View Full Version : Partner in hospital I'm in pieces again
Came home today to find my partner had taken an overdose been at hospital all day she's having treatment and know I need to be strong but I've been through this with my daughter so I know how it can go , back at home for bit but don't know what to do , I don't even know what to tell people why she's there , how can life be so ****ing cruel , can't talk to anyone else until I've been back so this place is all I've got , I love her so much and we've been through hell I just want her home
Buster what a horrible horrible thing to happen.
I don't have anything useful to say but just wanted to show my support.
I suppose the big thing is to wait and see when you go back to the hospital before worrying about what to tell other people.
Thinking of you.
Elen
I'm so sorry, Buster. You don't need to tell people anything other than that she is unwell and has been taken to hospital. Concentrate on her and yourself. I do hope the news is better later on. You don't deserve this but you will cope and get through it. Your partner had her reasons but she is obviously very unwell and will need your support. You have been so kind to people on here and now we need to help you through this crisis
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I agree with pulisa about saying what you are comfortable with. Is there a social worker at the hospital who you could talk to for some support? :hugs::hugs:
busterrufus
25-07-16, 21:23
Oh buster just think about your partner and yourself . Like swgrl says, maybe ask what support in is available from hosp. If they can,t help they will probably tell you who can. Best wishes to both of you.
Shazamataz
25-07-16, 22:39
Oh Buster, sending huge hugs from New Zealand!
What a horrible situation to be in. I hope she will be ok. You can do this. You are stronger than you think!
xoxo
Really sorry to hear that Buster, an awful thing to happen but everything will come good in the end.
Sending....
Positive thoughts
Hey Buster - Sorry to hear it friend. Of course we are all here for you. As for what to tell people. Just make something up. Chest pains, severe stomach pain...anything. Hang in there.
N.
hope she's doing ok - she's in the best place x
Sending you a big hug and you take care Buster.:bighug1::bighug1:
Karina x.
Thanks for all the replies got a few hours sleep then woke up at 4 and it hit me what had happened , my daughters will have to go to work today and visiting isn't until 1 , don't know how I'll get through , thanks you are good people .
MyNameIsTerry
26-07-16, 05:45
I'm really sorry to hear what has happened, Buster. I hope you both get the support you need right now. You can always talk to us on here or just have a rant.
Try to get some rest and look after yourself.
Shazamataz
26-07-16, 06:03
Waiting is always so hard! Surely you can see her any time you like?
Please take extra care of yourself Buster
xo
Ring the hospital and ask for a progress report on her. As her next of kin there shouldn't be a problem and it's a long time until 1 if you don't know anything
Been back this morning to drop a few bits off , she's on a drip for 16 hours and then blood tests again , my daughter went through this for five days to get the blood count down , just got to wait and see now , I'm trying to keep busy at home , thanks again for replies nobody else about .
When are the next blood tests going through? Hopefully you will see some positive changes. I'm sorry you have been trough this before with your daughter too ... Can't imagine honestly. Is there anybody you can visit or spend some time with to not be alone? make sure you are eating a bit, drinking water, and taking care of yourself as well. It's easy to forget abouT that during a crisis.
Absolutely horrible for you, Buster. The waiting must be awful and I'm sure you won't be able to concentrate on doing anything at home in the meantime. Hope there is some news really soon
LittleMissAlone
27-07-16, 09:27
Hi Buster
Just come on nmp and read about your partner. Sending you a cyber hamper, as you were kind enough to send me a few weeks ago. She's in the right place.
All the best. :hugs:
Hope you are hanging in there, Buster, and sending positive vibes to your partner and family. :hugs:
Hi , partner walked out of hospital yesterday she had the blood tests after 20 hours of medication on drip and doc said she could come home after seeing mental health but they messed her about from when she went in so she just walked out , theyv rang to see where she is , she's had back pain that's got worse and I don't know what the hell to do I guess it's kidney pain and she would have been tested along with her liver but I don't know if it's normal , they told we to rest which she isn't and no pain killer or alcohol for long time , I darent go far from the house leaving her but she says she wants to be on her own , canceled my cbt for today and booked in at docs to get some diazepam , I want to be there for her but I'm struggling to cope , I apreaciate the replies I've had just wish I had somone who could tell me what the he'll I'm supposed to be doing , cheers all .
I think you need to be in the house with her but give her some space. The mental health team need a kick up the backside and should be giving her and you support at home especially when it is so soon since she left hospital. You need to know where you both stand re her blood tests and exactly what damage has or hasn't been caused by the overdose. Also you need guidance re alcohol consumption.
She knows you care deeply but she's bound to be going through hell...as you are too of course. Do you have a number to contact re mental health?
Hi pulisa, she waited for 13 hours for blood test because no doctors were on after 6 pm she was over on the first test then they said ok to go after the second then she would have had to wait another 5 or so hours to see the mental people , while she was there people were dieing in beds next to her it's a ward next to a+e she just wanted out , they were going to see her next week anyway but not sure what to do or even say to her in the mean time , when my daughter went through it at seventeen they never even contacted her and haven't since , going to ask my doc this afternoon but I'm even worried about going there , daughters at work till six , hope you are doing ok and miss alone I know you all have your own problems , thanks
It sounds awful-makes a mockery of the "caring" mental health services who have changed so much and are now there for everyone-what a joke..only it's certainly not for you and your family..
I don't blame her for wanting out of hospital and she's better off at home providing you think she isn't going to take another overdose.. I think you should just be there for her,don't put pressure on her or ask her too many questions. You've sadly been through all this before and it must be awful having all these memories re your daughter dregged up..
Can your daughters get home any earlier just to give you some moral support? Or anyone else that you trust?
MyNameIsTerry
28-07-16, 13:56
I agree with pulisa, just be around in the background for now so she knows you are there if she needs you but doesn't feel crowded. Taking her a cup of tea or a sandwich shows you care right now.
I bet you have questions for her but perhaps this comes later? Her emotions must be all over the place and she may be feeling embarrassed or ashamed too. You will know this better than a lot of us from your experience with your daughter.
Speaking to your GP is a good idea so they can tell you what to do and what you should be getting in terms of support from here. You need to know someone is there if you need help.
Also it may be wise to have a crisis team number to hand just in case you feel you need urgent support, if you have such a team in your area that you are allowed top ring direct.
I hope you are both doing better very soon and you can move on from this. Hang in there Buster, you are doing the right things.
I can't imagine how stressful this must be on you right now. It sounds like you both have been through hell and back. I agree with the others about being in the background and giving her space but being home. You may have done this already but depending on how she's feeling, it might be smart to move the medications in the house to some place safe just in case.
Hi all , partner has a kidney infection hense the back pain her mood is very low and no one at all has spoken to her from the mental health team , I've been trying to keep it together by I'm realy mixed up im glad she got through it and want to help her but I also feel angry that she did this after we went through it with our daughter , I've felt like giving up many times myself so I know when depression sets in you don't think of anyone , stood outside a shop today and it hit me like a ton of bricks realy horrible black cloud came over me , I felt sick and completely hopeless like nothing will ever improve , it's passed a little now but I've got this feeling I need to screen or cry or anything to let it out , 6 days of keeping it in I'm full to bursting , I feel selfish for even feeling this way , take care all .
Don't feel you're being selfish-it's perfectly natural that you feel you want to self-combust. Under the circumstances I don't know how you've managed to hold it together so don't be surprised that you feel angry with her. It's a form of "betrayal" because you went through so much together with your daughter but I doubt whether she was thinking rationally at the time. Forgive her and you may lessen your own anxiety and depression? She needs you now and you need to look after yourself. Maybe you will be able to talk to her a bit about it in the days to come...at her own pace.
Hi Buster
Sending you all the best from Canada.
I've noticed you are quick to offer help to others on this forum, now it's our turn to be there for you and offer support and advise.
Please know that we are thinking of you and wish you the very best. I hope things are looking better for you and your family today.
Take care.
Mugs
LittleMissAlone
31-07-16, 07:21
I second that, Mugs!
Buster, you are very quick to offer reassurance and kindness to others, you're very well liked so our thoughts and best wishes are with you.
Your partner will pull through this, but it's a difficult time.
Hi , thanks for the support trying to keep it together felt numb for a couple of days now it's hitting me , how are you doing missalone ? Hope you are doing well and getting out , think I would do a lot better if life would give me break every now and then but I know there are others in a lot worse position so maybe I should just man up , pulisa you are a good person your daughter is lucky to have you and im sure you're a good freind to have , get up now dogs need walking and see what today brings , take care .
Shazamataz
31-07-16, 08:30
Hey Buster, I think you just do the best you can. I've never been in such a situation so don't know what it's like but I expect there is a lot of grief and guilt and anger.
Please just be as kind to yourself as you can
Hugs
xoxo
No you don't have to "man up"-this concept of being strong all the time puts men under unnecessary pressure. What you have been through would shake up even the most "mentally strong" of people-male or female.
Get yourself in gear for the day ahead but take things slowly and steadily. Hopefully your dogs will give you some much needed distraction. I'm sure your partner will be in physical pain because of the kidney infection so this won't help her mood-mentally she will still be very fragile. I know what it's like to support someone going through the mill when you are barely able to keep it together yourself-it's no walk in the park and takes its toll on you.
I really hope that today is a better day for you all.
LittleMissAlone
31-07-16, 09:02
Hi guys
Buster asked for a quick update, well I seem to be doing a lot better now. The mental block I've had all year about not being able to stray far from my car or flat is easing, the last 2 afternoons I've gone further on walks I've attempted than I've managed in months! Only short ones too, but when you can only walk 5-10 mins before having to head back anything more than that is an achievement.
I'm noticing though that the Mirtazapine is making me very sensitive to caffeine and sugar, so I'm having to apply super human efforts to try to not have too much. Ive cut out crisps, which I love, because they can also set me off panicky. But hey, not eating rubbish can only be a good thing for my overall health, especially when Mr Menopause comes a knocking. I drink the 2 cups of tea in the morning so that time of the day can be very difficult and unpleasant for me, but only when out. Decaf can also set me off, to the point that I've actually checked the packaging to make sure that's what it says! Not as nice and comforting either.
Still not working, but that is achievable too if I'm sensible. :noangel:
Anyway, Buster, none of this manning up business from you. Ok? :winks:
Hi there , had diazepam before I even got out of bed hadn't slept much so I was groggy as hell all morning could barely keep my eyes open by the afternoon but took the dogs out to the nature reserve planned on getting the pup swimming , she took to it so well she hadn't seen water a month ago just the inside of a cage before we got her , tempted her in a bit at a time with a stick within 40 mins she was jumping in swimming to cheers from me my partner and couple of other women with another dog , it was only brief but it felt good , missy I used to obsess over caffeine in tea etc I didn't even realise I'd gone back to normal tea from decafe for a month , I don't drink more than three cups a day but a lot of it is in our minds , eating heavy stuff at night keeps me awake then bad anxiety the next day and being hungry in the day can make me tired and anxous , I guess it's all ok in moderation , it's good you are getting out its all a step in the right derection , nights are drawing in half nine and it's dark so I'm off out in the garden for bit comfy chair under the gazebo by candle light and hope the gnats leave me alone , hi shaz and pulisa and the sneaky silent readers .
Good to get some respite from all the sh*te and have some fun with the dogs! Glad that your partner enjoyed it too..
Glad to hear things are going a bit better for you, Buster. Why are people the only animals that have to learn how to swim? Weird. :)
N.
I really hope that everything works out for the best .
Spending time with my dog does wonders for me, even just for a few minutes. Ours is not a fan of the water though. Nice to hear yours is taking to it well! Hope things are slowly improving, Buster. :hugs:
Howdy Buster:D
Just sending some love your way and hope all is well.Talk to you soon.
Karina x.:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 06:36
It's great to here both you and your partner have had some fun with your new pup. You both need it. I bet it is good to see your partner a bit more cheerful and out too?
Hi , today was pretty tough it's been a week ( don't know where the time goes ) since she went in hospital , I have to go out to earn some money bills to pay but it's allways in my mind will she do it again , I can't keep checking up it just adds friction , she's still in lots of pain with her kidneys which is bringing her down , tomorrow she was supposed to see the psychiatric doc which was arranged months ago they rang today and canceled until the end of the month they've got no idea what she has done , so she has t seen a single person from the mental health team and they wonder why a&e is full of overdoses , some people do this as a cry for help and they still don't listen , got my next cbt Thursday but I'm wondering is it going to help ? And I know I'll be thinking about home all the way there through it and all the way back , sorry to sound negative , saw my grand kids this morning for two mins picking somthing up they were all smiles and ran out to me it felt great but my daughter has stayed away for the last week she's pretty selfish like that , anyway life's a bit shite right now so somebody tell something good they've done , had a good day ? Been to the shops ? Robbed a bank , I spoke to the woman in shop I go in and she was laughing and being happy with all the customers I said can I soak up some of your happiness she put her hand out and said "yeah but I'm fu&@ing p@@sed off really I just put it on for the customers " we both laughed , " sod the que they can wait " takes all sorts eh , take care tomorrow's another day .
Oh no, what a shame that they canceled. Is there any communication from the hospital to her psychiatrist? There should have been so they would know what she's been through! She should be seen asap honestly. Where I work we have people seen within the week they are discharged if possible.
Sounds like a good laugh with the woman in the shop. Goes to show we never really know what somebody is going through even when they put on a happy face.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Hi there , things are pretty bad in that way they don't even communicate in the hospital let alone when you leave , after my daughter went in they never contacted her once and she was on the transplant list at the time luckily she came through and turned her life around , as you get older it gets harder to keep picking yourself back up , just realised I read onther of your posts social worker girl I've come across so many people in health care that end up with anxiety or depression I guess you can't leave it all at work when you go home , take care .
Plenty of famous comedians use laughter as a coping mechanism for their own melancholia. There are plenty of smiling depressives out there..
I'm sorry that the good old mental health recovery system has let your partner (and you) down again but I'm not surprised. Now if you were Royalty or with endless funds you would both be whisked into the nearest Priory/ Rehab/"Spa" for personalised therapy,colonic irrigation and the latest in zen macrobiotic diets..but you're not so you can just be fobbed off whilst most of the team are on their hols with no back up staff in place.
Feeling responsible for someone else's mental health is something I know all too well and you can only do your best to keep things as calm and stable as possible. I'm sure your daughter is terrified by what has happened and probably feels that she's not yet strong enough to cope with anything associated with overdose in her own family. It must be like having the past come back to her with a vengeance but she'll cope as best she can.
Keep going, Buster. Make a decision re the CBT nearer the time-it may be helpful for you but you may prefer to postpone it for the time being. Whatever is best for you both
Hi there , things are pretty bad in that way they don't even communicate in the hospital let alone when you leave , after my daughter went in they never contacted her once and she was on the transplant list at the time luckily she came through and turned her life around , as you get older it gets harder to keep picking yourself back up , just realised I read onther of your posts social worker girl I've come across so many people in health care that end up with anxiety or depression I guess you can't leave it all at work when you go home , take care .
I actually had anxiety before I went into the field. I've done a lot of personal work with therapy, yoga/meditation, and medications to have it managed alright most of the time but am human and still struggle. I find that going through this has actually helped me be a better Heath care worker because I've been on both sides of the desk, so to speak.
I actually had anxiety before I went into the field. I've done a lot of personal work with therapy, yoga/meditation, and medications to have it managed alright most of the time but am human and still struggle. I find that going through this has actually helped me be a better Heath care worker because I've been on both sides of the desk, so to speak.
It must have. So many professionals just read books on anxiety and think they have enough knowledge. You must be able to help and empathise with people so much more
When first ended up this way after meds I saw my own doc for the first time an old ecsentric chap who I knew had lost his son to suicide he admitted they had made me worse got me help and told me he once had a panic attack and spent a night under a table in a hotel room , i thought this is the doc for me next appointment he retired , bugger ! , so went back to the doc who suggested getting the police out to me because I was having a melt down off their meds and believe it or not she took her own life a few weeks later she was on the news missing , I was so messed up at the time I thought I'd infected her with my anxiety turned out she had post natal depression before she saw me , I still think about her though , I just couldn't work in a hospital I'd take it all home .
