View Full Version : Struggling to move forward with my life
Hello everyone i'm new here and just looking for some advice really, i've had anxiety for around 8 years.
I split from my ex husband 6 years ago due to it being a very abusive relationship, it was a really dreadful divorce, we sold our home and i moved away. I was a dance teacher for the best part of 10 years and my dream would be to return to doing what i love but at the moment i spend my time volunteering for a few organisations in my local area.
Since my divorce i have been struggling with my sleeping patterns and currently i sleep a few hours at a time, mainly though the day and am awake most nights. I have been prescribed melatonin many times and although initially it helped that soon stopped.
When i was married my ex mostly worked night shifts and i used to have to wake every time he called and be up for when he got home to make him a cup of coffee and or food, and regularly the nights would end in domestics and i believe this is where my problem started.
I have anxiety every single day and it does not let up. I can go out of the house and speak to people, generally living my life except i'm not i am immensely unhappy and cannot see myself meeting someone again.
I've had opportunity to do so but i am afraid to open up to anybody and fear that they will bolt as soon as they know my problems.
I'm very nearly 36 and i ache for a child, but the reality of this happening is slipping away from me everyday and i really don't know where or how i begin to move forward.
Sadie
Beckybecks
16-06-16, 19:49
You've been through an awful experience so it's understandable that you should feel this way. Well done for moving on and for doing volunteer work. You can congratulate yourself on getting this far.
Your sleeping problems are, as you say, probably mostly due to the habits formed while you were married, but also in part due to your anxiety.
You deserve to be happy after what you've been through and you need to give yourself time to get over what has happened.
There are a number of ways to get out and meet people, like joining a club or a church. You need to make friends with people first before you can trust them enough to commit to a relationship.
If you have a fuller life, i.e. Work, social life, hobbies, you'll have less time to feel anxious.
Being lonely or bored is food for anxiety and depression.
You're still young and have time to meet the right person and have a child when the time is right.
Hi , sorry you are another new member going through this hell , I struggle with sleep and it always makes my anxiety worse things had been bad at home for a long time so I've been disappearing in the day in my camper and having a sleep somwhere but it does make things worse , this week I've been forcing myself to do more and not have the nap in the day and it has helped me sleep more at night I usually have nightmares and wake up anxous a lot then give up and come down stairs , I also take an Anthistmine the drowsy one that helps and doc says it's ok , I'm 46 and I have grand kids but I do see old freinds my age who have just had kids so you are not past it yet if you get out there I'm sure you will meet somone there are loads of people in the same boat just waiting to meet somone , getting back into dancing has got to be a good way to meet people , take care don't give up looking .
Well done on how far you've already come! I agree with Becky and you're still young, thinking about everything at once will definitely seem overwhelming, have you had any help for your anxiety?
Also what dance did you teach x
Thankyou for your replies I really appreciate them.
I know I need to push myself to meet people more but have no idea how to begin. My life has been pretty much me for a long time now that I find it so difficult to let others in. My sleep really does need addressing again, but I'm not sure what else could be done.
Katie I taught a mix of ballroom dance at my then local academy of performing arts and a samba class once a week at a leisure centre, I miss it and i can feel a big hole in my life without it, I miss the people too.
I struggle with my confidence and feel like half the person I used to be. It's an empty feeling if you like.
I like my volunteer work which is mainly with animals and so rewarding, its something I would want to continue to do in the future.
See all my past friends are married with children and seem to have their whole future organised, I feel so far behind and this causes me to believe I can't manage on my own.
What about sleep clinics or sleep therapy I was offered one called sleepio?
Is medication a possibility for your anxiety x
I've been on and off beta blockers for a while but that's as far as I've got medication wise. They do help with initial panic symptoms. I had to move quite a long way from my family and friends, I lost my mum last year and never had a good relationship with my sister so I do feel alone in that sense. I've met new people with my volunteering, but when they ask me about myself and how come i moved away. I just say I divorced and wanted a new start, but I immediately close up then and change the conversation.
My relationship with most my family broke down, I lost contact throughout my marriage and it's never been the same since.
Hi , you like animals and dancing so you can't be all bad , there are loads of lonely people out there feeling the same and Hoping somone like you will turn up you've just got to get out there and find them , I have family but there are days when my anxiety / depression make me feel all alone like j want to walk away from everything , have you considered a dog ? I lost one of mine recently but he was the only thing kept me going out at times and talking to people , they are good company don't judge you and when walking people will want to start a conversation about your dog or the weather , only dancing I ever did was the pogo when I was a punk in the 80s and the crazy dance with my kids who can do the stupidest dance this stopped when one of them filmed it and showed every one and said it was going on you tube , take care
I agree with Buster it's important to put yourself out there but i can also understand how hard it can be, hopefully you'll find comfort on this site because you're not alone and there's so many people dealing with all sorts of similar issue's x
Thankyou just trying to get to grips with the site, is there a way of being notified if i receive a response or a quicker way to get to my post?
