View Full Version : What the hell!!
Hi everyone I have suffered with dp for around 6 months now
But I have only encountered this symptom a couple of weeks ago. It feels as if I am not me anymore. As if I am just uncomfortable just being me. As if I am some one else in a way. The feeling is constant and it's so scary / upsetting as it feels like I am
Not me anymore. ( it is really hard to describe) just wondering if anyone can relate. Many thanks
Ian
I had this many years ago Ian, and have had it since, but in a much milder way, although it freaks me out every time.
I totally sympathise as it truly is a very scary symptom of high anxiety.
It is another facet of DP/DR I think. The same way that DP is the mind's way of removing us or cushioning us from the feelings of the anxiety, our minds also trick us into not feeling like ourselves anymore - that feeling you describe of being someone else.
I remember that oh so well. I recall looking in the mirror, drying my hair and bursting into tears with fear as I felt like I was looking at a total stranger. It was bizarre and frightening. Like I was in somebody else's body and yet I knew it was me, if that makes sense. It is a really hard thing to explain to others.
Please try not to let this overwhelm you. It is all part of the awful DP/DR. If your anxiety is able to come down a bit - distraction really does help a lot - this feeling will subside, I assure you. :hugs:
hi debs. i have suffered with the "not feeling here " which was awful however that has passed now and moved onto this new symptom and i have to say its the worst one yet. i really struggle to describe it. its like i just don't feel like me anymore, and I'm very uncomfortable just being me. i used to be uncomfortable with the feelings i have but now I'm just uncomfortable just being "me" if that makes sense. will it eventually pass debs as it is hard to distract yourself when u feel like your not you anymore :(
Yes, it will pass, I absolutely can assure you, Ian.
At the moment you won't be able to grasp that as the anxiety is too great and casts a load of doubts in our heads. I do know what you mean - it is hard to do other stuff and distract the mind when it is so bombarded with feeling awful, but any little thing helps, be it going out for a walk, going up the shops for even the smallest thing, playing an online game, anything is worth a try and really does help.
Feelings like this horrible one are best handled by trying not to give them power. By that I mean trying to keep busy and your mind elsewhere. It is the quiet times and sitting and dwelling on not feeling like yourself that will just exacerbate the sensation. The mind finds it hard to fuel that sensation if it is occupied elsewhere.
I know this sounds too much, or stupid - like it won't work at all, but it honestly does. When I had it, my Dad made me come downstairs from my room and watch a film with him. I had periodic moments of feeling that unreality and 'not me' sensation, and would have a cry, but in between it really did help me a lot, also to be around familiar people - family, friends - helps ground you and remind you of who you are.
hi debs many thanks for the reply. when you had it debs was it constant? i mean it is constant with me and it is so so weird and scary i cant handle it :( its hard to take your mind off it because i don't feel like me and will always be me if that makes any sense :( I'm just sick of it all
Keepitcool78
15-07-16, 22:33
Ugh I know the exact feeling you have. I've been there! And it comes and goes, some times it is so strong that and it makes me feel so uneasy and causes me to panic. Here's what helps me: the person who is getting very scared and uneasy about the feeling is the real YOU. You are just reacting to this strange sensation of nerves that are trying to confuse you. After all, as anxiety sufferers - our nerves are normally just out of control.
Try to let the feeling just be there. Try not to fight it and try to remind yourself that you are still there! The you who is getting so frustrated by this feeling!!!
Hope this helps!
hi thank u very much for the reply. i will give it a try but it is there permanently :(
Ian, I know it is scary and daunting, but do try to keep busy if you can. When I had it, yep, I had it pretty constantly for days on end.
The reason it is constant and swamping you is because - as keepitcool78 brilliantly described - the YOU that knows this feeling is not normal (the real you) is fixated on the sensation of feeling alien, so this perpetuates the cycle.