---------- Post added at 21:49 ---------- Previous post was at 21:25 ----------
Out I the garden again in the rain and dark and pondering I think I'd like a metal health worker who had been through problems and come out the other side , one they would be more understanding and two it would give hope that things can get better , read through my cbt home work and it says take 30 to 45 mins to go through some relaxation technics , I was upstairs five mins before a neighbours cat came running through the bedroom with my two dogs chasing it not very relaxing trying to coax a frightened cat out of the house , bloody dogs wouldn't know what to do if they caught one and would probably wish they hadn't , no one to bother me out here just me and the rain I hope .
Howdy Mate:D
Just reading about your dogs chasing a cat out of your house,yesterday my three dogs were chasing a bloody pig,it went under the house with two of em behind him,the other dog is too big to get under,so he ran around the back of the house to try and get him,the pig came hooning,out up the back steps and of coarse the rug rats left the door open and the pig went straight through to my big daughters room,who was screaming and yelling,she bolted out of her room slamming her door being her,,hence the pig left in there,What a bloody mess her room was in,I was left to clean it all up..here,i sometimes which I had a man around,but then again.......How is the weather Buster?cooler I hope you give your wife a big hug from Flipp Down Under.....TakeCare friend xxx
Hi flip how ya doing , sounds like comedy sketch chaseing pigs around the house , bacon for breakfast ? , I don't mind cats but what a cheek to walz in to a house with two bull terriers lazing around third cat to do it in as many weeks , regarding your other post about not being as intelligent as some on here I left school at 15 and got a job on a building site , I allways see inteligence as being relevant to your situation no point having Steven Hawkins with you if you are lost in the outback and most intellectuals feel like idiots when take their car in the garage or get a plumber out , quite cold here yesterday and rained last night but paper says another heat wave on way that's why we can't take the heat you get all the seasons in one day ( like the song ) start of another day way to early see how it goes , take care .
Afternoon hear Buster,had an appointment picked the ankle biters up from school and ready for the next episode.We finally got the bloody pig in the pen, I ended up face down in pig shit the kids had a good laugh(little buggers),me I was livid. You are right about not having an intellectual in the desert reciting about politicians policies,i do wonder how they would survive.I have learnt to survive on my own,since my husband died,learnt to use a chainsaw,chop wood plough and plant sunflower seeds on ten acres(also learnt to swear more while doing it).
I do my own grease and oil change on my old car,it is too expensive to get someone to do it.
Thinking about killing a pig,the price of meat is bloody dear,might take a picture of some steak and put it on the table and tell the kids "Here's your dinner"...lol.
Well it has been another glorious day I heard we are going to have a cold snap tomorrow,but we will wait and see.
I left school at 15 could not handle it,bloody bullies drove me out.I went to work for my uncle in Long reach,he has a Sheep Station(property) bloody hard work,stayed there till I was 17 then went to discover the world.Now I pour beers in a pub too get buy.
:D.Look after yourself Buster x.
I think you must be a really strong person to take on all that,flipp, and no amount of fancy qualifications can equip you for the good old university of Life. You can be as "intelligent" as hell and not be able to cope with the slightest practical problem or difficulty-I reckon you already have a Doctorate in Surviving Adversity!
Buster, I'd far rather see someone who has struggled with mental health issues rather than some academic who has spent years reading books about it and has absolutely zero empathy. They might be able to quote the latest psychological jargon but they haven't actually experienced what we do for themselves
Hi pulisa:D
Thanks for your lovely words,no I am no different than most women living in such a hard environment,in a lot of out back towns there are families doing it tough due to drought and the cost of hay and high price of living.I have come to know a few women in my therapy group that have lost their husbands to suicide.
They to are trying to raise kids and try and keep their properties from the banks.
I still say even on bad days a quote from an Aussie author,I have a Fortunate Life.:D
Well to me you have it hard. Great respect to you for all you do to cope with life
Yes, lots of respect from me too for all you do. It sounds like it takes a lot of work and determination.
Hi all , so sorry you lost your husband flip it must have been so hard and you've done fantastic to adapt and be mum and dad kids don't always realise the sacrifices you pay until they are older , don't ever put down the job you do , got my partner to a psychiatric doc this morning out of town left her with him and she seemed to get on ok he's seeing her again but won't prescribe any meds for the time being , had to go out for a few hours and leave her alone felt ok untill on way back and the thought popped in my head what if ...... When I get home felt nervous and sick but all was ok when I walked in , went round to walk my daughters dogs this evening and my grand kids came out so exited to see us grandson 18 months old gave my partner the biggest hug I nearly cried he wouldn't let go , so then my granddaughter wanted to come , then grandson , then Daughter , so we end up with four dogs two kids and three adults in a little Vw van not legal but well worth it we had some real quality time out , ok a bloody great Doberman ran up and picked fight with my daughters dog but I managed to pull em apart until the drip of a man turned up to get his dog , on the whole the day went better than expected , when it comes to dogs ,kids and pigs , "shit happens " part of the fun , and as for pictures of meat I tried a McDonalds burger with bacon and I swear the bacon was a photo copy it was that thin you could see through it , any thinner it would have been suitable for vegetarians , time to have another go at sleep see how that goes tonight ,sending you all a box of virtual chocolates no calories enjoy , take care .
I'm pleased you managed to arrange an appointment for her and even better that all seems to have gone well..It' s such a lottery with these psych docs. You're going to feel panicky-it's still very early days and you are both feeling your way back out of the "abyss". You can't guard her round the clock and can only do your best to keep things on an even keel as much as possible.
Great that you had some spontaneous fun with your family and various dogs! Just what you need to try to break up the awful tension and anxiety.Hope you can get out today as well and that you have slept better? Every little helps (as Tesco say)
Maybe things are on the up? You deserve a break from all this
Hi there Buster.:D So pleased to hear that your partner went OK with the Psychiatrist and you all had a lovely day out,to hear you speak about your vehicle I used to have a light blue one 1966 I got it for a carton of beer and a bottle of scotch a real bargain I thought,turned out that the registration sticker was from a backo that was registered to BHP,only found that out when I got pulled up by the cops for not putting the blinker on.The mongrel I got it off left the area and the car was impounded at the back of the copshop,bloody hell I was mad,he was lucky that I didn't track him down,i have a good south paw punch(I was told).
You are right about the Macca's,took the ankle biters to one awhile back when we were in Sydney had the brekky one with egg and bacon,crikey it was like eating an old leather boot,even the kids spat it out and for them to do that must have tasted shit... I'm a gunna kill a chook tomorrow haven't had one for awhile,the kids have been trying to say they have named them and I am not allowed to chop the head off,i asked the youngest what names they gave the chooks and she said,we call 3 of them Tom,Dick and Harry,well I just lost it..lol
what about the rest i said and she made up names,i suppose you had to be hear to see how funny it was. I am still eye-balling off the pig,Buster..lol can just see it with baked spuds,pumpkin and apple sauce..lol..Crikey I must sound like a hillbilly,but this is my life and as I say to some people What you see is what you get,may be a sandwich short of a picnic,so I do hope you don't mind me talking.
Hope you get some quality sleep tonight Buster and give your partner shit hug from flipp down under.:hugs:
---------- Post added at 20:07 ---------- Previous post was at 19:27 ----------
Not a shit hug,it supposed to say Big hug,something wrong with this bloody tablet.So sorry Buster.:weep:
Very pleased to hear your partner had a psychiatrist appointment already and it is probably a good thing the doctor is being cautious about meds and taking things slowly.
Hope things are starting to move in a positive direction for you :hugs:
A "shit hug" sounds colourful ...Probably best not to have one before a psych visit though
Well I've had worse days somone tried to rip me off with a Chinese fake of somthing expensive been buying and selling long enough to know if it seems to good to be true it probably is , like your 66 vw , not a good idea to give animals names that might end up on the plate we take a lot for granted where our food comes from , my dad turned the back garden into a small farm in the seventies if you ever saw the good life that was pretty much it , chickens and veg , I post from my phone and the predictive text helps out with spelling but somtimes I look at what it's written and it's got sod all to do with what I'm writing it also swaps can for can't which can be a sod when I agree to somthing I didn't want to , cbt tomorrow if I go can't wait to say why I missed the last one he's been telling me just because I worry bad things will happen doesnt mean they will , ahhhh what am I doing even going , I'd have wet my self years ago if I thought I'd end up talking to a man in brown cords about my worries . Over and out .
...hmm...a "shit hug" from "down under"...does not sound good...:huh:
Let us know how it goes tomorrow. It might be nice to have somebody to talk to about this stuff.
I know what you mean, I use a speech dictation software at work to dictate some of my notes (it's called dragon if anybody's familiar) and if I'm not careful I will have very odd things in my notes for work! One time I tried to write BRS (an agency) and it wrote "be our ass" in my note!! Thankfully I caught it before it was too late!
That is funny swgrl.:D.I will have to keep checking to make sure I don't do it again.
I never use predictive text-just too dodgy. I hate all this technology and would rather write with a pen rather than trust a machine. I know....I'm a dinosaur..
I know what you mean about "talking" to these people when you have faced a horrendous crisis, Buster. You just can't even think about it because what do these people know and how can they even begin to help you? See how you feel about it on the day? CBT can make things sound too simplistic when you are in the depths of it
MyNameIsTerry
04-08-16, 08:41
I never use predictive text-just too dodgy. I hate all this technology and would rather write with a pen rather than trust a machine. I know....I'm a dinosaur..
I know what you mean about "talking" to these people when you have faced a horrendous crisis, Buster. You just can't even think about it because what do these people know and how can they even begin to help you? See how you feel about it on the day? CBT can make things sound too simplistic when you are in the depths of it
A pen?! A pen?!!! What happened to 'bring back the quill?'. :D
Buster, they deal with all sorts in their professional so they will be able to help you through it. They tell us about not worrying about the worst because we spend time worrying over something that may never happen in our lifetime and all it does is rob us of life the slow way.
Perhaps be honest with him and explain what has happened. Many of these IAPT bods are trained to treat depression and will have grief training so he may just change tactics to something better at the moment and calm down any goal orientated stuff.
Brown cords though! Does his jacket have those elbow patches on too? If so I'm guessing they got him off the Open University once they stopped showing them on BBC2 in the small hours. :winks:
Bloody Hell Karina, do you know how many typos your phones done for you on the Funny Phrases thread? :winks::roflmao: By the way, I think you are ace. You've got things tough and you bring a load of humour to this place and we need more of that! You remind me of another Ozzy lady who used to be on here, she always made me laugh and didn't mind a rude joke either. :noangel:
I'm sorry but I couldn't stop laughing when you mentioned about the pig. :roflmao: Have they named him Babe? :D
I've tried to progress from the quill, Terry. Biros are the way to go now!
Hi Buster.:D.did you get to go to cbt?and how is your partner I do hope she is feeling better,well I did it killed a chook got blood all over me the place looked like crime scene,the youngens are'nt talking to me but that's good I don't mind a bit of peace.had a lovely day my neighbour came over and fixed the gate,now at least the pigs won't be able to get into the back yard.He calls me a pheasant plucker and reckons I should not use the axe anymore cause I might chop a foot off crikes I was taught years ago how to kill a chook,this bloke moved here from Melbourne straight out of an office,wears zinc cream on his nose and a hat with a fly screen on it...lol,And drinks evian water,I said to him do you know that says naive and he looked at me like I had two heads but I spose he is a good man he has helped me out with the fences and did not ask for a cent.rave over take care and thanks for sending choccies via cyber space.
Geez Terry this is my life ...Nope the ankle biters as far as I know haven't got names for the pigs,they will have when I tell them that their unc is gunna kill one
I can here em now...lol....Most Ozzy women that live out this way,halfway between heaven and hell are like me gotta have a sense of humour otherwise you would go completely bonkers,(some of you probably think I am).Thanks for your kind words.
I prefer a pencil at least I could erase the wrong words.:D.
I wouldn't want to let you near my guinea pigs, flipp....especially the one who has filtered water, organic vegetables and clean bedding on demand...
He'd be first in line for the axe as he'd make a good meal for your lot!:D
Seriously though, you have a very tough life and you must think we are a load of pampered whingers with our creature comforts etc.
Well another day done , went to the cbt told him why I didn't come last week that was a game changer even he admitted I might be in the wrong place , options , carry on , put it on hold , discharge me ( sounds painfull ) or see a counciler instead , had a good talk and felt strangely calm no pressure when I didn't care if I was there or not , he asked how I'd felt about it all and I said angry she had done this after we went through it with our daughter , apparently very normal , ( hey I'm normal ) and not feeling so anxous now something bad has happened again quite common , didn't worry so much about leaving her today , don't know why but things do feel different , she still not well mentally or psyically but it's going to take time and I've got to learn to give her space .
So some of us are showing our age with technology , I'm old enough to remember a fountain pen leaking in your pocket at school and getting home with a blue leg , now I'd probably rush to the docs thinking I was dieing " doctor my legs blue think I'm dieing " " it's ink you f&@king idiot " can I get a second opinion " " yeah go to a stationers " my hand writing was allways terrible the along comes the pc , turns out my typing is as bad progressed from one finger to two then the odd space with a thumb showing off , then we come to the smart phone except my thumbs are the size of the screen great for hitch hiking no good for typing , I'm a fork in a world of soup , and my bloody eyesight is going I can't even see what I'm writing wrong , rant over , a pig was the start of my anxiety four years ago I'll expain that one another day , rambling and tired zzzzz
Speaking of blue legs ... That's one of my embarrassing HA moments. I had new jeans on and went walking around NYC. I went to shower and my legs were blotchy and blue. I though "this is it. It's actually leukemia this time." Then as I turned the shower on, the blue washed off. Haha
I'm glad you went today, even if just to evaluate what's appropriate for you right now. Your anger is definitely normal and makes sense. It's going to take time to work through this.
Hi all , my update on my roller coaster life is my partner although still in pain with her kidneys seems to be picking up , she needed somthing to focus on but what she has found is kind of bitter sweat for me , my daughters 21 is in four weeks so she's decided to have a big party at a pub , j want her to have a great birthday there was a time we didn't think she would see another , the down side is I get realy anxous about things like this , I can't drink more than a couple of it makes me worse , the planning she's doing is relentless as soon as I get up I get questioned on banners , balloons food , people to invite , this goes on all day unti she goes to bed , she knows I'm anxous about it but she's totally consumed by it , I want to go and will for my daughter but four weeks of planning something I dread isn't going to be easy , dropping off invitations at 9 at night , as usual feel like a selfish shit , if I just had to sort things on the day I'd be ok but I'm already overthinking it , I'll finish by asking how you all are getting on with blue legs , escaping pigs , family problems , and just general anxiety , it's not bloody easy this living thing , take care ,
MyNameIsTerry
07-08-16, 12:10
Well things are not so great for me. My blue-legged pig, Houdini, is still have problems getting access to his piglets. His ex is a right old sow. :whistles:
Sounds like she's planning a wedding! God help you when that time comes. I guess she is just very excited about it all. I can't see her going on about it all that time though, I'm sure she will calm down once the initial frenzy of excitement is over.
If it keeps your partner going, that's a good thing. I guess this means more "shed" time for you, Buster. :winks:
Terry you probably think a balloon is a balloon how wrong you'd be do you know how many variants there are , neither do I but its a lot , I have to go to a quite place in my head like a scrap yard , well at least no blue leg syndrome just a tan from my ankles to my knees from wearing shorts classic English tan white feet and looks like I'm wearing a white t shirt when I take mine off , roll on winter , cute puppy pic to end ( no it's basket isn't to small that's the wash basket she's in )
MyNameIsTerry
07-08-16, 13:28
Aww, that's very cute.
I wish I could relax like my dog, they're master of it!
Well, to me balloons are either round or long. Either way they are a bugger to blow up.
It does bring back good memories of Xmas when we were younger and me & my brig brother playing footie in the living room with them.
You need some Union Jack shorts to enhance your look. :yesyes:
---------- Post added at 13:28 ---------- Previous post was at 13:27 ----------
Let's add that cute pic in to make us all happy...
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/attachment.php?attachmentid=2746&d=1470571885
Oh my goodness, what a sweetheart that puppy is!!!
Must be good to be a dog...
I would imagine that she's throwing herself into organising the party in order to not give herself any time at all to think about what's happened? I hope she's able to slow down a bit soon
Mine just ate the tv remote, so there's that... lol...
