Update

[Becky2785]

So went to the doctors yesterday about the thoughts I've getting and he told me to go straight to a and e as I needed to be assessed by a physiatrist I was an emotional wreck yesterday couldn't stop crying.
Off I went with my parents and was there for 6 hours I was completely drained finally got to see someone and after the assessment she told me she doesn't think I'm at risk and that I have severe anxiety and I'm mentally exhausted she told me to take the propananol which I did last night and I must say I haven't had a racing heart so that's good.

But this morning I feel sort of emotionless towards everything like my children and my partner is this normal is it depersonalisation I hope I don't feel like this too long as it's awful. Anyway off work for a few days now so today I'm resting and my son Is off school and we are going to watch a movie in bed

Sorry for going on thanks for listening
Becky x

[sunflower7]

So glad you've talked to someone. Hopefully you can try and relax a bit (not easy I know!). Take care x

[Becky2785]

I'm trying to relax got all sorts going through my head but I'll get there eventually x

[Andy1718]

Stay strong Becky.

[Suziewuzie]

Becky, it's so weird but you are EXACTLY where I was after a month on these meds and I feel for you so much. The lack of emotion you describe isn't depersonalisation, that's something different, what you describe sounds like depression. I remember getting to this point, looking at my boyfriend and feeling nothing, no emotion, like all of the life had been zapped out of me. It was the hardest part of all of this for me because I'd never been depressed before & its just not in my nature. I sobbed on the phone to my GP and she said "You're trying too hard to get better, and focusing too much on fighting this. You've exhausted yourself now." And she was right.
Your GP had to refer you to A&E - legally, I hope you understand that it's not because anyone thinks you're going to hurt yourself x
We're all here for you and you WILL get through this xxx

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm sorry to hear your GP overreacted, Becky. Intrusive thoughts should be well known at their most basic level to GP's and they shouldn't be reacting like this. Our therapists don't rush us off to A&E when we go to them about these issues...and you have a therapist who is aware anyway and he/she could have referred you off the same way if they thought you were at risk.

That's just ignorance. My GP reacted the same by calling in the Crisis Team because I was crashing because of insomnia. They just told him to give me something to help me sleep, which greatly helped. I knew at that point my GP was overreacting.

They have the same ability to check on your mental state as your therapist does and there is a set of key questions to determine risk. You wouldn't have flagged up as a risk on there from what you have been saying on here.

[Becky2785]

So an update on my crisis meeting today, it went really well they told me.my thoughts are just intrusive and that i am not at risk of harming myself or others and that they believe I've had more stress over the.past year that no wonder I've crashed. They told me to carry on with cbt and mindfulness and that I will probably self recover which was a boost they told me I've been extremely brave and strong and I should be proud of myself xx

[Victory2016]

That's great news Becky!!!! You should be proud of yourself. Just keep going you will make it through this. :)

[Becky2785]

Thanks victory hope ur well x

[Mojo61]

Well done Becky - way to go girl! :yesyes::yesyes::yesyes:

[Becky2785]

Thanks mojo it's going to be hard to have the thoughts still there but at least I no I'm not going crazy lol xx

[pollynewsome]

Great news. Well done and keep strong. Xx

[Suziewuzie]

See? The crisis team are absolutely right, has it made you feel better hearing it from someone professional? You are doing really well & I'm glad they came to see you xxx

[sunflower7]

Great news. Keep strong, we are all so up and down here x

[MyNameIsTerry]

:yesyes:

...but I never had any doubt over it, you've been saying exactly the same as every OCD sufferer I've ever seen or spoke to who has intrusive thoughts, or anyone with intrusive thoughts for that matter! We would all be telling you the same on the OCD board.

When your mood gets low, it can be hard to deal with these thoughts but that's all it is, it's not a sign of anything.

[Becky2785]

Thanks terry you've been really helpful. Is it normal to ovwrthink these thoughts as I do, I question myself should I do it do I want to do it and when I'm in that state I can't be sure but when I feel ok I no I don't want too

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks Becky, I'm glad I can help.

I've posted a fair bit about how these thoughts work and how we respond to them in a thread for someone else so this might give you a better idea of the kinds of things you may experience:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=184847

You may not, but it's useful because as we see changes in our response we start to panic over thinking we are changing into that thing we fear. The things I detailed in there are well known in OCD circles.

Overthinking is just typical of anxiety in general so you will find yourself questioning & analysing. With OCD these often form what we call "mental" or "stealth" compulsions. These reinforce our OCD obsessions so they keep running. So, if you start thinking "would I do it?", that's a mental compulsion. Or you may check against something like "did I feel like doing it last time" or "did I look at that knife and think what it would be like to do it". These are just typical compulsions that occur in these Pure O themes and why I've been saying to try to think into them and accept a thought it just a thought because it means you don't enter into the compulsion stage.

Doubt is a big one in OCD. So, when it's at it's peak it will be most likely that you will feel like you don't know whether you would do something, that's just part of how that type of obsession works and aims to trigger off all those compulsive questions and checks. This changes are you bring down your overall levels of anxiety and work on your reactions, it won't come straight away because it's not easy.

You could try something called a Thought Record. This is CBT technique aimed at writing down the thought and the evidence for it, then you add counter evidence and come up with a new positive or neutral conclusion. This can help on paper alone as I find thoughts just go A-Z and then back around to A again to start the cycle all over again. On paper I find it sometimes feels more like closure because I've got it out of my head and into reality where I can see it properly. That may be triggering for some, considering it as in reality, or they may not want to write disturbing things down. It's a possible thing to try. I can link some templates if that is off use and I bet your therapist will know all about them.

[Becky2785]

Yes please terry if you don't mind you have been very helpful and supportive towards me. Even tho the professional people said I'm not at risk I still question myself thanks a agitated becky

[MyNameIsTerry]

There are a lot of tools & techniques on here. You want the Thought Record section. I've not copied any specific ones because this way you can have a look around and see what you think is best for you:

http://psychology.tools/download-therapy-worksheets.html

The other worksheets may be off help too. There are some for breathing & muscle relaxation that our therapists give out and they look the same.

[Becky2785]

Hi terry I've read the link u sent me about intrusive thoughts it's makes so much sense I can't believe all I've put myself through I'm hoping I can use your advice to help with my recovery thank you so much. I'd like to know now how long it will be before they go but I no you cannot answer that question for me thanks again becky x

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's always going to individual. I spent a long time on my OCD, I still am now, but I had a lot of different themes and to be honest, the intrusive thoughts weren't the worst so I could get my head around those easier than the physical stuff.

You know some of the traps now so if they happen, refer back to this and try not to let them spike your anxiety...which will take some practice.

[Becky2785]

Thanks terry x