View Full Version : My husband wants to be a woman. Please help.
Firstly, apologies if this is not in the appropriate sub-forum.
I have been a member here for a few years but rarely post because I am a very private person who suffers with extreme general and social anxiety. This is the first time I have felt the need to reach out for help. On Saturday my husband of twelve years told me he wanted to be a woman. We had a close and loving marriage and I had no idea this was how he felt. The day before he told me, his father who lives abroad, died unexpectedly. He says this caused him to reevaluate his life and this event pushed him to finally tell me.
He said he loved me and still wanted to be with me. Within a couple of hours he was contacting family and close friends and asking them to call him "her", and he wanted to be called by his new female name. As the day progressed he talked about saving for surgery and had started ordering breast forms and other items for his transition.
As we live with my parents, this was an awkward situation for them. They loved him but couldn't accept that yesterday he was their son-in-law and today thier daughter-in-law. He managed to arrange temporary accomodation with some friends, and left me. He posts daily Facebook updates about his new life as a woman which are painful for me to see. He has bought clothes, shaved his body hair, arranged laser treatment and applied to change his name by deed poll. He is desperate to start hormone treatment and wants a hair transplant (he's bald on top).
To say that I am devastated is an understatement. I love him and want him to be safe. I told him he must call me day or night if he needs me. I am in the process of arranging counselling for myself and I'm on anti-depressants anyway. I really just need all the support and advice I can get right now.
Thank you in advance :)
i am not homophobic or being rude but this forum is about peoples personal anxiety problems, and g-a-d
it would be better if this topic was moved as it is a bit distracting
thanks
Personally I think you have to go fully into a self preservation mode. In his state of mind he is totally disregarding your wellbeing. That is obvious based on his actions. You absolutely will need support for yourself throughout this ordeal. It's nothing you caused or can control. Just remember that.
N.
---------- Post added at 15:37 ---------- Previous post was at 15:34 ----------
i am not homophobic or being rude but this forum is about peoples personal anxiety problems, and g-a-d
it would be better if this topic was moved as it is a bit distracting
thanks
If this topic needs to be moved the adminisrators will move it.
MyNameIsTerry
09-06-16, 16:42
Personally I think you have to go fully into a self preservation mode. In his state of mind he is totally disregarding your wellbeing. That is obvious based on his actions. You absolutely will need support for yourself throughout this ordeal. It's nothing you caused or can control. Just remember that.
N.
---------- Post added at 15:37 ---------- Previous post was at 15:34 ----------
If this topic needs to be moved the adminisrators will move it.
I agree, I think he is being extremely selfish. This needs time to sort through but all he sees are his own needs and the time he has waited. Marriage is an equal partnership and he should be considering his wife, something he has not done any of. He needs to be reminded of this and that he is not a single man.
Your head must be all over the place. :hugs:
Hi there,
It's a very difficult situation you're in and I'm not sure I can say anything to help except that you've got to think of yourself. I'm sure your parents are there to support you and don't be frightened to be open with friends and ask for help if you need it. I suspect there are also many support groups online which may help. You're certainly not alone with this and talking to others in a similar situation might help. A quick search and I found this Facebook group, for example:
https://facebook.com/Partners-of-Transgender-People-273878936075362/
Of course you're welcome here and it's an excellent forum to discuss anxiety. Other forums could help as their members will really understand the problems you're facing.
Whilst it's not your husband's fault if this is how he is, he's not been very sensitive to your feelings and he must realise this is a huge shock for you. Have you discussed how you feel with him? I know you want the best for him but he needs to consider you more.
Look after yourself
i am not homophobic or being rude but this forum is about peoples personal anxiety problems, and g-a-d
it would be better if this topic was moved as it is a bit distracting
thanks
There's nothing wrong with either the post or the location. There are a whole range of issues which make members anxious and this is as valid as any.
Pip
Thank you all for your input. I have been struggling with general and social anxiety for 30 years. This past year I reached a place where I was able to reduce my meds - though it took 6 months to drop my dose by 10mg. I have arranged for some counselling and I do have my family's support 100%. Because of my social anxiety, I have only a couple of friends and they are not nearby but they are in touch via email. I'm just feeling at an all time low.
Many thanks to you again.
Sunflower2
09-06-16, 19:07
Hello,
At my work last year we had a employee who came out one day of wanting to transition to a woman. It was an incredibly difficult time for everyone in the office.. Not because of the persons wish to change, but because their actions were very aggressive towards the rest of the office. In the end he had to be let go because his behaviour became unprofessional and verging on dangerous to be around.
The person was also very self obsessed and didn't really consider other people's feelings. This is nothing to do with their decision, but their actions were very selfish in every day matters at work. They were very hard to be around and even though I didn't know them well, it did cause me quite a lot of anxiety at the time because I was scared at work a lot.
I've no idea if what I'm saying is helping at all because of course the only similarity is the decision of changing gender. But, the whole process is extremely difficult for someone to go through, and not something that can happen overnight. Especially due to your husbands circumstances, it seems quite an extreme thing. Whatever happens, it will be really important to look after yourself first, since that is what your husband is doing and seems to have completely forgotten about you. Take care
Superworrier
09-06-16, 19:46
Hi there,
It's a very difficult situation you're in and I'm not sure I can say anything to help except that you've got to think of yourself. I'm sure your parents are there to support you and don't be frightened to be open with friends and ask for help if you need it. I suspect there are also many support groups online which may help. You're certainly not alone with this and talking to others in a similar situation might help. A quick search and I found this Facebook group, for example:
https://facebook.com/Partners-of-Transgender-People-273878936075362/
Of course you're welcome here and it's an excellent forum to discuss anxiety. Other forums could help as their members will really understand the problems you're facing.
Whilst it's not your husband's fault if this is how he is, he's not been very sensitive to your feelings and he must realise this is a huge shock for you. Have you discussed how you feel with him? I know you want the best for him but he needs to consider you more.
Look after yourself
There's nothing wrong with either the post or the location. There are a whole range of issues which make members anxious and this is as valid as any.
Pip
Couldn't agree more pip this post is right where it should be its an awful situation where no one is to blame and the level of anxiety must be relentless :bighug1::bighug1:
---------- Post added at 19:46 ---------- Previous post was at 19:44 ----------
Thank you all for your input. I have been struggling with general and social anxiety for 30 years. This past year I reached a place where I was able to reduce my meds - though it took 6 months to drop my dose by 10mg. I have arranged for some counselling and I do have my family's support 100%. Because of my social anxiety, I have only a couple of friends and they are not nearby but they are in touch via email. I'm just feeling at an all time low.
Many thanks to you again.
I am so sorry for what your going through please take care of yourself too :bighug1:
Many thanks Kimberley2 and Superworrier for your thoughts.
You must be in massive shock and deserve all the support you can get at this very disturbing time. Maybe your husband is in shock too after his bereavement? I'm not condoning his behaviour though.
I'm glad you are getting counselling-make the most of your family's support as they will protect you and want to help in any way they can. I hope you are able to use this forum to help ease your anguish and inner turmoil in some small way
This is going to bring the PC brigade in, wanting to stamp out such evil heresy, but since this seems to have come from absolutely nowhere and has followed a traumatic incident, is it possible he could be having some sort of psychotic break?
It seems like he's never given you any clues whatsoever in 12 years. It seems like he's never given anyone else any either. Society judges men way more harshly for certain things than it does women. This is one of the things a man would be pilloried for. So it's possible he was too scared to tell anyone. But... no-one at all? For this long? With no "oh yeah" moments where you and his family have flashbacks about things that were actually clues?
He probably really does want to do this. It's just with the suddenness, the speed, the sheer trouble everyone is having in adjusting to it... how do we know it's what he really wants and isn't some kind of episode?