The key is to BREAK IT, and that is done through a variety of methods which ALL involve lowering your anxiety levels. Are you receiving any treatment? 6 months of DP is a hell of a long time. It should not be suffered that long if your anxiety is being properly treated and dealt with. DP is usually during the peak time of anxiety in my experience, that being when you are either not being treated or are at the start of being treated, when anxiety can heighten, and then start to get better. If your DP has been going on that long, that is why you have now developed this facet of it.
I was exactly the same when I first started medication years ago. I started off with basic DP/DR - feeling like everything wasn't real around me, feeling like I was in a film, etc, but then this progressed on to the feeling you have - that I wasn't me, that I felt alien in my own body, that I was a stranger to myself. The further into meds I got, the better I eventually felt, but during that time I did everything I could to stay grounded in reality personally, which is where distraction comes in.
Please give it a try. While you are static and petrified by this feeling, it will linger on, but deviating your mind away from it helps squash it down.
hi debs thanks for the reply.
yes i have it for 6 months. the feelings change though and my mind gets obsessed with it. i also suffer with ocd swell :(
i am on 400mg of quetiapine and 225 of venlafaxine (which i increased 18 days ago and still hoping it starts to do something for me at a higher dose)
i do try and keep myself busy but it is so difficult :( i just want to be better
---------- Post added at 02:09 ---------- Previous post was at 02:05 ----------
i do have cbt debs but it does not work for me. i don't think the venlafaxine is going to work for me as i have been on 75mg for 3 weeks. 150mg for 6 weeks and now been on 225 for 18 days but the doc said my anxiety is that bad it may take a bit of time for the 225 to kick in. i just want a second of relief from it. i do not get a seconds relief :(
Sugarplum001
16-07-16, 05:59
I'm really struggling with this too. I feel like I don't know who I am and this isn't 'me'. Like I've never been here before and an imposter in this persons life! Is that kind of what you mean? I too have it constantly and am very scared...every time I wake up I feel like I don't know who I am or like I've just never been this person. It's so scaring and stopping me from doing anything now. I then realise I am this person and have been for 27 years and that starts freaking me out even more. I just don't feel right one bit. Xx
Hi sugarplum
Yes feel the same way. I think we both feel the same way but are describing it a little different as it's virtually impossible to describe it properly. It's so bizare.
Yeah I just feel like I am not me anymore it's so so awful. Xx
Sugarplum001
16-07-16, 17:08
Have you found anything that helps alittle? It seems to have just consumed me and I can't break from the horrible cycle of it. I started quite bad a year and half ago but had a couple of months where i managed it and was able to go out and do things but these last couple of months and especially last few weeks just seem to have escalated so much and I can't cope with the feelings. I don't even know what normal feels like anymore so I just don't know what I should feel I just know I don't feel right one bit...being me and a person feels so strange. Your right it's very hard to explain. Xx
hi there i have no idea what to do but it is awful :(
Ian, I know how you feel. I feel like I'm not myself and not present in reality. Also, it's like I've not got enough sensation in my limbs, if the limbs are even mine to begin with! :wacko:
its so strange. does it ever go
It does go. When I'm calm, I feel fine, but when I'm anxious... All my panic attacks manifest through depersonalisation. I wish I knew how to eliminate it, though, because it's so unsettling. Hang in there, Ian, you're definitely not alone in this. :)
Hi thanks for the reply
It's just I can't stop thinking about it :(
It's constant :(
Sugarplum001
17-07-16, 15:48
It's constant for me too. I totally understand the uncomfortable to be you feeling. I feel so strange and constantly feel odd and different like I don't know who I am and 'me' really doesn't feel right...I can feel it all over and don't know what's right anymore as it all just feels too strange. I've forced myself to go out a couple of times today but really struggling with it all. X
Hi sugarplum
Yeah it's awful isn't it
Do you take medication ?
I take venlafaxine and quetiapine
It'll go away, Ian, I promise. It's your focusing on it that's perpetuating the problem. If you can, please try and engage in an activity that really keeps you occupied.