Thankyou just trying to get to grips with the site, is there a way of being notified if i receive a response or a quicker way to get to my post?
If you go to "Quick Links" then "Edit Options" you can choose to be notified in the "Messaging a Notifications" section by changing the setting in the "Default Thread Subscription" section.
Positive thoughts
Hi , if you click on your user name you can see the posts you've started or replied to it's quicker if you don't want to read others .
I see thankyou, the sites created very well, not sure what certain symbols mean on posts but I'm sure I'll get there.
If you mean the arrows I have no idea either lol
If you mean the arrows I have no idea either lol
The different colour arrows and I wasn't sure how to reply directly to a person, now I know.
Nothing worse than being a night owl with nobody else awake , slept for 6 hours today so I'll sure be up all night. If you don't mind me asking I take it you're all dealing with anxiety on some level? I've never met anyone else that I know of with anxiety issues, but then we don't exactly go broadcasting it. Strange to see a site with so many people who are feeling very similar it really is an eye opener.
If you don't mind me asking I take it you're all dealing with anxiety on some level?
Personally, for me no, not really. I discovered this site in 2013 while I was battling Head and Neck cancer. I saw posts on the cancer forums I was part of that were from people suffering from HA. I followed them here and decided to stick around and help. As a two time heart attack, triple bypass, stents and Stage IV Head and Neck cancer survivor, I felt I could offer real life experience concerning those illnesses as well as offer a non-anxiety sufferers perspective.
That being said, I have dealt with depression and what I call "scanxiety" due to my illnesses and have real life experience concerning meds (Zoloft for 6 months) and therapy (one one one and an internet CBT course).
My daughter suffers from depression and anxiety. My mother suffers from mental issues and I experienced mental issues with my ex-wife in that she suffered from severe depression that manifested itself into hoarding (like you see on TV). So I've been there, done that so to speak.
If my replies are blunt and to the point, it's because I feel the hard truth and looking in the mirror is the best approach. Tea and sympathy is just that and does nothing to encourage healing.
You've been through an incredibly traumatic and difficult season in your life. Know that with the proper help, you can and will overcome these difficult times and move on with your life. The experiences will serve to strengthen you and you'll come out on the other side stronger :)
Positive thoughts
Personally, for me no, not really. I discovered this site in 2013 while I was battling Head and Neck cancer. I saw posts on the cancer forums I was part of that were from people suffering from HA. I followed them here and decided to stick around and help. As a two time heart attack, triple bypass, stents and Stage IV Head and Neck cancer survivor, I felt I could offer real life experience concerning those illnesses as well as offer a non-anxiety sufferers perspective.
That being said, I have dealt with depression and what I call "scanxiety" due to my illnesses and have real life experience concerning meds (Zoloft for 6 months) and therapy (one one one and an internet CBT course).
My daughter suffers from depression and anxiety. My mother suffers from mental issues and I experienced mental issues with my ex-wife in that she suffered from severe depression that manifested itself into hoarding (like you see on TV). So I've been there, done that so to speak.
If my replies are blunt and to the point, it's because I feel the hard truth and looking in the mirror is the best approach. Tea and sympathy is just that and does nothing to encourage healing.
You've been through an incredibly traumatic and difficult season in your life. Know that with the proper help, you can and will overcome these difficult times and move on with your life. The experiences will serve to strengthen you and you'll come out on the other side stronger :)
Positive thoughts
Well you have been through an awful lot and how great that you have come through it and to use that to try and help others is admirable. I don't think your reply was blunt no not in the slightest I have a problem with coming across quite blunt myself. Tea and sympathy although it can be comforting at the time, is not what's going to help me move forward and get back to where I want to be.
Having someone to listen to you though, that would be nice from time to time.
I suppose I'm lost as to what help I really need. A kick up the bum sometimes maybe, I think there's a lot of unresolved issues as I just upped and left it all. I had no choice but looking back I could have made better choices in my life, I need to stop looking back I think thats where my issues lie.
Hi , most on Here are suffering at some level of anxiety or depression the two go hand in hand , I've been going through it for 4 years since a breakdown after a bad reaction to antidepresants which were only prescribed to help with sleep , since then I can fit into most catagories on here health anxiety , gad , depression , currently going through depression anxiety and sleep issues , I feel fatigued so take a nap then get to anxious to sleep at night , have a read through some posts and what ever you are feeling there will be many others feeling the same , take care .
Thankyou Buster70 for your kind words, i'm sorry to hear of your struggle
Hi , so you like animals , dancing , your picture shows you are very pretty ( without wanting to sound like a perv ) either your confidence has took a real dent or you've been hiding under a rock , when you do decide you want to find somone they will be queuing up , don't let your past hold up your future you deserve to be enjoying life , take care .
That's very sweet of you thankyou, was a long time ago I remember it clearly I was in Portugal with most of the dance class girls. Great place and probably one of the best times of my life. It's not so much a confidence problem more a fear of opening up or sharing parts of my life with someone again. I have a rather large scar down my back and a burn on my upper arm that I'm very insecure about, my sleeping habits make it difficult for me to meet people and God forbid anyone were to stay over and see how jumpy I am at every noise.
I've recently joined a certain site which is helping me massively its a forum for people who have been in abusive relationships and although not everyone is affected the same way, its nice to talk to others who can understand your fear about new relationships.
This sites very welcoming and has so much information on it, slowly working my way through it all.
Hi , my partner has a scar down her back round her side and across under her bust from heart surgery I don't even see it anymore , and I have one under my eye from falling down a hole drunk when I was young I don't see that either , I guess the worst scars are the ones no one sees in our heads and they take the longest to heal , talking of jumpy my 18 month old grandson popped a ballon next to me today while I was driving I nearly jumped out of the window he looked pretty shocked as well I got an instant sweat on , have a good weekend
georgewing
19-06-16, 06:01
I am sory for you for what i read you was had a disorganized life and thats i think its afect you .You must discipline yourself and program you to sleep at least 8 hours everyday ,sleep its very important for mind ,body and souls also ,if you miss nights you become more negative and this gives power to your anxiety .And think that you can do it ,you can find another person in your life and you must change your atitude ,have faith and let out negativity from your life
I am sory for you for what i read you was had a disorganized life and thats i think its afect you .You must discipline yourself and program you to sleep at least 8 hours everyday ,sleep its very important for mind ,body and souls also ,if you miss nights you become more negative and this gives power to your anxiety .And think that you can do it ,you can find another person in your life and you must change your atitude ,have faith and let out negativity from your life
I'm guessing you're a fan of tough love?
MyNameIsTerry
20-06-16, 05:59
I'm guessing you're a fan of tough love?
Sadie,
He's a spammer. His link is clickbank one to net him some cash from a dubious online guru. I doubt he will remember you or your thread and he doesn't come back to them.
He's already offended a few people. Don't let him upset you, listen to the real members around here.
Hi Sadie,
I know this is a somewhat old post but I wanted to add my encouragement to you in your struggle. You sound like a really nice person who has had a lot of courage to get out of a bad situation and rebuild their life, it would be strange if you weren't feeling a bit anxious and under the weather given recent events. There is a scale of how much stress life events cause us, you can find it online, and you will find that if you clock up too many life events (even positive ones like moving house or getting married) in a set series of years, you may find yourself anxious. So, I think it might be helpful to normalise how you're feeling, and know that you won't always feel this way.
Is there a support group locally you can join? I think these are useful because they can provide accountability in making changes - so, instead of saying 'I will join a dance group' to yourself and then maybe not doing it, you feel you have to get out there again because you've told other people you will and you have to go back next week and talk about it :) If not, I have a group of friends and we each give each other 'homework' to make one positive change per week, it's working really well because the homework is given by the other people in the group according to what they think you might need, rather than your thoughts. Often they are wiser than me in the throes of anxiety...
Good luck and if you want to PM me and share thoughts, please feel free!
Hi Sadie,
I know this is a somewhat old post but I wanted to add my encouragement to you in your struggle. You sound like a really nice person who has had a lot of courage to get out of a bad situation and rebuild their life, it would be strange if you weren't feeling a bit anxious and under the weather given recent events. There is a scale of how much stress life events cause us, you can find it online, and you will find that if you clock up too many life events (even positive ones like moving house or getting married) in a set series of years, you may find yourself anxious. So, I think it might be helpful to normalise how you're feeling, and know that you won't always feel this way.
Is there a support group locally you can join? I think these are useful because they can provide accountability in making changes - so, instead of saying 'I will join a dance group' to yourself and then maybe not doing it, you feel you have to get out there again because you've told other people you will and you have to go back next week and talk about it :) If not, I have a group of friends and we each give each other 'homework' to make one positive change per week, it's working really well because the homework is given by the other people in the group according to what they think you might need, rather than your thoughts. Often they are wiser than me in the throes of anxiety...
Good luck and if you want to PM me and share thoughts, please feel free!
Apologies for the late reply. Thank you for responding and sharing your idea's it's very much appreciated :-)
Sadie
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