So scared :( please

[Savvy_Darling]

Posting about veins again... Mostly because I googled and found horrible things to scare me. I'm on vacation right now and I just felt anxious all of a sudden and googled visible veins in arms. I'm scared of vascular / artery diesease like deep vein thrombosis & peripheral artery disease.. Or a cancer tumor pressing on my veins to cause them to be more visible. Also worried because my right arm is the one that the veins are more visible in my upper arm.. Saw something about symmetry and so since it's not like that on my left arm I'm scared of a blood clot or like I said about a mass pressing on my veins which is where I got the cancer tumor idea. I noticed this like a month ago. The veins DONT bulge. They are very much under the skin just more visible and blue (some small purple ones too) and more spider veins on the back of my calfs. I can't just notice blue veins everywhere in my body. I have to get a yearly physical done Soon and probably will call after I get back. I'm scared or the doctors and tests. The worst case scenario playing out in my head is that I have vascular disease or blood clot. Also that I have a tumor somewhere in my chest or arm pressing on the veins. I need help rationalizing.. Or maybe I do have one of those.. I'm so scared I'm gonna cry :(

[Savvy_Darling]

Here's a pic...
Since I lost my job a year ago I guess I have been more sedentary but I have been trying to exersise more or ride my bike. I don't get out a breath too quick either so maybe a good thing? I am worried I could have caused a blood clot. My veins don't cause pain.. Just the look of them bothers me but I do keep fearing the worst like I said above :(

[Elen]

Hi

I think that you got a number of helpful responses on your previous some of your previous posts.

Try and go back over them and see if they help you rationalise. http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=185209

It is hard for a newcomer to this thread to know what has been said previously and I don't want to repeat things that you have already heard.

[Savvy_Darling]

Just delete this then.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Savanna,

I had to blow that up a fair bit so lost resolution but if you mean the collection of lines near the bottom of the bicep - I've got those.

I'm someone who always has prominent veins all over so if I lose weight, lose water or gain muscle, they are more prominent. They don't bulge. I've never had a bicep bulging vein, which I think it more the guys who drop the body fat % low enough.

If a tumour was pressing on something, don't you think it would hurt? Do you realise that cutting off blood flow causes quite visible changes in veins that can be seen?

My GF had a tumour. No biggie, she was born with it and it became a problem at 39! She had no idea she had it, the consultant said people never do and live a natural life never knowing as they are just meaningless masses. Well, hers started to grow but it actually pressed against one of her ovaries. She was in a lot of pain and her GP thought she had kidney stones. Yes, that's the level of pain she was in and you know how much people say kidney stones hurt. She was doubled up with it at times. Hers was wrapping around her ovary and causing this pain.

So, if you had a tumour that was pressing against something like a vein don't you think you would be having pain from it? I reckon you would. I don't know, it's just a hunch given how people who have tumours pressing against structures are often in some level of agony.

[Savvy_Darling]

I just seen your reply Terry.. I thought elen had deleted it after I asked and I never logged back in.
I guess the picture comes up different on everyones phone/computer. But yeah collection of lines on my inner arm just under where the bicep muscle would be.. (I say would be because my arms aren't very muscular lol)
I came to the tumor conclusion because of googling.. Which I shouldn't have done but I got very nervous and broke down.. Another thing was blood clot..
You're right about a tumor pressing on something would cause pain and I'm not in pain. As far as the blood clot theory goes I'm still worried. I have looked up the symptoms and I don't really think I have any and if that causes pain I know I'm not in pain. I recently saw a story on the news about a 22 year old man who had a blood clot spread to his lung and die! :( I'm gonna be 22 in 2 weeks so I really related to the age aspect. Plus he was in jujitsu so I don't know how he got a blood clot... I haven't worked in a year and even though I get out and do stuff and have been trying to exercise more I feel like because I'm not working I've been more sedentary which can cause blood clots..maybe it's why my veins are all showy now especially in the arm like I posted a pic of. I keep looking at other peoples arms /bodies for veins but I feel like it's just me. This arm one just scares me because it seems like the intensity of the visibility comes and goes.. Always there but looks scarier to me sometimes (maybe when I'm hot or doing something) I can't stop lookin in the mirror which freaks me out more and ice avoided tank tops.. And it's summer! :( ugh I wish I wasn't so scared to go to the doctor but I am! I'm up for a yearly physical so I'm already worried about that and this whole vein thing is scaring me so bad. I keep reading my old threads and the replies like Elen said above but I keep fearing the most.. I know the doctor will be the only person to set this all straight but the problem is getting me there!! I'm terrified honestly and I hate how weak I feel. I wish I was stronger and didn't fear the doc so much.. I know I've been to her before so that's not the problem it's finding out what could be wrong with me..

