Huge List Of Symptoms, Feel Like I'm Going To Die

[MizukiiMoon]

Hi there. It's been a while since I last posted my symptoms up here, and since then, I've developed more, and I feel it's slowly killing me :(

I've seen 4 different doctors at my GP this year and 3 hospital visits, all say it's just 'anxiety' but no matter what they say, I still don't believe them.

This year I've had all the following tests which have all come back normal: MRI scan of brain, full blood test, 2 eye exams and a photo taken of my retinas, ECG, several blood pressure checks, blood sugar check, hearing test.

Now I do suffer with EXTREME health anxiety and have done almost my entire life. I have kept a health diary of every day of my life since 2005 and spend way too long Googling my symptoms and self diagnosing.

I have been given antidepressant and antipsychotic medication, which I have tried to take once but taking just 1 tablet the side effects have been extreme, so I am too scared to take them. I'm having CBT therapy which is no help.

It all started when my Dad got diagnosed with cancer last November and died in March. It escalated my health anxiety to the extreme, to the point of thinking I am also dying.

Ok, so onto my latest symptoms:

I have a delusional mind. It started with having complete nervous breakdowns, but when they passed, nothing has been the same ever since. It's almost like I feel I have died. Everything feels eerie and surreal, everywhere I go nothing feels right, like I have been possessed by a demon, I'm convinced. Then some days I will literally just start freaking out shrieking and crying, wanting to kill myself but having to stop myself. I try and occupy my mind on my interests, but the feeling is there 24/7 no matter where I go or what I do. My brain feels damaged, or like I have early onset dementia. This delusional mindset started when my Dad died in March.

My latest symptom within the last week or so, is short term memory problems. I struggle to remember names, what I need to search on Google, what I need to add to a shopping list, etc.

I suffer with head pressure. Never any headaches I don't get them, just like my head is full of fluid and heavy. It makes me dizzy when I turn, and the head pressure I can feel is worse when I put my head up and down.

I often feel like I'm going to have a seizure, even though I don't know what a seizure feels like as I've never had one. Although it is my number one health worry since one of my Dogs died from it. My body just feels ill and like something's going to happen, I also have an odd sensation in my left leg and in my hands.

A singular small black spot forms into my vision about 2-3 times a day and quickly disappears.

My vision is noticeably dimmer. I have to have my phone and computer screen on full brightness now, and lights are just not as vibrant any more, nor is the sun.

I suffer from mild visual snow, where I see static in my vision 24/7. I've had this since 2009 though.

My hearing has deteriorated since March, the day after my Father's funeral, in fact. It has not been the same since even though my hearing test was perfect.

I have 24/7 tinnitus since the beginning of March, 15 days before my hearing loss started, although it has gotten a lot better.

I have a pain in my chest every time I sneeze, this started the same time my illness started and never had it before then.

My nipples are yellow and very slightly sore, been this way for 2 months.

My leg and arm muscles vibrate when I move them. Doctors have seen this and felt, but say it's just 'anxiety' but it has been this way since March. My leg muscles also twitch after coming back from walking my dogs.

Insomnia. This has only recently started and I only get around 4-5 hours sleep a night.

Other past symptoms I have had since this illness started but since disappeared are:

Neck stiffness and aching
Excessive need to urinate
Weakness in my left hand
Seeing a purkinje tree in my vision upon awakening
My vision completely wobbled with everything I looked at or read (this started the day after taking an antidepressant)
Unbearable hot blood sensation throughout my body like my blood was boiling up it was like this constant
Light sensitivity
Tingly/buzzing sensation in hands and cheeks for a couple of days

So yes, very long symptom list, yet doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me only my mental health and severe health anxiety, due to what happened to my Dad.

I should also mention this all started on 10th December 2015 the same day I had an amalgam filling put in, but have since had it removed a month ago with all the barriers.

I should also point out I'm 24, female, I have Asperger's Syndrome and no other health condition bar asthma. Never smoked, drunk, done drugs, etc. And never felt any pain with this illness. I don't do anything bar stay at home neary every day, I am unable to work and I have no friends to meet up with, so my whole focus is always on myself and my health, even when I try and occupy my mind with interests.

Can anyone relate to my symptoms, should I really believe what the doctors are telling me? I'm so scared and feel like I'm dying :( My mind is completely delusional but taking medication makes me feel 1,000 times worse. Would be nice to hear if anyone else can relate to these symptoms!

[Carnation]

Everything you have listed can be related to Anxiety.

Your Dad's illness and passing would have added to the anxiety too.

I can relate to some of those things you have mentioned and I can tell you that they do eventually pass. x

[Bearinmind]

Hooo there lady!

Forgive me for being this harsh, but it seems you're at the bottom of the well.

On the bright side it won't get much worse.

Ok, this is a big post, let's divide it on parts.

First, about the doctors: You're in your right to distrust them. I'm not saying is the right way to do it but it's in your right. Doctor are human just as us and can be insensible cockup dickheads just like the rest of us.

However, you should not distrust the test results.

Even if you can't trust the doctor you should trust the tests. False results are incredibly rare, specially if you have tons of other tests done, a false result would be easy to spot as it wouldn't fit the other tests.

The MRI scan you did would easily show any neurological disease you might have on the brain. From tumors, to scars, to infections, to herniation, to fluid build up, to increased pressure, lots of things. If it came back normal you can be assured that at least there is nothing really serious going on.

