Can not let this thought go!

[char123]

Hi,

Firstly, ive not been diagnosed with pure O but feel like i show a lot of the symptoms and share the same recurring immoral thoughts.

Maybe for about a year now, on and off, ive been obsessively trying to decide whether or not im attracted to my brother. Honestly, its bugged me so much im afraid its going to ruin my life. So my first question is, is it weird to think that your brother is 'good looking' like but not attracted to him? Also, if i was attracted to him, i would not be obsessing over them right? I think i just need reassurance because im literally driving myself crazy. Ive talked to a family member about this and some of the other thoughts ( being a paedophile) and they have said that its clearly OCD because i literally have all of the symptoms- so why cant i believe this??

Like tonight the thought crossed my mind AGAIN and i had to look at the photos on the walls and see if i was attracted to him but then i was like 'hmm he is quite good looking' which freaks me out more because then im afraid I am in denial and i really am attracted to him. These thoughts cause distress and im just sick of them now, i want to cry ( and have cried) because im afraid theyre true and because of the fact that im wasting my life contemplating this crap.

If i was actually attracted to him, I wouldnt be overthinking it like this would I? So many questions but im so stressed out and confused I guess. Sometimes I think that me being dead would be so much easier but I really really really do not want to commit suicide- although im also afraid I'll do this one day too.

Ugh so much waffling now i'll stop, thanks for reading and please reply asap :)
Thanks

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think it's really good that you have a family member to discuss this with and one who is clearly so enlightened on OCD. These themes are less well known and because of their apparent closeness to the psychological problems we fear, people often don't realise they even exist inside OCD. That person will be invaluable to you.

You know my thoughts on this, char, I've said them on your other threads. It's absolutely OCD themes and the level it is affecting you can mean an OCD diagnosis.

Paedophilia is based on reward. They want to do it. There is none of this anxiety involved.

The same with incense. There is attraction involved driving it.

Where is your attraction? There is none. You have only had thoughts of how your brother is attractive because he is and there is nothing wrong with a parent or sibling thinking that of them, but that's not the same as being attracted. You know this, you've shown you do in what you wrote.

Be aware that checking your reaction against his photos is a compulsion. This will reinforce the disorder. And try to stop the freaking reaction to the thoughts because that tells your subconscious to keep this going.

The denial thoughts are just classic in all this, it's the typical "what if" and analysing our minds are actually programmed to do. We are just using them in a negative way.

Accept that your brother is attractive. Accept that you are allowed to see beauty in someone without there being an attraction or sexual motive to it.

I can acknowledge that a 15 year old girl is attractive. It doesn't mean I want to have sex with her. It doesn't mean I harbour thoughts of paedophilia. Rationalise these things. Think in this example how a photographer takes photos of young girls for mags and the girls are attractive to the adults putting them there but that doesn't mean they are attracted to them. So, why couldn't your mum & dad be able to look at you both and think you are attractive?