[KeeKee]

I have very, very prominent veins all over my body. I've noticed them more recently. They are especially bad on my legs and upper arms. I'm really pale and hoping that's why. I have lots of spider veins on my legs and I mean lots and lots but I've read they are more of a vanity thing and don't signal any health issues. I have a couple of very dark ones on my arms too, I'm sure one is leaning towards being a varicose vein but for now I'm not worrying too much.

[Carnation]

Hi hun,

I've got them too. They sometimes appear to be more visible at times.
I think because you are away it is panicking you more and pushing your health anxiety up. Try to distract by arranging lots to do while you are away. x

[Savvy_Darling]

KeeKee, yes I'm pale too.. Don't really ever get that beautiful brown tan in the summer.. Just less white lol. I also have those spider veins on the back of my calfs :( just noticed them this year too along with all the other veins in my body. I feel like I have old lady legs at 22.. I know my mom and other people in my family have visible veins or varicose veins..but why would they start now. Which is what started my health anxiety over what made them this way.. Although it does help to hear others say they have this issue, because maybe it's just a common thing. Especially amongst us pale people :/
Carnation- I definitely don't try to think about it but the problem is when I get in front of a mirror I start to examine too much and then get worked up. I just looked in the mirror and arm ones don't seem all that bad. But I know later for some reason they will look more intense and it'll freak me. It helps to hear you deal with this too! Like I said it makes me feel like it's not some bad thing and could just be a common thing. I was thinking maybe my weight gain caused it. Within the last year I gained 30ish pounds. I was 135 and now I'm pushing 160. So I've been trying to get more active and workout more and eat a lil better. I wanna lose 35 pounds so I've been trying but the whole vein thing scared me of doing anything physical for fear it was my heart or blood clot i don't know. I also noticed if I get hot or am doing something that makes me get hot the vein in my arm gets more noticeable.. So I don't know. I just need to get less anxious to make this apt.. When I'm in a bad place I find it really hard to go to the doctors. I had an anxiety attack last night.. Just from some stress going on in my life ans not to mention that lovely time of the month for us ladies is just around the corner.. Which makes my anxiety bad for some reason.
But..
I really appreciate both of your replies!! Thank you <3

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm yet to see a woman on here say 'my time of the month doesn't affect my anxiety'. There must be hundreds of posts and more on this forum about it. I've seen it loads! I tend to find myself wondering why women don't automatically assume it would anyway, I've never heard any women say how they love their period! My GF gets bad period pains, she experiences low mood, some anxiety, etc I have always seen that as how periods just are from my experiences.

Part of a man maturing means he learns certain lessons in life and around period time means he has to...:sofa: :winks: We just know getting hammers out and banging nails in will mean being shouted out for being inconsiderate...but we are pretty thick so keep getting shouted at!!!

You get hot and the veins show. Makes sense, you are dehydrating by losing more body fluids which will mean things show through more I would think. You get hot because you are doing some activity, well that's supposed to make veins more visible anyway since exercise causes the cardiovascular system to work harder by pumping more blood around your body, which means the veins have more going through them and them inflate slightly. That's what getting pumped means. Pumping up the muscles, which means more blood too.

I'm pale, always have been, so my veins are quite blue through the skin. I have very prominent ones on my hands, wrists & forearms, for example. If I pick up something heavy and curl my wrists say 20 times - the veins in my wrists will show more. If I grip a towel and squeeze it say 20 times - the veins in my hands will show more.

