AdamJLeigh
20-03-07, 03:09
Hello group! I am very happy to have come across this page, however wish it was something else we all came here for...
I wanted to take a few minutes to share my story and introduce myself... plus ask for some input about a psychiatrist.
My name is Adam. I am 27 years old, married to a wonderful woman, brand new home owner, proud parent of 2 dogs and 2 cats, and the Executive & Artistic Director of a theatre. Seems like I should be on the top of the world, huh? Everyone tells me this should be the happiest time in my life with all the good stuff that has happened...
Well... it's not. When I was very young (as early as 8 or 9) I developed a very strong anxiety disorder. It actually surfaced from a fear of thunderstorms. I would be in school and see a grey cloud... and immediately ask to be sent to the nurse. I would have a low-grade fever (from getting worked up) and be sent home. This was all because I was extremely afraid I would get stuck at school in a tornado and be killed... Well, for many years I sought counseling and worked through this and a parental divorce.
As I got older, my anxiety turned more toward a health-related anxiety. I can vividly remember sitting in my pediatrics office and after many bouts with a cold, being told that they had seen symptoms like this come up in patients who had leukemia or diabetes... At this point, I did not rest until I was given those tests to prove I didn't have either.
As I aged, symptoms worsened. It has gotten to the point where if I get a pimple that looks funny, I am convinced it is something else. I immediately search on the internet as to what it could be, and what it could be a sign of... I am constantly afraid that I will develop something terminal and die... and that is where the "good life" everyone says I have comes in... I can't enjoy my life because every time someone says that... I immediately think "what is going to go wrong and cause us to be unhappy... It can't always be good".
Well, over the past two months things have gotten progressively worse. I have slumped into a depression state as well... I sometimes feel life for everyone around me who deals with this would be better if I wasn't here... (I don't mean suicide, after all I am scared to die!... I just mean leaving or running away from problems...) I can be driving a car and not thinking about anything and immediately have a panic moment and cry for no reason... It has gotten so this disorder controls my life. And, of course, I am thinking in the back of my mind... "this change in mood must be caused by something else..."
I have also had my share of fun with medications... however, I have recently taken myself off everything. For many years I was on Paxil... and was dead to the world. Paxil made me not care about anything, made me sleep all the time... just wasn't a good fit. I then was put on Zoloft... first 50mg... and then 100mg. I saw some relief from it... but not enough.
All of these meds have been prescribed by a PCP... never a psychiatrist. Well, I am taking that leap and finally seeing a real life PSYCHIATRIST on Friday. It is with great hope that I discover I am not the only one who fights this and that I can beat it... however, I am scared to death about seeing the Psychiatrist... I am not certain how this kind of doctor differs from a councilor or a therapist... I would love some info on past experiences and what your first psychiatrist visit was like.
Well, I am very sorry to take so much time... but this has been very therapeutic. I am here to put my story out there and maybe connect with people who have gone thru or are going through similar things... to help each other know we are not alone... I am sure I wear my wife and mother out with the endless "am I going to be ok?" questions... and they really try hard to understand, but until you go through this debilitating disorder, you don't know how hard it is sometimes to face the world.
With great hope of a new beginning,
Adam
I wanted to take a few minutes to share my story and introduce myself... plus ask for some input about a psychiatrist.
My name is Adam. I am 27 years old, married to a wonderful woman, brand new home owner, proud parent of 2 dogs and 2 cats, and the Executive & Artistic Director of a theatre. Seems like I should be on the top of the world, huh? Everyone tells me this should be the happiest time in my life with all the good stuff that has happened...
Well... it's not. When I was very young (as early as 8 or 9) I developed a very strong anxiety disorder. It actually surfaced from a fear of thunderstorms. I would be in school and see a grey cloud... and immediately ask to be sent to the nurse. I would have a low-grade fever (from getting worked up) and be sent home. This was all because I was extremely afraid I would get stuck at school in a tornado and be killed... Well, for many years I sought counseling and worked through this and a parental divorce.
As I got older, my anxiety turned more toward a health-related anxiety. I can vividly remember sitting in my pediatrics office and after many bouts with a cold, being told that they had seen symptoms like this come up in patients who had leukemia or diabetes... At this point, I did not rest until I was given those tests to prove I didn't have either.
As I aged, symptoms worsened. It has gotten to the point where if I get a pimple that looks funny, I am convinced it is something else. I immediately search on the internet as to what it could be, and what it could be a sign of... I am constantly afraid that I will develop something terminal and die... and that is where the "good life" everyone says I have comes in... I can't enjoy my life because every time someone says that... I immediately think "what is going to go wrong and cause us to be unhappy... It can't always be good".
Well, over the past two months things have gotten progressively worse. I have slumped into a depression state as well... I sometimes feel life for everyone around me who deals with this would be better if I wasn't here... (I don't mean suicide, after all I am scared to die!... I just mean leaving or running away from problems...) I can be driving a car and not thinking about anything and immediately have a panic moment and cry for no reason... It has gotten so this disorder controls my life. And, of course, I am thinking in the back of my mind... "this change in mood must be caused by something else..."
I have also had my share of fun with medications... however, I have recently taken myself off everything. For many years I was on Paxil... and was dead to the world. Paxil made me not care about anything, made me sleep all the time... just wasn't a good fit. I then was put on Zoloft... first 50mg... and then 100mg. I saw some relief from it... but not enough.
All of these meds have been prescribed by a PCP... never a psychiatrist. Well, I am taking that leap and finally seeing a real life PSYCHIATRIST on Friday. It is with great hope that I discover I am not the only one who fights this and that I can beat it... however, I am scared to death about seeing the Psychiatrist... I am not certain how this kind of doctor differs from a councilor or a therapist... I would love some info on past experiences and what your first psychiatrist visit was like.
Well, I am very sorry to take so much time... but this has been very therapeutic. I am here to put my story out there and maybe connect with people who have gone thru or are going through similar things... to help each other know we are not alone... I am sure I wear my wife and mother out with the endless "am I going to be ok?" questions... and they really try hard to understand, but until you go through this debilitating disorder, you don't know how hard it is sometimes to face the world.
With great hope of a new beginning,
Adam