ECG can also easily spot deadly heart abnormalities, if it came back normal, you won't suffer any serious cardiac event soon. If you still don't feel sure enough ask for an Echochardiogram, to see the efficiency of your heart to pump blood and check for structural abnormalities (much likely normal. Heart failure produces a very specific set of symptoms, none of which you seem to suffer)

The blood work would also show any kind of anemia, infectious or auto-immune diseases, if it came back normal these are out. I don't know if the blood exam you did checked for hormonal diseases like Hyper/hypothyroidism, adrenal gland and liver health. If it didn't, ask for them, these hormonal diseases can mimic anxiety and fit some set of your symptoms (not all of them though).

Now, your symptoms:

Many symptoms you describe fit the description of Anxiety very easily, spot on.

But there is something else, you have symptoms that aren't from anxiety alone. You also show symptoms of EXTREME mental stress. The stuff you find only in veteran of wars that have seen shit you wouldn't believe if you were told, that kind of stress. That's why I said you are the bottom of the well, the stuff you're going through might seem insane for someone who never went through it.

And it's very understandable. Many people suffer from anxiety, but not many have to through it while feeling the desolation you are going through now. It's hard stuff.

But it's not hopeless either, what you feel, it all has a reason and a cure that is very tangible. It's not the end of the world, you're not gonna die, you still have a long life ahead of you.

Let's start with the most scary of the symptoms:

Vision loss
Hearing loss
Cognitive loss
Memory loss

All four of them can happen in times of extreme stress. Yep, even vision loss. Partial and in some rare cases total. It's all temporary, even in total vision loss, it's temporary, when the individual manages to balance his mind state his vision goes back to normal. And so does the other three.

And by extreme stress I don't mean in the middle of a panic attack or something like that, but a very prolonged stress that seems to carry on for months, where you can't even remember when was the last time you felt truly happy.

When my anxiety is at it's worst, I can barely read anything as my visual static, auras and scotoma go through the roof in intensity. I start to develop diplopia as well, I have to keep focusing my sight otherwise I start seeing double. Darker, turvy vision as well, which make night vision almost non-existent.

The cognitive loss manifests itself usually in the form switching of mental objects. I mix up words, tasks, phonemes, sometimes even memories. Making decisions seem hard as ****.

The memory loss sometimes is very sudden and weird, like in the middle of a trip I have to stop and ask myself what I was going to do. Sometimes someone ask me something just so I can forget what was asked immediately, I look like a jackass sometimes. Mundane tasks are the most common things to blank out. Many times even remembering words is hard.

Hearing loss is the one I notice the most, because I actually have real hearing loss. I have a perforation on my left tympanum, which caused many ear infections, which ****ed up my hearing. I only have 20% of hearing in that ear. And when I'm very stressed it seems like I'm 100% deaf, people have to speak with me three to four times so I can understand what they're saying. The constant tinnitus doesn't help either.

More than that, if I'm going under a prolonged stress I lose all control and coordination over my body, I get as clumsy as a dancing elephant. Lots of jerky fast movement that weren't called for, lot's of unintended body slams and all that. All on top of the muscle weakness, with much twitching and trembling. Just standing upright feels like an huge effort.

How can just some anxiety and stress wreak such a havoc? Temporary Vision Loss? Temporary Cognitive Loss? It's absurd!

Not all that absurd. You see, all these pathways, your vision, your hearing, your working memory and your cognitive function, they're all dependent on healthy neurological function to work the way they are supposed to work. And they can't work the way they're supposed to work when all the nutrient resources they need to work right (magnesium, calcium, vitamins and etc) are all being burned up by stress!

Don't believe me? Then use our hypochondriac urge to use google and just google the terms "stress depletes". You'll find a huge literature, formal and informal, academic and lay, showing many proofs that stress wreaks havoc on the nutrient resources from your body.

The depletion stress can do is not all that dangerous, mind you. It doesn't damage you permanently. But it's real and makes your body have only enough resources to barely function properly (which is why all medical tests return a normal result even though you feel sick like a penguin on sahara). And to make matters worst, nutrient depletion is not easy to spot, even on medical tests. Many nutrients have misleading levels on blood plasma and many still can't be traced with our technology.

The stress for depletion is not just something bothering you a little on day to day living, or a minor anxious state for good performance. This stress we're talking about is an stress state, where your mind, your brain and your body have turned on the stress response and doesn't seem to be planning to turn them off anytime soon. Which is why trying to just relieve stress sporadically doesn't work much. You can spend the whole afternoon laughing at a stand-up comedy show and still feel like crap the following day because your body still choosing to burn the wrong things. To get out of this stressed state you need to try to maintain a non-stressed, relaxed, state for some time so your metabolism goes back to normal.

If you let all that anxiety and stress run unchecked, they will pile up these scary symptoms for you.

Usually, it's the meds that help you to keep the anxiety and the stress off. But for some people, their side effects are so strong that they make it worse, paradoxically. It seems you are one of these persons, I'm one as well. When I first developed anxiety, people gave me citalopram. Tried for one week. One week of bleeding gums, bloody diarrhea, blue lips, anemia. Not fun. The first time I tried a normal dose of Klonopin, 0,25mg, I actually passed out. Not fun.

My guess is that people like us have a too active liver and s fast metabolism, so any kind of drug we take spikes too fast on our bloodstream, causing loads of side-effects.