That's how it's supposed to work.

Try to accept this is normal. Try also not to avoid activities that will make your veins bulge more, this will just build your fear more. So, keep working out.

[Savvy_Darling]

Yeah I know my time can directly affect my anxiety and I try to remember that but it's hard when seeing my veins just restart it again. I can see the blue veins in my chest and neck and everywhere it scares me as I don't remember it always being that way. The ones in my right arm worry me because they seem more intense. I can't stop worrying about my heart or blood or a clot. I also just feel unattractive like I'm a road map :( the ones in my arm will show more if I'm just doing regular things though.. Does this mean my heart isn't working right? I don't know but I can't stop thinking the worst. I try rereading the helpful comments everyone has left me about being able to see their veins but I still almost worry if it's the same looking as mine or if mine signal a health issue.
Man I'm so tired of worrying about my veins.. Maybe all the worrying has caused them to appear more. It seems like since my health anxiety so many bad things have happened to me (or so I thought /: )

[MyNameIsTerry]

Consciously you can try to accept that loads of us are all telling you it's normal and that we have the same. The subconscious won't be interested, it will still be screaming PANIC at you. Changing the subconscious takes a load of effort & time. Until you have the little breakthroughs that come bit by bit, the subconscious will keep trying to get the fear reaction it is trying to provoke. It's exhausting, but you can break free of it.

The more you do things with your arm, the more those veins will show, that's just how it should be. It's like saying 'why is my bicep getting harder' after bicep curling, it's supposed to. Your body responds in the way it is expected to. You could be carrying a bad of shopping, moving some books around, pressing buttons on keyboard, etc and the body will respond to the additional load you are placing on it. This means blood pumps and veins expand. You don't need to be lifting 300lbs on the bench to get that, just carrying your shopping will do it.

And don't worry about the jujitsu guy who was 22. Those are the rare stories that just happen in life. Any of us could be run over crossing the street tomorrow. We constantly have clotting blood throughout our lives because the body is supposed to do that to repair itself but sometimes clots can move and enter places that they become dangerous in. But how many times a year do you hear such stories? But I bet you millions of people cut themselves by accident every day, which means the blood has to clot at the wound.

I was once watching some MMA on YouTube. One guy starts round 2 and goes in for a standard skin kick on the other guy and his lower leg broke. It was horrible to see. But Muay Thai is built on kicking like that thousands & thousands of times. How many men & women have had that break? It's rare to hear of it.

It's the same way with many of the things people with HA worry about. The focus is on the worst at the cost of the other 99.9% that says you will be fine. That's just the battle for you guys on this board.

I realise people worry about being unattractive because of something like this. It's something very thin people worry about it as they stick out. You don't have any worry like that though, yours are nothing like the kind of prominent veins a really thin person may have for a start. They will show a bit more with you being pale skinned too.

I can't see any bloke being put off by that. My GF has veins, it doesn't bother me. She has visible ones in her neck, nipples, arms, legs & hands and other places too. We all do. That's just another element of these disorders, the low mood side where we feel unhappy in our own skin and look to our perceived bad points. This is something that will may just pass but I think you would find a lot of us on here have issues with body confidence, I know I do.

[Savvy_Darling]

I'm reall bugging out right now. I was going to go do my 40 minute workout and I was putting on my exercise clothes and I was looking in the mirror in the process and became so aware of the veins in my neck and chest. :( they freaked me out. I'm reall not sure why I'm so scared when I see them I guess I don't like seeing what m blood travels through. It genuinely makes me nervous and now I don't know if I feel like working out because I feel so nervous and scared over my veins. Seeing ones I never seen before in my neck. I started to really look at them and inspect and now I'm in panic mode and don't even wanna go in front of the mirror. :( I don't feel weird I just feel now anxious... This whole vein thing is driving me mad I think.