Hi ana thanks for the message
It's just really hard to do anything as you don't feel like yourself
And your always going to be you
If that makes sense :/
I know what you mean. All you want to do is analyse your symptoms and dissect all your feelings; it's almost like a guilty pleasure in a way. I find that doing things is the only solution to getting rid of depersonalisation. Just this morning, as I was feeling anxious and detached, I gave myself the task to organise, in a chronological order, all the photographs I could find in the house. It sounds silly, but I spent over an hour and a half on it,and because it was an immersive task, it made the anxiety go away. :)
I experienced this when taking Citalopram 3 years ago. It ultimately made me switch meds as it was constantly and I couldn't focus on anything. As soon as I switched (I was given Paroxetine) it went, well within a matter of days not instantaneously.
It's awful I'm sorry you have dealt with this for so long.
hello thanks for the reply. yes this seemed to start to happen when i raised my ven to 225. but it could just be a coincidence. i really don't no :(
Hi guys. Do / did any of you guys have dp constantly. I mean where I'm constantly having the feelings that my body isn't mine, I'm
Not in control of my body etc... And I mean constant by never ever getting a seconds relief from it ?
Many thanks
Sugarplum001
18-07-16, 12:14
Hey, I have it constantly! I've been suffering for about a year and a half but it subsided abit for a couple of months and I was getting on 'ok' and beginning to enjoy something's again but the last couple of months (especially last few weeks) have been complete hell with it. I really try tell myself it's ok it's just from anxiety but then I'm at it again really bad...don't know if I'm here, been here before, real or not, body feels so strange, feel stranger to myself just everything and it's getting too much. I've not lost all interest in any hobbies I had so finding it hard to try and distract. I'm not taking any medication...just the odd diazepam but that will only take a little edge off not any of the feelings. I just feel like I'm getting worse each day and I want to be able to stop it and regain a life back. I've tried citalopram & fluxotine but I didn't get on well with those x
Hi sugar plum. Wow that's is a really long time
May I ask what caused your dp??
Maybe u need to try a new medication ??
Sugarplum001
18-07-16, 12:36
If I'm honest I'm really not sure! I think I just got run down with work and uni and then I got glandular fever and since then I've just not been right. I've been passed from pillar to post with the Drs and I'm at the end of my tether with it all now not know what to do. I sometimes see a private phychotherapist and I have group sessions for chronic fatigue but I'm just worrying there's something else wrong with it being so intense. Before I could feel it escalating and then it would last about 20 mins or so and then the intensity would lower but this last few weeks it's just not lowering x
I remember having it for 2 days straight back when my panic attacks first started, and I remember feeling that way a lot when I was still in school. Whether or not it went away after a month or two months, I couldn't tell you, but it was absolutely horrific, that I can tell you, so I really do understand what you're going through.
I haven't seen a change in 6 months :(
---------- Post added at 12:53 ---------- Previous post was at 12:51 ----------
I have cbt every week but it just does not work :(
I am on quetiapine 400mg daily and venlafaxine 225. I've been on the venlafaxine for 12 weeks now but only increased 3 weeks ago. So I am going to give it another 3 weeks so it has been 6 weeks total since I increased. Then I am going to ask to probably change meds
I'm sorry to hear that, Ian. Perhaps you do need to change medication, like you say, maybe they're not doing anything for you. Are you seeing a therapist, or considering talking to one?
Hi thanks for the reply
Yes I see a psychologist and am due to see the doctor tomorrow. I don't really wanna change meds as it is going to make me worse :(
I'm glad to hear you're seeing the doctor tomorrow. Well you never know, you might as well feel better if you change meds! :) I'm sure if you explained the situation to your doctor, they will be able to come up with ideas as to how to help you. I maintain it's about distracting yourself, though, until things get better. If you could figure out the reason why you get depersonalisation, that's half the battle won, in my opinion.
hi i no they have asked me why i get it but i honestly don't no :(
i suppose i will have to discuss meds with him tomorrow
That's a good idea, I think. Explain to the doctor how you feel. I don't think the 'why' is easy to figure out. If it were, there'd be no psychotherapy. :) I'm sure that, if you stick with therapy and find the right medication, you'll start feeling better. Determination and patience are key ingredients to battling this disorder.