For us, the best we can do is trying to fight the anxiety and stress on our own. But that doesn't mean you can't try some other usual meds.

One that I used and worked for me was Agomelatine. It's not a common anti-depressant like SSRIs, it's a a metaloenergic. Meaning it mimics melatonine, an hormone our body uses to regulate our circadian rhytm, more specifically our sleep patterns. What agomelatine does is basically just makes you sleep better. That's it. It just makes you sleep better. Before being used as an anti-depressant it was used as an anti-jetlag. The logic behind it is that when you're too anxious or stressed your sleep isn't good, even if you sleep for hours you don't sleep deep enough, so your brain never has time to rest and recover, so it's always stressed. Agomelatine gives you a deep sleep, where you can finally rest. And when you wake up, you feel rested and with charged batteries. It worked for me. Before taking it, I was sleeping like 10 hours per day and still feeling weak, sleepy and fatigued for the rest of the day. With agomelatine I could sleep for 6 or 5 hours and still feel refreshed. And better yet is that I didn't feel all that drowsiness throughout the day, common on other antidepressants.

For emergency, to stop a mental breakdown like a panic attack, I used very small dosages of Alprazolam. Roughly 0,15~0,10mg (I would take a ,025mg pill and cut it in half, and only took if I was about to have mental breakdown). It's a benzo like klonopin, but much weaker, faster acting and with a shorter duration. The only side effect that I felt was lots of muscle weakness for some minutes, roughly 40, after taking it. It felt like my body was heavy as a truck, moving was a great effort, so I took and went to lie down till its effect really kicked in. After that I would feel fine, relaxed, but not weak or heavy.

These two helped me to make through the worst of anxiety.

The rest of it I have to deal on my own. CBT helps a little, but not much, CBT is more like "learning not to care" than a resolution in itself, it's all about breaking harmful beliefs. It works if you keep doing the CBT exercises. Logotherapy worked way better for me.

I try to deal with anxiety on a more holistic approach. I fixed my diet. Got away with the junk snacks and started to eat a lot of meat and leafy vegetables, salads. Got some probiotics to help with food absorption, yogurt and fermented milk.

I don't take vitamin pills, it's easy to have too much a nutrient using them, so I try to fix all my deficiencies with a good diet.

I also use physical exercise. I don't go to the gym, not even go out for a walk, I exercise inside my home. The only equipment I have is an ergometric bicycle. I do mostly calisthenics, exercises using my own body weight. It's though on the first tries, the fatigue the workout gives us can be way more scary than the anxiety itself, further trowing you down on anxiety. But only on short term, on a long term the exercise is one of the most powerful tools against stress and anxiety. (See what I commented on this post: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=186028 )

And it has been working. I don't have many symptoms of anxiety anymore. Not more ectopics, very minor tachychardia.No more agoraphobia. My memory got back to normal. My vision is going back to normal. I'm not completely deaf anymore. I can go back to read medical stuff without feeling that I might have every disastrous disease that I`m reading about. I have way more coordination and less fatigue than before and I have been managing to deal with anxiety with no meds. Should I continue in this pace, I think I could be cured by the end of the year, if I'm hopeful.

For you, I would suggest some weak meds to help you deal with the worst of the stress and anxiety. Then a good diet and home exercise till you feel confident enough to have a more active life outside.

Also, for the time being, avoid stressing your mind with dark entertainment. It's fine to hear a sad music or watch a tragedy here and there but avoid overloading on these stuff. Get more dumb fun kind of things, like comedy, animations, cartoons, things that make you laugh. I know that dark stuff, while awesome and interesting, would make me feel worse when I was really bad. Stupid funny stuff would make me feel better, as a escapism to cope with day to day life at least.

And also, I would suggest a psychoanalyst for you. Not because of you symptoms, but because of your dad. You need someone who can hear you right now. CBT specialists tend to be too pragmatic and cold, it doesn't work all that well for emotional issues. I think your mood swings and mental breakdown more closely resembles emotional shock and major depression than anxiety and stress. Almost my whole family died in a single car crash when I was 7(Mother, Stepfather, Sister, Cousin and Pet Dog), I know how these kind of shocks can mess up with you.

And finally, even if you still don't believe that all these symptoms cannot be from anxiety and stress alone, at least think of this: if you truly have an underlying condition, you won't fight this condition all that well while anxious and stressed, which you clearly are. You top priority right now should be to get rid of all this anxiety and stress no matter what is the meaning of all this.

[heyitsmeyou]

I love you, bearinmind. I don't know who you are, but I love you. Your unbelievable detailed and knowledgeable posts and replys always make me feel better. Even when they are never towards me.

Listen to him moon, he knows what he's talking about. I've been in this state. Good luck. :bighug1:

[Bearinmind]

Hahaha, thank you, heyitsmeyou! I've been battling anxiety for three years. Being a information junkie and and stubborn as an old dog was hard on me, I've been on rock bottom of anxiety many times, my family almost put me on a mental institution as I refused to take the meds, agomelatine and alprazolam were the only ones I agreed to take as their side effects are very mild. Because of that I learned to battle anxiety more on my own, even though it took some sweet time. Many mistakes and delusional thinking being done on the way through. I hope my experience can help other people now, it's a terrible situation to be in.

