Travelling with anxiety

[Commins]

So I've suffered with anxiety since 2012 now but I think I've always had it underlying without realising I was an anxious person. Anyway I got this sudden fear just before going away on holidays to Spain that I wouldn't be able to sleep away from home and I completely convinced myself of this right before I left for my trip so that I when I was over there I was an anxious mess who didn't sleep very well and just wanted to go home. As a kid I was quite a homesick child and didn't like being away from home without my parents but I got over it when I was around 10. Anyway it came back in 2012 when I was 17 and basically for 2 years my anxiety ruined my life. I couldn't go anywhere away from home and then anxiety started affecting me in other ways and all the time, I became a shell of myself and couldn't eat or sleep or socialise with my friends properly. I began university deeply depressed and all I wanted to do was die. However one day I just snapped and decided I wasn't living like that anymore and started to push myself.. I went on a family holiday to Australia in Christmas of 2013 and once I returned home I felt like a new person! I was pretty anxious free after that up until about January of this year.. I started to get more generalised anxiety and I couldn't place what was bothering me. As the months went on it got steadily worse and my travel anxiety returned.. Right before I left to go to Vietnam and Thailand for 2 months. So here I am in Thailand right now.. About 4 weeks into my trip and I just seem to be getting more anxsy as it goes.. I just want to go home which is so sad because I truly do love this country and on my good days it is so much fun and I'm meeting some incredible people. Lately my new thing my anxious brain obsesses about is the past.. I look back on memories as a kid and it terrifies me how fast it all went. If I watch an old movie or hear an old song I think wow how old was I when that came out and i obsess about what I did that year and how long ago it all seems. I don't want to live in the past or be scared to hear old songs or watch old movies! It's so ridiculouss! I want to enjoy my trip in the moment and not go home miserable and anxious and know I've to start fighting my irrational fears all over again! I really thought I had beaten my anxiety! I just want to sleep :( sorry for the long post!

[Callum1979]

Hi,

So sorry you are feeling this way - I completely relate. I used to love travelling and have been all over the world. Since my anxiety started (around 2007) travel has become worse to the point where I wouldn't relax or sleep days before a trip was planned (even in the UK for work). However, don't let it beat you. The brain is the most complex organ in the human body and it doesn't take much to unbalance it. A new environment and pre conceptions (i.e a developing country where medical care might not be as good as home etc) always used to make me worse. The truth is all I would want to do is come home (safety in familiar surrounding and all that) BUT then would have post holiday blues because I was home!! You can't win!!

I was a little homesick as a kid and I firmly believe that it can be factors when you are young that influence you. I am not blaming my parents but my mum was a worrier (don't climb walls or you will fall off and crack your head open etc etc). It has to have some affect on you as you grow up. I was so paranoid I woulnd't even go on a roller coaster! Ask yourself though, has anything really bad actually happended? Try and challenge your thinking. I invite the anxiety to do it's worst now and it eventually backs off. I find distraction is the best therapy - read a book, do something different, FORCE yourself to go on that day trip etc.

Despite all the media rubbish we live in a beautiful world with so much to see and do - don't miss out on life.:) Also, don't focus on the bad things from the past (over thinking memories triggered by songs/film). Remember the good times and how much fun it was! I used to dwell on the past but now take each day as it comes and it helps. You WILL be fine, do you really want to come home to rainy old England! lol It will still be here when you eventually get back!

[Commins]

Thank you! It's nice to have someone understand! Yeah my mom can be quite a worrier so I probably got it from her, I reckon I could control my anxiety better if I was at home but it's so much harder when your so far away from your family and friends. I miss my routine! I find it so hard to relax and read or book or lie on the beach when I feel like this.. I need to be out and about the whole time and that can be hard when you need to chill on a holiday as well!

[Callum1979]

Thank you! It's nice to have someone understand! Yeah my mom can be quite a worrier so I probably got it from her, I reckon I could control my anxiety better if I was at home but it's so much harder when your so far away from your family and friends. I miss my routine! I find it so hard to relax and read or book or lie on the beach when I feel like this.. I need to be out and about the whole time and that can be hard when you need to chill on a holiday as well!

Absolutely agree. It can be hard but isn't impossible. Hang in there. Believe me even if you were at home it might pass for a day or two like it did with me but would be back biting your ass in a few days. I get stubborn now and think 'bring it on' if I am away - never lasts long! It is an art though and takes some practice! Drinking makes it a lot worse too (in my experience). Please try and enjoy your trip, don't let it win! You can do it. You are stronger than it.:D

[georgewing]

Well the problem its that you induce a powerful negative autosugestion to your brain and this accept it as a reality .You must repeat oposite hink to you that you are perfectly healthy and you dont have any problems

[Commins]

That sounds easier than it is :(

[Molly11]

I totally get where you're coming from. I'm struggling with this big time right now. I'm due to get on a plane Tuesday night to go to the West Highland Way for a 96 mile 7 day hike. I love hiking and me and my friend are staying in comfortable hotels and bunkhouses all along the trail...but I'm still completely wigged out. I haven't had anxiety like this in years. When I originally had my first real anxiety issue in 2012, I worked on controlling my anxiety a lot. I know all the techniques to calm myself down and I know my feelings are illogical. I even know I will have a wonderful time once I get there! My logical self understands what is happening...but that doesn't mean my anxiety self just quiets down when my logical self tells it to. Like everyone keeps saying, it takes a lot of practice but it's really hard! My loved ones tell me to just turn my thoughts around, but like you said, its easier said than done. All we can do is keep trying. It's not the most satisfying thing - it would be so much nicer if we could just say, "Anxiety self, I'm tired of you. I'm going to have to ask you to leave" and then it did. But talking with others about this awfulness really helps. Thanks for your post, and when you're having those feelings, just remember you're not alone!