bvine1
24-07-16, 21:10
So, I've struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life. A few years ago I developed panic disorder with agoraphobia. Eventually, I overcame it with the help of therapy and Zoloft. I moved somewhere new, got a new job, started school, and was basically thriving. This year, however, has beaten me down. I've suffered a lot of loss, and I've been dealing with a bacterial infection for the past month (waiting on lab results that might clarify what it is). My parents have been here for the past few weeks helping me out.
My dad left this morning, and I feel totally incapacitated. Over the past few days, my anxiety has gotten extremely intense. Can't eat, losing weight, feel overall very lethargic yet with a pounding heart, dry heaving every morning, crying all the time. (Hard to say how much of the GI symptoms are anxiety-induced and how much is from the infection.) I kind of feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I know that's not a medical term or anything. Just feel paralyzed by fear.
I had started to see a therapist over the past few weeks, and I'm waiting to get back on SSRI's until I recover from my infection so as not to muddle up my recovery with side effects.
Right now I'm filled with dread at the thought of going to work tomorrow. I'm trying to figure out what would be best for me right now. I'm exhausted with life.
I feel like I know what I "should" be doing - challenging my irrational thoughts, keeping busy, meditating, going about my normal routine, etc. But a large part of me also feels like I should take a leave of absence from work and go home for a little while where I have more support. Not to sit there and ruminate, but to have some help while I recover with some intensive therapy and titrating back on my meds. I have basically no one where I live.
I know I shouldn't always run to mommy and daddy. And I feel guilty and ashamed about the prospect of going home. At the same time, I'm at a point where I'm considering hospitalizing myself, and I just don't know what to do.
tl;dr Feeling incapacitated by anxiety and depression after a rough year, and dealing with illness. Should I try to tough it out where I live, alone, and continue going to work, or take a leave of absence and go home for a little while to have more support while I get help?
My dad left this morning, and I feel totally incapacitated. Over the past few days, my anxiety has gotten extremely intense. Can't eat, losing weight, feel overall very lethargic yet with a pounding heart, dry heaving every morning, crying all the time. (Hard to say how much of the GI symptoms are anxiety-induced and how much is from the infection.) I kind of feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I know that's not a medical term or anything. Just feel paralyzed by fear.
I had started to see a therapist over the past few weeks, and I'm waiting to get back on SSRI's until I recover from my infection so as not to muddle up my recovery with side effects.
Right now I'm filled with dread at the thought of going to work tomorrow. I'm trying to figure out what would be best for me right now. I'm exhausted with life.
I feel like I know what I "should" be doing - challenging my irrational thoughts, keeping busy, meditating, going about my normal routine, etc. But a large part of me also feels like I should take a leave of absence from work and go home for a little while where I have more support. Not to sit there and ruminate, but to have some help while I recover with some intensive therapy and titrating back on my meds. I have basically no one where I live.
I know I shouldn't always run to mommy and daddy. And I feel guilty and ashamed about the prospect of going home. At the same time, I'm at a point where I'm considering hospitalizing myself, and I just don't know what to do.
tl;dr Feeling incapacitated by anxiety and depression after a rough year, and dealing with illness. Should I try to tough it out where I live, alone, and continue going to work, or take a leave of absence and go home for a little while to have more support while I get help?