By the way Mizuki, only know I noticed your nickname, are you japanophile by any chance? I know I'm and it helped me through my anxiety.

[MizukiiMoon]

Bearinmind: Wow, thank you for the very detailed response! I really do appreciate it and found it helpful :)

Yeah you guessed that right. I've gone through a lot of things in my life but this, is the worst thing I have gone through, Ever.

Ever since I was born I have seen one doctor, and to me he's like god. In all the 24 years I have been going to him, he's been right about everything I've ever had, but then nothing I've ever had has been quite like this. When I was 12 just after I had to leave school to be home educated due to severe bullying, I had chronic headaches every single day for over a year. I went to see this doctor every Tuesday afternoon. He never once put me forward for an MRI scan, because he knew it was all down to the stress I went through at school, and it took me 2 years to fully recover from these headaches. And as for my current situation, he wouldn't even put me through for an MRI then, I had to pay privately as once again, he knew there was nothing wrong and was more concerned about me wasting my money. Ad not only that, I have seen 6 other doctors this year who say the same thing. But when you're so ill, it's so very difficult to believe them.

I still worry about the MRI scan. I never got to see the photos, and I worry they might have not looked hard enough considering my 'hypochondria' label that pops up on every doctor's computer screens. Or it's one of these rare brain disorders very few doctors or neurologists have heard of, yet I found on Google. And then there's disorders such as dementia, huntington's, motor neurone, etc. that don't show up on MRI scans, and can only be diagnosed seeing a neurologist. I know deep down I should believe the test results, and I even swore to everyone once I had this MRI scan this would be the end of it, but when you still feel like you're dying, it's hard not to have that doubt.

Since 2010, on and off I have suffered with quite severe palpitations, can have them non stop all day, and then go months with none whatsoever. Had nothing now since last September *touch wood* In 2010 I even had an echocardiogram, and about 2 ECGs a year ever since, but always comes back fine. I don't tend to worry about my heart now, or at least while the palpitations are at bay.

I've gone back to my doctor asking if there was any kind of blood test I haven't had that I could have, but he said I was put through for everything. The only blood tests I haven't had and that I really want is a mercury test, lyme disease test and lead poisoning test, but I was told they don't do this at their doctors surgery.

I must say, it all started very small, my symptoms. 5 days before my Dad's cancer diagnosis, because I just knew it was going to be bad news. And it wasn't until after my Dad got his terminal diagnosis that my symptoms deteriorated rapidly. Whilst my family went up to see him, I never did. I was told not to because I was already going through so much, and I was too scared to see him on his death bed. I would sit in the hospital cafe and battle my own chronic symptoms. To the point of being sofa-ridden for about 2 months afterwards, and the day he got his terminal diagnosis I never went in my bedroom at all for months, only this past fortnight sitting in here again. Having to sleep in with my Mother due to fear I will die in the night if I'm on my own.

I can see why you classed it as extreme mental stress, it all happened so quickly, and, my brain and body just couldn't take it (maybe).

I'm actually really pleased to hear visual problems, hearing loss, cognitive loss and memory loss can be part of it. I Google these symptoms, but they never show up on anxiety lists. I have never experienced the classic anxiety symptoms like chest tightness, sweating, racing heartbeat, etc. which is why I'm so set on it not being anxiety.

Another thing that worries me, is these symptoms are here 24/7 and have been for months. They never disappear (ok, well apart from the 2nd list I made). It's not like with a panic attack where you go back to normal after. I'm not even anxious or panicking as such, admittedly I was every day for a very long time freaking out and having breakdowns (everyone was seriously worried I was going to end up having a stroke or a heart attack it was that severe), but I have been calm for well over a month now and still the symptoms are here and no better.

You're right there though, about my body eating up all the nutrients. When I was at my worst having breakdowns every day, I lost over a stone in just over a week, and I was like a skeleton. I didn't eat very much at the time, but my god did I look a bag of nerves. Even my head shook as my neck muscles were so tense. I guess this is why hypochondriacs most of the time are as skinny as a rake.

Bizarrely, I was on Citalopram for 3 years before, and never had any side effects bar severe fatigue where all I would do is sleep all day and all night, and never feel refreshed. It helped my anxiety a lot, and considerably cut down my doctors visits. I came off them in May last year due to not being able to have a life sleeping all day. I have tried on two occasions going back on it on the lowest dose this year, but within a few hours my vision goes completely blurry, my heart rate rapidly increases, I can't walk around as I get too dizzy, and I generally feel like I'm dying. The 2nd time I rung a paramedic! I tried one Setraline tablet and again, same symptoms. Respiridone, again, same symptoms. I know I never gave them long enough, but I was in a MASSIVELY bad state after just one tablet each time.

My doctor won't sympathise with me any more, nor my Mum. People now think I'm not taking them because I want to be ill, which of course is not the case. That I 'can't help myself' and that I'm not going to get better until I take them. Apparently my chemical imbalance is all off, and this is why I feel so ill and need this medication to sort it, but I know taking this medication is going to do bugger all, as I'm convinced it's some neurological disease. But like my doctor said if you don't listen or believe me whose seen thousands of people walk through my door with your symptoms after 30 years, who are you going to believe.