It's nice that she's got something to focus on, but wow, sounds stressful! I get anxious about things like that too. I prefer low key get togethers as opposed to big events.
They say it's a dogs life like that's a bad thing , wake up , get walked , go home chill out in the garden , get fed 4 o'clock on the dot , walked again , Nick the sofa , sleep , repeat , suppose it's not like that for all of them , ps my pup ate my bike seat then threw it up in the house , that's not bad going for five weeks so I'll let that one go , take care .
I know, right? Our dog and cat have the best life. Sleep, go out, eat, play, sleep, repeat. Maybe roll around in the sun a bit.
Oh no - ate the bike seat? I can't imagine that was very good! We have a friend whose dog ate two gloves, threw up one two weeks later, the other a month later. :shrug:
When we first got ours, I left her home and she got out of her crate. She opened all the Christmas presents. I had to re-wrap mine from my husband!
Hi , awake at three again can't bloody sleep things are up and down at home which makes me on edge and not looking forward to it getting hot again my old man used to say when the blackberries are out summers over , well I've seen plenty of them so why is it going to get hot again I want rain , how is every one else doing ? Shazmataz you doing any better , missalone ? Flip ( you can't recieve pm's don't want you to think I'm ignorant and didn't reply ) , swgirl ok ? Pulisa ? I know terry is alive you are the resident squater on here , I know there are others who have been good enough to reply but my memory is as bad as a thingy whatdoyamacallit , well hope alls well , going to try and count some sheep , not literally I'm not welsh , take care all .
Shazamataz
10-08-16, 04:06
Hey Buster, insomnia is a pain in the butt isn't it? Not much longer for the warmer weather at your end of the world, surely.
I've not been posting much, just reading now and again.
I finally seem to be experiencing some improvement but don't want to jinx it so keeping quiet about things.
Much more confident with driving, sleeping ok (not great but better) and having periods of feeling almost relaxed. Long may it continue.
I hope things settle for you and your family. You've been through a lot but I know you're tough (but soft on the inside).
Hugs
xx
Hi Buster.:D.
I never thought you were ignorant,just trying to work this place out it should be OK now. Sorry you are not sleeping it's a bummer I know had a couple of rough nights myself,took a chill pill last night the bloody kids were acting up,driving me in sane, I swear they all have ADHDTNTDDT...lol.Hope it doesn't get too hot for you,we are having daily temps of around 25c lately,still gets cool at night tho.
We need some rain here it's as dry as a.... won't say the rest..lol.
How are you going with your daughter's birthday plans? I don't remember my 21party.
Try and get some shut eye Buster.:hugs:
LittleMissAlone
10-08-16, 05:46
Morning all
I'm with you on the heat front Buster, but it's relatively cool here until early next week, they say. I'm not fine with the summer being over yet though (you're hard core!) but just not too hot, thank you!
I'm still improving slowly. I've an appointment today, something I'd have found impossible a few weeks ago, it's just a work thing, documents and signing something, so I can think about going back. I've got to do it yet, but the idea of it isn't stressing me out too much right now.
Buster, I know you like the east coast, do you ever go to Norfolk? I'm determined to go soon, really need to see the sea again.
Take care.
I hope you managed to get back to sleep, Buster? I'm not surprised that you are feeling all over the place what with everything that's going on.
Flipp, Sharon and LMA-greetings to you all! Hope things continue to progress steadily for you all. Had a few challenging days with my daughter but am hoping to take her to the sea tomorrow for a break-my son will be driving us
It has been hot Buster even up here in Scotland.
Like Pulisa I am not surprised that the night gremlins are at work with you, you have so much on your plate atm.
I have really struggled with meditation techniques in the past but the Headspace app does a great one that just requires you to count breaths in groups of 5 which works every time for me. A bit like counting sheep I guess lol.
Might be worth checking it out.
Hope today is a better day for you.
I hope you managed to get back to sleep, Buster? I'm not surprised that you are feeling all over the place what with everything that's going on.
Flipp, Sharon and LMA-greetings to you all! Hope things continue to progress steadily for you all. Had a few challenging days with my daughter but am hoping to take her to the sea tomorrow for a break-my son will be driving us
Hi pulisa,:D.I hope you have a nice break away there is nothing like the smell of the ocean.Have a lovely time.:hugs:.
Hi all , good to know you are all still alive and kicking , funny that we think if we are doing a bit better we might jinx it just by admitting it , lma I used to go to Yarmouth when I was a kid loved it there last time I went was 2000 after my dad died but it wasn't the same anymore lots of refugees in the b&b'S caravan site had closed , I used to love sitting at the dock watching the ships come in at night , sneaked off in my camper for kip somwhere nice , partner is blowing hot and cold and she's waiting for blood tests so I understand , had a bit of a silent panic attack in a shop earlier kept talking but inside heart was racing and barely breathing haven't had that for a while didn't miss it either , anyway good to hear from yoall , take care .
LittleMissAlone
10-08-16, 13:12
Hey Buster
When I have a silent panic attack in a shop I leave! To carry on talking, that's epic.
Yarmouth is even bleaker now, quite depressing when I went a couple of years ago though it rained do that always makes a seaside resort look miserable. North Norfolk is quite classy still, really scenic too. Hunstanton is quite handy to get to.
I'm really hoping your partners results are encouraging, I'm sure they will be and that she's over the worst now.
All the best.
Hi pulisa,:D.I hope you have a nice break away there is nothing like the smell of the ocean.Have a lovely time.:hugs:.
Thanks flipp. Just going for a day trip as we need to get back for the guinea pigs!!:D xx
MyNameIsTerry
10-08-16, 13:52
Yeah, that's control, Buster. It came, you dealt with it. Nice one! :yesyes:
I'm ok, thanks for asking. Still spring cleaning off & on hence not posting as much right now. Still a squatter though. :biggrin: The ruddy sciatica thing is back though after getting rid of it a while back.
It sounds like your partner spends a fair amount of time in physical pain. It does make a lot of us snappy, patience tends to get short the more it goes on.
Is your pup still running around like a nutter? I got my dog one of those cool mats as recommended on here by Ruth and he's been on it a few times. Typical, it has been cool virtually ever since so he's not needed it.
Is that your chopper by the way?...in the picture :biggrin:
I hope your daughter enjoys the seaside, pulisa. It's always so relaxing when you come from a city. It will be nice for you all, I hope the weather is good.
Hi to everyone else. I hope you are all well. :flowers:
Hunstanton that's a blast from the past you can see it from Skegness on a clear day , went there as a kid and the whole town broke out into a fight even my dad got involved because my little bro got knocked over , then we had to camp up on the same camp site , remember a pub called the kitcat and the beach was stoney but can't remember what I did this morning , been a tough day haven't felt this bad in a while , pups actualy doing ok she's learning quite quick and can be quite affectionate when she sits still for minute , was one of my choppers sold that now but I restore a lot of vintage bicycles bikes I grew up with , my I dream of touring Scotland in the rain and cold has been shattered if it's starting to get sunny up there , I planned on finding the lochness monster , better get off the net now soon be time to go and lay down and count sheep , actually got to the end of my sleep hypnosis app last night never heard the end before , take care .
Hey Buster, finally getting back on here after a busy two days. Work has been very hectic, husband is away on a trip, so I get home and am taking care of the pets and doing the cooking, yard work, chores on my own. It's not bad but takes up some time. By the time I'm done making dinner, it's time for sleep. He is usually the cook, not me!
It is getting hot here too. It is going to be 95F, feeling like 105 with humidity. Google tells me that is about 35C? It's miserable. We've been pumping the air conditioning, afraid to see what my electric bill is this month. I don't do well in the heat.
Hope you are doing better with sleeping. I like doing yoga before bed. It helps me calm down better than just meditating laying still. There are some good youtube videos out there.
Take care!
Man...that bike looks like something we used to call a Lemon Peeler over here when I was a kid. Nice!
Buster, restoring vintage bikes must be a very rewarding and therapeutic thing to do-you obviously have great talent. I'm sorry things are bad-it's not surprising but I admire you for your strength of character and ability to grit your teeth and get on with things..Focus on your beautiful dogs and anything that gives you a break from the sh*te?
Am going to Littlehampton today with my son and daughter for a whiff of sea air. It'll be a challenge to keep the peace-we haven't been for years so everything will be "new" and that's not great with autism but never mind..Just hope the old car doesn't break down..I'll be taking a survival kit just in case we get stranded..:D
Best wishes to all
Hi , restoring things has always been my therapy I used to restore classic cars for living , anxiety and depression robs you of the enthusiam to take on big projects , I used to go to sleep planning what I'd do the next day and couldn't wait to get to work as soon as a welding helmet goes down you focus on the job in hand nothing else , hope the trip to the coast goes well coastal trips should be compulsory at least once a year , went last December and had paddle in the sea in my wellies , been praising my pup to everyone then she bolted out of my van after a cat up the street into a neighbours garden I don't get on with , little bleeder , I'll give her credit she came back after , anyway don't know where littlehampton is but it sounds posh , hope the weather was right , the offspring behaved , the ice cream was nice , and the fish and chips were good , take care .
I hope you are able to get back to restoring bikes again-I understand what you mean about losing the ability to lose yourself in projects you love but I hope you will get back to doing the things you love in time..at the moment it must seem impossible but don't ever lose hope..You obviously have a real talent there and you'll never lose that skill.
Littlehampton is in Sussex-it's small and true bucket and spade territory-sandy beaches etc. We had a good time despite a tricky start-things are never straightforward and plenty of eggshells need to be trodden on to make headway! The sun was out and it was warm. Took about 2 hours to drive there but car behaved so no need for survival kit!
Back to reality and ACT therapy for my daughter tomorrow morning
Here's how my day went today it may make someone think well my days aren't so bad , woke up after another crap nights sleep from a realy vivid nightmare , shaking heart pounding and super anxous like I'd lost the plot , got up had a shower trying to wash off the anxiety had a cup of tea with my old friends di and pam , thought I'd better get out and walk the dogs , thoughts racing but managed to calm down a bit walking through some woods then out of nowhere comes a Labrador going ballistic with a woman shouting it not to concerned I carry on to see the woman with four other dogs non on leads my two are ok then a big staffie jumps on my old dog and starts ragging it around by its head I jump in and pick her dog up off its feet with its collar only to realise my dog is hanging from its mouth by her ear , chocked the dog till it let go and got mine away , she's bruised swollen and has bite marks but seems ok , went home shaking and nearly in tears she looked so sorry for herself , had to pick up my grandkids from their other grandparents supposedly for half an hour which turned in to 7 hours , I love em to bits but I could barely keep my eyes open mid afternoon , partner got her bloods back liver is ok but needs more tests soon and can't have any paracetamol or alchol for long time she won't get away with it again , dogs walked again without any problems and my day is done , just enough time to spoil the dog a bit more , oh and I got a bloody gnat bite while I was out , perfect , and even after all this I know I've had worse days and I know some poor sod has had a much worse day than me , anyone fancy a life swap ?
---------- Post added at 20:49 ---------- Previous post was at 20:46 ----------
Ps anyone know the difference between cbt and counselling , the cbt chap said I'm probably not in the right place for cbt and could consider swapping to counselling I'm new to talking to people so I don't realy know what to do , any info appreciated, thanks
Shazamataz
12-08-16, 21:36
Oh Buster, that's a terrible situation with the dog!I hope the old girl is okay and not too traumatized.
I think counselling may be better for you as you get to talk things out instead of getting given all these exercises to do like homework. Means you can talk about the real issues and feel supported. If it's available I'd say go for it.
---------- Post added at 08:36 ---------- Previous post was at 08:35 ----------
PS after feeling a lot better, yesterday was a hard one for me with the fatigue super bad and today I've woken up feeling really off. Time of the month so hopefully the feeling yuck will pass with that.
Hi Buster:D.
I have counselling and it works for me,i go on a regular basis.
Sounds like you had a shit of a day,hope your dog is doing OK.:hugs:
I can send my little lovely sweet kids over for you to look after,that's like swapping lives,maybe you can get them under control put a dog collar on them and leave them in the woods for the dogs too play with...lol.
Take Care xx:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
13-08-16, 06:14
Sorry to hear about you dog, Buster.
That happened to hours down the park. A bull mastiff creeped up behind my parents when they were out walking him. It grabbed him by the head and shook him around. They and the other owner had to punch the dog to get it to let go. Luckily the puncture marks were superficial. My parents were shook up. When I came in our dog was lying shivering in his bed. His tale was managing to betray him though with a little bit of wagging. A couple of days later and it was like it had never happened.
I hope your dog gets through it quickly and you too. Some dog owners are so irresponsible!
Morning again slept through from 11 to 5.30 which is a lot better than I've had in ages don't feel so anxous , think I might give them a ring and see about changing to counceling , dogs been walking with her head to one side but think she's just bruised , don't have a problem with dogs just people , one woman 5 dogs doesn't work , flip I'm going to have to turn down your offer of more kids thought I'd done my bit by forty then my daughter got pregnant at 20 and it all started again I adore my grand kids though I'm bad granddad I swear , let them jump in puddles , put polish on slides so they fly off the end all good fun but I'm looking for swap with someone who lives in cabin in the woods , maybe a chocolate log cabin with some peace and quite , a dog to walk and a tool shed , shaz a another bad blip but maybe a good blip will follow , nobody mentions good blips , take care .
For the past 14 days I've had a good blip, Buster but that is after a year of relentless agitation so I'm not counting my chickens/chooks!:DYou wouldn't want to do a life swap with me but I'll say no more..
I hope your dog is OK and I know how you feel about rip-off vets but I hope she doesn't get an abscess. Fingers crossed it was just a horrible experience all round with no lasting damage.
Glad that your partner's liver tests were ok-she has been very lucky but we all know that it's not just a question of physical damage.
Sharon, I'm sorry you are feeling cr*p-it's so tiring to keep going with this stuff.
Shazamataz
13-08-16, 09:24
Hey Pulisa and everyone else,
Yep, feeling quite down as had a few good days and back to feeling really bad. Problem is it's not just anxiety, the Chronic Fatigue demon is beating me up something wicked and today has been miserable. Not helped by the fact I think my car is about to 'die' (probably just needs a new battery but still something extra to deal with) and Zico (my retriever) has a nasty looking scabby patch on his head which may require a trip to the vet. I'm pretty sure it's a 'hot spot' they have a tendency for, he's had one a few months ago on his neck. I've just trimmed his hair and used the same ointment and hoping it clears.
Yes I look forward to another good blip! Just want to get on with life but can't commit to anything as my health is so unreliable.
Buster I used to often take 5 dogs out but it was during weekdays when nobody else was around. Unfortunately one day we came across a sea lion on the beach and all hell broke loose. No damage done except to my old retriever Caesar who was too dumb to get out of the way and he ended up with a nasty cut/bite which required 13 staples in his leg! No more extra friends dogs with me after that!
Sorry to hear you are feeling crap Shaz.:hugs:
Pulisa glad you had a nice day out by the sea and your car got you there and back home safe.:hugs:
Buster,Are you sure? You could inherit pigs,chooks,2 cows 1bull now 4 dogs 3 of the Heinze variety 1 old Range Rover been around the clock and has new secondhand engine I call her Thelma,honestly with this life there never is a dull moment..you may need earplugs and a box of Valium.
Take Care :D.
Hi all not a bad day sat at pub by the river and had a pint while people came and fussed the dogs that's a short but sweet blip fatigues kicked in now and I fell asleep in the garden in the sun I'm fair skinned so bad idea I usually do my sunbathing in the dark , pulisa you ever want to have a good moan and vent feel free you have to let it out every now and then , shaz the fatigue is the worst bit for me at the moment it comes out of nowhere and if the kids are round it's horrible no going for a lay down it feels like torture staying away , hope you are back on track again soon , flip don't know how you do it with all that lot you deserve a medal , there better be a bloody heaven eh , got my chair ready under the gazebo for later go out about half nine when it gets dark for some peace and quite , take care .
Left the house in the middle of the night and can't face going back to the relentless family pressure , the fatigue has been aweful but no let up this needs doing that needs doing we need to go somwhere even when I can barely keep my eyes open , just want to keep driving but can't leave it behind , feel like I'm about to crack
Shazamataz
15-08-16, 06:24
Oh Buster, sorry things are so rough for you! Sending a big old hug from the bottom of the world!