Hi many thanks for the reply. Well I've just seen the doctor and he wants to keep me on the meds for another 6 weeks. He said a change now will upset me even more. He also said unfortunately there isn't a tablet that will take these feelings away. He said the only person who can make it go away is myself :(
Your doctor is right, however hard this is to comprehend. I've been trying to figure out how to stop doing this to myself for the past 15 years! It's about doing these things one bit at a time, Ian. Start small, by distracting yourself, researching the things you could do to take your mind off the depersonalisation. Think about your interests and hobbies, and find something, however small, to use as a distraction.
Hi thanks for the reply
I do try to distract myself but it is just always with me. Does it get easier as the feelings are with me permanently :(
I think it'll get easier the less attention you pay to it. To give you a personal example, when I mentioned having horrible anxiety and depersonalisation 24/7, at one point in 2006, after 2.5 years of torture, I noticed I could all of a sudden do things I couldn't do before and feel fine whilst doing them! It was as if I'd got better without even realising it. It really does get better, but in the meantime, try and see what happens with the medication. If you don't notice a change after 6 weeks, I'd personally contact the doctor and ask them to change the medication.
Hello again. Wow that is a really really long time to have dp. I don't no how you have got through it. Did you ever have constant thoughts / feelings that u wasn't you. And your body wasn't yours like arms and stuff. And I mean constant, like there's no relief from it what so ever ?
Sugarplum001
19-07-16, 20:24
Sorry to butt in again...I have the constant feeling of not being me and know if I am me or not. I feel like I've changed and absolutely nothing feels right what so ever. I can really relate to you. I completely feel like I've lost myself and don't know this person it's terrifying. I keep trying to tell myself it's anxiety/I am me...I know myself but I just don't feel it at all. I feel like I can't do anything because I'm this person and it feels wrong. Xx
It was a while ago for me to remember much detail, but I remember that time as the worst time of my life. I'd wake up feeling dp, my day would seem like one massive panic attack, and then I'd go to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night all panicky and worried. My therapist at the time prescribed me 4 (!) kinds of medication which I'd take daily. I remember one of them being specifically prescribed to help alleviate symptoms of dp as I'd look at my limbs and think they don't belong to me, or people around me wouldn't seem real, and I also wouldn't feel real at times... So yes, I know your plight!
hello many thanks for the reply. do you no the name of this medication
---------- Post added at 21:52 ---------- Previous post was at 21:48 ----------
sugar plum its fine its good to talk to others who are also suffering
I know it under the name of Sulpiride. It's an anti psychotic, but it helps with physical symptoms of dp, at least it did for me.
Hi again lol
I'm on an anti psychotic at the moment called quetiapine. It just makes me tired.
Another really bad day today. :(
I'm sorry to hear that, Ian. If it makes you feel any better, I've been having depersonalisation on and off for 3 days now. I'm struggling to leave the house, and have only made it to the mailbox. I'm desperate to go out and feel like I'm losing it indoors, but I'm taking it one step at a time, gradually making progress and getting used to the idea of going out. I hope you feel better and that today picks up.
The side effect of the anti psychotic I was on, btw, made me feel tired too. It should go away, though.
Hi ana. Yeah I'm just trying to watch some
Tv and the constant feeling of don't feel like me. And my body isn't mine etc... Is just constant
It's crazy and upsetting :(
I know the feeling! Have you tried going out, or does the dp happen irregardless of whether you're with someone outside or not?
