Fed up

[Jimbo]

I've been trying not to post moaning threads recently and stay positive. But I'm so down right now. :weep:

I've been trying so hard to think positive but I just feel like I'm fooling myself. I've been cutting again over the last week and feeling so angry with myself for doing it. The horrible scary thoughts about hurting myself keep popping back into my head and I just can't seem to get rid of them.

I wanted to go see my doc today but she's on holiday till next tuesday, so I have a whole weekend of feeling awful ahead of me now. :weep: I just wish I could get away from it all somehow, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and slowly drowning.

Even comic relief is grating on my nerves tonight, I can't stand watching the sad stuff cause it makes me think, god my life isn't that bad but why do I feel so awful?

[happyone]

Jimbo

first and foremost I have to say....do you REALLY think it is a bad thingthat comic relief is grating you? it gets on my blooming nerves! I admire the purpose, don't get me wrong but come on....there is only so much comedy/sadness a person can take!
I get horible scary thoughts too Jimbo. Trust me, they are 'thoughts' that is all. They can't 'get' you.
Weekends are also bad for me, but I keep on thinking 'it is only 2 days'. And really, it is. You CAN get ththere JIm, trust me

happyone
xx

[Jimbo]

Thanks,

I know I can through this, don't worry about me, but I'm just so fed up with having to put up with it constantly. Everything is getting on top of me again. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry for moaning, but I have to let it out somehow.

Urgh, [big sigh],

Jim

[ludovti]

Hi Jim,
We are only human and can only put on a brave face for so long. I too am having a bad week and have been self harming, I feel so ashamed sometimes as I'm sure you do.
ou are not fighting a losing battle because we are all here to help each other because we understand.

[happyone]

See, Jimbo

To the word 'sorry' I want to say:ban:

what do you reckon folks? It is the way we see our lives....'sorry'.....You moan all you want hunny, I am listening and i am happy to do so. there is nothing wrong with a good moan! Moan at me all you like!
Go for it kid!
Happyone
xx

[ludovti]

Jimbo, Happyone has got it in one!
I have spent my life saying 'sorry' and am always gettin told off for saying it all the time!Why should we be sorry, life should be sorry for putting us though this!
Chin up chuck, we're all here for each other.

[Jimbo]

:) Thanks, good to know I'm not the only one struggling tonight.

OK, here comes my moans:

My life sucks, I suck, Comic Relief sucks, Top Gear of the pops was cheering me up till Billy F'ing Connely turns up and ruins it. I'm switching to another channel after. :finger:

I'm off to bed now to try to chill out and try not to give in to these thoughts. Unless you guys distract me by posting again before I fall asleep. :p

Jim

[ludovti]

You chill out and get some sleep Jim, I wll be doing the same myself soon!
Take care and sleep well

[Piglet]

Have a hug Jim (((Jim))).

I didn't really get into comic relief either as I find it hard to be laughing one minute then seeing something sad the next.

Have a little sniff of one of your oils and see if that gives you a lift?:D

Piglet :flowers:

[Granny Primark]

Happyone you are so right. Were all here for one another.
Jimbo just think of life as a roller coaster ride. My god these last few weeks for me have certainly been that. Im sure its like that for everyone.
Try to enjoy the highs then when you get the lows just know that the highs will be certain to follow.
I think im speaking for many when i say that part of our probs as anxiety sufferers is the feelings of guilt we feel.
Perhaps we expect to much of ourselves or maybe were worried about people opinions of us are. I know thats the case with me.
Hope you feel better soon jimbo.
Im sending you some (((HUGS))) to help you along.

Take care
LYNN xx

[Jimbo]

Thanks for the hugs and stuff, they really helped. I almost used the 's' word again then... :lac: :ban:

I slept for a bit and unfortunately the world still exists... damn, :winks: .

Oh well, I did get to use the :finger: smiley.

Guess what's still on tv at this time in the morning... :lac:

Jim

[Coni]

Hi Jim,

hope you feel a little better this morning....lynnes right it is a rollercoaster ride eh?

your comic relief comments made me smile....Billy Connellys starting to get on my nerves now as well :) .

I sobbed my way through the sad bits thinking god I have no right to feel sorry for myself, I'm pathetic etc...which mad me feel even worse....so i gave up and went to bed :weep: !

Dont aplogise for sharing how you feel...thats what the forums for.

Hope the suns shining a little for you this morning ( cos its pouring here lol!)

Take care

Coni X

[Jimbo]

I just have to say again, huge thanks to everyone yesterday for posting. What would I do without NMP :hugs: Hope I can get through today without going into melt down again.:wacko:

(((HUGS))) to Lynn, Piglet, Ludovti, Happyone & Coni

I was having a terrible evening yesterday. Appart from a yucky night's sleep, the sun is shining here when I peeked outside Coni :P . I'm not feeling as bad this morning. I seem to be worst in the evenings for some reason. :shrug:

I think I'm going to have trouble getting out of bed today, :sleep: :blush: .

Sposed to be going to the garden centre to buy plants for our garden this weekend and doing some digging and mowing etc. Maybe that will take my mind of things if we manage it. It's totally bare and we are trying to get it sorted out before summer. Maybe I'll try and go and persuade my housemates to buy lots of calming plants. (I'll definately be insisting on Lavender Piglet :winks: ) I was trying to persuade them to buy some vegies to plant amongst the flowers yesterday, they weren't too receptive, lol.

Jim

[Piglet]

Maybe I'll try and go and persuade my housemates to buy lots of calming plants. (I'll definately be insisting on Lavender Piglet :winks: ) I was trying to persuade them to buy some vegies to plant amongst the flowers yesterday, they weren't too receptive, lol.

Jim

Oooh yes you gotta have lavander mate - got me through the dentist trip a treat yesterday!!! :D

I remember wanting to buy some plants once cos I thought they looked fab and the man said "well it's up to you dear but they are for eating really" (they turned out to be cabbage and rubarb)!!

Jim I had a patch this time last year where evenings were worse for me too - never really got to the bottom of it but I think where I was distracted and busy in the day it kept it away. As soon as I sat down though and my attention was back on me I seemed to feel very symptomy - usually having a few heart attacks during the soaps!!

Maybe try and change the routine of the eveings abit if you can for a few days ie: if that's the time you ususally settle down with the telly then don't - do something really different and go for a walk or come on the computer. You could try it for a few days and see if it breaks the cycle!!

Piglet :flowers:

[Jimbo]

I'm feeling a bit better today. Ended up sleeping pretty much all day yesterday. :sleep: Had a lovely bath and felt ok, but then had a bit of a 'blip' in the evening again... sigh, nvm.

Still feeling a bit down :sad: , but not quite so hopeless today.

I'm a bit lonely right now, my housemates have gone away for the weekend, so I'm 'home alone' :weep: .

I've got my oils on the burner, so just having a chill out, watching cr**y tv and bugging ppl on msn to keep myself occupied :tongue: .

Jim