Relapse 6 years later

[Irishgirl12]

Hi guys,
I have never been on this forum before but I suppose right now I am looking for some assurance and some people to chat to who know what I am going though.
I am 25 and when I was 19 one summer whilst away for a few months with friends got struck down by anxiety. Constant panic attacks and doom, depersonalization you name it. I eventually got put on Citalopram which after the initial side effects wore off within 6 weeks I was great. It really did 100% work for me and within about 2 months (which felt like forever) I got back to myself , finished uni and got a job.
Two years later (with little or no anxiety in between) I came off them (weaned with doctors orders) and was feeling fine. Naturally enough some things happened that lead me to get back on them about a year later and I have been on them since. I have been on 30mg for about 2.5 years now with B12 supplements , omega oil and general checking in and out of CBT for periods of time and practicing mindfulness.
Last year my Dad got cancer and I was his rock through it and coped very well and really did think that I did it properly and looked after myself. Two months about I also got a big new job ,a dream job in fact that I was over the moon with , financially stable with my boyfriend in our own place. However last week after returning from holidays I got home and got into our apartment and had a meltdown. Panic attacks and generalized anxiety 24/7 vomiting and generally just feeling miserable. My dad is still very sick which I am worried about but I am a mess.
I went to see my GP that recommended I go up to 40mg on citalopram for this bad patch and take xanax until that works - she is a great doctor. But even though i've been through this before right now I feel hopeless , I am in despair this is back and I feel terrible. I am trying to hold it together but I just want to cover my head and never get up. I am so confused how the 30mg let this happen?
Will the 40mg help me , I have been on it 5 days now. I am getting spiked anxiety and general nausea , dry lips and headaches all I know are side effects but I suppose I need some reassurance. I feel like my life has been ripped from me in a week. I dread going asleep at night to wake up and face another day of this.

Thanks for any replies x

[Buster70]

Hi , sorry you are going through this again , I had my first attack at 17 then a gap until I was 29 when my dad died somtimes the trauma brings it back on , it was anothe ten years until I ended up like it again and this time it was citalapram that made me worse I wasn't warned about the start up period which hit me bad , it took 6 months on it to stabilise and then I weaned off , I wish I had some solid answers for you but we all react differently , I can say I've been realy bad and got better for years so hopfully your dad will get better and then so will you , I'm just starting cbt and I'm hoping it will help me cope with family problems that are very real , take care .

[rickbutler2009]

hi
hope you are coping well, your story sounds all too familiar, i have been on this rollercoaster for some time now. citalopram works for me, heightened feelings at the start but they settle down. for some reason though occasionally we have a blip, not sure why, in my case i think big changes sets me off (1st child set me off, then 2nd, just must be my non dealing with mechanism).
i have been fine for a number of years now but i am now experiencing another blip (they are so annoying when you think 'this time last week i was fine').
but, and this is the but, as horrible as it feels it will calm down you will get back to normal, just hard to see.
look for periods of clarity when you feel normal, see if they get a bit longer every day.
read this (cant post the link,sorry) tips for dealing with anxiety and panic, at the head of this forum.
its a fantastic post.
its all just chemicals.

here if you need help

regards