The only thing CBT has helped me with so far, is re-engaging with my interests. I was chronically depressed for at least 2 months, I would just lay on the sofa all day and spend at least 7 hours a day on Dr Google looking up my symptoms, but after re-engaging with my one particular interest it has given me a tiny bit of happiness in this miserable life I am leading currently, but my mind still 24/7 delusional which I am aware of constantly all day and night. But other than that? CBT has been no help at all, because I still feel all I need is medical help.

I have recently started taking Vitamin B and Primrose Oil not really by choice, but because Mum spent £18 on the stuff and I figured anything was worth a try. No help though. I do exercise every day by taking my dogs for a walk.

Glad to hear your anxiety is near enough gone now :) Well done! I hope one day I will return to normal too, but not getting my hopes up (I'm so negative lol). I know though that I won't be getting over this without medication, one day I'm just going to have to take it as my very last option, but I just keep putting it off and putting it off... for now.

I do try and do happier things like sewing, listening to music, drawing, but 24/7 my mind still feels delusional no matter what I do. I think the one thing lacking in my life is friends to meet up with. I haven't socialised with anyone in months, and I know this doesn't help my situation.

You're right about CBT specialists. Sometimes I will jokingly say something, but the guy never laughs or shows any expression, I find this slightly uncomfortable and I go in nervous with each visit. They're currently trying to sort me out a psychiatrist, where I hope I can talk more about my personal underlying issues I am unable to discuss with friends and family, but I have not heard back.

Oh my gosh, that's dreadful. I'm so sorry :( That must have been extremely difficult to have to grow up with, I can only imagine. Before my Dad died, I was already dealing with grief from my family who I miss dearly. Both my grandmother's died close together when I was young 1997 and 1999, then my 42 year old auntie who I was very close to suddenly died in her sleep unexpectedly in 2009, and between 2007-2009 I lost 3 pets all very sudden. I have no family left now bar my Mum, one auntie, uncle and cousin. No siblings, no friends, so life is very lonely. And all I do is watch old video footage of my childhood when my family was alive and I was happy. I only started properly grieving over everyone last year, suddenly after all these years, then my Dad died on top of that. I definitely do need some specialist help regarding this situation, too.

The thing is, I've been calm for over a month now and still the symptoms are worsening. But I was told a nervous breakdown can take up to 2 years to recover from.

Oh yes, I love Japan! But I mainly got the username from the fact the fandoms I am into are Japanese in origin, thus everyone in the online fan base often had Japanese usernames which I loved. I then Googled "Japanese girls names" and I found a site which listed names and their meanings. I especially liked the name Mizuki which meant moon, and I thought the two put together sounded rather good :)

[Bearinmind]

Ever since I was born I have seen one doctor, and to me he's like god. In all the 24 years I have been going to him, he's been right about everything I've ever had, but then nothing I've ever had has been quite like this. When I was 12 just after I had to leave school to be home educated due to severe bullying, I had chronic headaches every single day for over a year. I went to see this doctor every Tuesday afternoon. He never once put me forward for an MRI scan, because he knew it was all down to the stress I went through at school, and it took me 2 years to fully recover from these headaches. And as for my current situation, he wouldn't even put me through for an MRI then, I had to pay privately as once again, he knew there was nothing wrong and was more concerned about me wasting my money. Ad not only that, I have seen 6 other doctors this year who say the same thing. But when you're so ill, it's so very difficult to believe them.

I still worry about the MRI scan. I never got to see the photos, and I worry they might have not looked hard enough considering my 'hypochondria' label that pops up on every doctor's computer screens. Or it's one of these rare brain disorders very few doctors or neurologists have heard of, yet I found on Google. And then there's disorders such as dementia, huntington's, motor neurone, etc. that don't show up on MRI scans, and can only be diagnosed seeing a neurologist. I know deep down I should believe the test results, and I even swore to everyone once I had this MRI scan this would be the end of it, but when you still feel like you're dying, it's hard not to have that doubt. Those neurological diseases you spoke on the fourth paragraph are very rare and almost always dependant on genetic factors. If you don't have no one remotely like that on your close family, then your chances of having such disturbances are very low. Your chances of being the first in your family to suffer such mutation are even lower, virtually zero.

And even though the MRI would not show these degenerative diseases in their early stage it's not that hard to spot a degenerative disease through other means. Degenerative diseases have a very clear pattern of progression, it's what differentiates one from another, but all of them have one thing in common: The first pathway affected is always the peripheral neural system, this is the first thing to go or the most affected. By the time it starts affecting your vision, your cognitive function, your memory and etc, you would already have medium to severe loss of motor and sensor function, and these can be easily spotted in a single neurological exam, you don't even need machine tests.

By the way, you should put pressure on the clinic who did your MRI to give you the images, it's good to have a medical history handy at home.


Since 2010, on and off I have suffered with quite severe palpitations, can have them non stop all day, and then go months with none whatsoever. Had nothing now since last September *touch wood* In 2010 I even had an echocardiogram, and about 2 ECGs a year ever since, but always comes back fine. I don't tend to worry about my heart now, or at least while the palpitations are at bay. Palpilations are in 99% of the time just signs of nutrition deficiency plus stress and lack of sleep. They almost always disappear after you fix at least two of the three.


I've gone back to my doctor asking if there was any kind of blood test I haven't had that I could have, but he said I was put through for everything. The only blood tests I haven't had and that I really want is a mercury test, lyme disease test and lead poisoning test, but I was told they don't do this at their doctors surgery. Poisoning would affect people that are close to you and have a similar lifestyle. Their nature is enviromental so people that frequent enviroments similar to you would also suffer from it. I don't think you should bother.

