looking4answers
18-03-07, 01:51
For months and months and months what seems an eternity .I have heard my pulse off and on almost without fail...I am getting a little more active lately since its spring and the snow has melted..For a few weeks I didnt hear my heartbeat that much or notice it maybe i just ignored it but somedays almost everyday after lunch I notice a pounding in my head and feels as though my heart is vibrating all over my body especially in the chest...I do more and well it seems to subside and I do more and it comes back .I have asked nurses about this and they say the more I do the less I will notice this..Yeah it exhaust me and I get so tired and when im out in the sun it seems the energy is just sucked right out of me but we live at almost a mile and one half higher than sea level so although its not really hot the sun will cook you really fast..It just drains me of the limited energy that I have.I stay tired all of the time no matter how much I do everyday and I keep on and I try everyday but nothing really seems to be better .The only way that i can keep from noticing things is to just keep my mind active and try to ignore it but I keep expecting the pounding to go away one day .I guess that is asking to much . I have a pounding in my neck ears and chest then it subsides and then it comes back and then it disappears and then it comes back and it just happens not really coinciding with any event other than eating .I wish so much it would go away I get so tired of dealing with it and death is just a one time thing..What does it matter to try to live and deal with this everyday of your life worried that you are going to die..thats not life.. What is wrong with me ,it can't be anxiety ,it causes anxiety but its not I really don't think so ..Will i be miserable like this the rest of my life day after day worried that I wont make it through the day .Nothing is what it used to be nor does it ever seem that it will be..I wish I could be the man I once was nothing is normal and its a nightmare of which there is no escape and the doctors have told me that there is nothing wrong with my heart and the nurses friends of mine tell me the samething and tell me to get out and get going but I dont have the energy to get up and get going to much ..SO am I crazy or am I sick or sick and crazy and just don't know it or is there anyone that remotely feels like they are stuck in the twilight zone and can't escape? Tell me please someone ? Your heart is fine but its not fine but it is fine according to everyone else..