New job - freaking out

[PenelopeP]

So I moved six weeks ago from a town where I lived my entire life. I'm now living somewhere I don't know. My husband has a wonderful new job over here.

I've been at home and letting my anxiety flare up over the past six months. I'm now due to start a new job on Wednesday.

I can't do it.

It's a senior position and one which I'm under qualified for.

I'm so scared about the commute, the people, the work, the pressure.

My husband is really busy at work so can't talk to me even though I'm really worked up, crying and panicking. I've asked if he can work from home tomorrow so I have support but he can't because he has to be in the office for a meeting.

Everything feels too much. I can't cope with it all. I want to turn back to my meds. I want to end everything. There's too many changes. Too much for me to deal with. I don't know or understand the job I'm going into.

I just want to give up.

[vicky23]

oh Penelope I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.
It sounds like it's a big change for both you and your hubby.
At times of stress we tend to let negative self talk take over so maybe that's why you're feeling like you can't do it.
I really hope that it goes well for you on your first day, remember it takes everyone time to adjust to a new job so I'm sure people will help you out.
Maybe you need to go back on the meds to get your through this difficult patch or try a talking therapy to help you get your thinking more positive. I find it helpful to remember my past accomplishments when I'm having a difficult time, it can boost confidence.
All best wishes
XX

[PenelopeP]

Thanks Vicky.

I'm sitting at home and can't stop myself crying. I can't get the positive thoughts in. I then struggle to breathe before just sitting and staring. If my husband doesn't reply then I start to worry about that too.

I feel so much pressure about this job. I wish I had a side step new job rather than such a massive step up. It's an awful commute too - or so I'm told.

I then think that even if the first day goes ok I will have to go to meetings and more pressures and stress starts for me.

I feel that it will honestly be easier all round if I say goodbye to this life.

[Dougie]

How is it going Penelope?

For what it's worth, I was in a similar position about a year ago. I left teaching after 16 years and went into a field I know nothing about. I felt the same as you: panic, fear, sickness, anxiety, insomnia - the works. I had to commute into London and spend day after day in exhausting training. I'll be honest - it was absolutely awful. And I cried at how hard it was and every moment felt like it had to be endured. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done and just to carry on breathing required superhuman strength. But I did get through it. After a few months, I started to understand what the job was about and to get a handle on it, and bit by bit, things got easier. I'm glad I stuck it out.

However, my job doesn't sound nearly as stressful as yours. What would it feel like to say that the job isn't the right one for you right now and you need something with less stress and less commute? Im glad I stuck at mine, but I'd also be glad right now if I had walked away from it for the sake of my health. At the time I was thinking I'll be washed up forever and never able to get another job etc. But the truth is that I was in a sticky mess and just needed time. Don't force yourself to do something that is not good for you. If you are sticking with it, then take heart, this horrible period will pass.

Take care