I Don't Know If I Want Kids Anymore...

[Beckmo]

I'm only 22 (almost 23), and my anxiety has been building up again over the past few weeks, mainly about my health (although I'm fine, I just worry about eventually having illness).

I had a particularly bad spike yesterday, but it's making me question if it's always going to be like this.

I've been in a relationship for the last 16 months, and my boyfriend is the most understanding person in the world. We're both in it for the long haul, and I can't imagine life without him.

I've always thought I'd wanted kids in the future. But I've started to worry that my anxiety will never go away. I get scared what having kids will do to my mental health.

I fear the future in general, and although we're not planning on having kids anytime soon, the doubt breaks my heart. I'm scared I can't cope, that I can barely take care of myself because of my anxiety/depression.

Has anyone else had these thoughts?

[Chocolateface]

Yes I worry about the future in every aspect both immediate future and long term. In my immediate future I am worried I will lose my job as I have made two errors, for the longer term I worry about the effects of Brexit, and longer term will my kids be happy in adult life.

One thing I will say is if/when you do decide to have kids let your gp and midwife know your anxiety then they can help you through it

[vicky23]

Hi,
yup I can totally relate! exactly like you say it's scary, so many what if's. what if it messes me up even more, what if I can deal with the sleep deprivation, what if I mess the kid up.
to add even more stress I'd have to come off my meds which I'm in the process of doing now so I could have a baby with my husband.
I haven't got any advice I'm afraid but I'm can definitley reassure you, you're not alone!
X

[debs71]

Yep....been there a million times over!

I am 45, and I love children and always have. My whole working life has involved caring for children. I am at a point in life where I am well aware that my biological clock is MORE THAN ticking. I have no children as yet, have only had a couple of fleeting relationships, but have now been involved with a great guy for the past 7 years. (Complicated by the fact he lives in Spain!)

I have had a real torn viewpoint on having children ever since I had a mental breakdown in 2003. I love kids and the thought of not having any is a painful one for me, but on the other hand, just as you feel, I am not sure I would cope, or if it is fair on any child, given my depression and anxiety issues. I can visualise myself needing a lot of moral support.

Having a child is a big decision. It is natural for you to feel this way, with or without a mental health issue on top. The one great and positive thing is that you are still very young, hun. You have years ahead to see how things go for you healthwise, and perhaps see where this leads you in terms of deciding to start a family.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone with doubts like this. x

[lg123]

Yes! Actually I was just thinking about that this morning as I’ve had an anxiety relapse. However… my opinion is that much of the general population who have children without a second thought have just as any issues as anxiety sufferers, if not more. Speaking from experience, my dad suffers from un-diagnosed mental illnesses and I (and my siblings) had great, very happy childhoods. Also, I think this is the voice of anxiety talking again, as I just a few months ago I thought I may be pregnant and was completely fine with this (well apart from the usual worries people have from pregnancy). Having a loving, supportive partner (much like my mum was with my dad) is a real help.

[swgrl09]

I can definitely relate. I'm 27, turning 28 soon. My husband and I have been married 3 years now, so lots of people are asking (which I find a little rude) when we are going to have kids. I always thought I wanted kids, but thinking about it ... going off my medication, the stress of worrying about a child ... if I had HA about myself I can't imagine what it would be like worrying about my child.

I also worry about finances too. I mean my husband and I do alright financially, but we also have student loans and a mortgage and we make do for the two of us. But if we had to add daycare on top of that, it would be over the top. Daycares here cost so much money. Some about $200 per WEEK.

Anyway I'm just rambling but I know what you mean. I worry a lot about what it would be like to have children with my anxiety and depression. Sometimes it's hard to keep functioning just myself with a full-time job and mental health stuff.