I think you are actually very strong and it's important to take time out of you need it.
i have the opposite issue. Living alone and far too much time on my own. Thank goodness for the dogs!
I've been to the dentist today. It was horrible, but I did it! I react very strongly to the anaesthetics so my face is still extremely numb two hours later. He said he's use less next time - I have to go back and get stuff done on the other side. Unfortunately it's going to be very expensive. I am lucky, I suppose, as I can put it on the mortgage, otherwise I'd just have to let all my teeth fall out!
I'm still up and down. Couple of bad days, yesterday was quite good then woke this morning feeling absolutely dreadful. Managed to get done what I needed to but it's a real battle. I had a panic attack in the car again last Friday so I'm very jittery again about driving.
Please vent on here, Buster, if if it helps.
MyNameIsTerry
15-08-16, 07:07
Is it all the hassle over the 21st still, Buster? Perhaps you need to look at them doing that in blocks and it not being discussed the rest of the time if it's getting too much?
Try and get yourself some rest where you can. All the extra stress is bound to be making you so tired. It can be a phase with anxiety or a main symptom, hopefully you will pass through it.
How is your dog now?
It's good to hear you are having some better days, Shaz. I bet you thought they would never come again? I remember feeling that way, it's was a desperate time.
I too have issues with on/off anxiety blips. Mine have changed greatly since I started on this med and are mostly blips every 7-10 days now. That doesn't mean no anxiety the rest of the time, far from it, but the blips are more intense and stop me moving forward. It's hard to plan anything or be able to do anything on a consistent basis when it's like this.
I hope the med keeps helping you and you continue to find success.
Having too much time on your hands can be just as hard as being totally overwhelmed with things to do when it comes to anxiety. It's getting a healthy balance which is tricky.
Buster, I hope it helped you to go out for a while last night? Can you talk to your partner about the pressure you feel you are under?
Hi , thanks for the replies , what happened with my partner is still on my mind a lot but she doesn't accept it affected me finding her , the talk of the upcoming party is a every day , my breathing and constant wheezing is scaring me , I've started working again but I'm out of breath very quickly which I don't know if it's anxiety or asthma , now I have people complaining about items I've sold they try it on to get an allready low price lower for somthing tiny , my family have arranged a trip out to the coast tomorrow I'm not up to it but they don't listen , 9 o'clock in the morning and already my phone has gone three times work related , I'm wheezing my blood pressure is up and can't see anyway of lowering the stress , shaz I don't envy your lonely life a balance In between would be good , think the dog is ok didn't go to vets can't afford another bill she's still walking with her head to one side but hoping it's just bruised , rant over , do I go home ? Thanks .
Go home, Buster. You needed the break away to try to clear your head. Maybe you could switch your phone off for 30 mins once you are home and you know your partner is ok?
Shazamataz
15-08-16, 09:43
Buster, sorry things are so bad right now. I have asthma too and find it hard to tell if I feel out of breath from anxiety or the asthma. I made the mistake of taking up smoking when I was at university and regret it but can't seem to stop. In fact the GP and psychiatrist insisted I don't stop until my anxiety is under control.
I hope your dog is ok. The head to one side thing sounds a bit like something in her ear maybe? Hopefully she comes right. Vets are expensive! Zico has a small bald/scabby patch on his head now where I've trimmed him right back and been treating with leftover ointment as I can't really afford the vet. The cat had an injury a couple of weeks back and that cost me nearly $300! That said, if his head doesn't clear up soon I will take him in. I have insurance for him but you still have to pay the first $100 for each situation and if it's only $150 or so there's no point claiming. BUT if something serious happens it will be a good thing to have. I used about $1000 (and only had to pay $100) when he was little and got really sick, violently ill, two weeks in a row and was in overnight on a drip.
I'm just blabbering on now. I think it's fair for you to say you don;t want to go away for the day and just need some time on your own. I'm sorry your partner can't see the effect of what happened on you.
Hugs
Hi all , did the run to the coast felt anxous but not bad as there was a sea breeze so it wasn't Baking hot , enjoyed some of the day , it went down hill about 5 o'clock when the tiredness / fatigue set in and all i could think was I've got a 2 1/2 hour drive home but nobody wanted to go , two daughter two grandkids , daughters bf , and partner , couldn't just say I'm off , by 7 o'clock i could barely stay awake , we set off just after 7 and the sun was low in the sky but bright and right in my eyes , hardest drive I have ever done an hour in and I was completely tensed up and tired out after an hour and half had to pull over and walk around for bit as I realy did think I was going to fall asleep nobody else seemed concerned or even listening to me , spent the last part of the journey putting water on my face and the window wide open got home at ten knackered but wound up so couldn't sleep , out this morning first thing running around after everyone and had to take dogs to see vet both seem OK , had to see a chap I've dealt with before and had either a panic attack or asthma attack it was roasting and had to carry some bits to van drove home thinking I was dying couldnt breath , fed up of this I've no idea which problems are real and which are in my head , anybody have a good day ? I'd like to hear somebody's good day story , you doing any better shaz might take my dogs down your beach tomorrow , how far is it roughy other side of the world ish
Oh Buster,it sounds like you had a rough time of it I have been thinking of you.
ISO far have had a good morning the kids are on their best behavior cause tomorrow we are going to the coast for the weekend,the youngens want too take their new dog and doing their best too bribe me but I keep telling them no way,last thing I need my old car is having a service today,my neighbour is doing it free all he wants is a case of beer,what a kind hearted man.
Another lovely day here in the scrub.
You Take Care Buster.:hugs:.
Buster, sounds like my experience at the beach this weekend too. We were in Rhode Island about 2 hours away for the weekend - I drove, and my hubby can't drive my car because it is a manual transmission (he doesn't know how!). His car has the AC broken so we couldn't take it. It was so hot, although at least a breeze by the water. We didn't leave until 8 PM and I was also falling asleep, have a bad back and had to stretch myself so don't feel too badly about having to take care of yourself! All day in the sun can wear you out.
I think the heat tends to make anxiety worse for a lot of people, myself included. Glad to hear your dogs are doing alright.
Hi all , flip hope your trip goes well funny how kids can behave when they want something little sods , it's good to have a neighbor like that "because that's when good neighbours become good freinds " fixed a neighbors bikes today never realy spoke to her before she tried to pay me but sometimes it feels good to just do somthing nice , sw you had air con that's just showing off I haven't even got electric Windows I got hot winding them down maybe I should give up on old vw's and move into the twentieth century were still in that right , was a time I would have took some pro plus and red bull to stay away now it would drive me nuts , went to cbt today homework is be more assertive and tell people no if I don't want to do somthing , he was right about one thing my family and other people walk all over me since my breakdown , end of another shite day , hi , pulisa , missalone, shaz, terry and the ones I've forgot , don't take it personally if I forget I got so panicked one day I couldn't remember how to talk for few seconds , take care .
LittleMissAlone
19-08-16, 07:15
Hi Buster
Just wanted to say your counsellor is absolutely right. You do need to be more assertive with your family. Next time you're kind enough to take your family to the seaside and you need to go because you're knackered and they don't want to, DRIVE OFF WITHOUT THEM!
Take care.
Oh I can just imagine how that would go down , hope you are doing better , rough night for me waking up feeling dizzy and sick , that's new , take care .
I think your family were incredibly selfish. Driving when tired is foolish, driving long distances when exhausted/mentally wrung out is madness. Do they ever take your needs into consideration?
Sorry to be harsh but maybe you need to think about this?
Just opened the curtains to a bit of rain , yeah
LittleMissAlone
19-08-16, 08:39
You definitely need to think about it. It is dangerous driving long distances when not fit, not to mention the knock on effects to your wellbeing. People like us have to say to all those around that there is only so much we're prepared to do, we're not being awkward it is just vital we look after ourselves. If that means you let people down or they think badly of you, bloody tough!
I'm doing not too badly, thank you. I've realised tomatoes are bad for my stomach but they are easy to avoid. I'm hoping to go back to work soon, glad we'll soon be into autumn.
Your family need to know that dad/grandad will do his best, but please consider he has an illness that you can't see but nevertheless is as real as cancer.
Don't take no crap!
That's good advice , couldn't just pop round and tell them for me could you ? If I talk to my partner she gets angry and it goes straight to an argument after what she's just done don't want to go there , glad you are doing better , tomatoes are the enemy when it comes to acid I used to love beans on toast but haven't had them in years guaranteed indigestion, out in the camper for an hour in the rain , bit of me time as I feel like crap , take care .
LittleMissAlone
19-08-16, 11:55
We're all good at giving advice, Buster. You could be just as forthright with me improving my life and I'm certain I'd be just as reluctant to follow it, even though I'll know you're right.
I'd forgotten about your partner, that's a very tricky balancing act, my heart goes out to you.
I read your comment about your friends Di and Pam, made me chuckle. I hope they aren't adding to your woes though...
Yes I am feeling better, but still a way to go. All the best for you. I imagine your camper van is one of those classic VW ones, don't say it isn't!
I don't think you need to get into an argument about it though? Is your partner aware of how you are feeling or is she focussing on herself? You both are going through the mill..
Right now she is angry at everything , pretty sure you can image what happens if I try to calm things down and talk it like throwing petrol on a fire to put it out , I think we all think about our selves when things get bad how its affect ting us , therapist has told me to walk away when things get heated which is hard for me I don't like to leave things hanging I'd rather say sod it and move on but it makes things worse trying to sort things out , it is better to walk away and give her space , she keeps saying things have gone to far to sort them out now , heard from my mum this morning my cousin is in Intesive care after stopping eating through depression he's in his thirties ten years younger than me it just seems the way of the world now to much pressure and no help .sorry if my thread is depressing.
I'm so sorry Buster. It seems to be constant bad news for you at the moment. You seem to be getting it in the neck from everyone
Hey my cousins in a lot worse state saw him six months ago and he seemed OK chatted about cars etc not about how we feel , you just never know how people are realy getting on , especially men we never let on to people we know hence why I'm here .
I think walking away isn't a bad idea ... It doesn't mean giving up the argument but just putting it off until you can talk about it in a calmer way. When we get too angry, we lose the ability to think rationally so we have to calm ourselves before we can have any productive conversation. But I do agree with Pulisa, you sure could use a break!
You're in a very difficult situation, Buster and are treading on eggshells at home where you yourself need to be heard and understood in your own right. I understand just how hard things must be for you and if it helps to write it all down on here then just do it?
Shazamataz
19-08-16, 22:39
You're certainly going through the mill Buster. Do try to take time out on your own when you can xx
Four in the morning stupid brain won't sleep ! Thinking bang it on the wall might knock it out , or wake the neighbours up , yawnnnnnnn .
Howdy Buster,shit it sounds like you have been having a rough trot of it,how are you today/night?hope things have improved on the home front x. I have just got home from being on the coast for a cuppla day's had a nice time,old Thelma travelled well I didn't go over 160ks..lol.Got home and my brother and his wife killed a pig!well the shit hit the fan the kids running around crying and screaming
that the one they killed was their pet,told em it is food in their bellies and too sniff some cement and harden up,we have to eat.can't afford to buy meat so bloody expensive,saw some roadkill on the way home a cuppla dead roo's they are lucky i didn't stop and pick em up for them.well my friend I am gunna make a cuppa before I kark it.You keep your chin up Buster and keep smiling.Take Care xx.:hugs:
Hi , not going into my sorry life it's good to hear somone having a good time shame you had to come home back to reality is never good , you get Roos as road kill we get foxes and badgers oh and not so long back had a pheasant go through my front grill that could have been a posh dinner , it rained last night and I feel asleep in the garden again it's the best kip I get , bacon for breakfast eh , take care .
Feeling really low this morning like I can't go through another day of this , feel drained , sickly been wheezing all night and I get up to diarriah , nice and probably tmi , I'm nervous when I'm out of what I might come back to and I'm treading on egg shells around the house , my partner has gone from wanting sex when she came out of hospital to saying she can't be near me or sleep in the same bed and doesn't want to be with me , I'm actualy scared of her , she either goes around looking for tiny things Ive done wrong or goes silent , she's told me I'm to blame because I'm selfish and don't do Romantic things enough so I don't care and she doesn't feel loved , I've offered to leave and stay in my van she just says do what you want , I know she's in a bad place but I just don't know what to do to help her or if she will even let me , I feel like shit and I feel like a shit person , losing hope which is not like me I normally see a glimmer of hope of things getting better , hope someone out there s having a better start to the day , take care .
Shazamataz
23-08-16, 08:13
Buster you are NOT a shit person!! Sounds like your partner is really taking things out on you. Maybe you could take a couple of days and have some space? I hate hearing you sounding so down.
Hugs
Buster, don't let your partner walk all over you and treat you like a punch bag. Whatever she has been through you have suffered just as much and deserve some respect from her for supporting her through her crisis. She needs help but so do you. I know what it's like when you are treading on eggshells 24/7 and it's not a good place to be. You are a good person who is having to deal with too much at the moment. Remember that you need a quality of life too and your family should acknowledge that
Hi , thanks for the replies , I don't want to sound like I'm blaming her we've both been through a hell of a lot the last few years and there have been a lot of times I've been wrapped up in myself when depressed or anxous , you don't see the damage it does , when she's well she s selfless thoughtful fun person but it can be like living with two different people but that could probably be said of me too , got so used to the knock backs I just wait for the next one even when I'm feeling ok , take care .
LittleMissAlone
23-08-16, 10:15
:hugs:lI completely echo what lovely Sharon and lovely Pulisa say.
The glimmer of hope is there is something horrible here that is causing this wretched mood, and that's your partner. You're not in this bad place for no reason. Some people on this forum, like me, have no actual problems at all, but you do and you MUST say something to either your family or perhaps to a trusted friend or someone in the community, who can act as a go between. You're the one with the jokes, and you sound so bleak today.
Try to put yourself first for a change and hang the consequences. :hugs:
---------- Post added at 10:15 ---------- Previous post was at 10:14 ----------
Is your partner menopausal? That can turn women completely vicious.
It is definitely not your fault that she made the choice to do what she did. It is a very personal choice and it is not fair to be putting the responsibility for that on you. All relationships go two ways. It is never just one person's complete fault. We both have our roles and you should not be blaming yourself for something she chose to do.
You are definitely NOT a shit person considering how much this has affected you and hurt you. I hope you can see that you are a wonderful person!
Hope your day was manageable, Buster and maybe you were able to talk to your partner about how you are worried about her yet feel you can't get near her and that you feel pretty awful too about things? I know I find communication very difficult with my OH. When you are both very low it makes things all the more challenging. You just don't know what to do for the best. I wish you had a decent support system in place for your partner and you to use but I know how in reality this is just pie in the sky
Aw buster it must be awful to be in your position. I find it very hard to think of how my partner is feeling when at my lowest. It is very selfish but not something I can help. Not that that makes it OK.
I know I've negatively affected my partner and when I really think about it I feel sick to my stomach.
The best advice I can give is be there for each other and talk things through. My partner won't talk to me, i quote often get the silent treatment and it causes me to build up anger which isn't healthy for either of us.
Is there any couples counselling available where you live? That way you could both get some things out in a controlled environment. Sorry if this has been mentioned before I've just been skimming through as I'm crap at giving advice.
Hi all , thanks for the support it means a lot to me I've cut myself off from my mates and to be honest I'd be ashamed of how messed up I've got , caved in this morning and went to the docs I've been avoiding them , got a bit of s bollocking for not going in earlier my asthma has got worse and my lungs sound wheezy couldn't breath on the way in , got a course of steroids to take ( hope I don't have to take up body building won't look pretty in speedos ) up my inhalers , didn't feel so much tension at home or pressure to go out in the heat , don't think I'll ask if she's menopausal some things you just don't ask a woman , age, weight , if it's the time of the month ? Not without hiding the knifes , cousins still in intensive care keep asking about him , been so worked up all day my whole body hurts , it's a wonderful life , if summer doesn't sod off soon I'm emigrating to Scotland , again thanks for the replies , take care .