:( Don't you get some relief from it, surely the sensation changes throughout the day? Say, for instance, yesterday I was feeling like my arms didn't belong to me, and this morning it was as if nothing was real around me. Do you get symptoms like those? Do they interchange?
hi. Well with me at the moment the feeling that is stuck is that I don't feel like me, I feel like some one else. And if it isn't that it's the feeling that my arms and body is not mine. But it's like I never get a break from any of it :(
Hmm I wonder what was different in your life back when you didn't have dp compared to the way things are now. Perhaps you could think about things, try and see a pattern or identify a trigger to your anxiety/dp.
I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much, I really am. I know the feeling. :(
Hi anna. Yea I have gone through this with my psychiatrist and psychologist but we can't find the answer. I have just been out for 3 hours. Kept myself out with my grandad and it felt like I was losing the plot it was unreal. It's just constant feelings absolutely awful. My nurse said that you will feel a lot worse when you are doing things but eventually it does get easier. :/
I think you should be proud of yourself for having gone out! I know these things are hard to get over, but please try and treat today as a victory. You were out for 3 hours IN SPITE OF depersonalisation and panic. Sounds like a victory to me! :D Your nurse is right. It does get worse, but then it gets better.
As for the answer as to why you feel the way you do, it's something that will come to you in time, I reckon.
Hi Anna thanks for the reply again :)
yeah it was absolutely awful
Felt like all my body wasn't mine and I wasn't me. It was really really bad. I phoned my nurse and told her and she said yea expect it to be really bad but she said eventually it was just fade away if I stick with it. I hope she is right :/
I often feel that, too, you know. In fact, every time I panic, I feel depersonalisation. It's odd as, afterwards, it's almost as if I can't remember the event! It's like it didn't happen. :wacko: Maybe that's my brain trying to protect me by forgetting things that upset me.
Staying positive is challenging, but I definitely think you should be proud of yourself for what you did today. You went out, you stayed out despite the anxiety. That's not someone going backwards! :)
Thanks Anna. Yeah she said you have to keep doing it no matter how you feel :(
If it makes you feel any better, this evening, I had a massive panic attack. It happened about an hour ago, and it was the worst, most crippling depersonalisation I'd felt in many months. I felt like peeling my skin off to escape. :weep: I'm still trying to calm down and have taken a sedative. However, this isn't going to stop me from leaving the house tomorrow morning, even if it is only to get to the mailbox.
The thing is, Ian, you need to prove to yourself that anxiety isn't dangerous. By not accommodating it and by doing things irregardless of its presence, you are showing it that it can't harm you, you're taking its power over you away.
wow anna sorry to hear that. the thing is i don't have it like you. u seem to have it in waves ? i seem to just have a constant cycle of it. i hope you are ok though
Thank you, Ian, I'm feeling a touch better now. I'll try and have an early night, and hope tomorrow is a better day. You are right, though, I get it in waves. Whenever my anxiety is really high, whenever I'm panicking, I feel depersonalisation. And I panic plenty haha. I wish I knew how to help you, though, I can't even imagine what it must feel like to feel it constantly...
Hi Anna hope your ok. Yeah it's horrible I suffer really badly with obsessive thoughts aswell so that does not help. All day today constantly is "I don't feel like me anymore" it's so weird to try and explain :(
I was feeling poorly this morning, 5 minutes after waking up, I started having panic attacks, so I took another sedative. :( Do you suffer from OCD then, Ian?
I do yes :( everyone keeps telling me to do things but I just can't when I feel like someone else and not me :(
Yeah, I know doing things isn't something you want to do. Does your depersonalisation become worse when you do things, when you're are with other people, or when you're on your own? If you could monitor the intensity of it and when and how it fluctuates, you might notice a pattern, and with some luck, identify the triggers.
i don't have a clue anna. its just constantly. i haven't really noticed any triggers :(
i think its coz i cant stop thinking about it. its just lodged in my head :(
Thinking about it makes it worse, yeah. Once your attention has been taken away from it a little, you'll gain some clarity, I'm sure. Please try and keep forcing yourself to go out and to do things, to lead as 'normal' life as possible. That's the key.
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