Rycbar
13-07-16, 02:26
Hi I'm rycbar
I have anxiety. I think pretty bad. I sort of feel like I'm not real and I'm having my life projected into my memory. I'm getting to the point where I can't see the difference between the rational and irrational things that I worry about. And it's self feeding. I worry that my boyfriend is going to leave me and I bottle it up until I have a meltdown and tell him that I think he's going to leave me. He reassures me that he loves me and he's going nowhere. But then I worry that I've now put the thought into his head and now he's definitely going to leave me and then it just repeats and repeats. He says it's irrational. My sane self says it's irrational. But every inch of me still hurts with worry.
I'm starting to feel like everything I worry about is horrific and should be worried about at all times. When my rational self says everything will work out and this will pass, my anxious self says that's wrong and worries more.
I'm concerned about taking anti anxiety/depression medication because it feels a bit like rose tinted glasses, I'll be blocking out the real world and sinking deeper into the matrix as such.
Right now the anxious part of me is telling the rational part of me that medication is wrong this is how life is supposed to be and its just like this massive internal struggle.
I know there's stuff like CBT but the thought of trying to fix the anxiety that way terrifies me. I want to poison the beast, not tease it and poke it with sticks.
I can't tell myself nice things because it's ridiculous and I'm not going to brainwash myself into thinking something stupid.
I have anxiety. I think pretty bad. I sort of feel like I'm not real and I'm having my life projected into my memory. I'm getting to the point where I can't see the difference between the rational and irrational things that I worry about. And it's self feeding. I worry that my boyfriend is going to leave me and I bottle it up until I have a meltdown and tell him that I think he's going to leave me. He reassures me that he loves me and he's going nowhere. But then I worry that I've now put the thought into his head and now he's definitely going to leave me and then it just repeats and repeats. He says it's irrational. My sane self says it's irrational. But every inch of me still hurts with worry.
I'm starting to feel like everything I worry about is horrific and should be worried about at all times. When my rational self says everything will work out and this will pass, my anxious self says that's wrong and worries more.
I'm concerned about taking anti anxiety/depression medication because it feels a bit like rose tinted glasses, I'll be blocking out the real world and sinking deeper into the matrix as such.
Right now the anxious part of me is telling the rational part of me that medication is wrong this is how life is supposed to be and its just like this massive internal struggle.
I know there's stuff like CBT but the thought of trying to fix the anxiety that way terrifies me. I want to poison the beast, not tease it and poke it with sticks.
I can't tell myself nice things because it's ridiculous and I'm not going to brainwash myself into thinking something stupid.