Hi , you suffer with anxiety and this is causing you anxiety so there is no reason you shouldn't post here we all have problems and this is a place to share them and hopfully get advice and lighten the load , I appreciate your husband doesn't want to live a lie but he hasn't considered how you will deal with it your life has changed over night and it must almost be like grieving for you , keep talking to people if you feel you can it does help , I wish I could offer more advice but it is a tricky one , take care .
The vast majority of psychological experts knows this is a mental illness. Of course many are afraid to say it. PC losers be damned. Political correctness is an oxymoron.
N.
MyNameIsTerry
12-06-16, 07:11
This is going to bring the PC brigade in, wanting to stamp out such evil heresy, but since this seems to have come from absolutely nowhere and has followed a traumatic incident, is it possible he could be having some sort of psychotic break?
It seems like he's never given you any clues whatsoever in 12 years. It seems like he's never given anyone else any either. Society judges men way more harshly for certain things than it does women. This is one of the things a man would be pilloried for. So it's possible he was too scared to tell anyone. But... no-one at all? For this long? With no "oh yeah" moments where you and his family have flashbacks about things that were actually clues?
He probably really does want to do this. It's just with the suddenness, the speed, the sheer trouble everyone is having in adjusting to it... how do we know it's what he really wants and isn't some kind of episode?
I think that's a good point, Adam. Trauma does things to people. Whether this means his father's passing has spurned him into coming out about this or whether he has gone into this as a coping mechanism to block that out, both would need this to be true within him already that he wanted to live his life this way.
I don't know about the psychosis possible but if this is the case then I'm assumed what you mean is that he never wanted to live this way and it has come through as the kind of outlandish context found in psychosis. Is that correct? If so, would he be totally committed to this and not care about the feelings of others because he is totally absorbed by it? (which I would expect in such an episode) So, if he shows caring about hurting his wife, would this be a sign that it may not be such an episode?
I don't think that is a PC issue at all, it's just a valid option to consider.
---------- Post added at 07:11 ---------- Previous post was at 06:59 ----------
The vast majority of psychological experts knows this is a mental illness. Of course many are afraid to say it. PC losers be damned. Political correctness is an oxymoron.
N.
I disagree, very strongly. WHO classify such things as disorders BUT they cover things which include more socially accepted activities too e.g. voyeurism, BDSM. Within that same class they also include flashing, paedophilia and necrophilia, all illegal activities (NOTE: transgender sits in a different class under the same main class)
So, just because something is classified in a handbook doesn't mean it is a mental illness of some variety. Surely wanting to change sex isn't considered the same as paedophilia?
And of course, if anyone has ever watched any porn are we all in that category of voyeurism? Many adults like to swing or go dogging. Some like BDSM. All perfectly legal (maybe not dogging) but regarded as sexual preference as opposed to a perversion by many in society. Fetishism is in this book too and that is defined as sexual arousal with a foreign object...yet that is seen as fine by society. Many couples use some level of bondage in their sex lives without being into the BDSM seen e.g. tying their partner up.
Being homosexual isn't in there, there would be hell up if it was...although maybe it has been in history somewhere? So, maybe in the future this will change too?
Terry, this man believes he's a woman. He's not. If he believed he was a dog would it be mental illness? This is a mental illness and like all mental illnesses those closest often suffer just as much as the one with the illness... as evidenced by this poster. I stick by what I said.
N.
---------- Post added at 12:00 ---------- Previous post was at 11:33 ----------
http://cnsnews.com/news/article/michael-w-chapman/johns-hopkins-psychiatrist-transgender-mental-disorder-sex-change
This is a world renowned hospital and just one of thousands of doctors who know this is a disorder.
N.
georgewing
12-06-16, 14:34
I am very sorry for you and this its something hard that hit you .I see that you love him but i think your husband its got crazy or he found his sexual orientation .Maybe i am cruel but i think you should search for someon else ,maybe you will blame but you this that your husband want to become a woman and this its not good at all .
Terry, this man believes he's a woman. He's not. If he believed he was a dog would it be mental illness? This is a mental illness and like all mental illnesses those closest often suffer just as much as the one with the illness... as evidenced by this poster. I stick by what I said.
