I don't understand myself anymore

[Beckybecks]

I've had a year of quite bad anxiety which has increased my HA and loads of horrid symptoms. I understand all of this and have been taking the correct steps to overcome it.

It's been mainly due to my circumstances. We moved to a new country and I've been very lonely and unhappy here.

So why now, when we've finally decided to return home (it's all I ever wanted) is my anxiety even worse?

Also my son's coming for a quick visit next week. He lives in Africa and has flown to Europe so is making a detour just to see us. I haven't seen him for a year. I've missed him and really want to see him.

Why aren't I happy? I'm just even more stressed about his visit.

When I thought all of this would make me happy and release me from this horrible anxiety, instead I feel ten times worse!

I don't understand myself AT ALL. All I want to do is cancel everything to make myself feel better.....

[Tims]

Hi becky
If you're a long term sufferer of anxiety/panic, then you're mind might be confusing excitement (a visit from you're son) with anxiety, apparently it's a very similar chemical reaction in the body. This psych once explained all this to me a while back, excuse my poor explanation, but basically he was trying to explain to me why my mind was getting excitement and panic/anxiety mixed up. I wouldn't worry about this problem too much, it's common amongst anxiety sufferers and can be treated. A couple of therapy sessions helped me a great deal.

[Beckybecks]

Thank you for the explanation and yes it does make sense. It's just a pity that I can't enjoy the excitement because my brain's confusing it with the anxiety. Is there any way to help my brain to differentiate between the two. Did your psychologist have any suggestions?

[Chocolateface]

Perhaps you may enjoy it more when it happens, for now it is something still to happen hence why you are getting the anxiety feelings.

Hope you become more settled soon

[Tims]

I remember that my psych was trying to get me to understand my reactions to situations, a case of allowing myself to be happy/excited, because anxiety sufferers generally try to block that feeling/emotion without even knowing that they're doing it. I don't know if that makes sense, was a while ago now.

[Beckybecks]

Thank you. I think that in my highly anxious state I'm terrified of any little change in my routine, worried that it'll make me worse. But actually once it happens I'll probably be fine and forget about my monsters for a bit.