Terry- reading that you said your girlfriend have visible veins in areas I have too helps me but is it normal for being young to have all this happen I feel like suddenly over the course of a month or so.. ? It's what frightens me in to thinking this could be some disease or illness.. I realize my anxiety is saying this but I don't even have really anything rational to combat this because I feel like my rational side is a tad worried too. I guess I gotta make that call to the docs but my procrastination and fear is making not want to at all :(
I feel pretty down right now and honestly really panicked about all my veins:
Like in my hips and elbows and legs and arms and neck and chest.. Like the only place I can't see them is the tops of my arms and stomach and back and butt.. Shoulder I guess too.. Not too much on my face.. Just like my eyelids but I know for a fact they've always been like that because putting on makeup for years I know what my face is like.. And also by my eyes. But the other places freak me out./ I feel like I'm scared of my body. I keep getting worried I'm dying or that my blood isn't being pumped properly like why does this have to happen and why would it. I know I'm pale and on the thin side.. I'm like 160 so I don't feel thin I wanna lose about 30 pounds.. I use to be at 135. So I feel fat. And my arm ones are bad right now and panicking isn't helping it I know but I can't help it. My chest and neck ones scare me. I feel like I read from google about heart valve problems or something. Between worrying about this being heart relate/blood clot or cancer related I'm really in a bad place. :( I haven't cried yet but I feel like it could happen sometime tonight.
If I can summon the confidence and strength to call my doc I just really hope this will end up being nothing.. I know I've already thought all the worst but the actual act of being at the doctors and her telling me totally freaks me out. :(

[Fishmanpa]

Saavy, please... many have advised professional help including myself several times. You're taking a "normal" physical aspect about your body and allowing it to affect you in such a detrimental way. It's so painful to watch :(

Please take the repeated advice to get professional help to help you overcome the dragon that continually breathes fire down your neck. This is just an internet forum and while it may be beneficial in knowing you're not alone and be cathartic in writing down your fears, it's not a replacement for real life support and help.

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't normally believe in seeing a doctor about an obvious anxiety issue with HA as it's a reassurance thing but in your case you do really need to see one to get some help with your anxiety. I have no doubt that your doctor will take one look at your veins and say 'looks normal to me'.

I've had very visible veins younger than you. And the thing is, you are still pretty young and you body will change in time anyway. You will notice things.

You have been working out a fair bit since you started with the caner fears when you joined and this is going to mean you see changes in your body. What you find with exercise is that some changes happen fast and some just sort of appear. This is common with muscle building, you look in the mirror one day and think "huh, where's that come from". Some of this is about perception and lack of focussing on areas but also things like hydration, blood flow at the time, etc. There are many possibilities.

It's very concerning to hear how this is affecting you. Not that something is wrong but that you are disliking yourself and not accepting yourself. This happens in these disorders to many of us, we start disliking areas of our bodies, the weight we put on, why we don't look like X, etc and we start viewing ourselves quite negatively. This really is all distortion but if it becomes a problem, it can end up as like Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I think many of us have traits of that anyway, I realise I do, but I'm saying this now because I think you have to option of getting to your doctor to prevent it spiralling further and becoming another issue.

It can be hard to accept ourselves with these disorders. Our self esteem takes a real battering. We start to notice all the little faults. This is connected to mood too, the more your mood is up, they less you will care about this stuff and the more confident you feel. When mood dips, we start withdrawing into ourselves and berate everything about us that we dislike, how we feel failures.

I really do think that your priority right now is to get to a doctor. There is nothing wrong, but you need to lay all this out to them so they can get you some help. Therapy is going to be a given for all this, you need someone to walk you through it all and guide you towards more healthy thinking.

Part of dealing with this is definitely going to be an acceptance thing. Accepting how your body works and what is normal is needed. Some of this you will be able to use your exercise to prove e.g. bicep curls whilst watching will show how your veins react. Initially your subconscious will still fight that, even if you accept it consciously, but in time with effort you will see this change.

Can someone help you get to your doctor? Some moral support? There's no shame in that, I was 30 the first time and went with my dad for about the first 6 because he had depression years ago so understood how horrible it can be. When I relapsed in my mid thirties, he came with me again the first 4 or so.