View Full Version : Feel I have lost my way :(
So after 22 years of teaching it has come to this. I feel that I have lost my way and my identity. i find myself looking in the mirror waiting for something to click that gives me confidence to go forward, think positively and hope that I still have a career. I am a great teacher, so I have been told, but have lost all my confidence. I am trying to be proactive with reading, exercising, CBT etc but keep waiting for these tablets to make a difference, to give me a inner calm that I have never had. I am ok but work is a major stress factor for me hence the 7 weeks off. I am still on edge, tremble inside and have constant mind chatter. Are these tablets right for me? How long before I go back to the GP to increase dose or change meds? Feeling lost :(
Thank you. I am trying to keep positive. I seem to keep withdrawing and withdrawing. It started at work by avoiding meetings, now I avoid school and my classroom but I was not in a good place. Yes you are right I would not get through this without the meds I believe so hopefully they are doing something.
Hi Andy
May I ask how long you have been on the tablets and also what tablets they are that you are on?
Firstly I will start by saying that in my experience, each episode of my anxiety and depression has been brought on via work situations. That's not to say it hasnt always been with me but I had coped with it until two specific episodes.
I think that work is the main driver for a lot of people, I assume this is because in reality, the workplace is quite an odd and contrived arena where people are forced to interact with people they would not normally choose in a social setting.
You saying you have been told you are a good teacher is clearly 100% correct. I was at one stage at the top of my game so to speak until a certain situation shook my cage and next minute all confidence had gone and friends and colleagues could not understand why I was no longer the professional they obviously viewed me as so I can fully appreciate and empathise with that one.
In terms of tablets, different people react differently to different meds. What I would say is if they are SSRI meds then they can take a good couple of months to bed in properly and within that time it is common for them to increase your anxiety symptoms. This is something that a lot of people seem to struggle with and stop taking them which makes things all the more worse with withdrawal. My advice, depending if youve only been on them a short time is to stick with it, if you can tell yourself its the tablets then you can battle through the heightened anxiety, not an easy task but you will start to have periods where you feel more like your old self.
Those periods should gradually become longer but you will need to work with the meds and Id suggest keeping the CBT up at the same time to give you a second layer or framework with which to refocus.
Everyone is different but I would suggest that if you notice no discernable improvement within say 2-3 months then please go back to your GP as they may either switch you onto a different med that is better for you. Any decent doctor will not increase the dose of something unless you demonstrate to them that the meds have helped a bit but not enough if that makes sense.
Hang on in there, you can and will make it :)
So after 22 years of teaching it has come to this. I feel that I have lost my way and my identity. i find myself looking in the mirror waiting for something to click that gives me confidence to go forward, think positively and hope that I still have a career. I am a great teacher, so I have been told, but have lost all my confidence. I am trying to be proactive with reading, exercising, CBT etc but keep waiting for these tablets to make a difference, to give me a inner calm that I have never had. I am ok but work is a major stress factor for me hence the 7 weeks off. I am still on edge, tremble inside and have constant mind chatter. Are these tablets right for me? How long before I go back to the GP to increase dose or change meds? Feeling lost :(
Thanks Andy. What a positive post, really helped me. I am on 20mg of citalopram. Was on 10mg for 2 weeks then 20mg for 5 weeks. So into my 8th week. My anxiety has always been with me since school and I have just hid or avoided it well. I am on my third lot of CBT, I totally get it but because my anxiety is situational it's quite hard to implement if I withdraw from the situation. I had 2 weeks of bad side effects but very little now apart from anxiety still there. Were you on meds? Did you recover?
Thanks Andy. What a positive post, really helped me. I am on 20mg of citalopram. Was on 10mg for 2 weeks then 20mg for 5 weeks. So into my 8th week. My anxiety has always been with me since school and I have just hid or avoided it well. I am on my third lot of CBT, I totally get it but because my anxiety is situational it's quite hard to implement if I withdraw from the situation. I had 2 weeks of bad side effects but very little now apart from anxiety still there. Were you on meds? Did you recover?
Hi Andy
Thanks for clarifying. Im on Cit too so we are on the same page. I went reluctantly on them several years ago and was on them for around 3 years, I eventually felt that I was coping better so gradually weaned myself off them (if you do decide to come off whatever you do DONT stop them dead as your current state of mind will feel like a walk in the park, trust me). Not that youre coming off them, youre at the start of the journey, my thoughts are as follows:
I get that situational thing so Im guessing its probably more of a social anxiety you are battling with. Im the same more than happy with my own company until people are involved etc.
I have recently gone back on the Cit but from experience last time I decided to see if I could control the situation with the smallest dose possible, was prescribed 10mg, started cutting them and taking 5, after around 3 months I still have my off days but am managing to hold down a new job in a totally unrelated field to previous work and starting to feel more like myself again give or take the odd blip.
For the doctor to up your dose so quickly Im not surprised youre feeling it, it amazes me how many GP's will prescribe so easily without any explanation of what SSRI's are likely to do to you. We are all different so here, based on my experience is what will likely happen:
I think 8 weeks with a 10mg jump after 2 weeks is probably the issue.
Now youre on 20, you need to ride it out, only expose yourself to social situations gradually and where necessary.
You may think the side effects have gone, some may have but I'd put money on the heightened anxiety being you getting used to a jump in dose
Ride it out for say another month to 6 weeks, I know it sounds like a long time but the SSRI's are remapping your brain chemistry and the flow of seratonin, they will also be having effects as your body becomes used to them too.
If after say another 6- 8 weeks you havent at least had some better periods or even better days then consider returning to the GP. It can seem like a very long road but when you come out of the other side, you will still have your anxiety, you will just manage it far more easily and with the help of the meds and the CBT be able to spot it and move forward
Hope this help and good luck!! :)
Thanks Andy. Great help. Just another question. I have been off school for some 7 weeks and term finishes in 10 days. I am considering going back in to see my colleagues and maybe back to teach however the thought fills me with anxiety. Do you think it's too early to return to work, afraid it might set me back. I know everyone is different just wanted another opinion. Obviously I will have summer holidays to heal but thinking if I don't test the water now I may never go back. I have taken propranolol in the past to help with getting me into the situation.
Thanks Andy. Great help. Just another question. I have been off school for some 7 weeks and term finishes in 10 days. I am considering going back in to see my colleagues and maybe back to teach however the thought fills me with anxiety. Do you think it's too early to return to work, afraid it might set me back. I know everyone is different just wanted another opinion. Obviously I will have summer holidays to heal but thinking if I don't test the water now I may never go back. I have taken propranolol in the past to help with getting me into the situation.
I think the answer to that probably lies with how ready you actually feel in yourself? If work are understanding of your situation then I would hazard a guess that its only you yourself who feels like you 'must' go back else you will continue downwards?
If that is the case then imagine if the meds work properly and in September you feel a different person? May be worth letting it ride until youre out of the woods or speak with them and plan the odd day where you can confront things but safe in the knowledge that youre on a journey and that it is a phased return, youre in the driving seat really, especially if your employer is fully aware of your situation as to interfere with your recovery could land them in equality and diversity waters if you get my drift.
Hope that helps, its your call as only you know whether it would make you worse at the present moment, and theres always that alluring prospect of lots of time off to be you :)
Great help. Thank you.
:)
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.