N.
---------- Post added at 12:00 ---------- Previous post was at 11:33 ----------
http://cnsnews.com/news/article/michael-w-chapman/johns-hopkins-psychiatrist-transgender-mental-disorder-sex-change
This is a world renowned hospital and just one of thousands of doctors who know this is a disorder.
N.
I completely disagree, not because I'm one of the 'PC Brigade' but because I know this is utter rubbish. He doesn't 'believe he's a woman'. Most likely (although of course I don't know this individual), he knows he has a man's body but his brain tells him that it doesn't match his feeling of identifying as a woman.
Forget all the PC rhetoric and try and imagine what this must be like. It must be miserable beyond belief and trying to suggest it's a mental illness (ie something that should be cured) is outrageous. If you don't have the sensitivity to try and imagine what the OP and her husband must be going through, I'd suggest you focus your support elsewhere.
Pip
Superworrier
12-06-16, 18:04
I agree pip x
There are no winners here and this must be so painful for both of them .
A family member of mine went through something very similier and it literally tore both of them apart .
Pause for thought here is for me and I know people may tear me apart for it but it is just my opinion .
The one thing I think thsi forum does and it does it well and with dignity is allows people to be " who they are " we all handle out Anxiety different we all have diffrent reactions and situations in our personal life that surrounds our anxiety .
The one thing that is clear on this ( again my take ) is we should all be ourselfs the anxiety is part of us and sometimes we spend so much time denying it denying who we are are that we end up trapped in our own bodies .
This forum better than anywhere should know what that feels like and how painful and soul destroying that is this couple are both in hell and my heart goes out to both .
This must have been hell for him to tell his loved one as it was my family member please just remember what it's like to not be accepted for who you are many of us on here have been there I know I have with the Anxiety and my Deafness .
Sorry felt I had to say that :hugs:
My heart goes out to them both .
If that makes me part of the pc brigade I don't care I don't think it does x
Couldnt agree more Superworrier, this is about tolerance and not taking one side.
On a mental health forum which is supposed to champion, celebrate and support people who don't fit that standardised 'version' of normality, I too find certain responses to what must be an emotionally explosive and damaging time for participants on both sides and extended family more than a little suspect.
A brief look at selective media links reveals the source material to be equally suspect and from right wing media outlets rarely known for their tolerance of 'difference' and support for diversity. Cns and Breitbart are both mouthpieces for the alt right, I'm a great believer in everyone having a voice, that is until it includes extremist rhetoric and hate speech.
Comparing an alternative genetic sexuality to a mental illness makes me wonder if they've arrived at the wrong forum, may I suggest Stormfront
Thanks everyone for you thoughts. Had an awful weekend but have increased my meds so hoping that will kick in soon, and therapist appointment tomorrow evening.
Met up with my husband on Friday night for a chat. It felt so good to see him and be with him but it was hard to see him in women's shorts and sandals, smelling of perfume with his body hair gone. He's giving me mixed messages about what he might want in the future - he loves me but not romantically. He implied that there could be a future for us but I would have to accept him as a full time female with the possibility that he may change his sexual orientation as he transitions. I love him, I want to be there for him, but I can't be somebody I'm not.
I hope nobody has to go through this, though I know spouses do. It would be so much easier if he were only my friend.
Thanks again for your support :)
I don't really have any words of wisdom but I will send positive thoughts your way. It's good that you're seeing a therapist. I can't imagine the shock and emotional turmoil you must be going through.
As for your husband? Perhaps you could suggest therapy for him as well? From what you're posting, this seems to a drastic change in a very short time sparked by a traumatic event. It may be prudent to talk with a professional to help him sort out his feelings too.
Sending Positive thoughts your way for peace and healing
Cant really add much aside from to stick with it however difficult and realise that an increase in meds may equal an increase in anxiety symptoms initially depending what meds they are.
My advice although cliched would be to take each day at a time, realise you are in for the long haul with your situation and also understand that there is clearly a lot of love between you regardless of recent revelations so despite all the current confusion things will be easier to discuss with each other than it would if it were a break up filled with animosity.
