separation panic

[girlsmum1107]

Good morning

I am new here but desperate for help.

H\o anxiety been well for four years now.
Last September husbands went away two nights, suddenly a week before I was crippled with panic and anxiety. During the trip he was all I thought about, was literally counting hours. I was horrible in the tun up to him leaving, crying, crying whilst gone etc etc. Can't say why.

We have been told two weeks ago he has to go away possibly for two weeks (they wanted longer but other things prevent that anyway) and i am Ina state of permanent panic ever since. Dr gave me citalopram b buti think this is unnecessary he also gave me propanolol for the attacks, I like this and it gives me instant relief for the trip without being back on anti ds.

Also referred for cbt. Does anyone have any advice, tips? I believe in suffering from seperation anxiety!! So fine all the time no prospect of going away.
Other times I am not clingy, we both go out separate I attend concerts alone etc. It's just this staying away.

It all feels horrible and I want to support his work, not put added pressure on.

Many thanks

[ana]

Separation anxiety is something I suffer with, too. It doesn't mean that you're clingy, just afraid of being apart from the person you love when you don't want to be apart from them. For me, that fear is in essence a fear of abandonment, as each separation is potentially a permanent one.
I wish I could give you useful advice, but I'm afraid I've got none. Perhaps it's something that will get better in time, as you will have seen that nothing bad happens after or during these trips, they pose no threat to your relationship or your health, and you'll get used to the idea of him going. :)

[shea]

I also suffer from this, regarding my parents going away. I am a bit iffy when I know they have gone out, but can manage OK on the whole. However, they like to go away a lot. They have just got back from a week long cruise, and I *think* they are away next week.

My aunty came down last week to stay with me when they were on the cruise, however, I will be on my own next week. I have asked them not to tell me when they are going away, because the anticipatory anxiety is just too much. That is all well and good, but now I sit here fretting, because I never know when they are going, and so I feel on edge all of the time, just waiting to go round there, or phone them up and find they have gone. Its like I am living on the edge, not knowing when they are going to be away, and just ending up chucked in at the deep end when I realise they have gone.

My aunty is very good at coming down to stay with me when they are away, and that helps massively. However, now summer is here, they are wanting to go away a lot more, and it is not fair and not feasible for her to travel the 60 miles each way to stay with me on such a regular basis.

I dont know what I am going to do really. :weep:

[ana]

Shea,
have you told your parents how them going away makes you feel? Talking to them about it would definitely make you feel better as it is through conversation that a lot of our fears can be rationalised. I think the key here is patience. The more you see that your parents do come back each time they go away, the more you'll realise how them going away isn't dangerous.
Perhaps it might help to find something fun to do for yourself whilst they are away, so that you have a positive association with the week or weeks they happened to be gone.

[Abeechx]

I feel like this a lot with my husband! We have a baby daughter and I feel I can't cope unless he's with me 24/7 but he can't be as he works 10 hours a day. I'm counting down the hours waiting for him to come home
Sometimes hes stayed overnight with work and it's horrible. I get panic attacks too so your definitely not alone in feeling this way!
Can't believe the doc would give you medication your right it is unnecessary
Keep doing what your doing Hun I bet he loves it knowing he's so loved, bless you take good care xxx

[girlsmum1107]

Thank you everyone.

We don't know when it fis or or how long the trip is, I am hoping when I know I will settle! The goodbye is what I'm dwelling on because its the unknown.

I do feel very silly to feel like the, most people enjoy the space apart. I think about it 24/7 and had two hours sleep last night :weep:

Now thinking maybe I should take the citalopram. I do wander how can I stop obsessing that I am going to miss him, and how to fill the time.

I was so happy two weeks ago!

[ana]

It's difficult to not obsess over things, from my experience. If your mind feels like suffering because you miss your husband, then it'll torture you with thoughts about how much time has passed since you last saw him, and how much time is yet to pass before you see him.

It would be good if you could find something to fill the time, like you say, an activity engaging enough that'll make you forget about the time. If at all possible, try and find something to enjoy whilst your husband is away, just so you don't hurt and panic as much.

I think at the core of every separation anxiety is the fear of losing the person permanently. Perhaps having an open conversation with your husband would help as he could dismiss some of your worries, and address some of the issues you feel need to be addressed.

[girlsmum1107]

Thank you Ana.

I have filled in some of my diary ready. Think the unknown is taking a big toll. Will it be a week, three, there and back fora few months? I can't really plan because I don't really know yet.

Thank you, better day today though in ways

[ana]

I'm so glad you're having a better day today, and that you've filled in some of your diary. :) The unknown is always the scariest. It doesn't matter how long the anxiety lasts, even one good day makes a world of difference. I hope you continue feeling really well.