Parenting advice

[misslove]

I'm gonna break the cardinal rule and ask for help with my daughter. She's 6 and her behavior lately is driving us mad! I get so stressed with her that I can't deal and just have to walk away. She doesn't listen to me AT all when we go to my moms. She's a brat and when she doesn't get her way she stomps her feet. I'm kinda ashamed that my kid has turned into this! She will choose to listen to my parents over me. She will listen to my husband by he works and isn't around as much as I am. I have no idea how to get control of her. She has a huge heart but this totally ignoring me is sending me over the edge! I tell her it's not what she wants to do it's what we tell her to do that we just want her to be safe and healthy. It's almost to the point I don't want to take her out to do anything cause her fits and ignoring me are embarrassing. She's convinced that my parents are her parents and what they say to do weighs more that what I say. She even told me that she likes grandma better then me. :(

[KeeKee]

Misslove I'm in a not too dissimilar situation with my 9 year old and it's making me feel hideous.
She is very, very well behaved at school and with relatives so I know it's nothing to do with her not knowing right or wrong.

Do your relatives undermine you in front of her? Mine do and I have a feeling that's partially why my daughter doesn't listen to me or my partner.

Have you tried telling your husband? Does he help discipline her? I find being a parent a lot harder than expected. Give me the 'terrible 2's' over this anyday.

The way my child speaks to me sometimes makes me feel like crawling in a hole and never getting out. Advice such as 'that's what children do' really doesn't help especially not in front of my child. It annoys me even more when my parents defend her behaviour as if I'd done the same when a child I'd have had a smacked bottom!

[Fishmanpa]

Wow... she's really pushing all the buttons isn't she?

I loved my parents but I respected them more. As much love and support they showed me, they wouldn't hesitate to discipline me when I deserved it. There's something to be said about a healthy fear.

I brought my kids up the same way. There were times I'm sure they hated my guts but now, as adults, they understand and often thank me for teaching them respect.

I perform a song by Michael Tolcher called Sooner or Later... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpSw8ZMau1I) Sometimes we have to learn the hard way....

Hope it helps....

Positive thoughts

[misslove]

It's bee a while since she has been spanked because we both hate doing it. It's really a waste of my time for me to do it cause it doesn't phase her. It drives my hubs mad when she disrespects me. She knows right from wrong and yes my mother will say oh we let you do that when you were little. Or leave her be. She has a terrible belly that can't handle sugar or fake food but she will still try to give it to her knowing it makes her sick just so she can be the awesome grandma who spoils her. Then I'm up at night with a vomiting kid. My dad will keep her in line but my mom lets her run wild. I hate it. Time has been restricted at grandmas :( but as for her respecting me I just don't think it's there. I've told her to listen to me that I just want her to behave and we can do fun things. Today I made her stand in front of me and I told her that I will get control of her one way or another. That I will not stand her ignoring me and her "but moms". I said if you keep ignoring me I will put her over my knee and spank her( even tho I will cry right after). Please no lectures on spankinv please. I hate doing it but it's the only thing that works. I have to stop being her friend and be authority I guess. I agree with you keekee she does know right from wrong in school or church. Teachers love her cause she so well behaved. Just at home she's a monster!

[Fishmanpa]

I'm not saying spanking per se' but if I threatened a butt whipping and they continued, they got few licks for sure. My kids always got a warning and regardless of what the threat was, I followed through. What that meant was often times all I had to do was say "Do I have to warn you?" and they'd get the message.

One of the things my son loved (and still does) is going to the Philadelphia car show. He's always loved cars and I started taking him as a toddler. One year when he was around 8 years old he was being a real *!#@&$ and I threatened him with no car show. He gave me more attitude and said "I don't care" and guess what? No car show! He went ballistic and threw the worst tantrum. I just sent him to his room and told him to have his tantrum there and when he decides to act like a normal person he could come out. He stayed in there for a few hours screaming and crying and such and later came down and apologized. He thought twice about disrespecting me after that I assure you. Don't get me wrong, we've had our moments but like my father said to me "As long as you're living under my roof, you live by my rules."

My ex was the same way but they definitely got away with more with Mom than me :) But all she had to do was threaten to get Dad and they straightened up.

Everyone is different in how they address these issues and granted it's different today than it was 50 years ago. Heck, a parent can get in trouble these days for disciplining their child.

Wanted to add: You should speak to your parents about this. Under no circumstances should the counter you in your child's presence. Your daughter sees this and is using it to her advantage. Just as you set limits on your child, you also have to set limits on the grandparents. They have to be on board with you. Yes, grandparents can spoil their grandchild but at the expense of dis-respect.

I hope you find some peace and resolution.

Positive thoughts

[misslove]

I have threatened a whoopin but I think my threats have become meaningless to her. I try to teach her respect and responsibility. She has chores that are part of living here and extras that she will earn money for. She saved up money to buy her fat Hampster a new cage. I put the money away for her but she thinks she payed for it. Teen years aren't gonna be fun!