Small comfort I know at this point but take your time and try to look after your basic needs as you go, where possible, decent sleep, decent food and the support of each other, friends and family will see you through, along with some specialist help from your therapist.
Stay strong
Thanks everyone for you thoughts. Had an awful weekend but have increased my meds so hoping that will kick in soon, and therapist appointment tomorrow evening.
Met up with my husband on Friday night for a chat. It felt so good to see him and be with him but it was hard to see him in women's shorts and sandals, smelling of perfume with his body hair gone. He's giving me mixed messages about what he might want in the future - he loves me but not romantically. He implied that there could be a future for us but I would have to accept him as a full time female with the possibility that he may change his sexual orientation as he transitions. I love him, I want to be there for him, but I can't be somebody I'm not.
I hope nobody has to go through this, though I know spouses do. It would be so much easier if he were only my friend.
Thanks again for your support :)
I completely disagree, not because I'm one of the 'PC Brigade' but because I know this is utter rubbish. He doesn't 'believe he's a woman'. Most likely (although of course I don't know this individual), he knows he has a man's body but his brain tells him that it doesn't match his feeling of identifying as a woman.
Forget all the PC rhetoric and try and imagine what this must be like. It must be miserable beyond belief and trying to suggest it's a mental illness (ie something that should be cured) is outrageous. If you don't have the sensitivity to try and imagine what the OP and her husband must be going through, I'd suggest you focus your support elsewhere.
Pip
It's not outrageous. How can any sane person look at Bruce Jenner and thing this "Man" doesn't have a mental disorder. Politically correct doesn't equal correct. Let me ask, why can't it be a mental disorder? I mean everyone on this site has a mental disorder. HA is a mental disorder. Believe me I know as do many more out here. But a man who thinks he's a woman and wants to lop off his private parts...well then...absolutely not...no way...could that ever be a mental disorder.
N.
Novious, with respect, it's best you refrain from this argument. This is not the place to debate personal choices and lifestyles being a mental illness.
I believe the OPs husband would benefit from counseling, not because I believe it's an illness (I don't!) but because I believe he must be going through emotional turmoil based on his decision and it would help with the lifestyle adjustment and transition.
Put yourself in the OP's shoes for a moment and offer support and encouragement.
Positive thoughts
JMHO but I actually agree with Noivous. As I looked through the posts I noticed he was one of the first to offer support. I thought this was the place to talk about this type of stuff?
If you want to debate whether alternative lifestyles are a mental illness then you're free to start a thread to discuss it. I just don't feel this is the thread to do it on.
As I said, put yourself in the OP's shoes. Married for 12 years and out of the blue get hit upside the head with this! ~Whew~ That's rough! I don't know what we can do other than send positive thoughts but I feel that's better than debating whether her husband is mentally ill because of wanting to change his sex and become a woman on her thread.
Again... sending Positive thoughts and Peace to littlemrs.
MyNameIsTerry
13-06-16, 05:01
It must be miserable beyond belief and trying to suggest it's a mental illness (ie something that should be cured) is outrageous.
Pip,
Actually, that's incorrect. WHO codify it as a disorder. That it just a fact.
I suspect this is a highly controversial issue within the medical community and it will change in time but I can't deny that I can see it in the exact same medical manual the NHS use for ALL mental health issues. So, whilst I disagree, as stated above, I accepted that Noivous can see that too albeit from the US end which means the other of the two medical manuals.
You may find it outrageous but purely in factual terms, it's a diagnosable disorder according to WHO.
F64 Gender identity disorders
F64.0 Transsexualism
A desire to live and be accepted as a member of the opposite sex, usually accompanied by a sense of discomfort with, or inappropriateness of, one's anatomic sex, and a wish to have surgery and hormonal treatment to make one's body as congruent as possible with one's preferred sex.
