I need some support please

[Lissy43]

I am so sorry to post on here but im sat here in tears, my daughter is fast asleep and my son is watching a dvd, I don't want them to see me like this.

Can I please put down exactly how im feeling because right now I feel so anxious I don't know where to turnhttp://www.baby-greenhouse.co.uk/smilies/sad.gif

I posted yesterday on about seeing my dr, didn't go well, I ended up feeling 10x worse for going and I now feel like he thought I was wasting his time. Yes he had man flu but he could of been abit more supportive. I haven't been to him and admitted how low I am for a long time so it was a shock when he said 'what do you want me to do?'http://www.baby-greenhouse.co.uk/smilies/sad.gif

Today I feel so low, I want to cry. Yes my grandad died sunday, maybe thats not helping matters. I just feel like there is no way out of this world I live in. I worry about my health again 24/7, I wake up every morning thinking 'oh what was I worrying about last night before I fell asleep?' and right now its my ear problems ive had for the last 2 months. I get myself in a state of worry as soon as I get up and then all day it eats away at me inside. I put on this happy exterior, I want to show everyone im this happy mummy but deep down im hurting more than anyone will ever know.

The thing is everyone says 'why do you worry? you are so lucky to have what you have got' yes I have a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful children, nice home and I want for nothing but if I could have 1 wish it would be for this dreadful health anxiety to go away. If this anxiety could go id be happy and id be able to live my life.

The anxiety is like living in a little bubble, noone else is in it and i walk around all day worrying in my head. It stops me being a good mum and a good wife. It sort of disables me, it stops me doing day to day normal things like cooking, cleaning, playing with my children etc... does that make sense?im not sure if it does but I kind of just can't do these things some days and its not right. I use to enjoy cleaning, cooking and eating but not with this anxiety, it is like living in my own little world and I feel like I can't talk to anyone.

I constantly feel tired at the moment, run down and even my apetite has gone so of course I lose weight and this all makes my anxiety worse.

I saw my dr yesterday and he wasn't really supportive at all, he wanted me to come back if the book didn't help, I read half of it last night and then it said it did not deal with health anxiety as its far more serious so I have to go back but he isn't free until next friday.

Today I feel abit scared because the thought of 'I don't see the point in being here anymore because I can't enjoy my life' has entered my head. This happened once 3 yrs ago, well far worse because I actually thought I might take my own life. I don't feel like that at all but I really do not see the point in living like this right now. I love my family so much and I do my best for them but living with this anxiety is crippling me at the moment.

I am not sure why ive had such a set back but I don't know what to do.:weep:

[sy79]

cherry sweethart STAY STRONG ive felt like that so many times, my brother
died last year and my dad died 4 years ago, and the amount of times ive
thought f**k it whats the point (sorry for use of language) whats there to
look forward to honestly times will get better look to the good in life, freinds family loved ones.and tell yourself your stronger than this and fight, thats all
you can do fight it, ive been through so much to im only 26, but im still sat here typing this so all cant be that bad, we all worry cherry just try to
analyze how you feel and whats the probability of something awfull happening, and if your worried about something allways tell yor doctor how
you feel ITS THERE JOB to help you, hope you feel better soon take care.

KEEP YOUR HEAD AFLOAT DONT SWIM IN SORROW, AS YOU WILL SURELY SINK.

[scoobygirl2005]

Hey

First of all have a huge hug! :hugs:

This must be really hard for you, I suffer slight health anxiety so I know what its like. You sound like you aren't a happy bunny at the moment, well the first step is coming on here and posting, thats good you will get lots of support from others on here so well done for posting about how you feel!

I can definitely sympathise with you about your doctor because whenever I have gone to speak to my doctor he just acts ignorant and doesn't really listen.

When suicidal thoughts come into your head just ignore them, you have family and friends you can get through this don't let the anxiety beat you it will get better. I know saying it will get better doesn't exactly help because at the moment you feel like it won't, but you need to be positive.

Have you thought about speaking to another doctor because your other one doesn't really listen? That may help.

Am not sure what else to say really, hope this helps.

Scooby2005
x

[raphael]

Please hang in there. U will feel ok again. I know its hard when you r in the middle of it. Call your surgery and see another doctor.

all my best wishes and thoughts

x

[Lissy43]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply.

My dr is usually so helpful and understanding, he wasn't well yesterday so maybe why he was abit short with me but it made me feel terrible, as though I was bothering him.

I am unsure what to do but im going back to dr next week, dreading it already.

