View Full Version : Anxiety destroying relationship
Hi all , have any of you just completely destroyed your relationship with your partner through anxiety and depression , I used to have a good solid relationship with my partner we've been through some horrible times together nearly losing our daughter to an overdose , her family trying their hardest to kill us off they are the worst people you could meet , we've lost family members and nearly lost our home last year but we managed to get through it , but all this has left us very different people she's very angry at what people have put us through and my constant worrying over her and my health drives her nuts she's not well so I have reason but I over react and make things worse , now my depression has reared its ugly head since my dog died and I'm just no fun to be around and she does tell me this most days , the last six months have been the worst , we used to be so happy to see each other now it's like wading through mud each day , I think about driving off and dissapearing most days as I think they would be better off if I wasn't around , I do want to make things better but i feel I've lost control like being on a roller coaster I can't get off , I've been waiting for cbt and it starts Thursday but I already think it's to little to late , I darnt go back on meds as I had a break down last time I tried them , I just want to make this woman happy and look after her like I used to and put the sparkle back in her eyes that's been missing for a long time , has anyone been in this situation and come through , I used to be fun now I just fake it , take care and sod off George I don't want to visit your site
Hi all , have any of you just completely destroyed your relationship with your partner through anxiety and depression , I used to have a good solid relationship with my partner we've been through some horrible times together nearly losing our daughter to an overdose , her family trying their hardest to kill us off they are the worst people you could meet , we've lost family members and nearly lost our home last year but we managed to get through it , but all this has left us very different people she's very angry at what people have put us through and my constant worrying over her and my health drives her nuts she's not well so I have reason but I over react and make things worse , now my depression has reared its ugly head since my dog died and I'm just no fun to be around and she does tell me this most days , the last six months have been the worst , we used to be so happy to see each other now it's like wading through mud each day , I think about driving off and dissapearing most days as I think they would be better off if I wasn't around , I do want to make things better but i feel I've lost control like being on a roller coaster I can't get off , I've been waiting for cbt and it starts Thursday but I already think it's to little to late , I darnt go back on meds as I had a break down last time I tried them , I just want to make this woman happy and look after her like I used to and put the sparkle back in her eyes that's been missing for a long time , has anyone been in this situation and come through , I used to be fun now I just fake it , take care and sod off George I don't want to visit your site
take care and sod off George I don't want to visit your site
:roflmao: :D
Sorry to hear you're having to go through this, but i think you shouldn't give up and should speak to her just as you have here, show her what you said tell her how you're feeling and you want nothing more than to make her happy, you both need to help each other through this, it sounds like you're relationship has survived so much, it would be a shame to lose something that strong. Although i can understand how hard it must be for both of you x
you both need to help each other through this
That's it right there. I just spoke about this on another thread.
My 1st wife suffered from severe depression that manifested itself into hoarding (yes, like the TV show). Her depression started after our daughter was born and by the time she was a year old, I had essentially lost my wife. She started hoarding and it got to the point that we never had anyone over the house. If I tried to clean she would totally lose it! One time she actually started throwing "trash" (or what I considered trash... old magazines, boxes of plastic containers, broken toys etc.) back into the house! I tried for 5 years to get her to get help but she just refused. I worked full time, came home, made dinner, did the dishes, bathed the kids and any other household duties I could do as she was just incapable much of the time.
Eventually I did convince her to get help and we went together. As a partner of someone with severe mental illness, it was very stressful on me too. After two sessions, the therapist wanted to see us separately. She went twice and quit. I knew then it was over. By giving up on herself, she had given up on "us". Suffice it to say, had she sought help and at least tried to help herself, things could have turned out differently. It was gut wrenching to lose someone you love to mental illness. Fortunately, she finally did seek help and she's doing better now. That's why I always say that the physical illnesses I suffer(ed) from could bury me six feet under. Living with severe mental illness does the same thing above ground if left untreated.
So advice? You're in this together. Suggest that you both go for counseling to support you and help sort things out. This way she can gain a better understanding of what you're dealing with and you can get the support you need as well.
Good luck and as always
Positive thoughts
It's very hard supporting someone with a mental health issue, particularly if you can't understand the mental trauma the loved one is going through. Frustration plays a big part in trying to cope and sometimes feeling that you can't..