This is why I also tried to weaken it by pointing out that they also codify behaviour that can be seen in a healthy marriage, let alone what those who run our countries get up to. :winks:
We may not like it, but it does exist in this manner and so we have to accept this regardless of our own beliefs. That doesn't mean it right, just that right now, it's there.
---------- Post added at 04:52 ---------- Previous post was at 04:36 ----------
Terry, this man believes he's a woman. He's not. If he believed he was a dog would it be mental illness? This is a mental illness and like all mental illnesses those closest often suffer just as much as the one with the illness... as evidenced by this poster. I stick by what I said.
N.
---------- Post added at 12:00 ---------- Previous post was at 11:33 ----------
http://cnsnews.com/news/article/michael-w-chapman/johns-hopkins-psychiatrist-transgender-mental-disorder-sex-change
This is a world renowned hospital and just one of thousands of doctors who know this is a disorder.
N.
Noivous,
I don't disagree that it is codified. That's just fact and anyone who disagrees with that needs to read the medical manuals used by our medical systems that disagree.
It is a highly controversial area though, and maybe it will change as they understand more about it? Some who have gone through gender reassignment have switched back again. That alone suggests that the problem differs to what they originally thought.
But what of those who successfully transition and enjoy their lives that way? That pokes a great big hole in the argument that this is a disorder. But then, so is BDSM, which is quite normal in many relationships these days.
It feels like there are reasons to split this into those who actually need gender reassignment and those that think they do.
Someone thinking they are a dog is clearly psychosis or delusion (or both). Having an unshakeable belief suggests a lack of sanity where it is so extreme. In the case of transgender, these people go through a great deal of personal pain to understand & accept themselves. That's nothing like someone having psychosis running around on all fours and barking, hence their human identity has been lost.
On that subject, we had a documentary recently about something called "Puppy Play" for men (women do "Kitten Play"). I watched this and it's quite relevant to what you are saying here. They explained that they just enjoy the time they are in character as it provides something emotionally to them that they haven't got in their human form. It originated out of BDSM but this is all about just acting like a puppy, not being treating to humiliation (which is wrong to treat a dog to anyway). It was an interesting & strange programme but it did highlight that it was a need to chase something that helped their lives...perhaps a bit like Transvestitism? Not all those who dress as the other sex want gender reassignment or to even be a woman as their main identity.
It's clearly a very complex area. I hope the OP is getting some professional support, perhaps from charities that understand it all. It must be so confusing.
---------- Post added at 05:01 ---------- Previous post was at 04:52 ----------
Thanks everyone for you thoughts. Had an awful weekend but have increased my meds so hoping that will kick in soon, and therapist appointment tomorrow evening.
Met up with my husband on Friday night for a chat. It felt so good to see him and be with him but it was hard to see him in women's shorts and sandals, smelling of perfume with his body hair gone. He's giving me mixed messages about what he might want in the future - he loves me but not romantically. He implied that there could be a future for us but I would have to accept him as a full time female with the possibility that he may change his sexual orientation as he transitions. I love him, I want to be there for him, but I can't be somebody I'm not.
I hope nobody has to go through this, though I know spouses do. It would be so much easier if he were only my friend.
Thanks again for your support :)
Yes, he has to accept you for who you are too. If he wishes to also change his orientation, how can you even stay in a relationship other than one of perhaps deep friendship?
I think he needs to be honest here. Maybe now is not the time but as you work through this, you will need to know how he feels about that one because you may need to move on yourself.
It must feel like the bottom has dropped out of your world right now. And meds can be a problem to deal with too. If you struggle with side effects, you may want to consider whether you need a brief time where you are surrounded by your friends & family until you are ready to confront this issue?
You have our support on here, no matter what though. :hugs::flowers:
And just to point in general to everyone in fairness, Noivous was supportive and regardless of the other discussion, I'm sure that won't change. I doubt he is the only one around here thinking this, and lets remember even the doctors are arguing over this one, it's just that he raised an opinion. This wasn't malicious and since we all come from different backgrounds & cultures, opinions are going to be mixed on that...but it won't mean the OP isn't supported on here.
