Terrified of Losing Boyfriend

[anon23]

Hi everyone!

I don't really know how to start but I'm just going to write as I am feeling completely hopeless.

I have had severe anxiety since I was a child, and it always manifests itself into different forms. I have had therapy before to try to help, and it has, but as soon as I feel like I get over one fear another one takes over.

I am in a relationship with an amazing guy for almost 2 years now. He is so supportive of me and my troubles, and very patient and loving. He has never judged me for any of my anxiety.

Recently, I have become increasingly terrified that I am going to lose him when we're not together. I always catastrophize and worry that he could die, almost to the point where I feel like something bad could happen to him by me making the tiniest mistakes (e.g. browsing social media while working).

I know these fears are irrational yet I still feel them. I feel very down and I wish I could just stop feeling these irrational fears.

My boyfriend is going camping for the next three nights and I am trying my hardest not to freak out but I feel like I cannot help it. I am so scared something bad will happen on the trip, like he will get lost and I will never see him again. I know this irrational because he is going with a group of really good friends and they have gone camping together plenty of times.

The thing is when I am out and about doing my own thing, I never worry that something bad would happen to me. If I were going camping this weekend for three nights I wouldn't think something bad would happen, yet I don't know why I cannot apply that logic to him.

Does anyone else experience them? I feel so down :(

[Kuatir]

Hi.

Nothing bad has ever happened, has it? You're very much still a couple.

The last few days I've had the overwhelming feeling when I leave for work in the morning that, because my wife and son are still asleep, they were probably dead. I've managed to reduce the fear by not contacting my wife until I see her after work. Both her and my son are fine, my intrusive thoughts are just messing me around.

Your boyfriend going away could be helpful. Try to keep yourself busy over his time away and when he gets back you'll be able to tell those thoughts, again, that they are wrong.

[Dougie]

Hello,

You sound terrified, but you also sound like you're quite self aware of your illness and what it's doing to you (catastrophizing, logic applying etc), so I wonder if it's not as hopeless as it appears? We all know that anxiety is like a monster, that ranges around, trying to find something new to latch on to. Are you still anxious about things you have been in the past? Or has the anxiety moved on? If so, chances are you wont feel this way in 6 months.

Look back at times when you have been separated. How many times has it turned out badly? What evidence do you have to support your fear? What is against it? Thinking like this will not make the fear go away, but might starve it of a bit of oxygen.

Take care. He will be fine and so will you.

[KeeKee]

I'm like this a lot and I think it's partly because in my opinion my partner is very irresponsible. He falls asleep in the bath, allows the tumble drier to overheat, has forgotten to turn the oven off before, he walks on the very edge of the path when cars and buses come speeding past etc, he'll meet up with complete strangers alone for purchases (selling/buying games online etc). He'll walk home alone really late from friends. It drives me absolutely bonkers

[anon23]

Hi everyone!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post, and also thank you to all of you for reading what I had to say as well.

It really helped me get through the weekend.

My boyfriend came back today from his trip fine, and like Kuatir mentioned, it actually was helpful. I think I was very fearful that I was just not going to be able to make it through the weekend. While there were times that I was anxious, I think I managed it as best as I could and I feel very proud of myself.

I feel a lot more positive after this weekend and confident in myself :) Thank you so much everyone!

[Kuatir]

Glad we could help. You should definitely be proud :)