Lyme… I think that depends more on how much of a outdoorsman person you've been in your life recently.


I must say, it all started very small, my symptoms. 5 days before my Dad's cancer diagnosis, because I just knew it was going to be bad news. And it wasn't until after my Dad got his terminal diagnosis that my symptoms deteriorated rapidly. Whilst my family went up to see him, I never did. I was told not to because I was already going through so much, and I was too scared to see him on his death bed. I would sit in the hospital cafe and battle my own chronic symptoms. To the point of being sofa-ridden for about 2 months afterwards, and the day he got his terminal diagnosis I never went in my bedroom at all for months, only this past fortnight sitting in here again. Having to sleep in with my Mother due to fear I will die in the night if I'm on my own.
I also had the fear of sudden death during sleep. There was a time I was so afrad of sleeping that I would spent days awake, having microsleep, instead of sleeping right. And if I forced myself to sleep, I would have myoclonic jerks and panic attacks when I was almost asleep. Had to ask my wife to check on me during the night.

It's ironic really, lack of sleep is more damaging to our health than sleep. Sudden death from sleep occurs only in people with advanced diseases like diabetes, hypoglicemia, heart failure and so on. If your tests came normal, it's not something you should worry about.


I can see why you classed it as extreme mental stress, it all happened so quickly, and, my brain and body just couldn't take it (maybe).

I'm actually really pleased to hear visual problems, hearing loss, cognitive loss and memory loss can be part of it. I Google these symptoms, but they never show up on anxiety lists. I have never experienced the classic anxiety symptoms like chest tightness, sweating, racing heartbeat, etc. which is why I'm so set on it not being anxiety.

Another thing that worries me, is these symptoms are here 24/7 and have been for months. They never disappear (ok, well apart from the 2nd list I made). It's not like with a panic attack where you go back to normal after. I'm not even anxious or panicking as such, admittedly I was every day for a very long time freaking out and having breakdowns (everyone was seriously worried I was going to end up having a stroke or a heart attack it was that severe), but I have been calm for well over a month now and still the symptoms are here and no better. Well, the loose psychological criteria for an anxiety diagnosis would be multiple panic attacks in a few months accompanied by extreme worry, usually worry about death (either your own or someone important to you) or by extreme fear of loss. The symptoms themselves will vary from person to person as they're mostly somatic in nature, so they can manifest in almost any form. The racing heart, feeling of imminent doom, desperation and the numbness are the most classic because they're everyone's, even-non anxious people, natural response to fear, worry and dangerous situations. All the other symptoms are either psychogenic or side-effects from the natural response to dangerous situations.

The anxiety syndrome always comes from the belief that you're in a very dangerous situation that can cause you great harm to you if you don't do anything about it, thus you body starts to prepare itself to do something about it, usually in the form of an adrenaline storm. The adrenaline storm intensifies the worry and the need for an immediate action, feeding on itself and creating the panic attack.

The excessive worry state is very similar to excessive stress state, both are pretty much the same actually, and will cause a multitude of symptoms regardless if you've been suffering from panic attacks recently or not. That's why you can suffer from symptoms of anxiety without feeling particularly anxious or having any kind of panic attacks recently.

The symptoms almost always manifest around your primary worry. If you worry about heart diseases, you will start to have heart symptoms, if you worry about digestive diseases you'll have digestive symptoms, if you worry about neurological diseases, you will have neurological symptoms. These symptoms can change from one day to another as you change the focus of your worries, making the old symptoms disappear and new ones show up.

On my first bouts of anxiety my first worry was heart diseases so I had lots of heart symptoms, the one that bothered me the most was a constant tingling on my left hand. 24 hours a day, for about a month and a half. Then it suddenly vanished… as I started to worry about neurological diseases...


You're right there though, about my body eating up all the nutrients. When I was at my worst having breakdowns every day, I lost over a stone in just over a week, and I was like a skeleton. I didn't eat very much at the time, but my god did I look a bag of nerves. Even my head shook as my neck muscles were so tense. I guess this is why hypochondriacs most of the time are as skinny as a rake. And weight loss is even further ahead than nutrient defiency. By the time you're losing weight you already developed some nutrient deficiency for some time.




Bizarrely, I was on Citalopram for 3 years before, and never had any side effects bar severe fatigue where all I would do is sleep all day and all night, and never feel refreshed. It helped my anxiety a lot, and considerably cut down my doctors visits. I came off them in May last year due to not being able to have a life sleeping all day. I have tried on two occasions going back on it on the lowest dose this year, but within a few hours my vision goes completely blurry, my heart rate rapidly increases, I can't walk around as I get too dizzy, and I generally feel like I'm dying. The 2nd time I rung a paramedic! I tried one Setraline tablet and again, same symptoms. Respiridone, again, same symptoms. I know I never gave them long enough, but I was in a MASSIVELY bad state after just one tablet each time. I had similar reaction when taking more strong doses of benzodiazepines, like Klonopin (clonazepam). I guess some of it it's really psychologhical, as I would start to feel better from taking the drug in an incredibly fast time. Like, in one minute I would be bed ridden moaning about the side effects, and the other I would be alright. I guess that starting with really low doses so we don't freak out is the trick. Even the agomelatine I would take half the smallest dose on the first days, just so I could get used to taking it.


My doctor won't sympathise with me any more, nor my Mum. People now think I'm not taking them because I want to be ill, which of course is not the case. That I 'can't help myself' and that I'm not going to get better until I take them. Apparently my chemical imbalance is all off, and this is why I feel so ill and need this medication to sort it, but I know taking this medication is going to do bugger all, as I'm convinced it's some neurological disease. But like my doctor said if you don't listen or believe me whose seen thousands of people walk through my door with your symptoms after 30 years, who are you going to believe.
Same here. After some many years ringing false alarms we start to feel like that boy from the Aesop's fables, The Boy Who Cried Wolf. The difference being, the boy in the tale was just being a dick, we are truly scared about the wolf, but I can understand how annoying that must be for people who never went through what we went through. A panic attack really is the same as an almost dying experience, that's why it's so psychologically damaging. And on day to day life, normal people can expend their whole lives without ever really feeling the touch of death on their necks, they wouldn't be able to really sympathize even if they wanted to.

On the bright side, I heard that people who manage to conquer their anxiety become very resilient to the concept of death itself. I thought it was a bunch of ******** when I first read about it but now that I'm healing I'm starting to understand what they mean.


The only thing CBT has helped me with so far, is re-engaging with my interests. I was chronically depressed for at least 2 months, I would just lay on the sofa all day and spend at least 7 hours a day on Dr Google looking up my symptoms, but after re-engaging with my one particular interest it has given me a tiny bit of happiness in this miserable life I am leading currently, but my mind still 24/7 delusional which I am aware of constantly all day and night. But other than that? CBT has been no help at all, because I still feel all I need is medical help.
CBT doesn't help much on people who are natural perfectionist and natural pessimists. I'm both, it didn't work much on me either. For CBT to work you have to stop being defensive, stop being pessimist and stop searching for perfect answers or results. It trains you to stopping thinking like that, but only if you let the CBT get inside your mind to begin with, which is hard for people who are perfectionist and pessimist as it forces you to give up a part of yourself. The only thing it did was that it gave some good ideas for mental exercises to stop panic attacks dead on their tracks, but not much more than this.


I have recently started taking Vitamin B and Primrose Oil not really by choice, but because Mum spent £18 on the stuff and I figured anything was worth a try. No help though. I do exercise every day by taking my dogs for a walk. Vitamins help, but not much, many times it doesn't do jackshit. A complete diet helps a lot though. Most vitamin mix do not have all the nutrients necessary to really feel well, small stuff that help activate others resources on our bodies, eating well is always better.


Glad to hear your anxiety is near enough gone now http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAABQAAAAUCAMAAAC 6V+0/AAADAFBMVEUAAABDNBBfSRRsTgdoTAhiTRltUgllUB1pVCByXz F0YjV3Zjp4Zjt6aT97akCJZAePbQqabweScgybcAeedgqafhCi fAutfQelgg6ohg+nihGtjxK1jg68iwm+kAuwkxKShWOflXihln qimHzAkgvNmgrSnQrCpBXNqhTVoQvYpw3brhDSsRXcshLitxLl uxTnxBjpwxbpxxnuyxnv0Rzwzhr01Bz42x7+5SGmnILQzsTS0M fU08vY19DY2NHd3djk5ePu8fP////8A/sAAAD///8AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADMLwaJ AAAARHRSTlP/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////AHHSjxIAAADqSURBVHicbdANb4IwEAZgKgIRFjen29wimSuTqW WcWNsi6oDw//+TZwE/Ft+kTfqkbe7OqO7E0Hu53/Ytq7/dlxcsAvsj4nw+NoOixdx92SiM5PDs/tWYOz8q1VGb1cTJT1hOPxtLlRLwOi0Rd7bEM6mXTJidIVJ9sUE l4mGA6EU3CN8eosPbL1ONMwfRWt1grPEhksYZpfHrn57Td6FIe 5HAcviFmNkgG5UkYaGZ6eLHCZdEZ83CgS4e25xAwoXga2CLt7r Nqjq4TywGiNly9tg7nEdHzZG/CP1BlxbXQ6Zep+PR3dWQ/+cIOA1MuqOncV0AAAAASUVORK5CYII= Well done! I hope one day I will return to normal too, but not getting my hopes up (I'm so negative lol). I know though that I won't be getting over this without medication, one day I'm just going to have to take it as my very last option, but I just keep putting it off and putting it off... for now.

I do try and do happier things like sewing, listening to music, drawing, but 24/7 my mind still feels delusional no matter what I do. I think the one thing lacking in my life is friends to meet up with. I haven't socialised with anyone in months, and I know this doesn't help my situation.
Friends can help, if you don't have social anxiety.

On that issue I can't help much, sorry. I've been a very antisocial person, and it never bothered me much really. On school I was the excluded kid, suffered bullying as well, but as I am a man, people just shrugged and told me to tough it up, it's what I did, I developed thick skin for social interactions. Even today I don't have many friends, one I guess, and it doesn't really bother me.

I'm married though, so I can get all the social interaction I need from my significant other. I'm satisfied.