LittleMissAlone
24-08-16, 05:35
Morning Buster
Think we're in for another hot one, but it'll soon cool down properly. I find it less stressful in the cool too. You'll never hear me complain in the winter (that's a massive lie). Glad you went to the doctors, they can keep an eye on you and make notes about what they see, they do have actual benefits.
Try to give yourself a bit of space, I know it's not easy. How's the new puppy?
Been a hell of a day nothing major but tried to get stuff done early drove to see a chap but got there to find him on his way to hospital with suspected blood clot , it was what killed my dad but didn't say that told him I'd been through it and it turned out to be chest infection , it put me on edge on the way back and then it got hot and hotter , had the grand kids for the afternoon so could rest up running round after them in the heat , chest got tighter started to wheeze panic set in and I spent the rest of the day in pain feeling like I'd got a plastic bag over my head , by the time it cooled down and kids had gone I've got to the stage I can't relax my chest hurts my back and shoulder are tensed up , to add to this the doc yesterday ( who by the way was realy nice and understanding ) said no diazepam 1 because they don't like giving you them and 2 they apparently aren't to good when your asthma is bad , googled it and it's debatable , realy need to calm down before bed but can't see it happening , little miss , the pups doing well but other people are undoing my training by giving her treats while I'm walking her she then jumps up them and goes back for more , it ended up with her running up to a lady this morning who went absolutely hysterical , screaming at me even when I had the pup back on the lead , it did end with me telling her to f&@k off which is not like me , feeling even more tensed up now so might have walk round the block , hope you guys are doing ok ish .
LittleMissAlone
25-08-16, 05:14
Hi buster
I did wonder about the diazepam, I hope it's for the best not having them. They can seriously mess you up. A lot of your symptoms might be down to that rather than the things going on. Talking of tablets, from last night I've started chipping off a tiny bit from my 15mg Mirtazapine. I've got one month left do I've got loads of time to withdraw slowly. I know I don't seem bad, and I'm not, but I'm still not working, I dread to think what I would be like getting to a damn office every day. My money's running out, I've got to go back. I'm still waiting for them to do something processing with my passport, should be by today. But it's been too hot anyway, so I don't feel bad right now I'm not working. You'll have to wish me luck when I actually find come thing I think I could do. Yesterday morning I went for a walk, warm not hot, stressy tummy hit me so I had to come back. It's not too clever, is it?
Sorry to hear your family is spoiling the puppy, yet again they aren't helping you. Glad you told that woman what for - you'd got her on a lead, what else could you have done?
Anyway, it's cooler today so here's hoping for a good day. Xxx
Hi , I don't realy think tablets are the answer it was them that put me in the state I am but I have come off diazepam before for months when life wasa bit less stressful , I've always stuck to lowest doses and breaking them in half but im sensitive to most meds even painkillers make me sleepy , when we first spoke you could barely get out of your car so you are heading in the right direction and you sound much more positive sometimes it just clicks and the anxiety gives you a break , think I put it wrong about the pup it's random people and other dog walkers who treat her they carry bags of treats to get there own dogs back I just realy on giving her loads of praise when she comes back but when it comes to dogs food usualy wins over fuss and they don't forget who feeds them , hi to everyone else x
LittleMissAlone
25-08-16, 07:38
Well, random people shouldn't feed her then! We are a nation of dog lovers though, sometimes a bit soppy.
So sweet of you to remember how far I've come. But I have to wonder how much better or worse I would have been without taking any pills at all. Yesterday I was messaging a friend and I had to go back and think. I was really not right for a few months before eventually being so bad I went to the quacks. Then something in my so called love life happened and that really pushed me over the edge. Being anti pills I really kicked against them but I must have thought the pills were the last resort. Thinking about it now, if I'd just thought what the f*** I'll just take a year off to recover in my own time and not gone down the 'quick' route. Yeah, really quick... And then I tried again to go without pills and became agoraphobic. They say mental illnesses are worse than physical because diseases have actual cures which are proven to work. But we genuinely don't know what to do, what is helping and what is hindering us. It's perfectly possible to go down the mindfulness route, but not if your brain won't let you sit there more than a few minutes as mine wouldn't in those first few days.
Anyway, I hope you have a restful day. Remember, a whole day without Di and Pam is a whole day away from their grip on you.
Thanks for letting me think that one through. All good therapy. :D
You have done very well, LMA and have kept working on your recovery through thick and thin. Mindfulness is impossible when you are highly anxious but when things are calmer it's worth practising it in short bursts. Someone has obviously made a mint out of coining the term though-it's all the rage now! I wonder what will be the next "thing"? Probably something like "Calmthetics"..wouldn't surprise me....
Buster, you also just keep going despite everything. Once you're on that treadmill it's very hard to get off
LittleMissAlone
25-08-16, 09:23
Thanks Pulisa for your kind words. I do feel that I've worked hard, being fully independent has been the key. Oh, but possibly dependent on the Internet? I only had broadband at home from January, prior to that I really really struggled with loads of public libraries, despite having my car parked right outside mostly. I noticed after getting broadband I swapped high anxiety in libraries to high anxiety in supermarkets! And that was during my 6 weeks between taking Mirtazapine, so hurrah the pills have calmed me, I'm not going to be staunchly anti meds as some are. But then I'd never have discovered nmp, at least not to the extent I have. Who knows? I'm so glad that people have mindfulness in their lives if it helps, or gardening, or swimming, or whatever it takes. Find what we like doing and stick with it.
Mindfulness is really helpful for me as well. I think between practicing mindfulness and doing yoga, I have gotten to a place where I might **consider** lowering my SSRI dose. I am nervous about it though. But I have gained some weight and can't seem to shake it. My loving husband tells me it is just because I am "getting old." I turn 28 next week. :lac:
---------- Post added at 07:50 ---------- Previous post was at 07:49 ----------
Buster, I hope the heat gives you a break soon. It's awful on the lungs. It's been a bit more comfortable here this week, which has actually helped my anxiety a lot. I also have diazepam. But have found sometimes using chamomile tea or sleepytime tea helps me at night too.
Day two in the big bother house with no di and pam , barely slept last night stuffy night and a swear upping my inhalers again is making me worse and the steroids taste f&@cking aweful have have a drink and biscuit ready incase one sticks to my tongue , my partner has loads of diazepam so if I did get tempted they are there , week today is my daughters birthday party 100 invites gone out it will be tough but should be fun just don't want to behave like a dick , my cousin is still on a ventilator but they are hoping to take him off it soon so fingers crossed , lmh I always think what if I'd just had a break four years ago and not started the meds but to late now so just carry on the best I can , flip you finished that pig yet ? Or has it finished you , take care
LittleMissAlone
27-08-16, 05:47
Hi there Buster. Don't be tempted by those diazepam! So many people on here seem to have them, I'm sure they're no good. I'm hoping to be off Mirtazapine over the next few weeks. At least then I'll blame stuff like laziness on me rather than the tablets. Really hoping it'll be a smooth ride. I doubt it, but I've got to remember on or off them I'm not too good.
This party will soon be here, you can put in an appearance and just leave, can't you. No ones forcing you. Have a good one.
I agree about the diazepam-treat them with care. They aren't the answer and will just cause you more problems.
LMA, good luck with the mirt tapering. If meds don't make that much of a difference anyway there is no point and sometimes it's good to know that you are keeping things on an even keel yourself. See how you go
LittleMissAlone
27-08-16, 08:49
Oh cheers, Pulisa. I've tried to start a thread to see if anyone else is weaning from it and so far no takers. It's been 3 nights now and yesterday I felt ridiculously tired. Slept well last night and am fine today. I've just been to tesco to pick up a few urgent things (loo roll!) and felt the usual anxiety, but all I've got to remember is I've felt like that and far far worse there while being on Mirtazapine. Our minds are so powerful, and I really don't want to be taking something that is making me less inclined to do things.
How are you Pulisa? You said you'd had a good couple of weeks a while ago, are you still doing well?
I'm not so great at the moment but that is my own fault. Plus my daughter's therapy is ending soon and her anxiety is spiralling fast. It's understandable but difficult to manage. Thanks for asking xx
LittleMissAlone
27-08-16, 09:29
It's so funny how we blame ourselves! I do that, I say oh it's my fault I should eat this or drink that or do that exercise or be more self disciplined. But we're human and we've got to remember this is the hand we've been dealt. Not easy but I'm sure you'll pull through soon.
I'll be fine-just some bs which has been sorted hopefully. Hope you have a good day! x
Hi there , that's what I like about this forum could have just been a trip to tesco but no we get loo roll detail , there was time you would have needed it after going so things have moved on , I like the anonimity , no diazepam again today but it's been hard , I've gone without before and I know you get highs and lows with it , first time I tried them I was 17 ( Valium back then ) had four and a few pints with with mates for fun fell down some road works and ended up in hospital getting my face stiched up , getting on 25 years before I touched another that's a big break , pulisa there is always something going on when you have family hope yours isn't to serious and gets sorted out real quick , if I could sing and wasn't anxous we could go on X factor and give them our sob story , hold on you don't need to sing and some pretend to be anxous then make a miraculous recovery , blabbing on must be tired , take care .
With X factor there always has to be a sob story now...it's part of the show but it's getting ridiculous. I can't bear the auditions/ judges houses stuff-all so predictable. I bet they have already sorted out the winner and will doctor the votes.
I went to watch Palace v Bournemouth today. Awful first half, better second-I always leave way before the end to avoid the crowds on the train and I've had enough by then. Football is my "respite" and I go when I can or when I know that I will be able to sit still for an hour. It's a different world there.
Hi , funny the places we find our escape from the torture , I'm not a football fan but if I got up high enough I could see forest and Derby grounds , my peace today was going out with the dogs in the peeing down rain hoping it would thunder , or sitting out in the dark alone , crowds bother me these days guess it's about losing control , crowds take on a life of their own a big moving living thing that you are part of , I used to love that feeling at concerts being part of it ,had to turn X factor off its all just been done to death and carries on to fuel cowells ego , tata
LittleMissAlone
28-08-16, 04:54
Hiya
I've never been into crowds and concerts or things like that, even before being ill. But I admire people who like attending these sport events. Its the camaraderie isn't it, must be great when you're winning!
Buster, amazing rain, thunder and lightening yesterday afternoon, you must have been in your element!
I'm hoping to get some exercise today. Tried to go walking in the morning and that gassy tummy hit me almost straightaway. I completely panic when it happens, it's the worst thing my brain can throw at me, and yet no pain, reflux, taste, only lasts a second at a time. I can analyse it like that but I still turn right round and head back. If I try to ignore it it just gets worse. So I bought a packet of sugar extra strong mints. Sod the teeth, if they soothe me it'll be worth it. Then I tried going out in the afternoon and I felt great (it's rare I'm bad after my main dinner, weird or what?) but then the heavens opened.
I hope you have a good day.
I used to go to football with my late Dad. Going now is the only chance I have to go back to the area where I was born and grew up. I don't find it easy but I like to talk to people there and I never talk about my life at home.
Back to reality today though! Onwards and upwards!:D
LittleMissAlone
28-08-16, 09:59
I'm glad you've got an activity just for you Pulisa. It's all about balance, I need an activity where it's not all about me! Xxxx
I didn't go a lot last year as I was just too agitated and sitting for 5 minutes would have been torture-also I just didn't care enough about going. This season I'm going to try to go as much as I can-my son has changed his hours so he is around on Saturdays and is able to take over the baton with my daughter.
It might be a good idea to consider a new outlet for yourself, LMA? This bloody anxiety stuff can really do your head in and talking about it incessantly is even worse. You never make excuses for yourself and are very strong despite everything-you will get there! xx
LittleMissAlone
28-08-16, 12:31
Well from this Thursday in theory I can go back to work. I've got to find something I think I've got an outside chance of doing, obviously part time. That'll certainly give me something to do that doesn't revolve around me, except I've got to worry about getting myself there. Unfortunately it'll involve a bit of a walk, no car parks for the likes of me.
As for being strong, I've already disappointed myself today. I tried to go for a little walk but this time instead of getting the tummy I had a weak low blood sugar feeling. I can only assume it's diet related, I've gone back to eating more rubbish than I like to.
But you're completely right I do spend too long on this website and Facebook, which I enjoy but ultimately it's not normal and healthy.
You've made so much progress, Pulisa! Can I ask roughly how old your daughter is? I'm guessing 20s.
Buster, how's it going in the Big Bother house today?
I agree, having a place to have some respite from the stresses of our daily lives is really important. It doesn't even have to be something major, like going somewhere. It can be reading a good book that has nothing to do with anxiety, doing yoga, watching a good movie, etc. I read and do yoga and it's so helpful.
LMA, I work full time and it is hard to find something to get involved in. That's why I do some 30-45 min yoga videos at home during the week. It helps me unwind and I can squeeze it in. On the weekends I go to a studio.
LMA, I just wonder whether you are eating enough breakfast in the morning to set you up for the morning " dodgy stomach"? Low blood sugar has a lot to answer for re physical symptoms and you mentioned you felt better after eating lunch.
Yes, my daughter is 25-she hates the insecurities associated with the age and what she "should" be doing if she were not autistic/terribly anxious.
Life in the big bother house same as usual , I'd like to say treading on egg shells but it's more of a mine field I don't know where to step ( literally at times puppy's got the runs ) steroids haven't made blind bit of difference to my asthma and my son inlaws brother has just moved in two doors down don't know how that will work out , still not caved in to my old friends di and pam it's almost like a challenge now , at the start of the year my plan was get fitter , lose some weight and go camping with just my old dog , ( if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans ) lost the dog , put on weight and less fit , I should aim lower maybe plan to eat more chocolate , pulisa same age daughters they don't come with a health warning do they , don't regret having my girls though we had some fantastic times when they were young they'd probably argue I metally scared them on every trip to the park , cheers big ears .
LittleMissAlone
29-08-16, 04:16
Morning all
That's good advice swlgrl any time away from Mr A is of value.
Pulisa, I think I do eat enough breakfast, that sluggish feeling was a one off yesterday morning. I was messaging a friend on FB before it and it may have been a bit of a crash down from that, yes that's my roller coaster ride! I was so chuffed though yesterday after lunch I went for some walks, the last one was really quite long and I really enjoyed it. Just one foot in front of the other. I can't be used to it, my feet and legs were achey after. Also, about the first thing I did was buy something from a shop and then when I came out my body went into panic mode but I relaxed out of it, I didn't head back to my car, carried on. It was on a busy city road, my car just a few mins away, but I continued on the road and was fine.
But you're right, there is something about my morning routine which sets me back, I'm much better in the afternoon. However there are of course many exceptions to this rule.
Buster, my parents wouldn't begin think to blame themselves for my scarring, that's the different generations for you. Love your thing about making plans, at least no one can plan to take your sense of humour away.
Have a fun day all.
Morning yo'all , woke up with an American accent "not " just a croaky thoat from the steroids , my girls only say I scarred them in a jokey way , I just used to push them to high , to fast until they flew off somthing then just say get up you're ok , there were many occasions I was the one ended up on the floor hurt with them laughing , grand kids today all day , lma just keep putting one foot in front of the other that's all we can do , you don't sound like a quiter , have a nice day ya hear !
LittleMissAlone
29-08-16, 08:36
Oh dad used to push us on the swings so high he'd tell us we'd go over the crossbars! I still genuinely think this might have happened! He kept that one up for ages. Happy memories, going to a country pub and my brother and I left to argue in the back of our car with KP crisps and a bottle of Coke! Unless there were swings of course. That pub smell still takes me back to those days. I hope you lose that American accent, Buster, that rounds nasty. I'm currently arguing with a bunch of mindless Americans on how 'great' or otherwise God is. I'm winning. Hope the grandkids give you a break today.
I've never liked Bank Holidays much and just carry on as normal. Hope your day with the grandkids goes well, Buster-I can see you would be a fun granddad! I don't think I'll ever be a grandmother but I'm fine with that-too much risk of inherited problems. I'll stick to guinea pigs!
LMA, hope you can get in a decent walk today-you are going from strength to strength!
Hi , well not a bad day on the whole took the grand kids to a scare crow festival ( I know rock and roll ) haven't felt anxous but wish this wheezing would sod off , had a few laughs with them , little un (20 months old wouldn't come out of the coal house so I shut the door and waited then opened it he's stood there in the dark with a big cheesy grin and he just pushed the door back shut this went on for some time , made me think , we are born with a fear of falling and loud noises , how the hell do we go from that to where some of us are ? , didn't think I'd be a grand dad at 40 but you never know how things will turn out , lma not sure if your argument is for or against religeon , I wasn't brought up religeous and when my head got messed up it was a big issue that I had no belief I felt jealous ( there's a sin right there ) of those who seemed happy with a faith , I was told my someone at the crisis team to go to a place where I could hug trees , it takes all sorts I suppose , still can't get my head around it I can't force myself to believe in somthing that has so much evil going on around the world , I just try to be a decent person and treat people the way I'd expect to be treated if that's a sin I'm up shit creak , hope everyone's days went ok , take care
Your grandchild sounds adorable, I'm always amazed at how little ones can find things so simple to be so fun and interesting. And also what you said, Buster, about how they don't have the fears like we develop. The innocence is something we can all learn from.
I'm not religious either. I was never really, was raised in a laid back family but went to church, but they were not really that strict about it. When I lost my mom, my little bit of "faith" kind of disappeared. But I think all we can do is be decent people, like you said.
Hope you are doing alright.
LittleMissAlone
30-08-16, 03:00
Hi guys
Can't sleep, yesterday was pretty pants. I'm beginning to really despise this hole I've got myself in. I struggled with walking, I didn't talk to anyone, if anyone had suggested meeting up I wouldn't have been arsed. I finished a packet of biscuits only started the previous day. Then went to bed early knocked out by a chipped off Mirtazapine, but though too knackered to get up, too restless to sleep. The only bright spot was remembering a YouTube vid of this bloke who said when you're feeling anxious toss a ball from hand to hand because it uses the side if your brain that does the anxiety. I only had my car keys though I picked up a pebble and I ended up walking slightly further because if it, so that's something I could develop.
I wasn't being anti American, by the way, that was just my little joke. I was being anti religious. Anyone with half a brain can see 'God' if he exists (which he doesn't) is cruel and stupid beyond imagination. All we can be is decent to each other and cope with natural disasters as they come along. Here is Britain we are very lucky, but we can see footage of terrible suffering from around the world. I referred on this facebook thing about the earthquakes in Italy and it occurred to me that maybe they didn't know what I was on about. Or more likely they don't want to open their minds to it.
I'm just fed up, but I guess I'm going to be with trying to come off an anti depressant. I've just got to be more self disciplined and I'll get there.
Hoping everyone is well, sorry to be so negative!
Hi , too tired to sleep , to tired to stay awake , it's real nightmare , it's not like you to sound so negative it's just a shitblip ( that's the medical term for it ) don't push to hard or fast to get of the meds it just back fires , take your time and don't put pressure on yourself , new start tomorrow maybe a good nights sleep , didn't have a bad day today considering I didn't sleep either sat up all night , drink to stop the hoarse throat , half hour sleep up for a pee , more water , repeat , till news comes on at 6 , give up get up , by 9 a chap had drove from Scotland to buy somthing off me , had a laugh with him about him wanting it warmer and me wanting it colder , nearly nicked a lift up Scotland ten degrees cooler , it is cooling down now and getting dark earlier , happy days .
LittleMissAlone
31-08-16, 06:20
Morning Buster
I've had a bit of a realisation this morning which I'm relieved about. My stomach was bad again yesterday, proper belching, but only when out, no other symptoms but still completely debilitating, needing to come straight home. Because if it, not much exercise so another poor night sleep. Well I noticed this morning feeling slightly burpy again after breakfast, no anxiety of course because I was in, and I've been using full fat milk as a treat. I noticed months ago whole milk makes me bad, but I just forgot. :doh: plus the last couple if days I'd eaten a raw red pepper. So I reckon all I need to do is be sensible with what I eat and I'll be back on the road to recovery.:D Bloody hope so.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't fancy a Scottish winter! Hope you're continuing to do well.
---------- Post added at 06:20 ---------- Previous post was at 05:35 ----------
*** WARNING ***
Positive post: Just been for a run almost further than my walking the last 2 days! No tummy! Yey yey yey. Normal service will continue.
That's good you had a run I darnt get out of breath at the minute it scares the crap out of me somthing else I need to address, things not good my end , talk another time .
LittleMissAlone
31-08-16, 11:50
:hugs:
Hope you're doing alright, buster. :hugs:
Doesn't matter what you say on here but keep posting, Buster?
Hi all , thanks for the support , didn't sleep but got up feeling positive soon got knocked out of me , been a tough day even though didn't feel anxous , don't want to be a negative vibe merchant so I'll wait until I have somthing good to say , take care .
You can always share the rough days, that's what we're here for.
Yes please share the rough days. It may help to write it all down rather than keep it all in? I know you have a hell of a lot on your plate and you've also got your daughter's 21st party coming up which I know you were dreading..If we can help you through it in any small way then we want to
Shazamataz
01-09-16, 09:39
Always share the rough days too Buster!
I'm stealing the term 'shitblip'! I'm having a bit one one myself the last couple of days.
My favourite nephew is in town for a few days. Haven't seen him since Dad's funeral nearly 2 years ago. I was hoping to be a lot better by now so we could have lots of fun together but I've been crap the past few days. He's nearly 20 and has some friends at uni here, so has plenty to do and hanging out with boring relatives is not likely the most exciting thing!
We did some sightseeing for a couple hours yesterday and today he met the dogs. I was quite worried about this as Lola is a maniac when strangers come over. She settles down fairly quickly but it's a bit challenging. Caleb was very patient and once we got to the beach he had a shadow for most of the walk.
I think I'm feeling low as well because seeing Caleb brings up feelings about losing Dad and the family still being in pieces. Caleb's parents and I no longer speak. Long story! Caleb was actually with me when Dad died the first time. I know it sounds mad but we were with him in his room and he basically died. Caleb and I just held hands and comforted each other after agreeing quietly that Dad was slipping away. Then a few minutes later he opened his eyes and started talking again! Three days later he died within a short time of my brother returning from an overseas holiday (one of the reasons we are no longer speaking - him going away).
Anyhoo, it does help to type things out Buster. I feel a bit better after that!
Hugs to you all
xx
LittleMissAlone
01-09-16, 10:20
Hey Sharon you're doing so well, you're making it sound as if you should feel ashamed of yourself! All that socialising sounds really difficult to me! I wouldn't know how to hang out with a 20 year old for more than a polite few mins, family or not. Especially if your nerves are playing up again. Plus the stuff with your dad sounds really recent and raw. You should feel amazed you're holding up so well.
Buster, don't feel pressurised, you can say as much or as little as you want. You can disappear for a bit see if that helps, I have done that and it's quite helpful. Don't worry about us, worry about yourself.
Shazamataz
01-09-16, 10:47
Hey Sharon you're doing so well, you're making it sound as if you should feel ashamed of yourself! All that socialising sounds really difficult to me! I wouldn't know how to hang out with a 20 year old for more than a polite few mins, family or not. Especially if your nerves are playing up again. Plus the stuff with your dad sounds really recent and raw. You should feel amazed you're holding up so well.
Buster, don't feel pressurised, you can say as much or as little as you want. You can disappear for a bit see if that helps, I have done that and it's quite helpful. Don't worry about us, worry about yourself.
This particular 20 year old is my favourite family member now Dad's gone so he's easy to be with :) Just wish I was feeling better so I could enjoy it more!
I have been doing better over all but still a long way to go and having this setback is no fun. I woke at 5 this morning after getting my sleep back on track recently and had some terrible hot flashes and felt really ill all day.
I just want to get on with life! I don't need big excitement or anything, just to consistently feel good or even just okay. It's been 10 months and I'm struggling with lack of money which doesn't help one bit.
BUT feeling really shit physically but the anxiety isn't as bad as it has been when I've felt this shit before.
I've also not been on the forum much recently, I still have popped in but not spent as much time and it felt like a positive thing in a way. This evening having trouble even watching TV. Hoping for a better tomorrow. And for out lovely Buster too!
LittleMissAlone
01-09-16, 11:10
Nice to catch up with you Sharon.
I had a fab day yesterday, yes I do get them sometimes, but today I'm feeling all leaden and therefore feeling bleugh about everything. I'm sure it's diet related, I'm trying to eat healthily but I feel as if I've stuffed myself with wheat and sugar which I haven't. Having an early lunch soon after already snacking, glad I'm eating though, I always think when you're down eat something! I know when I was put on sertraline last year I couldn't eat much at all, weight fell off, and I very quickly felt light headed which is not going to help things.
Today is a big day for me as I've been told that I'll be back on the system and can start work again. Yes I've worked out that that may be causing this ennui! Such a sod isn't it, your stomach clears up and then you're too knackered to go out!
Could you be approaching 'that time' do you think? I wondered if I was last month but convinced not now, I know we're about the same age. I've got all that to look forward to!
Take care.
Sharon, my Dad died 2 years ago now (anniversary this month) in horrible circumstances and the legacy of this does do weird things to you mentally.
Seeing your nephew will bring back all sorts of memories-I'm sure he's only too happy to spend time with you as you share a special bond. I was on my own with my dad when he died in hospital-it all happened very quickly and my sister lives miles away. I was very glad that I could be there even though he slipped into a coma-he always said that he expected to die alone. I don't think I did enough for him when he always did so much for me so I feel that at least I could do something for him as a final gesture of love. It's still so raw after all this time.
Sharon, my Dad died 2 years ago now (anniversary this month) in horrible circumstances and the legacy of this does do weird things to you mentally.
Seeing your nephew will bring back all sorts of memories-I'm sure he's only too happy to spend time with you as you share a special bond. I was on my own with my dad when he died in hospital-it all happened very quickly and my sister lives miles away. I was very glad that I could be there even though he slipped into a coma-he always said that he expected to die alone. I don't think I did enough for him when he always did so much for me so I feel that at least I could do something for him as a final gesture of love. It's still so raw after all this time.
I didn't realize it was this month that your dad passed. I hope you are hanging in there. I think being there with him was more for him than you could ever imagine. :hugs:
I like to think so and thanks xx
LittleMissAlone
01-09-16, 14:07
I'm dreading the time I lose my parents. I don't do brave but I'd definitely want to be there for them. It's the most you can do for them. Pulisa I'm sure you were a great daughter to your dad. He'd hate you to think anything else. :flowers:
Hi all , had been feeling a lot more level since stoping the diazepam haven't seemed to have the peaks of the anxiety then plummet into depression and fatigue , had a bust up with partner first thing about me not doing enough for this party ( tomorrow , party without getting smashed not fun and not easy ) , did what my cbt chap said and went out with the dogs while she cooled down , got a message while I was out my cousin had got a lot worse he's been on a ventilator for nearly three weeks and they can't stabilise him he's had several operations allready all coming from depression , so got up today felt better physically wheezing eased up since I ignored the doc and cut back my inhaler , didn't feel anxous , had a long chat with a few different dog walkers , dealt with a few customers no problem , cbt day so went there and had a chat , while there I kept thinking about my poor cousin in the hospital round the corner from were I have the cbt , so asked him what he thought about a visit good or bad idea , he said go you will regret it more if you don't , so had a drive round half an hour in the sun to park didn't care then a packed hospital and no idea where I was going , found where he is but couldn't see him he's to bad but sat with a his mum and dad for while then took one of them home , I've been there in that situation more than once and I manged to put my problems to one side , I suppose it put things in perspective , it's not looking good but where there's life there's hope , I used to look at other people and think they were living charmed lives but we all have problems , party tomorrow I'll get through it then we'll just see how things go , thanks for the support and I know how you feel about losing dads 16 years and still can't put up photos of him ,shaz you like chillis and Metallica you're retro cool to a twenty year old , take care .
Shazamataz
01-09-16, 22:04
Sharon, my Dad died 2 years ago now (anniversary this month) in horrible circumstances and the legacy of this does do weird things to you mentally.
Seeing your nephew will bring back all sorts of memories-I'm sure he's only too happy to spend time with you as you share a special bond. I was on my own with my dad when he died in hospital-it all happened very quickly and my sister lives miles away. I was very glad that I could be there even though he slipped into a coma-he always said that he expected to die alone. I don't think I did enough for him when he always did so much for me so I feel that at least I could do something for him as a final gesture of love. It's still so raw after all this time.
So sorry you've lost your Dad too Pulisa. Worst thing I've ever been through. It will be 2 years on 6 October. I guess it is still raw. I often just don't think about it but Caleb reminds me a lot of Dad and the two of them were extremely close.
After an awful day yesterday I went to bed hopeful today would be better. Woke again at 5 and couldn't get back to sleep. Started with the hot flash, feeling all clammy at 7. Ended up getting up and having to vomit. Now feel all chilled and shivery and trying to force down some toast.
I HAVE to walk the dogs, go to pharmacy and supermarket. Caleb is busy with friends today so I'm off the hook.
I was thinking I may be having withdrawal from tapering zopiclone but maybe I'm just in a state because Caleb is here and it will pass once he's gone?
---------- Post added at 08:55 ---------- Previous post was at 08:54 ----------
Oh, haha, I like the sound of retro cool Buster. Glad you sound a bit better.
And hey LMA, sorry I haven't responded to you!
---------- Post added at 09:04 ---------- Previous post was at 08:55 ----------
PS I don't know if these flashes are menopausal or not. I've had the odd one in the past few months but it's just weird it's been two mornings in a row at exactly the same time.
I'm seeing the thyroid people next week and they may have some answers. I assume they deal with all hormonal stuff being endocrinology?
LittleMissAlone
02-09-16, 05:25
God Sharon, you're body's really putting you through the mill. My heart goes out to you. Xxxx
Buster, best news all day that you seem to be weaning off diazepam, you're already noticing feeling calmer. I can't believe how much you're able to do in a day, you're stronger than you realise. Onwards and upwards!
I'm so sorry that your cousin is in such a bad way, Buster. You did the right thing by going to the hospital and I'm sure you were a comfort to his parents.
Sharon, I hope endocrinology can throw some light on your symptoms but thyroid test results are often inconclusive which is really frustrating
I've got an appointment with a gastroenterologist on Weds to investigate my chronic rectal pain-a right pain in the ar*e. I've had to have fissure surgery in the past but wonder if it's anxiety related this time.
Shazamataz
02-09-16, 08:50
I'm so sorry that your cousin is in such a bad way, Buster. You did the right thing by going to the hospital and I'm sure you were a comfort to his parents.
Sharon, I hope endocrinology can throw some light on your symptoms but thyroid test results are often inconclusive which is really frustrating
I've got an appointment with a gastroenterologist on Weds to investigate my chronic rectal pain-a right pain in the ar*e. I've had to have fissure surgery in the past but wonder if it's anxiety related this time.
Urgh! I can relate to butt problems having Crohn's Disease. Thankfully with everything else going on that's been in remission for a couple of years. I don't envy you having to get surgery in that area. Interestingly I haven't been worrying about the Crohn's with all that's been happening, which I guess is a good thing.
To be honest I expect the thyroid doc will tell me I shouldn't be having symptoms and it will be a waste of time. However I will ask about hormonal stuff as well as I assume they deal with that too or at least know a lot about it.
Definitely visiting the hospital is a good thing Buster, I'm sure it means a lot and you feel good about yourself having done it.
Had another bad day but still managed to get out and about with the dogs twice and visit a friend this afternoon. Just feel sick all over. Have lost a kilo in two days, which is a good thing as I've got so fat on the mirtazipine.
It's been nearly 11 months since this mess all started for me but just have to keep on keeping on as best I can.
Gonna watch some Outlander this evening - yay!
LittleMissAlone
02-09-16, 12:37
Hi guys
Comparatively minor stresses and strains I know, but I just want to vent.
There's been another cock up at work and I now have to wait until next Thursday/Friday before I can look to see what work I can feasibly commit to. Meanwhile I've had to delve further into my savings as just overdrawn again without thinking of those bills.
So for the first time I've asked for benefits since being ill last October and not working, except for a day in January. I had a large tax rebate at the beginning of the year but that was my money to begin with too.
I've got more than the maximum savings you're allowed (£16k) and not claiming for anything at all. My flat is mortgage free. Also no sick note because I've not asked for one. The most I can claim is 3 months and on Tuesday my doctor is giving me a ring and I'll ask him to date a sick note, if he will. These months I've been too anxious to go the bloody doctors, but he saw me mid June looking like a stressed out wreck, so hopefully he'll be lenient.