Lets remember, we don't truly know each other, for all you know, I could be a card carrying BNP member (I'm not! :ohmy:). We have common ground in our disorders and at times we clash on our beliefs but we carry on supporting each other.
Shazamataz
13-06-16, 07:18
Yes Gender Identity Disorder is classified as a mental illness but I don't agree that it should.
Why can't a person be born into the wrong sex body? Nature plays all sorts of tricks on us.
I agree this is NOT the place to debate the issue but rather offer support for littlemrs who is coping with a very upsetting situation.
Sunflower2
13-06-16, 09:52
The issue here isn't whether or not it is a mental illness. Being gay used to be classed as a mental illness. The only thing we can really say is that it is something happening within the mind. Labelling something does not change the reality of the situation, which is just as hard whether or not it is classed as a mental illness.
MyNameIsTerry
13-06-16, 10:49
Well it's certainly beyond my understanding. I've not known anyone who has gone through it so just don't understand the complexities of the emotions involved on the person or their loved ones.
At least we can help littlemrs whether it's about anxiety, listening to a much needed rant or just a chat to help her through the day.
I wish gender dysphoria was a mental illness that could be treated. I only say that because it would be so much easier for both us if this was a phase brought on by stress and grief. The research I have done says otherwise. I asked him the other day that if medication could stop him feeling this way, would he take it. He said he would. I don't know if he said that for my benefit or not. He's very hot and cold with me at the moment so I don't trust what he has to say.
The past week I've clung to the hope that it just might be a phase, that he's mixed up in his head and that we might have a future together. It's highly unlikely though, if not impossible. Maybe we'll remain friends but it's too early to say. I need to find the strength to move forward and to cope with the massive amount of anxiety this is causing me.
Thank you to everyone who has showed their support. I really do appreciate it.
It's obviously a hugely complex area which will probably never be fully understood by the "experts" on gender dysphoria. It's not just the person involved but also the people most affected by the fallout from the revelation who must be going through hell. I doubt whether taking medication would do anything radical...
I imagine it must be like a bereavement for you ,littlemrs, as you have lost the person you knew and loved? Maybe the counselling will help a little bit but you must be devastated and just dealing with the repercussions must seem an overwhelming prospect. I hope your family are supporting you in whatever way they can.
MyNameIsTerry
14-06-16, 06:38
Well it sounds like he is still undecided himself about this. It sounds like it would be a good idea if he explored this further with a professional, perhaps some counselling or therapy to help him determine whether this is truly what he wants or because of something non specific that he feels is missing from his life that can be dealt with another way.
It just seems strange that he would say that about medication since that would be denying what he believes he should be. Unless it's because it could blot out the emotional turmoil he has felt in?
Well I had my first session of therapy last night with a psychotherapist. A few years ago I had CBT through Talking Therapies but that was very different to last night's session. I decided to find a therapist privately because I needed help quickly. I spent the hour telling her the whole situation and she said very little. Not sure if that's normal? I know it will take more than one or two appointments to help but I was expecting more feedback from her.
Feeling pretty low right now.
Therapy, like the kind you are getting, is based mostly on you speaking. It isn't easy I know, but the therapist can only probe and ask questions based on what you tell them.
If you have not done this before, it will seem strange and difficult but it can help.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like you feel like you have lost someone very dear to you and have someone else trying to take his place.
Take care and make sure to get the basics right - eat food and get as much sleep as you need.
Usually the first session or so is an information gathering session. While I know therapists hear some "interesting" things, I don't know how many are faced with a situation similar to yours so I have to imagine she has some things to process as well in order to determine the proper approach to take.
Hang in there!
Positive thoughts
I agree with what pulisa said yesterday. Like a bereavement for littlemrs.
I would be heartbroken beyond repair if it happened to me.
I don't think any sort of therapy would change the mind of littlemrs husband.
It is YOU littlemrs that needs the help, and you are getting it.
I hope you will be able to go forward and make changes to your life for the better.:bighug1:Take Care
I have no advice but I just wanted to say I am thinking about you x
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