I'm sure your partner feels very frustrated that she can't help you (or doesn't think she can help you). You've been through such a lot together-many relationships wouldn't have survived what you have experienced together. Yet you are still together despite everything and that says a lot.
Give the CBT a go and maybe consider some couples counselling? There are no magic answers for this but mutual understanding, masses of patience and knowledge of how best to listen and help. Keeping communication going is essential-far from easy though. I really hope that things get easier for you, Buster.
Hi , thanks for the replies , just to point out we both have suffered depression, she's had several heart attacks and gets pneumonia quite a lot this makes her very depressed and she has taken overdoses twice , because she's looked after her self since an early age she's the most stubborn person ever she can be in hospital in the morning and hanging washing out in the afternoon with a consultant wondering where she's gone but that's part of what I love about her, when things are good they are great but somtimes our life's like a sesaw ones up and the others down , I know the answers to our problems but putting them into practice is the bit I struggle with , waiting three months for cbt hasn't been the best , appreciate the comments and fishman I know a couple of hoarders and they are a breed all of their own one woman on the next street filled her house and it caught fire they didn't even find her for a week they thought she'd gone away , take care
fishman I know a couple of hoarders and they are a breed all of their own one woman on the next street filled her house and it caught fire they didn't even find her for a week they thought she'd gone away , take care
Yeah... when I look back, I don't know how I lived like that. I had my little office area that no one was allowed in and it was always spotless and organized. Elsewhere, there were literally paths between the "stuff". I would clean and organize only to come home and find it all over again because she was looking for "something"! Arrggg! When I left and started the divorce proceedings, I was told to go back and take photos in case things got ugly and we had to fight over custody. I used those photos essentially as blackmail to get her to get rid of the "stuff". It helped. It was like the TV show. I had a dumpster delivered and helped empty the place to where it was reasonable. Clothes went to Good Will and Salvation Army as well as old toys etc. Magazines and other "stuff" were trashed (she even had an Aunt Jemimah Syrup bottle collection! "They'll be worth something someday"... uhhh no!). I hired a cleaning crew to come in and scrub the place top to bottom after we got rid of all the "stuff". After that, my kids reported on how things were and she kept it reasonable from that day forward.
Depression is a beast. If you're both dealing with it I can see how it would make things nearly intolerable. Hang in there. CBT is pretty good stuff. I found it to just make sense and as simple as some of the techniques were, if you work at it, they really do help. I still say both of you going for couples counseling would be beneficial. You need an impartial ear to help sort out the differences and accentuate the similarities and positives.
Positive thoughts
Shazamataz
20-06-16, 22:30
Depression and anxiety make everything difficult so no wonder it makes things hard in a relationship.
That said it sounds like you two have been through a LOT and still stayed together. Your relationship will be stronger for the challenged you have faced.
You've survived other ordeals so you can get through this one.
No harm in trying the CBT. Don't expect any miracles but it certainly can't hurt.
No there won't be any miracles from the CBT but at least you'll be able to talk about your difficulties and the therapist may be able to offer some strategies to make your life more manageable.
I support my adult daughter who is on the autistic spectrum and also has a severe anxiety disorder/OCD/depression. Having an anxiety disorder myself makes life very challenging when you are trying to do your best for your loved one. You and your partner share a very close bond and sometimes that closeness can make you think that you are wrecking your relationship through your anxiety but maybe you two have a stronger partnership than you think?
Hi , pulisa it must be very tough for you with your daughter mine are grown up but still a constant worry , my best friends son is autistic and we noticed way before him that somthing wasn't quite right I think you want your kids to be perfect so you blank out anything being wrong , when I'm at my worst I feel like a huge let don't for not being up to protecting my family and I'll realy beat myself up over it , I am hoping that just being able to talk to somone neutral at cbt may help there isn't much else available , being a man we don't talk about issues like this , take care
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Fishman it's good of you to spend your time and experience on here I know you don't suffer with anxiety as such but you have suffered it indirectly and I also know you have suffered the illnesses we all fear the most including my self , the health anxiety isn't much different to hoarding you know it's wrong and destructive but the compulsion to do it is to much to ignor so you carry on regardless and become very selfish , take care
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