People like me, partnerless, childless, sensible with money, just slip through the net. I've been looked after by the state without asking once before when I was job seeking (also anxious, but younger and more resilient) so I hope they'll have compassion again. I've not seen the sea since last year, hardly been anywhere except my parents, 30 miles away this year also (violins playing).
Meanwhile, all the best with everyone's situations, we can only be supportive of each other, can't we. Just hoping for a break for us all.
---------- Post added at 12:37 ---------- Previous post was at 10:29 ----------
How strange! After all the above I've just received a letter from the tax people, they're sending me another tax rebate for the last financial year. I'd chased it up earlier this year but was told I wasn't due anything so just left it. I'm just relieved. I knew they'd look after me. :yesyes:
Shazamataz
02-09-16, 20:58
I hope you can get all that sorted LMA. Money is certainly a worry.
Myself I am now just on benefits and I didn't have savings. I do have a flexible mortgage though and have had to dip into those funds more than I'm comfortable with. My brother is also helping out a bit but I can't maintain things forever. I've been off since November but had holidays and sick leave that took me til the end of Feb so 6 months without my usual income, it's starting to stress me a bit, understandably.
Another rough morning awake since 5, acidy stomach/burping, nausea, all over yuck feeling hard to describe. Not looking forward to the day ahead. I just want to sleep til 8 like I was finally managing to do and going backwards is just getting old now.
Hope you are all enjoying your Friday night
xx
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 04:24
Hi Sharon
It's very early here, wide awake! I feel a bit embarrassed I made such a big deal on here about the benefits, complete coincidence I hear about the tax rebate for the last financial year which ended early April, that's a long time for me to wait. It definitely takes the edge off the work situation, and I do feel better now. Normal I feel well during the autumn, my appetite and weight peaks end of October which is always a sign I'm happier. If you remember, I generally feel very down and kacking in appetite in spring. That certainly happened this year, felt terrible, really knocked this illness back, took 2 months to get me back on track.
Yes money is a strain for those of us with these health conditions. Life can be so unfair can't it? I bought my flat in the early 90s when property prices were low, it's a tiny 1 bedroom, no garden, though expensive maintenance. I hope you can manage your finances ok, it is a real worry. Where you are sounds really lovely, is that reflected in the property prices?
I'm so sorry to hear your stomach is playing you up. That acidy feeling us just the worst isn't it? That's the thing that finishes me off, not every time, but very often when it strikes. Early this week I was bad but then I worked out the raw red pepper I ate was not a good idea. And whole milk is best avoided. 99% of the time I'm fine at home, but when I tried to up the Mirtazapine I was even acidy at home, making me agoraphobic, not good.
Talking of mirt, I'm reducing down to about 10mg now. I feel fine, but it's still early days and also as I say I tend to feel better this time of year too. Just impossible to say.
I hope your day has been more bearable. I think you're ace wth those dogs, I imagine they're a bit of a life saver for you. All the best.
Hi , morning or evening depending on where you are , spent most of yesterday tensed up somthing rotten trying not to worry about the party at the night , ended up having a pretty good night , chatting and laughing with partners family that I hardly know , talking to a couple of women I knew from school and even having a laugh with my daughters freinds , apparently being a mental case makes me funny and a cool dad , paced myself with three pints so not to freak out and didn't realy feel anxous , stayed to the bitter end 12 o'clock and walked home quite happy , daughters drunk boyfriend had an epic fail , fell over lost his shoe then his trousers fell down as he got up , nearly pissed myself laughing if you've see a new born horse trying to learn to walk that's pretty much the look but with trousers round his knees reminded me of me at that age , I'm not gojng to dwell on the fact I've worried for weeks over nothing I got through it without looking like a plank , Lma don't worry about claiming a bit of benifits if you need to you've paid in and they certainly don't worry about taking you're taxes when you are doing ok , hope you all have a good day or night , take care .
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 08:04
Hey Buster
So glad the party went so well for you!!! Sounds as if you were in your element. I went to a 50th mid July and it went the opposite - I wasn't worried and looked forward to it but only stayed 25 mins, looking at the clock after only 10. Maybe that's the answer, worry yourself up so much it can only get better! It sounds as if you're getting more and more normal (and I bet cool) by the day, good riddance to Di and Pam holding you back.
Thought of you yesterday when I got caught in the rain, Buster would love this! Sunny but autumnal nip today, my fave.
You did so well yesterday!
Yes, very well done Buster! You did it and you enjoyed it-hope the better mood stays with you today.
I'm not sure that I could cope with a party but being a carer I've lost most of my friends along the way. I don't actually miss them and I do get my football outlet but social occasions just emphasise the fact that I live in a different world. This is my problem not other people's-I just prefer not to know how many holidays people are having/what new things they have bought etc. I'm a female Victor Meldrew!:D
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 08:40
I was going to ask if you're on Facebook, Pulisa, but if you don't like the 'happy' (and superficial) posts it's best avoided. I am on it but don't take it too seriously. If I was someone desperate for a husband, children, beautiful home, fab social life, amazing holidays, I'd probably find it unbearable.
Yes I am on Facebook but I never post any pics and just read other people's blurb..I block all the feed from people I know will wind me up. I live in a modest house which has no mod cons and everything is dated and basic but I don't really care as other things are far more important to me than acquisitions. I can't stand all the materialistic crap/enforced selfies on fb-what is the point of bragging on social media?
Shazamataz
03-09-16, 09:13
Well done Buster! Glad you had a good time and thanks for sharing the laugh about the trousers :)
I agree about Facebook. Being on my own and having had health issues etc my life is fairly basic and sometimes I find it depressing seeing people showing off how much fun they are having. That said, it's only part of the picture isn't it?
I'm not that materialistic either Pulisa and in fact am quite bored with it. I'm more about things being functional and being comfortable. I love second-hand clothes shopping. Generally the only new things I buy are for practical purposes like good shoes for walking and a selection of jackets for all weather. Oh and I'd never by someone elses knickers!
LMA property prices here are pretty affordable. I'm in the South Island and Dunedin is a small city but it's a university town so has a great feel to it. I bought my house together with my brother about 12 years ago as neither of us could buy somewhere on our own and I was fed up flatting with other people. We lasted 3 years before I was ready to kill him! And the family made a decision that each of us could have some of our inheritance in advance so he moved out and bought his own place and I bought him out.
It's nothing super flash. It's an ex state house (not sure what it's called there but they were built by the government for families with little money) built in the late 50s. Two bedrooms. Solid as anything, if a little lacking in pazzazz. Big garden, too big really. I have to do a lot of lawn mowing!
Had a pretty shit day really, whole day on my own. Though our walk was nice as there are heaps of regulars at the local beach on Saturday mornings so Zico gets to socialize and I get to chat with people.
Feel a bit better now it's evening. I think that's because the day is over and done with. Having lunch with my nephew and brother tomorrow and hoping to wake up at a normal time feeling ok!
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 09:15
Completely, but it's surprising when you actually talk to these people they are the first to admit their lives are not as fantastic as how it's depicted online. You'll get the moans and groans of the rest of us. I fear for young people, it's all about getting likes and how popular you are. There must be a lot of bullying behaviour among friendship groups. If I was a mum to a teenage girl I'd just tell them to jolly well come off social media, but it seems they often just don't have the strength. I'd like to think I'd lead by example, but I'm sure that doesn't happen either, it's very addictive, but I make myself put my router plug in my car overnight so it doesn't take over.
I don't know about you but I'm forever unfriending people. If I'm being friendly and they're ignoring me and I feel bad about it, wham, they've gone. But I have regretted it, in fact one good and genuinely caring friend who I unfriended I've asked to be my friend again. She'd recently lost her dad (blimey another one!) and therefore had a lot on, but because I was in a bad place myself I was overly sensitive. But I'm not too small to admit it when I'm wrong. In fact there's another friend I've unfriended for the same reason and he often helps me with messages because he's a long standing and recovered anxiety sufferer and full of wisdom. Hurrah for good people!
Getting through the day always seems more of an ordeal when you wake early. I have to get up at 530am every day anyway and the morning seems interminable.
Your house sounds lovely, Sharon. I do hope you sleep a bit longer to help get you through the morning and that will set you up for an enjoyable lunch out. You are going through the mill and I can very much empathise with that. Physical symptoms can be overpowering and frightening and it's exhausting trying to manage them rationally 24/7 xx
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 09:24
Sharon
Glad you're feeling better now and looking forward to a good day tomorrow. You do so well.
We call those houses council houses here, a lot have been sold off. They are very good value, dead solid, often with those big gardens new houses just don't get.
No ones life is dead fabulous, just remember that. :D
Completely, but it's surprising when you actually talk to these people they are the first to admit their lives are not as fantastic as how it's depicted online. You'll get the moans and groans of the rest of us. I fear for young people, it's all about getting likes and how popular you are. There must be a lot of bullying behaviour among friendship groups. If I was a mum to a teenage girl I'd just tell them to jolly well come off social media, but it seems they often just don't have the strength. I'd like to think I'd lead by example, but I'm sure that doesn't happen either, it's very addictive, but I make myself put my router plug in my car overnight so it doesn't take over.
I don't know about you but I'm forever unfriending people. If I'm being friendly and they're ignoring me and I feel bad about it, wham, they've gone. But I have regretted it, in fact one good and genuinely caring friend who I unfriended I've asked to be my friend again. She'd recently lost her dad (blimey another one!) and therefore had a lot on, but because I was in a bad place myself I was overly sensitive. But I'm not too small to admit it when I'm wrong I'm wrong. In fact there's another friend I've unfriended for the same reason and he often helps me with messages because he's a long standing and recovered anxiety sufferer and full of wisdom. Hurrah for good people!
Oh I like good people! I'm not sure that I "get" the facebook rules because one elderly friend asked me why I had posted a reply 3 times and had my finger jammed on the keyboard? He deleted the entire thing and took offence-I explained that fb had jammed at my end and my reply appeared not to have been sent but it obviously had gone through....
Oh well. My daughter says that people get upset if you "unfriend" them so I just block their feed. It's a minefield! The worst thing is people posting selfies-would anyone dare to say anything other than "beaut" or "gorgeous"-they would if I posted up one of me!!:D
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 09:29
There's no 'have to' in my life, Pulisa! I'm naturally an early bird. The only time I got that interminable feeling was last Nov when I struggled with sertraline and it was really dark in the mornings. I remember looking out the window feeling terrible willing it to be light so I'd feel better. Oh gosh, I'd forgotten that, it's heartbreaking to think people are like that all the time, it was bad enough for me and it really didn't last long. The evenings are fine, I'm asleep!
Sharon
Glad you're feeling better now and looking forward to a good day tomorrow. You do so well.
We call those houses council houses here, a lot have been sold off. They are very good value, dead solid, often with those big gardens new houses just don't get.
No ones life is dead fabulous, just remember that. :D
Most people who are truly happy won't feel the need to post about it on social media anyway.
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 09:39
Oh yes, it's amazing how people get offended. I had a friend I used to interact with a lot and she posted a picture of a browny beigey duck against a soil background and said something about the beautiful colours so I jokily asked her if she'd been on the wacky baccy, and she sniffly said she'd never even smoked a cigarette! She then ignored me when I said something about maybe meeting up somewhere so after a week or so I just unfriended her. I make myself feel bad enough as it is.
There are some strange rules out there. I'm sure the people with the most friends and selfies, etc, are the most insecure of the lot.
I'm glad you feel the same. A lot of people "collect" random people as friends-I keep my friends to a minimum. I think I may have a cull of my pitiful tally soon-quality not quantity and all that...
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 12:54
Totally Pulisa. I don't have that many but I had a cull quite recently, not for the reasons I've outlined above, just because you never see them or hear from them so there's no point. Some people are just interesting even if they aren't in your life at all, as you say it's good to have a nose. Also you can see people's kids grow up on it.
Oh this is a terrible admission for you. I unfriended my own mum! Yup. She'd not been on it long, and only goes on it to nose too, no pictures, literally 3 friends, not including me. She contributed massively to me ending up ill last year, won't go into it but I was treated badly by her for a while and I thought well I wouldn't take that from anyone else, so why should my mother treat me like that? I noticed I was struggling at work so I unfriended then, made me feel better! She's been fine ever since, no apology of course, and I'm sure she feels a bit guilty that I ended up ill by the end of last year.
So absolutely if someone is treating you in ways you wouldn't treat them, get rid of them! A couple of years ago I was talking about this to my hairdresser and he asked me how many friends he'd got after a cull and I said 50 (about the number I've got). He said 6. Bless.
I'm sorry about your mum and am not surprised you "unfriended " her. I don't look at my children's accounts and just stick to old schoolfriends/friends I don't see but like. I can't bear to look at family members on my husband's side boring on about their latest BMW/fancy foreign trip-such a load of shallow crap.
On the subject of culling, I'm going to seriously cull my Christmas card list this year. I normally start writing the things in October to spread it out but I so hate writing accompanying letters which are meant to be upbeat so this year I'm not going to...or I will write an "alternative" Christmas message to counteract all those ghastly mass-produced reviews of the year which I get from people telling me all about their wonderful lives and relaxing breaks in tropical paradises...Bah September humbug!:D
LittleMissAlone
03-09-16, 14:17
I was going to say, that must be the first Christmas gripe! I don't have any family on FB and it's not worth ill-will with the inlaws, admittedly. Just refuse to look and be wound up.
I do have very close family friends though and because of that I've never said anything about anxiety or the fact I'm not working and things, don't want it to get back to my parents. Plus, it's still something you don't want to broadcast, hence our anonymity on here.
Miserable here, looks like rain has set in. Must head out though. Enjoy your Saturday.:)
Shazamataz
04-09-16, 00:58
Hi guys, another early wake up, 5.55 a slight improvement I suppose. Morning anxiety is very high today. I keep just wanting to lie down as I feel totally wiped out. Lunch has changed to a mid afternoon catch up now.
It may be spring but it's a miserable day. Really gusty blustery winds and I really don't feel like walking the dogs but I do know getting moving helps with the anxiety.
I didn't throw up this morning so that's a start.
I do wonder, though, how things can improve and then suddenly go backwards again. Any wise words? Maybe I need to increase the venlafaxine again. I'm still one dose down from what the psych wanted me on.
---------- Post added at 11:58 ---------- Previous post was at 09:21 ----------
And speaking of Facebook, I'd kind of managed to avoid it being Father's Day here in Nz until I signed in.
Feeling really low today after a hellish walk. The beach was so windy I feel like I've lost half the skin on my face. Free exfoliation!
Also, I think my nephew being here and hardly really seeing him has really hit home that our family fell apart after Dad died. I feel very lost and alone in the world these days.
How does one move on from these things, when it all seems just so damned lonely and sad?
Honestly, I don't know if you ever move on when you lose a parent - or any close loved one for that matter. I still struggle on Mother's Day and she's been gone 5 years now. I hate people posting all over facebook about it, so I avoid it on that day. It's too hard with everybody posting pictures.
But I don't think we get over grief or move on from it. We just kind of get used to it being a part of our lives with time. I think our relationship with it changes over the years, but that doesn't mean it goes away. We learn to keep living WITH the grief. But there is no time line for that at all, no right or wrong way to grieve, no right or wrong way to feel. So I would say let yourself feel what you gotta feel.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
LittleMissAlone
04-09-16, 05:11
Hi swlgrl
So sorry to hear about your mum, all anniversaries and special days are tough I bet. Another September Christmas gripe is this thing that everyone is happy at that time when of course for many it's very sad and painful.
Hi Sharon
I hope you pick up soon, I know when I first came to know you a few months ago you were going to the cinema! I was so impressed, so even though you're not good now it's not been that bad since all this began.
Family fighting is always upsetting, isn't it? I worked with a lady a couple of years ago who was the youngest of 10 children which from a small family I was always very envious of. But then of course it just means theres more worries when each of them have a couple of kids. Never ending woes.
