know why we do this but it's terrible really , one good thing is that we have atleast recognised what were doing :huh:
the only problem is when you then go "i've conquered it!" but realise you're standing on one leg with your eyes closed in your work toilet cubicle. because nothing says "top of your game" like that visual. :laugh:
the only problem is when you then go "i've conquered it!" but realise you're standing on one leg with your eyes closed in your work toilet cubicle. because nothing says "top of your game" like that visual. :laugh:
:roflmao: haha! That actually made me laugh out loud, so true. If only i could see myself from someone else's eyes and think what the.. are you doing?!
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