On edge and I'm scared of being myself

[elik]

My insecurities and desire to be perfect are getting out of hand. I try so hard to people please that now I am regimented and conscious of everything I say and do because I don't want any negative feedback, but in doing so I'm never expressing myself naturally as I don't want to come across in any way. I'm getting frustrated because I just don't know how to act or be, I don't know who I am and I don't understand how people work anymore. Other peoples behaviours that someone else may not like they will mimic in another situation so therefore they don't have a right to be angry, etc? I know I'm overthinking this but this thinking is making me incredibly understanding of peoples behaviours but I don't get the same treatment even when I am reserved and conscious of how I'm acting and it's making me bitter. I don't get any slack and I feel if I stop trying so hard I may feel a negative emotion and just feel I can't express this as I don't want to be seen as anything negative...


I AM EXHAUSTED

[Oosh]

Be who you enjoy being. You'll have no self esteem while you people please and will feel unhappy. So be who you enjoy being regardless of whatever anyone else does or thinks and you can feel happy with yourself at least and that will relieve the anguish you're feeling.

People pleasing is not authentic and ultimately nobody can ever genuinely like or be happy withit. But they CAN like who you really are when you stop considering other people and how they'll react to you all the time.

Just try and be a friend to people, not to please them, enjoy them. Be comfortable with whatever and whoever you are. You can grow to enjoy being more careless, being yourself regardless. It's fun.

"Blah blah probably probably wouldn't like this, good. I'm going to be it anyway" and giggle to yourself. More fun than living in that straight jacket ?

Think of inappropriate boobs you can make and how funny that would be. Laugh ! Who cares ! Anything you want ! If you're not caring it's perfect. If it's incorrect and wrong, it's perfect. Laugh at how much fun it is to get it wrong and just not care.

"When I'm reserved and conscious" you're caring too much. You're TOO aware !
Don't think. Just do. And stop caring !

I think you have a space at the moment where your self esteem should be, where you look at who the real you is and feel confidence that it's likeable. It's anxiety provoking I know. But that's a good place to start. What's likeable about elik ? Remind yourself, over and over and over. Feel confidence and confident you can enter interactions and be liked for who you really are. Right now who you believe you are is people pleasing, it's not authentic and it's anxiety provoking.

[elik]

Hi oosh,

Thanks again with your wise words. The problem is I don't know who I am, my anxiety seems to BE me and it's so intense that I base my personality off that and because it changes all the time I can't trust myself hence why it's anxiety provoking and causes me so much doubt and fear within myself that I can't just be me and I don't know what I'm doing ever and I live in absolute fear and resentment. I don't want to be me. In any way. I can't make decisions because I have nothing within me to rely on. It's so frustrating

[Shain321]

I had an ah-ha moment in therapy yesterday with this exact topic. I too, am a total people pleaser and want to appear perfect to everyone. But I'm in such havoc on the inside and have low self esteem it's only a show. I realized that when things come to balance, your perception of yourself and to not care so much about what others see that's when big mental health changes happen.

[HalfJack]

You is what you think and feel, what you like, dislike or are indecisive of. People are still a bag of variables though. I don't see who I am as a solid image because it changes, "finding myself" simply meant giving myself room to be who I am.

If you're repressing yourself to help other people all the time and you're struggling with anxiety then it's easy to lose yourself in that x

[KeeKee]

To the OP, I am similar in some circumstances. For example if something annoys me, I usually won't say anything about it. If somebody asks me to do something, I'm 'scared' to say no.

Last year I babysat approx 17 times in a matter of months. (yes I actually counted). It made me so angry as I suffer with depression and looking after my own child is hard enough, but having two noisy children in the house (when alone my daughter is a quiet child) is very hard for me to deal with. I didn't want to babysit (the first couple of times didn't bother me but then I believe the p*** was taken out of me). Twice I even babysat for the full weekend. Eventually I started feeling resentful and I still feel really angry everytime I get asked to babysit. I've said a couple of times I don't feel upto it but then a few weeks later I'll get asked again. I hate it I feel like crying.

Basically what I'm trying to say is being a people pleaser will make you feel like a pushover. I'm still that way but I'd love nothing more than to have the guts to tell people how I really feel (without being nasty of course).

[georgewing]

Well people are dificult creatures and trying to understand them you will go crazy .Do the things that makes you feel good and try go fi d pozitive things on your life