You've never mentioned your mum, is everything alright there? Things are good with my mum at the mo, but I have had problems with her being nasty to me, violent mood swings she'd take out on the daughter. It's a power thing they do it because they can get away with it. It's the whole thing of you can choose your friends but not your family. :hugs:
Shazamataz
04-09-16, 05:59
Heya,
My mum died suddenly in 2007. Heart attack. We had an okay relationship. When I was young we were close but as I grew up I felt closer to Dad and liked him more. Mum was very high strung and probably had anxiety but it was never dealt with. Once Dad was on his own we spent a lot of time together as he lived only a 2 minute drive from my place.
We kind of looked after each other as I got really sick with Crohn's in 2009 and then he started having issues with one of those blood cancers that lurks and doesn't kill you itself but means you don't have much oif an immune system. Then he also got diagnosed with Parkinsons.
I remember one week between us we had about 8 medical appointments!
Ultimately in 2011 he decided it was time to move out of the house and ended up choosing to move into a fancy apartment in a retirement village in Auckland at the other end of the country but where two of my brothers and their families live.
Part of his motivation for moving away instead of finding somewhere here was so that I would have more freedom. But I didn't really want it as he was my favourite person in the whole word.
Thanks for reminding me things have been better. I just feel so ill, not just anxiety. My chest is bad and I'm seeing the GP this week. Both she and my psychiatrist told me NOT to stop smoking while my anxiety was so high but now I think it's making me more anxious that it's making me sick so I'm just going to have to do it and get some nicotine replacement to deal with the withdrawals.
Had a catch up with my nephew and brother for an hour and a half this afternoon and feel exhausted though it was nice. Debating another walk with the dogs even though it's raining just to get out of the house again.
Oh I'm not much fun at the moment!
LittleMissAlone
04-09-16, 06:37
Truly shocking Sharon. Honestly don't know where to begin. You've had so much strife, so upsetting for you. It sounds as if you were very close to your dad and you were hurt when he moved away, your sadness and pain springs from the page.
It seems odd to be recommended you don't try to quit the fags, bearing in mind the worst of the cravings only last a few days. It's almost as if you couldn't feel any worse, while beating the habit would help your anxiety and chest.
Well done on that time with your brother and family. I just don't do anything like that. There was a time when I know I'd have felt it incredibly difficult/impossible, but now I don't feel as daunted.
Hang in there, you're bound to get better soon. Xxxxx
Sharon, I would say that you are still grieving deeply for your Dad and how you are feeling physically in some ways reflects your inner anguish. I'm not sure that any meds could deal with that pain but of course I'm just speaking as a fellow recently bereaved daughter who has also experienced wide-ranging physical symptoms along with significant anxiety and depression since my Dad died.
Have you ever had any bereavement counselling or is that something which you wouldn't want to do? I haven't felt stable enough to consider it myself yet but it's something which may help me to get some of my feelings out which I can't do at home.
How do you feel about the venlafaxine and do you have faith in your psych? xx
LittleMissAlone
04-09-16, 10:07
I'm sorry Pulisa, I don't think I realised you're depressed as well. Depression and anxiety is just awful, pulls you in both directions. :hugs:
No, I'm ok, LMA. Life's a bit tough and this time of the year is bound to bring back memories but I have to keep going because my daughter can't cope with my wobbles. I was just making the point that bereavement can cause us mental and physical havoc which we maybe don't realise at the time. My Dad died on Sep 12th 2014 so my son and I will be going over to a beautiful park near where he lived on the anniversary day to have a walk and share thoughts whilst my daughter will be at her farm. She finds all this intensely difficult being autistic.
Buster, I hope you are ok and that there hasn't been any party "fallout"?
I think if you can find the right grief group, they can be so helpful because regardless of how painful the feelings are or sensitive we feel, everybody else in the group has been there and understands what it is like to be in that position. It can be very powerful if you can find the right one. The one at my place of work is about 4 people per week, so small and intimate.
Buster, hope you are hanging in there!
Hi ladies , had a bit of a down day today , I was tired out yesterday not having slept much got a bit chesty through the day which is always a trigger so thought sod it I'm going camping just ended up sat in a field in my van wheezy and anxous so didn't sleep again , had a breakfast at a cafe and came home but felt drained all day , I've gone through this before it's like a stress hangover , partners been a bit happier and my cousin woke up for bit today so fingers crossed , took my little tv camping watched some X factor and nearly had to poke my eyes and ears out , shaz have you tried the ecigs my mate uses them and he always used to start a phone call with a loud clearing cough he doesn't anymore so they must be slightly better for you I don't smoke so nothing to give up , I think my problems come from years of breathing in paint and chemical fumes , you can catch me on face book "the man with no friends " joined didn't get it didn't like the look of it and thought why do I want these people to contact me , left it at that , plus my face book bragging wouldn't work , "look at all my stuff it came out a skip and cost f@&k all " I like vintage they can shove ikea up their jacksy's , i don't care if they are on holiday in the Bahamas but the burglars might , hopfully get some kip tonight and wake up ready to go or at least read that one of you lot had a good night , neighbours just lit a bonfire to annoy me so I might look up the prices of shotguns ( or water cannons ) , take care .
LittleMissAlone
05-09-16, 06:55
Hi Buster
Glad the things that were troubling you are lessening now. Also I think we're in for a warm few days again but after that Autumn can't be far off.
I've not had a good start, had a bad reaction and panicked thinking it was withdrawal symptoms (I'm down to over half a 15mg tab) but I figured it was actually because of rich food I'd eaten yesterday. Including a tonne of rhubarb pie. I didn't have any indigestion but acidy this morning, even in my flat. My appetite always rockets at this time of year (in the same way I get that May Time Blues) and I'd been eating rich food. Well, that's easily remedied, I've just got to try to eat wholesome stuff and lay off the pastry.
Maybe it is partly related to withdrawing, more sensitive, but I also want to shift a few pounds, so that's two reasons to be good.
It's amazing what people put on FB, isn't it? Hope you've had a good night. Your camping trips sound fab, by the way. Just think of all the people envious of you!
Take care.
Hi. Eating seems to be a common issue on here to much to little or the wrong food , I've spent the weekend eating left over party food and birthday cake , I could do with losing a couple of stone never mind pounds I'm 6'2 so I can spread it about a bit but it not good for my blood pressure , back or asthma , started eating more fruit but it tends to be aswell as rather than instead , sugar is like crack cocain to me when I'm fatigued , got a lot of posting to do today so hope I find the energy from somwhere , take care hope your days go ok .
It's dull, murky and raining in the south east-weather you two like, Buster and LMA!
Hope your stomach settles, LMA-it could be the rhubarb rather than the pastry? Go for "alkaline" foods-it can make some difference?
LittleMissAlone
05-09-16, 08:51
Ooh, see that's why it's good to share! I do have problems with tomatoes and raw red pepper. But the rhubarb would have been cooked to death, I do think mainly it was the pastry. Will look into it. I went to tesco thinking I'd pick up a fresh roll but saw their rhubarb pie reduced from £1 down to 25p! Wouldn't normally buy a family sized thing but so cheap! Weighs a tonne, ate about half I'd say, so a lot, but had the sense to dump the rest so that's it, gone. I'm fine with apples though, surely they're acidy? I've a friend who knows these things inside out. Has horrendous health problems but says it's not related to anxiety, or doesn't cause anxiety. I'm healthy but I have to live this way!
Right, will google alkaline foods, thanks Pulisa.
---------- Post added at 08:51 ---------- Previous post was at 08:42 ----------
Thats confused me more, tomatoes, peppers even lemon on the neutral pH end. Oats are acidic. Hmmm...
There's a tonne of confusing acid/alkaline food tables on the internet. Tomatoes, peppers and chocolate are meant to be avoided-also peppermint. I eat live natural yogurt in the evening and finds this helps my guts at night. It's all about trial and error though and finding which foods are the culprits for you.
LittleMissAlone
05-09-16, 09:10
Yeah, that's the most surprising one isn't it, peppermint? Just when everyone says peppermint is a natural indigestion remedy.
Natural yogurt is delicious and not expensive, I'll try that in lieu of a pudding. Worth a try.
I was drinking loads of peppermint tea before I was advised that it made things worse with gastritis. The natural yogurt has really helped. I'm not keen on camomile tea but it is certainly less of an irritant for me. Anything to avoid the dreaded PPIs!
LittleMissAlone
05-09-16, 12:11
What's PPIs? Natural yoghurt bought.
---------- Post added at 12:11 ---------- Previous post was at 12:00 ----------
Yeah, found it. Those things not good for you at all. Stick with natural, I say.
Hi , been a couple of realy rough days , tight chest and back constantly and breathing has been a nighmare , yesterday being so humid made it worse had a panic attack out walking the dogs because it felt like I could breath had to deal with a couple of people through the day and got real tensed up , had a chap trying to buy somthing from me who was the worst kind I told him the lowest price and he texted and rang all night untill gone ten trying to get the price lower then started again at 6.30 , I stuck to my guns and he agreed but wanted it delivering in the evening ( last night ) by then I'd cave in and taken half a diazepam which made no difference , half a mile from his house I saw woman pulled up and standing in a busy road she'd hit a cat , I pulled up and went over to help the cat was in the middle of the road with drivers going round it , it died as I went to pick it up so I just carried it to the grass verge and laid it there , felt tearful all the way home , someone is missing a cat this morning but there was no collar , hoping to get this breathing thing sorted out or go back to docs , felt a lot bette last week so it's a long way to drop back down , shitblip ! . Take care
LittleMissAlone
07-09-16, 07:24
You're such a good person, and that's a horrible thing to have to deal with.
It was very close yesterday, which was strange because there was a slight breeze. I couldn't handle it in the afternoon either. Some things are beyond our control.
Today can only get better for you. :hugs:
---------- Post added at 07:24 ---------- Previous post was at 07:20 ----------
Oh, meant to say I've got to pick up my sick note today. My doctor has agreed to giving me a sick note dated from 8th June so hopefully will receive some benefits. Not too hopeful, I'm due a tax rebate too, so that's a huge relief. But in all my years it's the first sick note I've ever had, so not bad going.
You don't have to justify your sick note, LMA. Glad it's been sorted for you. Any luck with the natural yogurt/more settled stomach?
Buster, good on you for helping that poor cat. I've had to do the same and it's not nice especially when you think of the owner and will they ever know what happened? It's going to be very muggy again today which is not good news for your asthma-you really need to get to your GP if your breathing is getting worse-it must be awful for you.
Sharon and swgrl09, I hope you are both coping xx
LittleMissAlone
07-09-16, 08:46
Thanks for that Pulisa. I don't know why I feel bad about claiming benefits, feel a bit fraudulent, but that's why we have a welfare state for when we're not well. As I say I might not qualify anyway.
I've just finished the big tub of natural yoghurt so I've had more than I would normally have. It's helped the old bowels I think (not that I need help in that area), but I don't think I'll get any more today. Might be too much of a good thing! Yesterday was a bit of a write off because of the heat, I intend to head to the sea tomorrow, it's set to be sunny but cooler, I think.
How are you? Is there anywhere you can go to feel less stressed? Also there must be websites and support groups for carers of young adult people with autism, I'd have thought. You often talk of feeling alone when I'm sure you don't need to be.
I've done the group things in the past and have always felt that parents just compete as to who has the worst problems and that's not for me. I do find it difficult talking to other people about this as I don't want to watch their eyes glaze over..I have been advised to go for carer's counselling though and will do this now that my daughter's weekly ACT therapy is coming to an end and she is also spending more time at her farm which gives me the opportunity to go.
Am shortly off to my hospital appointment-I so do not want to have any long tubes inserted where the sun don't shine...:DHoping for a stay of execution on this!
LittleMissAlone
07-09-16, 09:22
Oh Lordy! I'd forgotten about your pain in the arse! All the best with it. Is it all related to anxiety do you think, or maybe an infection that won't go away? If I had a choice I'd say tubes up rather than tubes down, I have to say! I've just headed out but came straight back - acidy again. Can only wonder if it's the weaning process. I'm beginning to be a stuck record on the weaning front, but you know how our anxiety riddled minds work! So far I've not had hospital appointments. I do wonder if my stomach needs looking at but even at my worst I don't have pain or reflux, just that oops, can't cope feeling.
Soon over and done with. :hugs:
I'd go for the tubes up anyday....I've had both done at the same time (well, one after the other..) and it's not pleasant. Ah well, must keep humming the Long and Winding Ro(a)d to get me in the mood...
I'll report back (hopefully still intact:D)
LittleMissAlone
07-09-16, 09:40
You've KILLED a classic Beatles record for me! Keep the sense of humour up. Xxxxxx
Howdy Buster:D.So sorry about the pussy I know how you would have felt,i reversed over my daughter's pussy and killed it bloody felt shit for weeks. I hope you start to get over your "shitblip"and back to feeling OK.I have had a few crap weeks myself but gotta keep hanging in there,my old Range Rover is just about ready for the scrap yard,the wind blew the old rusty roof off the chook pen today and the neighbours cows got out and into my sunflower crop grrrr,the rugrats have been a pain in the arse,we finally got the internet back on so now they are glued to their i-pads,other than all that where still kicking so everything's okay.
Take Care Buster.:hugs:
---------- Post added at 19:03 ---------- Previous post was at 19:01 ----------
Hey pulisa good luck riding the silver saddle.:hugs:
Please don't mention "pain in the arse" flipp!:D Good to have you back! xx
It wasn't too bad and I haven't got to have anything gruesome done. He's prescribed some new (and expensive) meds so it's up to my GP as to whether I am allowed them due to the cost..If not it's DIY rocket fuel. He said the only thing which would help with the pain would be morphine so basically, grin and bear it. I can do now. Onwards and very much upwards! Thanks for your supportxx
LittleMissAlone
07-09-16, 12:56
What exactly is this pain, Pulisa? Morphine sounds really full on. I'm glad you didn't have anything too invasive, and I hope you're 'allowed' these drugs.
I've got a success story to cheer us up. I was feeling all acidy and on edge for a change this morning and went to pick up the sick note after first checking it was there of course. Even though it was my first attempt doing it I felt so overwhelmed, still acidy, no queue, in and out in seconds.
Got back to the car and drove off crying, just felt like something I needed to do, though I'm not normally given to crying. Immediately took the edge off the acid, which is my worse anxiety symptom so drove off to this beautiful village about 15 mins away. Set out for a walk still feeling not great so not expected to be long but I was actually gone for half an hour. At one point I walked to the end of this field, sobbing like some Dickensian character, because I knew it was helping. I had to imagine a horrible RSPCA image I'd seen in a newspaper (perpetrators happily in prison, may they ROT in HELL) to get myself going, but again it worked to the extent that I felt so much better. Even stopped off somewhere else for a walk much further than the previous 2 days).
So that's good, it seems that having a little cry, not a lot, is really beneficial for the acid indigestion. Of course I'm left wondering if it's to do with weaning, but if all I've got to do is cry a bit, brilliant! Works better than Mirtazapine!
Anybody else feeling more on top of it today?
That's great progress, LMA! You must have a hell of a lot of angst built up in you so letting go must have been very therapeutic. I know I have a lot of anger in me which comes out in physical symptoms. This anxiety business is complicated and not always "sorted" by powerful meds-anything that you can try which helps has got to be good and definitely better for you than mirt..Keep it up and well done again! xxx
My problem is called chronic proctalgia/levator ani syndrome-it is painful but completely benign thank goodness
Hi all , good to hear you're still alive and kicking flip you are a fighter I'm sure you will take all that life throws at ya , supprised your Range Rover lasted this long our lads built them inbetween strikes go jap next time they rust but go on forever , glad you got though the hospital without getting to invasive I was supposed to have the pipe treatment but bottled it and didn't go back , lma when your mind settles down so will your stomach being anxous just wreaks havoc with you whole body , hi shaz and swgirl hope you are coping , not as humid or hot as they said today so far , partners back at docs this week for liver tests she got drunk at my daughters party bad idea she doesn't drink very often anyway and ignored me to not drink but I'm not her Keeper , she's supposed to avoid paracetamol and drink for long time to let her liver regenerate , hopefully no cat,astrophies today , take care .
LittleMissAlone
07-09-16, 13:51
Just looked it up, very unpleasant but surprisingly common, what rotten luck. You think they could treat it better. Glad you're not just sitting on it, so to speak...
Yes, definitely the crying is a good one, but not always practical of course. I don't suffer with depression, it's just a few light tears but as you say very therapeutic.
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