[manmoor]

Hello Cherry,

First have a hug :hugs: I've been where you are so so many times in the 11 years now I've suffered health anxiety and believe me it does get better hun. As I'm sure you know deep down this wee blip will pass for you and until then you have to fight and stay positive hun this always works for me. I bet everyone that reads this post can relate to your story one way or the other so your not alone we are all here for you until this blip passes. :hugs: xxx

[Lissy43]

Thank you Mandy,

I hope its just a blip.

[lass]

Hi and :hugs:

I think most of us have been there. Not that I've ever wanted to die, but it's seemed the only escape from the awful anxiety. The good news is that this is just a temporary setback and you WILL feel better, I promise.

You need to get some help from this - I'd recommend either 5HTP or St Johns Wort to lift your mood. I've tried both over the past year (but not together!). Currently I'm taking the 5HTP and whilst neither will stop you thinking negative thoughts or worrying, they will lift your mood so it won't seem quite as bad.

As for the front you put on, well I do that too. I don't think anyone other than my very closest friends knows how I feel. Certainly the mums down at the school would be shocked to know what goes on in my head. But then again, maybe lots of them think like I do and hide it well too!

I feel like I am wasting my life. My husband said yesterday that I've lost my sense of humour and I don't know how to have fun anymore. He's right, because I am so absorbed in my worries that I don't do the things I should do. Then I panic that the house is a tip, that I haven't cooked dinner, that I can't cope with all the chores piling up on me. I can't say that I've completely enjoyed anything over the last year or so, I just go through the motions.

However, I have periods when I can cope better and things improve. But then again, I worry that I am lucky to have all the things I have in life (a husband, 2 beautiful children, my own home, holidays, friends ...) and I don't deserve them. So I'm just waiting for something awful to happen to destroy it all.

I really think you need to go and see your GP (when he's in a better mood lol) and explain exactly how you feel - how much your thoughts scare you, what you worry about and so on. There are lots of therapies available that could help you in the long term, although I think you often have to wait a while for them.

Meanwhile, take help from anyone who offers it to you, look after yourself and try to find a bit of time for you. Can you maybe get someone in to help clean your house for a couple of weeks? Maybe the kids could help you get some enthusiasm back into your cooking and distract you from your thoughts into the bargain! (Then get someone to help you clear the kitchen up afterwards lol). I know your children are only little but I bet the older 2 would enjoy helping.

If I were you, I'd make a list of what you want to talk to your doctor about. Or even print off your post on here and show him it. Hopefully by next Friday you won't be feeling like this, but then sometimes it's hard to remember how bad you felt and you need something in place for if it happens again. Is there anyone who can come with you for support?

You were feeling sensitive when you saw the doctor and you mistook his shortness for an impatience with you. If you had a friend or relative with you, they might have completely disagreed and seen it differently. Sometimes it's useful to get a different perspective when our minds are so focused on the negative stuff.

You will get better. There is help out there and there is lots of support on here from people who understand how you feel. One day you will have your life back in your control and you will be able to enjoy things again.

Meanwhile, I hope you are feeling better really soon.

xxx

[Lissy43]

Thank you lass,

Very supportive.

Its just this awful fear and worry over my ear, should never of read anything but im fed up of it. If my ear felt better then I would feel better, im sick of this fear ive got.

I am going to see him next week, seems a long time away as its only tuesday but maybe it will go better.

Thanks for all your support.

[nell1965]

HI
my heart goes out to you,been there done that,several times,probably will again, i cant say anything better than whats already been said,just echoing it all really, and letting you know that you are not alone. No one else really understand but us guys how this illness takes over our lives and makes everything else seem less important.. you can and will get through this,we are all here for you.
sending you support and strength

[Lissy43]

Thanks so much Nell, it means alot.

[domino]

CHERRY, YOU HAVE LOTS OF SUPPORT HERE, I,M SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR GRANDAD.I WOULD ADVISE THE SAME AND SEE ANOTHER DOCTOR, CHIN UP HUN YOU HAVE US DAY OR NIGHT, SOMEONE TO TALK TO YOU ARE NOT ALONE ON THIS SITE. DO,NT FEEL AS THOUGH YOU HAVE TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE ,LET YOUR LOVED ONES KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING ,THEY MAY JUST SURPRISE YOU!. SENDING YOU HEAPS OF HUGS:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Lissy43]

Aww thank you so much.

[domino]

Your so welcome cherry, stay positive:hugs: