Hello Fellow Anxiety Sufferers - My Vacation Has Set me Off Once Again

[Molly11]

Hi Everyone,

I am on the struggle bus with GAD and have been for as long as I can remember. Up until about 4 years ago, my GAD was un-diagnosed and I had some pretty rough times with panic attacks that ended up interrupting my life and happiness. When I was finally diagnosed and prescribed medication, I got a lot better. I've felt so much better in the past few years that I gradually weaned off my medication and thought I was for lack of a better term "cured". But now I'm about to go on an 8 day trip to Scotland to hike the West Highland Way and my anxiety has come back FULL FORCE. This is the worst its been in a long time and I'm really struggling. I don't want to cancel my trip. I want to go and have a great time. But man, the feelings associated with anxiety are so powerful. I joined this forum because it helps to know I'm not the only one dealing with this...especially as a result of a Holiday!

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Molly11 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[HalfJack]

Hello Molly11 :)

"struggle bus" is a good way to put it. Sorry it's come back with such bad timing!
What do you normally do to deal with anxiety? There's lots of tips here if you're not too sure.

[Molly11]

Well this morning I had a bit of an epiphany that has really improved my mood and lessened my anxiety. I think the natural thing to think when someone is experiencing this level of anxiety is avoid, avoid, avoid. To just ESCAPE the upcoming situation that you're anxious about - cancel your plans and go somewhere that you feel safe. But what I was thinking about this morning is that the concept of an escape from anxiety by avoiding a certain place or situation is pretty useless, because ultimately, anxiety is locked up right in your very own mind. And last time I checked, you can't really just leave your brain in one place and take the rest of you somewhere else (Ha! If only!). There really isn't any point in not following through on your plans because your destination isn't the real issue. So you might as well just accept the anxiety that you have and try to work WITH it instead of against it. I've resolved myself to the fact that this is part of my life and eventually I will learn to take it in stride.

Until then, what really helps me feel safe when I'm in the middle of anxiety is to have a contingency plan in place. I refused to avoid my vacation...but I also need to be honest with myself about my boundaries and what I actually am capable of doing at this point in time. As such, I put aside some extra cash for a plane ticket home if I really really can't get any relief. If I need to use that contingency, I can and I won't be ashamed of it either! But not even going...not even trying because of my anxiety is just a shame.

[Molly11]

Well I couldn't do it. I really really tried. I wanted to get on the plane so bad. All day yesterday I tried to make myself feel better by posting in these forums. I pumped myself up and tried to get excited by telling co-workers about my awesome plans. I did breathing exercises and tried to stay overwhelmingly positive. But it didn't work. I was becoming more physically ill and mentally overwhelmed as the day ran on (chest pains, nausea, headache, unable to eat, extreme exhaustion when my panic attacks would finally subside, only to go right into the next one).

Finally I decided not to go and to cancel my plans.

I'm so sad about this. I wrote all that stuff above about how anxiety is in your brain and not going on a planned vacation won't fix that issue. I guess that was in between panic attacks when I was back to making sense. I really wanted to go and I really wanted to try. I feel like such a silly person and I feel like a failure. I'm frustrated with myself and I'm already regretful. What is the most annoying is that I feel 100% better with my anxiety. I feel so relieved and I can eat again and I actually got good sleep...but that SUCKS. It really sucks that my anxiety has such a profound mental AND physical impact on me. Its also really discouraging that it can actually alter my course of actions successfully. Blah. I'm really down right now.

[helloworld]

Hi Molly,

Sounds like you tried hard to make it... Don't beat yourself up about it.

I have periods when I am well, and I sort of forget what panic feels like.... But then it comes back to remind me that, Even when you can really rationalise what is happening, the feeling is so powerful it is hard to overcome it.

You will have better times ahead....