Newlywed Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts

[silverkitty]

Hello! I was married to my boyfriend of 6 years over a month ago. I've been struggling with intrusive thoughts for the past 3 years of our relationship, but after getting married they've come back in full force.

My intrusive thoughts usually sound like this:
Is getting married "you?"
Is he good enough?
Is he really the one I saw myself with?
Is he father material?
Am I good enough/pretty enough?
Am I wife material?
Am I a conformist for getting married?
Etc.

UGH!!!

Having googled this, I now see that it's fairly common. I guess what I'm looking for here is: anyone had experience with this? Just want to hear that I'm not alone in this.

I guess the hardest part is the guilt I feel about it. Like, we've lived together as partners for 5 years prior to getting married! It's not like getting married even changes things that much! But, obviously the bigness of it is freaking my brain out.

[Chocolateface]

Congratulations on your wedding.

Of course you are good enough for him to marry you you have been together a long time so you see yourselves together.

I get similar thoughts sometimes then I see how my boys still want cuddles with their dad and that he looks after us all that I allow them to be just a thought.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Congratulations!

Yes, this theme is commonly known in OCD. You will see it called ROCD. There are many threads on the OCD board about it so I suggest you have a read. There is also an old long running support thread by PinguAnxious on the Depression board and she talks about her ROCD all through that.

Some info from OCD UK that you might find interesting:

https://ocduk.org/types-ocd

Relationship Intrusive Thoughts - Obsessive doubts over the suitability of a relationship, one’s partner or one's own sexuality are the main focus for the obsessional thoughts. Obsessional thoughts include:
• Constantly analysing the depth of feelings for one's partner, placing the partner and the relationship under a microscope and finding fault.
• Constantly needing to seek reassurance and approval from one's partner.
• Doubts that one's partner is being faithful.
• Doubts that one may cheat on their partner.
• Questioning one’s own sexuality, and having feelings, thoughts and impulses about being attracted to members of the same sex.

The constant analysing and questioning of the relationship and partner often places immense strain on the relationship and the result is a person with OCD will often end the relationship to rid themselves of the doubt and anxiety, which is usually often repeated with any subsequent relationship.

Everything you are saying is indicative of the types of thoughts seen in ROCD. Some people even externalise them against their partner to question they are pretty enough for them, for instance.

Guilt is a common one with this theme and it will only make it worse. Read about intrusive thoughts and come to accept them as merely thoughts and are not a reflection of anything. The more you stop yourself reacting to them with negative thoughts & emotions, the more you will see they go.