When will it end?

[elik]

I can't cope with the idea of suffering like this for the foreseeable future, my mind has become an expert of petrifying me that I spend most of my time in an anxious and depressive state and not who I want to be. I feel completely drained, defeated and alone in this battle. I feel guilt towards my close ones because they have to be burdened with this hence why I never speak to people about it unless I'm close to breaking point. I just can't catch a break with it, I'm so uncomfortable being me and honestly cannot see the purpose of my existence other than utter torture of my own self.

[misslove]

First you need to accept you have anxiety and depression. Fighting it is the worst thing you can do. It's there and you gotta deal with it. I spent many years keeping it my deep dark secret and hiding away. But it got to the point where it couldn't be a secret and my close family found out. I was afraid them knowing would make me seem weak. But it has made me stronger! Knowing that they care and are trying to understand and help. When you can admit to people close that you need help you'll start to feel better. Anxiety and depression isn't something you can fight on your own. Believe me I have tried! If they love you they won't feel burdened by your feelings. They will want to help. It's a long road to recovery but you don't have to travel it alone. Also, make sure you take time to yourself. Go for walks or watch a movie. Something that you like to do! Hope I could help. I know how your feeling we have all been there but people will help if you let them!

[lg123]

I feel exactly the same as you about thinking I can't cope with feeling like this for the foreseeable future - the thought of it makes me so depressed. Maybe that's where mindfulness comes in - living in the moment and appreciating the times when you feel ok, trying to maximise those and minimise the times when you feel awful. Also, I know I am looking for something that makes me feel better really quickly rather than committing to getting into better mental habits that will benefit me in the long run. When my therapist said that it takes time and I should be kind to myself, I was like "no, I want to feel better now."

One thing that really surprised me the first time around when I had a bit of a breakdown due to anxiety, was that when I opened up to people, a lot of them had their own stories about anxiety or depression to tell. People I'd never even expected had been there too. It actually made some friendships stronger because we were able to bond over the (horrible) shared experience. And I become closer to people I hadn't known very well before because they turned out to be the greatest support.

The problem with not telling people you care about is that they feel much more helpless when they see you struggling (well that's my experience anyway).

My sister has some very serious problems and it's all made much more difficult by the fact she won't talk to us about it. I'm not entirely sure it's for the same reason, but we all care and want to help and it's never a burden.

[elik]

Thank you both, I just feel so uncomfortable all the time no matter how good I seem. I have irrational thoughts 90% of the time and to add to the anxiety the idea that my irrationality will stem into actions and then guilt and so forth so I'm perpetually scared and unsure. I don't speak to anyone about it other than my therapist through fear of judgement and the very common knowledge they will not understand me. Therefore I'm alone and suffering, trapped by this blind disease.