You're right about CBT specialists. Sometimes I will jokingly say something, but the guy never laughs or shows any expression, I find this slightly uncomfortable and I go in nervous with each visit. They're currently trying to sort me out a psychiatrist, where I hope I can talk more about my personal underlying issues I am unable to discuss with friends and family, but I have not heard back.
Heh, from my experience, psychiatrist are even worse… They talk to you on the first or second visit only, then it's always “Are you feeling ok? Anything serious happened lately on your life?” If the answer is no they give you the usual prescription and so long. If the answer is yes, they just up the drug dose and that's it, they are more like prescription machines than someone to talk to.

If I were you, I would search for an oldschool psychologist, psychoanalyses really. Even if they can't fix you, they're good to at least vent out with some valuable insight returning back.


Oh my gosh, that's dreadful. I'm so sorry :( That must have been extremely difficult to have to grow up with, I can only imagine. Before my Dad died, I was already dealing with grief from my family who I miss dearly. Both my grandmother's died close together when I was young 1997 and 1999, then my 42 year old auntie who I was very close to suddenly died in her sleep unexpectedly in 2009, and between 2007-2009 I lost 3 pets all very sudden. I have no family left now bar my Mum, one auntie, uncle and cousin. No siblings, no friends, so life is very lonely. And all I do is watch old video footage of my childhood when my family was alive and I was happy. I only started properly grieving over everyone last year, suddenly after all these years, then my Dad died on top of that. I definitely do need some specialist help regarding this situation, too. That's a lot of deaths in small time span, you should really bring that out on a psychologist. I saw a lot of close death very suddenly when I was little, but to compensate for that, there weren't many people left to die in my family after that so I hadn't to deal with constant grieving. It can weight a lot on your life, specially if you have to confront your own mortality while still young.


The thing is, I've been calm for over a month now and still the symptoms are worsening. But I was told a nervous breakdown can take up to 2 years to recover from. That's correct. To be frank, there are some people who can heal themselves quickly, 6 months is the shortest time doctors can give, normally, but the usual is around 1 year and a half, 2 or more if the person is not taking the meds. You life has to go through a normal phase for sometime before your brain chemistry go back to normal. Many months for that.


Oh yes, I love Japan! But I mainly got the username from the fact the fandoms I am into are Japanese in origin, thus everyone in the online fan base often had Japanese usernames which I loved. I then Googled "Japanese girls names" and I found a site which listed names and their meanings. I especially liked the name Mizuki which meant moon, and I thought the two put together sounded rather good http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAABQAAAAUCAMAAAC 6V+0/AAADAFBMVEUAAABDNBBfSRRsTgdoTAhiTRltUgllUB1pVCByXz F0YjV3Zjp4Zjt6aT97akCJZAePbQqabweScgybcAeedgqafhCi fAutfQelgg6ohg+nihGtjxK1jg68iwm+kAuwkxKShWOflXihln qimHzAkgvNmgrSnQrCpBXNqhTVoQvYpw3brhDSsRXcshLitxLl uxTnxBjpwxbpxxnuyxnv0Rzwzhr01Bz42x7+5SGmnILQzsTS0M fU08vY19DY2NHd3djk5ePu8fP////8A/sAAAD///8AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADMLwaJ AAAARHRSTlP/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////AHHSjxIAAADqSURBVHicbdANb4IwEAZgKgIRFjen29wimSuTqW WcWNsi6oDw//+TZwE/Ft+kTfqkbe7OqO7E0Hu53/Ytq7/dlxcsAvsj4nw+NoOixdx92SiM5PDs/tWYOz8q1VGb1cTJT1hOPxtLlRLwOi0Rd7bEM6mXTJidIVJ9sUE l4mGA6EU3CN8eosPbL1ONMwfRWt1grPEhksYZpfHrn57Td6FIe 5HAcviFmNkgG5UkYaGZ6eLHCZdEZ83CgS4e25xAwoXga2CLt7r Nqjq4TywGiNly9tg7nEdHzZG/CP1BlxbXQ6Zep+PR3dWQ/+cIOA1MuqOncV0AAAAASUVORK5CYII= That's good. Passions can give life more color. It reminds us that life is worth living and can help us taking the focus away from our health.

[vicbanana]

All I can say is I know what youre going through and it sucks. I have some of your symptoms, some not, but Ive had a neurology exam done by the doctor yesterday and he said I was fine but I was not convinced. Why? Because even though I felt better I still lost balance at the store today and I keep forgetting words and accidentally slurring some. Not to mention I have some neck and shoulder pain, but its due to muscle strain most probably. Im just so tense. I dont know if this is crazy health anxiety or bad post partum anxiety but I am referred to a psychologist and Im hoping itll help. After a shock I went through years ago with my mom being sick and school stress and once thinking I had something wrong with me, I have been so anxious and even on antidepressants which I went off of, and Im wondering now if that was a mistake. This is breaking my marriage apart because my husband has enough of this and im bringing everyone down. Oh and not to mention Im almost 22.

[busterrufus]

I have feeling blood is boiling inl legs mizukkiimoon. Legs ache burn and twitch. Ends of fingers started to tingle. Every day now. Feeling rises in body and makes me heave

I feel like im dying or going to have seizure

[JonnyUK]

I came here because I am fed up with what I assume is GAD. My vision bounces and swings all the time, I am fed up with it, mine began when I took a sinus tablet last October. I don't think that belongs to one of the toxic medicines so not sure what is going on. I notice you also suffer from this bouncing. I hate looking in the distance as it bounces more. Everything I look at moves slightly. So fed up with this.